by Vivian Wood
“I think that’s a bit dramatic.”
“It’s not. Firefighting is one of the most dangerous jobs there is. I mean, look at my dad—”
“That Eagle Creek fire was unprecedented,” Renee broke in. “And your dad, I mean I’m sorry for saying this, but he was old. To be fighting fires, I mean.”
“Yeah. I know,” Lily said quietly.
Outside, a fire truck pulled up into the bakery. She sucked in her breath as the door opened.
Please be Cade. Please be Cade. But the crew that jumped out were unrecognizable.
“He’ll be here,” Renee said. She squeezed Lily’s hand again. “I promise.”
“I just … I didn’t realize that saying yes to Cade meant saying yes to a fireman,” she said. “It sounds stupid, but it’s true.”
Lily boxed up the mille-feuilles that the firefighters ordered. She took solace in their wide smiles.
Surely they wouldn’t be smiling if it was bad out there. Right?
“Hey, were you guys with Cade up there?” she asked.
“Who?”
“Cade Charles? He—”
“Sorry, don’t know him,” the young man with skin dark and shiny as onyx told her. “But we came in from Corvallis, so…”
Just as Lily’s heart sank, as her hands were full of boxed opera cakes, the door jingled again. Her eyes shot toward the door, and Elijah led the way while Cade trailed behind.
“Cade,” she blurted out, and plopped the box onto the counter.
“Lily, I see that!” Jean-Michel called from the kitchen. “Those cakes are precious—”
She raced around the corner and caught Elijah’s eye. He was dog-tired, eyes bloodshot, and with the flush of fatigue that she remembered from childhood.
“Uh, I’m on a break,” she said to the crew.
“What? This is not break—” Jean-Michel started from behind her.
“Sorry!” she called to him. “I need to… get something from my car.” She held Cade’s eyes and nodded toward the parking lot.
Jean-Michel sighed. “Fine. I take your order,” he called to the crews. “Lily, you go home the rest of the day. So scattered.”
Elijah moved toward the thick accent that promised strong coffee and sweet comfort.
Lily shifted her weight back and forth as she waited by her car. She felt guilty for not saying more to Elijah, but in the moment all she wanted was Cade.
When he finally made his way out of the bakery, alone, she could hardly wait until they were out of view of her brothers before she barreled into him.
He smelled like campfire, of the woods. As she wrapped her arms around him, she squeezed her eyes shut to hold in the tears.
Cade laughed quietly.
“So, I hear you’re off for the day,” he said. “You mind driving? I’m beyond tired.”
She noticed that he shook slightly. The trembles brought a lump to her throat.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “You’re shaking—”
“I’m fine. It’s just exhaustion.” Cade held up the keys to the Mustang.
“You drove here?” she asked. “You’re in no shape to drive.”
Cade gave her a tired smile. “I just spent who knows how many hours putting out a wildfire. Side by side with your brothers, which wasn’t exactly the most relaxing surrounding. Trust me, I’m lucky that the shakes is all that I’m dealing with.”
As Lily started up the car, Cade reclined his seat back and rubbed his temples. She carefully made her way out of the parking lot, unable to adapt to the smoothness and speed of a car that wasn’t older than her.
“You might want to use some gas, Grandma,” Cade said.
She pretended to glare at him. “Sorry, it takes awhile to adjust from driving a hybrid dinosaur and boat.”
When they arrived at her apartment, she noticed the mechanics’ appreciative looks at the car. Lily ushered Cade upstairs and shooed away the questions about the car.
“Sorry for smelling like an animal,” Cade said as he kicked off his boots.
“Oh, hush,” she said.
She pulled him into the bedroom and peeled off his clothes. Even in this state, smeared in ash and dirt, the sight of him in nothing but his boxers made her heart flutter.
A sheen of sweat remained on his skin. His hands, callused and rough, were evidence of the hours of work he’d endured.
“Sorry,” he murmured as she pulled back the duvet and tucked him in. “Just so tired…”
Lily crawled in beside him and gently rubbed his back. She listened to his breath start to lengthen and even. She matched him, breath for breath.
I take back everything I said before. Everything I thought before, she promised to whoever or whatever might listen. I’d be proud to stay up and wait for him. I’ll take him, however I can have him.
Maybe those nights spent watching her mother fret and worry weren’t a warning. Maybe it had been destiny, a means to prepare her. She knew what being with a fireman took—guts and resilience.
Who said being with a hero was easy?
She’d lied to herself before. But those were the last of it. The worries she’d spilled to Jean-Michel and Renee had simply been her sloughing off the last of her trepidation.
I’d stay up waiting forever if he asked me to.
Lily pressed her cheek to his back and let the rise and fall of his body lull her to sleep. As she toed the line between dreams and wakefulness, she felt like she was back in the old living room.
Her mother perched in the brown leather chair while Lily sat cross-legged at her feet. It was dark out, the kind of inky blackness that says it’s midnight. Overhead, her mother knit an eternity scarf in the most beautiful shade of red Lily had ever seen. Her mother’s fingers moved swiftly with certainty.
