by Ana Mardoll
Chapter 21
Aniyah
When first bell chimes, I groan and pull our blanket over my head. I don't want to leave the bed; I feel sleepy and stupid and stiff all over. Miyuki and I stayed up long past the others and I can't bring myself to regret a moment of it, even if means I now have to face the cycle in a shambling stupor. Being tired is a small price to pay for the memory of Miyuki's soft little gasps as xie wriggled on my fingers.
I have fewer fond feelings towards the stiffness that thrums through my spine and reaches out with gaunt fingers to infect the rest of my body. The numb paralysis in my hips and legs frightens me. I don't know what is hidden under my scars, or the meaning of the tattoo scrawled on my hip—bent not broken—but each awakening in this place has been more painful than the last. It's harder to move, harder to twist and bend, harder to think; the constant dull ache crowds out all other thoughts.
I don't know why I'm getting worse, and this scares me. Does something about this place increase the pain that lives deep inside me, nestling in the core of my spine? Or did I have some means of decreasing it before, back in the home from which I was taken? I have to believe the dull agony threading through me isn't normal, because the alternative is more than I can bear.
We do leave the bed eventually, of course. Sappho's bright greeting and the sunlight she brings when she pulls down our bed curtains penetrate the blanket I've thrown up against the world. Miyuki coaxes me gently from our slab with kind words and soft kisses, xer hands never straying far from my back. Wherever xie touches me the ache eases, yet I notice the effect seems weaker now and its duration shorter. I'm grateful for xer touch and crave xer fingers in more ways than one, but the specter looms that my pain may soon be more than xie can banish.
It wasn't like this before. The thought repeats on a loop in my mind as I brood over the cold food Handler brings with the bell. The lethargic sameness of this place obliges me to repeat that fact, to hold onto it even as time seems to flatten. It wasn't like this the first time I woke. Something is wrong.
I look around the table at the faces of the other girls, wondering if they might know the answer. Hana knows so much about everything, and Imani knew how to set Justin's broken leg. But no one meets my eyes and the mood in our cavern is noticeably subdued since the last match. I look at the food before me, my resolve wavering. Even if everyone were in a talkative mood, I don't think they can help me with this. I'm not sure they'd even understand; none of them have scars that span the length of their bodies.
After we eat, Handler takes Miyuki to the boys' cavern. I'd planned to go with xer, to help with the healing and to see Keoki; but Handler is harsh again, cold and unfeeling when Hana questions him. "Prizes are valuables to be won," he declares, his unseeing gaze singling me out with an accusatory air. "They lose their luster when they become too familiar. Save your flirting for Auction." He grips Miyuki by the arm and ushers xer out, my heart in my throat at each careful step xie is forced to take without the aid of xer glasses.
I wait for their return, antsy through the slow progression of bells. When he finally brings xer back, xie is fine; tired and pale, but with a wry smile set firmly on xer face. I wait until Handler leaves before covering xer in hugs and anxious kisses, no longer caring if the other girls see. Xie wipes tears from the corners of xer eyes before putting xer glasses back on after the first rush of kisses, but there's not a trace of sorrow in xer beautiful face. "I missed you," xie whispers, leading me back to the pool and eventually to bed.
Another cycle passes, falling into the same numbing pattern as the one before. We rise to eat, Miyuki leaves to tend the fighters, and we wait for xer return. Hana exercises, Chloe cleans, Imani swims or tells stories she makes up, her animated face changing for the parts of the characters. She's always a young woman, and always lovely to my eyes, but otherwise her capacity for variety seems infinite. Sappho draws patterns in the dusty floor while Imani talks, and Heather sleeps—or pretends to.
When the stories are over and Imani returns to the pool to swim laps, I walk the length of the cavern, counting each step until the pain becomes too much and I slip into the healing waters. As I float in the deep end, I stare at the doors that keep us trapped here and wonder if anything could pry them open. Magic flickers over their surface, tendrils waiting for Handler to approach so they might reach out to caress his mutilated face and hands.
Time blurs, becoming difficult to mark, and I find myself counting events. I've woken six times in this place when Handler reports that 'Granite' has healed enough to move freely and an Auction will be held on the next cycle. The other girls seem to know what that means and nod in silent agreement. After he leaves, Hana sits down with us at the table and I can tell she's preparing for another of her explanations. From the determined set of her lips, I imagine this event is not one she anticipates with any pleasure.
