by Ana Mardoll
"There will be punishments handed out later," he warns. "Alexandrite, you spoke over the Master in the arena. Decorum was forgotten." I hold my breath, wondering if the breach of protocol is confined to my rash words in front of the strange fey visitor or if this means Handler heard our real names being used. "If the fighters recover," he stresses the word, reminding us they're not simply boys and we're not here to be their friends, "the Master will be pleased; but the errors of this cycle must not be repeated."
Hana sets her mouth in a thin line but she maintains her persona of obedient acceptance. "Yes, Handler," she murmurs, her voice meek. I wonder the point of trying to fool him, when he must have heard her barking orders to unload the cart and seen the way she lifted Keoki with only Tony's help. No matter how much she might pretend otherwise, Hana is strong and defiant to her core. Still, Handler seems satisfied.
"You always know your place, Diamond," he observes, his carved hands grasping the bar of his cart as he wheels it to the doors. "Teach the other girls to do the same. As long as they are useful and obedient, they will be retained." His eyeless gaze turns back to regard Miyuki for a long moment, then the doors close behind him with a shuddering groan and he is gone.
Murder flares in Hana's eyes when she turns back to us, but she takes a deep breath to steady herself and the worst of the tension drains from her shoulders. "Everyone did good," she declares, her voice firm. "Aniyah, you took a gamble and it paid off. Now we just need to chase the win. When Handler brings food at first bell, we'll ask him to let Emma check on the boys. You and Imani can go with her. As long as we keep their wounds clean and watered, everything should be fine."
She doesn't sound entirely convinced, and I'm reminded of those same words, You'll be fine, when Miyuki and I were dragged away to be thrown to the fighters as Prizes. Hana doesn't mention our mistake with the names, but it's comforting to hear her say we did well. If there was something better I could have done or said, Hana would tell me. We're all doing the best we can. Now I just have to hope our best is enough to save Miyuki—and those boys, while I'm busy wishing.
"At first bell, then," Miyuki agrees with a nod. Xie turns to me. "Aniyah, you're hurting. Dip in the water, then my hands?"
I stare, taken aback by the steady assurance in xer no-nonsense tone. "How did you know?" I try to trace the pattern of xer talent, to tell whether it has expanded to visualize my pain the way I can see xer magic, but xer ability seems dormant and I see nothing unusual.
Miyuki gives me an exasperated look, cocking xer hip to one side. "Oh, let me think. Your walking is stilted, your shoulders are stiffer than our beds, and you grimace when you think no one is looking. And Aniyah, I love you—so don't take this personally—but you're reacting to everything a moment later than usual, like your brain and body have both slowed down. C'mon, let's get you in the pool and wash off all that blood."
Xie takes my hand, leading me to the water as I blink back my surprise. I thought I'd been subtle with each careful step, managing to hide the worst of the pain. I don't think the others noticed, which is by design and preference; I don't want to be fussed over. Yet somehow it's wonderful to let Miyuki take charge of me. There's a contradiction here I can't unravel and as xie helps me out of my blood-stained wrap and into the water, I wonder if perhaps I like xer pampering simply because it's coming from xer.
When we wade into the pool, I find I can move more easily. The water buoys me, granting a delicious sense of weightlessness. Tiny glittering sparkles bubble up from the depths to nibble away at my aches. As the pain ebbs, my mind clears, the thick porridge coating my brain rinsed away by the magic in the water.
"Over there?" I suggest, pitching my voice low so as not to be heard by the other girls. At the far side of the pool where the cavern wall glistens, there is a shadow cast by an overhanging ledge. The patch of shade isn't large, but it's dark enough to give us some privacy after this long cycle which has been so full of people. Right now, I want to be somewhere quiet where we can feel alone.
"Perfect," Miyuki agrees, xer smile softening as xie follows me out. Xie isn't as strong a swimmer as I am, and when we hit deep water xer head dips low as xie furiously treads in place. But when we reach the shade, we find a little underwater ledge extending a few feet from the wall and providing a rough seat to perch upon. Once we're seated, I lean back against the wall while Miyuki hugs xer legs to xer chest.
