“That and some sage words of wisdom.”
Gil had frowned then. But he had also let it go, something Lelani had been unable to do. And, really, wasn’t Abuela Castillo right? What kind of a woman gives up her child? What kind of a woman was Lelani?
“Hey,” called Megan as she ran to catch up with Lelani. They had both just started to walk down Bloomberg Place. “I have some really good news!”
“What’s that?” Lelani forced yet another smile.
“Cynthia called me into her office this morning,” Megan said breathlessly. “I thought she was mad, because she told me to close the door and sit down. I was almost ready to give her a piece of my mind for taking me for granted and for letting Vera walk all over me and everything. But I controlled myself.”
“And?”
“And that was a good thing, because she had called me in to tell me that she was giving me spring break off!”
Lelani turned to face Megan. “Really?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t believe it. And get this: She told me that she knew I was doing a good job and she gave me a raise.”
“A raise?”
Megan shrugged and grinned. “Not a very big one. Still, it was a nice vote of approval.”
“That’s wonderful news.” Lelani hugged Megan. “I’m so glad you’re coming too! I was really sad to think you’d be home alone.”
“And I called Mom’s travel agent, and she got me on the same flight as you.”
“That’s fantastic.” Now Lelani was smiling for real, and it was the first genuine smile she’d worn all day.
“And that’s not all,” Megan told her.
“What?”
“Well, Marcus took me to lunch, which is why I forgot to call you, but he’s going to see if he can get time off and come too. He already called Gil, and if the guys split the hotel three ways, they can upgrade to a nicer room.”
“That’s great.” Lelani wondered how her parents would react to this news, but she knew she’d better give her mom a heads-up or suffer later. So as soon as she got to her room, she called. To her stunned surprise, her mother seemed to approve the idea of Lelani bringing her roommates to Maui. Either that or someone else was listening to her phone conversation and she was merely pretending to be polite.
“I’ll tell Meri to have the guesthouse ready for the four of you,” she told Lelani in a businesslike manner. “When will you arrive?”
“We’re not all on the same flight,” she explained. “Megan and I are flying out Saturday morning, we arrive at Kahului at 2:00 p.m.”
“Shall I send a car?”
“No,” Lelani said quickly. “We’ll do a rental car.”
“A rental?” Her mother’s voice was suspicious. “Why a rental? You know we have extra cars, Lelani.”
“Because some of our friends are on the same flight,” Lelani explained. “They’re staying at a hotel in Kahana and they’ll need a car to get around the island. They can drop us on their way.”
“Oh?”
Lelani knew that her mother was curious, but that was all Lelani planned to tell her for the time being.
“Well, I have guests here just now,” she said. The explanation for her good behavior. “And I need to attend to the baby. So I’ll have to go, Lelani. You take care.”
Lelani told her mother good-bye and hung up. She had wanted to ask where the nanny was and why she couldn’t “attend to the baby.” But that would have been pointless. Perhaps her mother had let the nanny have the day off, or even let her go altogether, though Lelani doubted it. She couldn’t imagine her mother devoting her energy to caring for a child 24/7, giving up her precious beauty sleep, her morning shopping, her lunches with friends, her afternoon mai tai by the pool, or her leisurely evening swim or walk on the beach. No, Alana Porter was accustomed to the good life and, as much as she enjoyed spending time with baby Emma, she had probably kept the nanny.
Lelani lay back on her bed and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to remember any of this, but images came flying at her as if they had wings. Perhaps it was for the best to begin facing these memories now. And if she needed to cry, why not cry now? Maybe it would make whatever happened next week seem easier.
So Lelani allowed herself to remember the day she had learned of the nanny. She even remembered the nanny’s name. Ginger. She was about the same age as Lelani, but she was from Great Britain, Wales if memory served.
Lelani’s dad had picked her and Emma up at the hospital, and when they got home, he informed Lelani that they’d decided she should stay in the guesthouse. When Lelani asked why, he said because that’s what her mother thought would be best, explaining that it would be quieter.
But when Lelani carried Emma out to the guesthouse, she was met by her mother and introduced to the nanny.
“Why do we need a nanny?” Lelani had asked as she set her bag in the guesthouse.
“For baby Emma.” Her mother had cooed softly as she swayed the sleeping infant gently in her arms and then handed her over to Ginger.
“But I can take care of Emma myself,” Lelani had protested.
“No, there’s no need for that. You get your rest, Lelani. Recover from your ordeal and get strong again.”
“I am strong.”
“Don’t argue with me, Lelani.” Her mother locked eyes with her, giving her that warning look that Lelani knew so well, then nodded at Ginger as if to give her some kind of a clue, which Ginger seemed to get, since she took the baby out of the guesthouse. Lelani thought that was wise, since she was determined to stand up to her mother. Already, she had started to bond with little Emma. Despite her mother’s warning that breast-feeding would ruin her figure, Lelani had begun nursing the baby. “I took care of her in the hospital,” Lelani stated, “and I can take care of her now.”