"What is Auction?" Miyuki asks. "The boys were talking about it when I went to change Justin's bandages. Some of them teased me, asking whether they ought to pick me. I didn't know what they meant." I frown at the image of boys bothering xer. I'm just as ignorant as xie on what 'Auction' might mean, but the word is ugly in my mind, conjuring images of shouting and grabbing, captivity and misery.
"When the boys fight, they're awarded a point for each kill they make," Hana explains. "So one boy might have five points, and another only three. Every so often, an Auction is held to clear accounts. Back in Heather's time, that meant bringing girls out one at a time and letting boys bid on them as a competition." Her voice deepens, taking on a lower tenor as she acts out a demonstration. "Next up is Emerald. One point for Emerald! I bid two points! No, three points! Going once, going twice, sold for three points."
I blanch, my head jerking back as though I could avoid the event by moving away from the person explaining it. Hana nods, looking sympathetic. "Yeah," she agrees, "it wasn't fun. It was rowdy and sometimes violent; the boys would fight and Handler would have to break them up. It was supposed to be a relaxing event to motivate the fighters, but it just wound them up and made them angrier. So the Master changed the rules, about the time I was brought in. Every boy gets a girl, assuming there are enough to go around, and the boys take their pick in order of who has most points. The one with the highest score goes first and has the most options; the one with the fewest points has to take whoever is left over."
Miyuki's lips twist unhappily. "Do they line everyone up?"
Hana shakes her head, her wavy hair slipping over her shoulder. "No. They did for awhile, but it was awkward. Being chosen last isn't complimentary, and the boys got restless waiting their turn. At this point, Auction is more of a party. The fighters visit here; we talk and flirt while Handler serves better food than usual. The boys get to swim, which is good for everyone." She rolls her eyes, her nose wrinkling in distaste.
Chloe laughs as she strolls over to pick through the food strewn over the table. "They don't smell that bad, Hana," she teases, settling on a bowl of tiny purple grapes. "They do bathe in their rooms after the fights. Usually."
"Folks pair off," Imani murmurs. I turn to find her seated beside me, soaking in the conversation as she pats her short hair dry after her swim. "The boys with the most points know in advance where they stand and have their pick in mind. Handler leaves the doors open during Auction, and people drift back to the boys' rooms without making a fuss." She shrugs, twisting a finger through her black ringlets one at a time. "Some of the boys used to get nervous before, when everything was a big show. This way is... more intimate. More comfortable."
I glance back at Miyuki, whose expression looks as uncomfortable as I feel. "Do we get any kind of choice? At all?" I remember the pretty boy, Keoki, and how his eyes watched me wherever I moved in the cavern. I'd wanted to spend more time with him, and a party where we could chat together might be nice; but the thought of being stuck at that party with some other boy, unable to speak with the one I want, sounds utterly miserable to me.
"No,"
Heather says, her voice blunt as she lies unmoving on her bed. "You don't get a choice. You go with the one who picks you, and you do as he says, and you come back alive. That's your job. It doesn't matter that Chloe only wants the smoke-popper, or that Imani wants to be in love first, or that Sappho doesn't like being touched by boys, or that Hana doesn't want to be touched by anyone ever. You're not here to choose." She stares up at the ceiling, her green eyes desolate.
"There are ways," Hana corrects, not looking at Heather. "You're new here, so it will be harder for you, but there are ways to make them happy on your own terms. I teach fighting. Imani braids hair and tells stories. Sappho dances, and some of the boys like to watch her and touch themselves so she doesn't have to. You'll learn what you can do and most of them will adjust around you." She hesitates, choosing her words carefully. "Never forget we live and die around their happiness, but most of them don't want to hurt you."
"Until they don't get their way," Heather adds in an undertone that no one acknowledges.
We go to bed soon after, as no one wants to talk any more. Miyuki holds me close and moves xer hands over the throbbing spots in my lower back and upper shoulders. I watch xer face as xie works, concentration knitting xer freckled brow. The thought strikes me that I won't be able to protect xer during auction. Xie will be taken off alone just as xie was before. "Miyuki?" I whisper, my voice low in the shelter of the curtains.
"Mmm?"
"Who are you going to try to get?" I ask, studying xer with worried eyes. "At the Auction, I mean. You said the boys ask if they should pick you. Are you going to encourage one of them? Will you be okay?" I know I will be, if only because Handler told them to keep me in one piece, but my stomach clenches at the thought of one of those boys hurting xer. Xie had been so panicky at the prospect of being touched.