Lily crunched through a piece of toast buttered generously and topped with marionberry jam. This was their secret. The click of the needles seemed to only wake Lily.
Rooms away, Elijah and Aiden slept soundly. On these nights, the “fire nights,” as her mom called them, if Lily woke up, she was allowed to stay up—as long as she was quiet. And she could have as much toast as she wanted.
“Mama,” she whispered up. Her mother glanced down. The lamp overhead made a glowing halo around her mom’s wild head of curls.
“What’s up, baby?”
“Do you think Dad put all the fire out yet?”
“I’m sure he’s getting really close if he hasn’t already,” she replied.
“And what if… what if the fire’s too big? What if he can’t put it out?”
“Of course he’ll put it out,” her mom said. “Don’t worry.”
“How do you know?”
“Because that’s his job,” her mom said. “He has to. It’s a fire’s job to burn, and it’s your daddy’s job to put them out. It’s just as simple as that.”
25
Cade
The heat of Lily’s back and the gentle drum of her heartbeat woke Cade up. He squinted into the morning light and held her closer. When he woke up in her bed, it had started to feel natural. He’d become used to seeing her there, her back pressed against his chest.
Thank you, Cade thought, the gratitude sent into the universe. I don’t deserve this, I know. So thank you for whatever brought us together.
He wrapped a hand tighter around her waist and pulled her closer. Her scent, that blend of sweetness baking and a sort of wild freshness, he knew it would always get to him.
“What are you thinking?” she murmured. Her voice was still heavy with sleep.
“I’m exhaling gratitude,” he said.
She laughed. “You sound like a yoga teacher I once had.”
“That’s the point,” he said with a smile. “It’s part of Dr. Hersh’s whole ‘don’t go batshit crazy’ strategy.”
“What are you grateful for, then?” she asked over her shoulder.
“You. I’m grateful I didn’t die. You know … back in Montana. I’m thankful that
I’m here with you.”
“I’m thankful, too,” she said. Lily snuggled deeper into the covers and into his arms.
God, I’m really falling for her, he thought. Fast and hard.
He felt his hardness jump against the heat of her thigh. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s shower.”
She groaned. “Can’t we just stay here?”
“I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
She turned to smile and let him pull her out of bed.
The tiny, vintage clawfoot tub had a circular shower curtain that barely encompassed them both. The morning sun that poured through the white curtains hugged every curve of her body. Cade soaped her back and tried to memorize every freckle, every mole, every part of her. There was no telling when it would be the last time.
Elijah still doesn’t know. And if Aiden was that pissed off, just imagine Elijah. As he looked at Lily, he knew it was worth it. If it came down to it, he’d give up the only friend he’d ever known, his virtual brother, for what they had. And what would that do to Lily and Elijah’s relationship?
“My turn,” Lily said, and she turned to face him in the small space.
Water trailed down her cheeks and pooled in her collarbone. Cade ran the soap across her breasts and watched the nipples harden at his touch.
She took the soap and began to work his chest down to his stomach.
“Someone’s been working out,” she said, and grinned up at him.
“That was pretty much all I could do,” he said. “See the doctor and hit the gym.”
“I’m not complaining,” she said. As Lily moved down, she grasped his length with her hands slippery with soap, and he gasped at her touch.
“Turn around,” he said.
“But I just got clean,” she teased.
Cade gently turned her to the showerhead so the water rained down on her back. Lily grabbed the pipe that gurgled with the rushing water while he braced her hips. When she called out his name, it echoed throughout the bathroom.
The steam from the shower, the water drops that rained down, it made it seem like it was their own world. He didn’t want it to ever end.
He spilled himself into her as she pushed herself against him. As Cade released himself, Lily pulled open the shower curtain.
“Too hot,” she said as she turned to face him. He rained his own flutter of kisses down on her as he stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel around his waist.
Lily emerged from the bathroom as he sat on the edge of the bed and thumbed through his phone. Her short hair shot up in all directions as she ran a towel through it. “What are you doing?”
“I’m starving,” he said. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Pizza?” she asked. “Luis’s should be open by now.”
He searched for the local pizza joint. “Yeah, they don’t deliver.”
“That’s okay, we can do takeout. It’s worth it,” she said. Lily jumped onto the bed and crawled toward him. She peered over his shoulder at the menu. “Come on, I haven’t had pizza in forever.”
Cade kissed her over his shoulder. “Whatever you want.”
Lily pulled on his firehouse sweatshirt and a pair of jeans so faded there were parts in the hips and thighs that were nearly transparent.
“I never knew those sweatshirts could look so sexy,” he said with a wink as they piled into his car.
“I was kind of going for comfy. But if it doubles as sexy, that’s okay with me.” She slipped on the sunglasses and began to direct him toward the restaurant.
“Smells good,” Cade said as he opened the door for her.
The little mom and pop establishment was stuffed full of the aroma of freshly roasted tomatoes, crusts baking to the perfect thin crispness, and a variety of toppings getting grilled and fried.
Cade took her hand as they got in line. Lily smiled up at him.