Her mother’s brow creased, a warning that this wasn’t going to go well. “Tell me, Lelani, how do you intend to care for your baby? You have no job, no money to buy diapers or formula or anything, you have no college degree, no place to live, you don’t even have your own car.”
Lelani just stared at her mother, too stunned to answer.
“Tell me, do you plan to take your baby out to beg on the streets? Or perhaps you will camp on the beach?”
“What are you saying?” Lelani asked quietly.
“That you need your rest. That Ginger will care for the baby.”
“Where?” demanded Lelani.
“In the house. Emma’s things are all set up in your old room. Ginger will be in the spare room next to it. It’s a perfect arrangement.”
“Perfect for whom?”
“Don’t make this any more difficult than it already is, Lelani. If you don’t appreciate our help, you can take your baby and leave. No one is stopping you.”
The implication was crystal clear. Unless Lelani complied with her parents’ wishes—rather, her mother’s wishes—she would be cut off from all help and support. As wealthy as her parents were, it was their wealth, not hers. And they had every right to withhold as they wished.
Her mother had smiled. “Take my advice, Lelani, get some rest. Get strong. Emma will be in good hands. Don’t worry.” And then she had left.
Lelani began to slip into what she later recognized as a combination of postpartum depression and an actual broken heart. She was not brokenhearted over Ben, Emma’s father, since she’d been well over him by then, but brokenhearted that her mother had cast her aside, and even more brokenhearted that she was not allowed to care for and love her own baby. Her departure came fairly easily after that. What did she have to stay for? It wasn’t as if her parents had given her any options. She had agreed to a year’s absence, and her mother had probably figured that Lelani would’ve moved on with her life by then. And it might’ve happened. But now, nine months later, Lel
ani was going back.
The week was a whirlwind of activity at 86 Bloomberg Place. Lelani felt like she was a spectator as she watched her housemates get ready, buying last-minute clothes and sunscreen and sunglasses, digging out their favorite summer things, packing and repacking bags and making phone calls, making arrangements for Kendall’s dog, and coordinating things with the boyfriends—including Marcus, who found out Wednesday that his travel agent had finally found him a seat on the flight with Lelani, Megan, and Gil. Edmond, Anna, and Kendall would fly out later in the day, make one stop in Oahu, and arrive about five hours later. As all this went on around her, Lelani felt detached and almost unemotional, but maybe that was just her imagination.
Saturday morning, when the four of them hopped on the metro to save some parking fees at the airport, she still felt like she wasn’t really there, kind of like she was hovering over them in some surreal sort of way, as they joked and laughed in anticipation of this big adventure.
“I can’t believe that’s all you’re taking,” Gil told her for what had to be the seventh time.
She just smiled as she looked down at her wheeled carry-on. “And I can’t believe that you’re taking all of that.” She nodded at his large duffle bag and backpack.
“Lelani probably has a closet full of clothes at her parents’ house,” Edmond suggested.
Lelani just smiled again. She had left a lot of things in the guesthouse, but she doubted they were still there. “You don’t need much in Maui,” she told them. “And if you don’t have what you need, there are plenty of stores.”
“But aren’t things expensive?” asked Megan.
Lelani shook her head. The buildings and signs and light Saturday-morning traffic swirled past in a foggy blur as the tram zipped out toward the airport. “Not really. Oh, I guess it depends on where you shop. The resort shops are always outrageous. But only tourists—and wealthy islanders—shop there.” She thought of her mother then. Alana liked the resort shops sometimes. And sometimes she would take an interisland flight to Oahu.
Sometimes, back when Lelani was a girl, her mother had taken her along too. They would dress up and fly to Honolulu for a mother-daughter day of shopping, lunch, and sometimes a concert or theater, then they’d spend the night in a big hotel. Lelani wondered if her mother planned on doing the same thing with Emma someday.
Thanks to spring break, the terminal was crowded and crazy, but Lelani checked in electronically, and since she didn’t have a checked bag, she soon found herself waiting for the others to join her at security. The lines were long and it took forever to pass through the security gates. Then they walked back to the Hawaiian Airlines gate, where it seemed the travelers were already in a festive party mood.
Once again Lelani felt detached, like she wasn’t really there, like none of this was really happening, and for a while she pretended it was only a dream. Even as they boarded the plane, she felt like she was in heavy fog, not unlike what had surrounded Portland this morning. As she sat in her seat, she felt like she’d soon wake up and discover that none of this was real. Or maybe she was just in shock.
Her mind got even fuzzier after Gil insisted on buying them all a glass of champagne to celebrate the beginning of their vacation. She dozed off, and when she woke up, it was to the announcement that they were about to land in Kahului, Maui. And everyone was saying “aloha,” and “mahalo” like they’d been natives forever.
“Here we go,” said Gil as he took her hand to walk through the open-air terminal. Despite all her fears and misgivings, Lelani couldn’t help but sigh in relief as she took a deep breath of the warm air. She was home!
Nineteen
Anna
Anna was afraid of flying. Okay, it was a well-kept secret, but it was true just the same. Now that she was sitting in the terminal, at their gate, with their jet outside in full view, she watched every move the mechanics and service people made and felt certain that flying over the vast Pacific Ocean was a huge mistake.