"So," xie says, drawing the syllable out in a long sigh. "Thank you."
I look up, surprised out of my silent retreat. "For what?" My thoughts catch up the moment the word leaves my mouth and my jaw drops open. "Oh, Miyuki. How could I not?"
Xie smiles at me, xer hazel eyes flashing behind xer glasses in the dim light. "Yeah, but I could've been nicer about it earlier. Sorry. I got caught up in the immediate 'oh shit' problems. But I really appreciate what you did. Speaking up for me to the Master like that. You were brave and amazing."
My cheeks burn and I look down at my hands. "Miyuki, I... I can't lose you. I don't think I could handle this place without you here."
Xer soft giggle sends a fresh shiver up my spine. "My hands aren't that good," xie teases.
I look up and catch xer broad grin, so I know the words are a joke; yet I need xer to know for certain how I really feel. "No, really." I take a deep breath, averting my eyes again. "Miyuki, I care about you. I care about what happens to you. I want to keep you safe, to protect you. You're my friend and I want..."
My voice trails away, unable to put into words how I feel. I want to kiss you and hold you and take you away from here. I want to have what we had before, when we knew each other and our memories were ours. Whatever we had, it would have been happy and good, untainted by the dread which hangs over us now.
"What do you want, Aniyah?" xie prompts, xer voice soft.
"I want to protect you." The quiet repetition is all I can manage, my eyes glued firmly to the place where my elbows disappear into the sparkling water. "I want to be with you."
Miyuki slides xer hands down my arms until xie finds my hands in the water. Lacing xer fingers through mine, xie ducks xer head to catch my gaze. "Aniyah, why do you sound so ashamed? I'm glad you want to protect me. Don't you think I want to protect you?"
"Me?" I jerk my head up, thoroughly confused. "What is there to worry about with me? I'm the expensive one, the one they tell the boys not to hurt. I get to talk back when everyone else has to be silent." I almost spit the words, anger rising in my chest; anger at the Master, anger at Handler, but most of all anger with myself. "And I still went and nearly ruined everything by using the wrong name in front of Handler."
Xie snorts, shaking xer head. "Pretty sure I made the same mistake," xie points out with a grin, "along with telling my first boy not to so much as touch me because I was in such a panic at the thought. You're not the only one making mistakes, Ani."
"Yeah, but—" I begin, but xie leans forward to press xer forehead against mine and the words die in my throat at the tantalizing closeness of xer lips to my own.
"You're also the one who has to watch those ugly matches, instead of closing your eyes or turning away like the rest of us. You have to talk to that thing who seems perfectly willing to punish you or anyone else for saying things he doesn't like. And they don't do you any favors when they single you out to the boys as something special! Maybe they won't hurt you as much, but how much more will they expect from you as the expensive Prize? I could smack Handler for that," xie adds in a low growl.
I'm aware my grin has turned goofy but I don't care. "Really? You'd smack Handler for me?"
Xer hazel eyes roll derisively at me above a wry smile. "Aniyah. I'd do much worse than that for you. I told you earlier: I love you."
I feel my heart jump against my ribcage at xer words. Xie did say so earlier, and I'd been too deep in a haze of pain to react. Miyuki loves me. All the feelings I have for xer—all the affection, all the protective urges, and perhaps the heat I felt before when we were in be
d together—xie feels those things for me? My throat feels thick enough to cry and part of me wants to burst out laughing at my own absurdity. Of course Miyuki loves me. Hasn't xie been telling me so since we awoke? Coming to my bed to comfort me, healing me with xer hands, helping me every step of the way; if that's not love, I don't know what is.
Then the thought strikes me that we may have had this conversation before, in the time our memories forgot. The idea is so hilariously awful that I giggle in giddy abandon, imagining the two of us locked in a cycle of loving and forgetting and loving anew.
"I love you, too," I tell xer, gasping for air. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh. It's just—" Another burst of giggles, worse now that I'm trying to stop. "I love you, and I'll tell you as many times as I have to. As often as you want me to. No matter how many times he makes us forget, I'll still love you."