“Extra red sauce,” she said. “That’s the secret.”
“Look, either speak English or go somewhere where they can understand you!” Cade bristled at the sheer hatred in the voice. At the front of the line, the cashier leaned across the counter. The woman in line had thick black hair to her waist. She held out a piece of paper to him. Her arm visibly shook with fear. “No, I don’t want a freaking letter! Either tell me what you want, in English, or get out.”
A small sob emitted from the girl in line and Lily tugged at his arm.
All Cade could see was red. He assessed the cashier without trying. It would be easy to take him down. The stooped shoulders and arthritic hands made him an easy target.
Why don’t you take a walk around the block?
Dr. Hersh’s voice wormed its way into his brain. When you feel yourself getting angry, first consider the circumstances and then your options. I always like to remove myself from the situation, preferably to get outside and a little exercise, but that isn’t always feasible.
Cade started to go through the options.
Focus on a calming memory, place, or person that settles you. Elijah when they were twelve years old. After school in Elijah’s room where they could watch Hey, Arnold! until his dad got home and binge on Hot Pockets and Mountain Dew. He could feel the give of the bean bag chair beneath him and the softness of the throw blankets.
His heart rate began to settle. The blood in his ears subsided. In front of him, he saw the ugly reality—a young Korean girl gestured to an aging, racist, hateful cashier.
“She can’t speak anything!” an older woman in line yelled as she rushed up to the counter. “She’s deaf, you asshole!”
“Oh my God,” Lily said. “What a jerk.”
“Is your manager here?” the older woman demanded. “I want to talk to him right now.”
“Come on,” Cade said. “Let’s get out of here.”
Lily looked up at him in surprise, but didn’t ask any questions. Instead, she let him lead her out of the restaurant. As the door shut behind him, he heard the manager’s booming voice as he apologized and offered free pizzas to the young girl for the next month.
“How about Thai instead?” Lily asked.
He smiled as he looked down at her.
This is what I need, he thought. And it’s what I want.
Someone who could calm and soothe with just their presence. In Lily, he saw the non-judgment of Elijah echoed within her.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, he thought. Maybe Elijah might even be happy about this—at least, once he gets used to it.
In a Thai restaurant up the block that he’d never noticed before, bells chimed as they entered. Lily pretended to shiver.
“Every time I hear bells like that, I automatically want to welcome someone to the bakery and ask if they’d like to sample the Savarin.”
Cade laughed. “If you’d like, you can ask me.”
She wrinkled her nose at him. “I’d rather get some khao na pet to go and eat it in bed. With you,” she added with a wink.
“That sounds like a plan.”
The young woman took their order in halting English, and Lily slipped her hand into his.
“Your first time here?” the hostess asked as she jotted down their order for the kitchen.
“Yeah,” Cade said. “I don’t know how I missed it. We get Thai takeout at least once a week.”
“You like, you come back,” she said with a smile. “Here, take this. Coupon for next time.”
“Do you deliver?” Lily asked.
“Yes, of course. If you live within five miles, delivery is free.”
As the hostess rang them up, Lily pulled him down to her lips.
“We’re sticking with delivery from now on,” she said. “I’m pretty sure we could have squeezed in another session with the time it’s taken us to go out and find sustenance.”
“You seriously can’t get enough, can you?” he asked with a laugh.
Lily widened her eyes.
“Don’t blame me,” she said. “You’re the one who basically lived in a gym the pa
st few months. And you expect me to control myself?”
She started to dig through the boxes as soon as they got into the car.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Looking for the mango pudding.” She stuck a white plastic spoon in her mouth and reached into the bottom of the bag.
“Don’t tell me you’re a desserts first kind of person,” he said, and pretended to shake his head in disappointment.
“Desserts always come first,” she said. “You’re lucky I’m here to teach you the right path.” When she found the little container, she dug into it and moaned in satisfaction. “Here, try.”
He let her spoon the sweetness into his mouth as she stopped at a red light.
26
Lily
“I’m out, Jean-Michel!” Lily called into the kitchen. She poked her head in and found him elbows-deep in fondant.
He muttered into the concoction.
“Ridiculous, these wedding requests for plastic ‘frosting’—oh, mon dieu!” he exclaimed when he saw her. “Where are you going? More important, what are you wearing?”
She laughed and looked down.
“You don’t like it?” Decked out in tiny short shorts, a tight raglan shirt and baseball socks pulled up to her knees, even she’d been impressed that she’d managed to pull the look together.
“Like, it is not a word for it. By the by, it is clear where you are going today.” He arched a brow at her and smirked.
“Oh? And where’s that?”
“In English, I don’t know. We say faire une partie de jambes en l’air.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means. But I get what you’re implying.”
“And I am not wrong?”
“Anyway,” she said, “given that I’m not one hundred percent on what you said, I’ll just tell you maybe. But at the moment, I’m going to play kickball with Aiden.”
Jean-Michel snorted. “You disappoint me. Lily, you are the only employee I talk to. Why you cannot, how you say, bring the gossip for me?”