“Are you okay?” Edmond asked her for the third time.
“I’m fine,” she snapped at him.
“Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Anna took in a deep breath. “I guess I just get a little nervous about flying.”
“Why?” He adjusted his glasses and peered curiously at her.
“Why?” She looked at him like he was nuts. “Because planes crash. People die. Why not?”
He kind of laughed, then looked sorry when he saw her glaring at him. “Anna, Anna,” he said, patting her hand. “Don’t you know that plane travel is statistically the safest transportation out there?”
“Yes, yes,” she snapped back at him. “I’ve heard the old it’s-safer-than-bicycles line before.”
“And?”
“And it’s one thing to blow a tire on a bike, but something altogether different when you blow an engine on a jet.”
“Jets can land with one engine.”
“Okay, what if they lose a wing?”
Just then Kendall returned from the news store with an armful of magazines. “Isn’t this exciting?” she gushed. “The others are out there over the ocean somewhere and tonight we’ll all be together in Maui.”
“Excuse me,” said Anna as she stood. “I’m going to get some coffee.”
“Like she needs coffee,” Edmond said quietly.
Anna turned and narrowed her eyes at him.
“But if you want coffee, well, by golly, you should have some coffee.” He smiled nervously.
The truth was, Anna didn’t want coffee. She just wanted to use her phone. In private. She wanted to call her mother. Okay, she wasn’t calling her mother so that her mother could lovingly soothe her and tell her that all would be well. After all, it was her mother she was about to call. No, Anna wanted to call her mother to apologize for their recent arguments.
“Hello?” her mother said in a weary tone.
“Hi, Mama.”
“Anna?” her mother’s voice grew anxious. “Where are you? Are you okay? Has there been an accident? Have you heard from Gil?”
Anna thought about the old adage of the apple not falling far from the tree and almost laughed. “Everything is fine, Mama.” Anna was fully aware that she called her mother Mama when she was being nice and Mom when she was not. It was an old habit.
“Oh.” Her mother almost sounded disappointed.
“Did you want something to be wrong?”
“No, no, of course not.”
“Well, good.”
“So did Gil get off okay?”
“I assume that he did, Mama. I haven’t heard otherwise.” She looked at the clock in the center of the terminal. “In fact, they should land in a couple of hours.”
“A couple of hours? Didn’t they only fly out at nine?”
“They land at two.” Then Anna realized her mistake. “Oh, that’s two o’clock Maui time. Sorry. I guess it’ll be a while still.”
“Gil promised to call me when they get there. Unlike some other thoughtless child that I will not mention.”
“Mom, I’m calling you now.”
“Well …”
“And I’m calling for a reason.”
“Yes?”
“I want to apologize for the way I’ve spoken to you lately.”
“Yes?”
“What? You want more than that?”
“Do you call that an apology, Anna? You say, ‘I want to apologize,’ but I did not hear you say, ‘I am sorry, Mama.’”
“Okay, I’m sorry I’ve been disagreeable lately, Mama.” Anna bit her lip. She wanted to remind her mother that she’d been equally disagreeable. Not just about the credit-card business, but about Edmond and Lelani and lots of things.
“What about what you said at the going-away dinner?”
persisted her mom.
“I’m sorry.” Anna couldn’t help but smile to remember the shocked reactions of Abuela and the other relatives when she’d made her silly announcement. “I shouldn’t have told everyone that Edmond and I were eloping and honeymooning in Maui.”
“It was very immature, Anna. Not something I expected from you.”
“It’s just that Abuela was so aggravating.”
“She is who she is, Anna.”
“Yes.” Anna sighed.
“And?”
“You want more?”
“You’re my daughter, Anna. What you said to the family reflected on me.”
“Okay. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”
“You did embarrass me, mi’ja. And your grandmother, well, I thought she was going to have a stroke.”
Anna thought that was unlikely. If anything, Abuela enjoyed the attention she got for her dramatic reaction. “Well, she’d been asking for it. I don’t know what Abuela said to Lelani at the party, but I could tell it wasn’t nice.”
“Are you saying that Lelani didn’t tell you?”
“Lelani is a lady.”
Mama didn’t have anything to say to that.
“Anyway, before I get on the plane, I just wanted to clear things up between us, Mama. I’m sorry I embarrassed you. But I’m sure everyone knew I was only joking.”
“They did after I straightened them out.”
“I also wanted to say I love you, Mama. Tell Papa I love him too.”
“And we love you too, mi’ja. I know we are a little old-fashioned. But we only want what’s best for our children.”
“Unfortunately you can’t dictate that.”
“Dictate?”
“You know, you can’t force us to live the life you think is best.”
“Isn’t that the truth?”
“But I don’t think we’re doing too badly,” Anna pointed out. “We haven’t been arrested, we don’t do drugs, we finished college, and are gainfully employed … you know, some parents would be proud.”
“We are proud, Anna.”
“Thanks.”
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