Miyuki's smile widens to a beaming grin and xie playfully skims water up to splash my face. "As often as I want? Be careful making promises like that, Ani," xie teases. "I saw the way you were looking at that boy. How will you have time to play if all your time is promised to me and my thirst for love declarations?"
I sober instantly, xer words dousing me with colder water than this lukewarm pool. "I... I won't. Miyuki, I won't play with him." My gaze drops away again, unable to meet xer eyes. "Not if you don't want me to." The promise doesn't sit right in my stomach—I feel an instant surge of regret the moment I make it—but I can't bring myself to take it back. I don't want to hurt xer, whatever the cost.
"Aniyah." Miyuki reaches up to grasp my chin, gently guiding my eyes up to xers. With infinite slowness xie leans in, xer lips finding mine for a kiss.
Time stands still. There is only xer soft lips, xer warm breath, xer gentle fingers caressing my cheek. My hands slip around xer back, pulling xer closer with little nudges and encouragements, needing xer body as close as possible to mine. I move my lips over xers in slow exploration, tasting the salt on xer skin and the sweetness of xer tongue when it flicks unexpectedly against me. Far too soon xie pulls away from me, a warm smile on xer face that matches the dancing glitter in xer eyes.
"Was it something I said?" I murmur, feeling light-headed. I lick my lips, savoring the lingering taste and wanting more.
Miyuki caresses my cheek with a feathery stroke of xer fingers, amusement dancing on xer lips. "It was, actually. Aniyah, you're so sweet, but I don't need you to make promises like that. I don't want promises like that. I love you for who you are. You loving someone else doesn't change that. How could it?"
I think now my heart really is in my throat. I hadn't expected this, nor even known the possibility existed to be hoped for. "You don't mind?" I remember Sappho's disappointment on finding us together the morning of our second cycle and the way Heather had teased her for being glum. "You won't be upset?"
Miyuki laughs. "Over that skinny guy? No. Just don't expect me to understand what you see in him. Or them," xie adds, xer grin widening. "I noticed he has a friend. They might come as a package, you know."
I blink in surprise at xer. "How closely were you watching us?" True, I'd caught Tony clutching Keoki's hand, but he'd let go when Sappho ran up and I never saw him repeat the gesture. There'd been affection there, I was sure of it, but he'd hidden his feelings well.
"Hmm?" Xie smiles vaguely at the question. "Aniyah, I have good eyes—when I have my glasses on!" Nudging closer, xer lips find my ear and brush against the soft skin, sending fresh shivers down my spine. "Now, come here and let me show you what else I'm good at."
From xer tone of voice and the way xer lips linger against my skin, I have an inkling of what xie might mean. Heat rises in my stomach and pools in my legs, faster and more urgent than before. My breath catches; though I don't know the exact specifics of what I want, I know I need xer. Still I hesitate. "Here? Now?" I don't know when or where else we could go, but I certainly don't want everyone watching.
Miyuki laughs softly into my neck, xer lips kissing in light patterns. "We're in the dark. Everyone's drifting off to bed. They can't see through the curtains." I look around the cavern to realize xie's right: Hana and Imani have disappeared into the shelter of their beds; Chloe is coming out of the toilet and moving in that direction; Sappho and Heather are drying off from the pool and redressing, not sparing a glance back for us.
"We'll have to be quiet," I tell xer nervously. We're already nearly on top of one another where we sit on the ledge but I scoot closer, needing to be as close to xer as possible.
"Maybe this will help," xie murmurs, leaning in to seal my lips with xers.
This kiss isn't like the one before; no soft silkiness to brush against, no slow learning movements. Xie covers my mouth with xer own, drinking down my surprised gasp like water. Xer hand rises to touch my nipple just above the surface of the water, eliciting a deeper groan for xer to swallow as a tremor ripples through me. "I want to touch you," xie whispers, xer voice a breath on my lips. "Please, can I?"
I nod, feeling feverish in the cooler water. "Yes. Yes. Touch me." Each word slips out in a quiet panting cadence. I want what xie wants, I want this and more, and I want it all as fast as xie will give it to me.
Miyuki giggles and shifts position, lifting and rearranging xerself until one leg curls around behind me. My own legs dangle over the ledge of our seat, pressing into xer as xie pulls me closer. "Let me in?" Xer whisper brushes my ear as fingers playfully urge my knees apart. Soft lips engulf my earlobe, and I have to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from gasping aloud.
"There, right there," I beg. It's not just what xie's doing with xer tongue, it's also what xer fingers are doing as they trace up my legs. They slide up my inner thighs, finding the center where heat pools and I can feel my own heartbeat. Xer thumb strokes gently over the spot and I think I'm about to melt; then xie wriggles a single long finger inside me and my hand tightens over my mouth.
In this moment, I don't even remember what pain is. There's only heat and pleasure and need as xer finger curls into me and strokes slowly from within. Xer thumb plays in long sweeping patterns while teeth and tongue caress my ear, nibbling at the soft lobe. I crane backwards, my back scraping against the cavern wall as I strain to press myself deeper onto xer finger; xie chuckles at my greediness and carefully works a second finger alongside the first.
"Miyuki!" The sound is a ragged gasp of near-panic. My hand is curled into a fist and half-stuffed in my mouth to stop any noise. I want to cry out, I want to thrash in the water, but I can't bear the thought of the others peering out to see me like this.
"I've got you," xie whispers. "Shh. Bite my shoulder, Aniyah. Let yourself go for me."
I barely manage not to scream when the coiling heat erupts. Warmth spreads through my legs and shoots up my back while my mind shatters with colors I thought existed only in the sparkling table. I cling to Miyuki, trembling violently as I suck on xer shoulder.
"I love you, Aniyah," xie repeats, rocking me as I shudder. Xie withdraws xer fingers—though my body seems loath to let them go—and pulls back just enough to kiss me. "Thank you."
I manage a shaky laugh, barely audible against the constant trickle of the nearby waterfall. "You shouldn't be thanking me yet," I whisper, feeling light-headed and giddy in the aftermath of the explosion.
"No?" Miyuki tilts xer head at me, looking curious. "When should I?"
I manage a deep breath, gulping in air as quietly as I can. "After I do all that to you. Starting now." I set my shoulders in determination and resolve to ignore the rubbery looseness of my limbs. "Maybe even twice."
Xie giggles and my stomach flips over in the best possible way. "Well, in that case I get one more go at you afterwards. Just to be fair. Then bed and massage and cuddles."
"Deal," I breathe. My fingers reach out, aching to feel the heat inside xer, and I know without a doubt I'm the biggest winner in the Arena.
Chapter 20
Keoki
I figured they'd carry us to our rooms but,
before Handler leaves, Matías corners him into a tense conversation of which I overhear a few whispered phrases. 'Dangerous to move that leg' and 'easier to set one watch for two patients' drift back to me under the crackle of torches. I also catch urgent snatches involving blankets and a fire, food and water, though we've already eaten a brief joyless meal with the girls.
"The important thing is protecting the Master's investment," Matías insists, his knuckles pale where he grips the handle of his cane. "The sooner they're healed, the sooner they can go back to earning their keep." I don't hear Handler's answer but he returns after he's taken the girls away, his cart loaded with necessities.
Blankets are pulled off the cart, along with a large metal bowl full of tiny black stones and thick slices of wood. It takes four of the guys—Tony, Christian, Reese, and Lucas—all lifting together to get the bowl off the cart and positioned on the floor nearby. Once in place, Lucas pries a torch off the far wall and tosses it in; the slivers of wood flare up almost instantly, providing a cheery blaze that warms the cavern. Tony and Christian put down layers of blankets to make beds and Reese rolls up two more for pillows.
While the others make up our sleeping area, Matías unloads the lower tray of the cart where Handler has stacked bowls of water and steaming food. The carved creature watches him with his impatient eyeless gaze before turning to wheel away the emptied cart. Good riddance, I think, flopping my head back.
"Okay, one more lift," Matías announces when Handler has gone. "Tony and Reese, you two take Keoki's head and feet. Then the four of you can move Justin; I want all hands on him to keep that leg steady."