Miyuki shrugs, looking unconcerned. "I imagine they'll send me to Justin," xie says. Air rushes back into my lungs at the obvious solution; of course they'll pair him off with his healer. "If not, I'll ask for the friend of your new friend. He seemed polite."
I can't help but smile. "That's twice you've mentioned Tony, you know," I tease. "You sure you don't have a crush on him?"
Miyuki swats playfully at my shoulder. "I'm sure. Now hold still, Aniyah. I need to concentrate!"
When we wake at first bell, I could almost imagine this cycle is the same as any other were it not for the fresh rush of pain screaming through my spine. I don't know why, but every breath sends a sharp stab through my ribs. I choke down my pain, determined not to be a burden, and rise to eat before Miyuki leaves to tend the wounded. When the doors slam behind xer, I move slowly back to our bed, knowing there will be no walking for me this cycle. Yet I'm intercepted by the other girls, who herd me into the pool to wash for Auction.
The following session of washing bodies, scrubbing faces, and delicate hair care would be traumatic for me, but the liquid fire rippling from the base of my spine to the tip of my skull blocks out everything else. Once or twice I catch Hana looking at me with an alarmed expression, but she says nothing as I'm patted dry by Imani. Chloe then spends far too long dressing me, fussing over the hang of my clothes and the knotting at my waist until I sway on my feet and have to be helped to the table cushions.
I feel dizzy and the room spins around me. Imani sits nearby, rubbing gentle circles over my back until Miyuki returns. Xie looks around the room in unseeing confusion at my failure to approach xer on arrival, but Sappho surreptitiously leads xer to my side while Hana and Chloe unload dishes from Handler's cart. "The boys will be brought at fourth bell," he announces, giving Hana a stern look before sweeping out. Miyuki's glasses are on the moment the doors clang closed, xer arms wrapping protectively around me.
"Aniyah! Are you okay? What's wrong?" Deft fingers fly over my spine, searching for the pain.
I shake my head, dizziness making my tongue thick. "Missed you. 'S all." The slur in my voice startles me, and a rush of euphoria hits me as Miyuki's fingers grind hard into my skin.
"Aniyah. Baby, don't you pass out on me! Come on, sit up straight and I'll get what magic I can into you. Sappho, can you get a damp cloth? Thank you." Strong hands grip me, holding me up when all I want to do is slump over onto the table. I can feel my pain edging away under xer concentration but my mind struggles to clear.
"Miyuki, what am I going to do?" The slur is gone, but rising fear replaces the giddiness.
Xer hands don't pause for an instant, the glitter of xer magic pouring into me as fast as xie can work. "You're going to be fine," xie declares, and xer tone is so certain that I feel foolish imagining otherwise. "The boys will come soon, and we'll set you up with Keoki. He's doing so much better since you saw him last. You two can have a bite to eat and then go back to his room. He'll take care of you."
I twist to look at xer face, catching a worried glance between Miyuki and Hana. We live and die around their happiness. I hear her words echo in my head. But Keoki liked me, and he was nice to Miyuki and Hana. He won't care if I'm a little dizzy or if I can't do... whatever he might be expecting me to do. Anyway, I'm too important to the Master to kill, I remember, bitter bile in my throat.
"We're going to be fine," I manage to whisper, leaning into Miyuki's touch. "We all are."
Hana insists Miyuki clean up before the boys come, but xie bathes quickly and returns to wrap xer arms around me. "I love you," xie whispers again and again, xer voice fierce in my ear. A distant part of my mind wonders why xie is so worried; I'm the expensive one, after all. I ought to be worried about xer, not the other way around. I feel too dizzy to answer, so I just squeeze xer hand each time and nod against xer cheek. The room has stopped spinning, but every thought seems to come from a distance.
The golden doors grind against the floor as the fourth bell rings. Even before they've fully opened, I hear boys' voices, loud and giddy. They're different from before, no longer cowed and eager to obey our healer for the sake of their friends. Now they're a cacophony of joyful chaos, spilling into the room with eager grins and hooting as they peel off their clothes and leap into the pool. Christian, the beautiful one I was given to before, runs over and grabs Chloe by the hands. Laughing, he coaxes her into the pool and the pretty red-headed girl flashes a warm grin at the boys whenever they swim up to her.
I watch their antics with a detached smile, leaning back into Miyuki's embrace. The room is brighter than usual to my eyes, glittering harshly in every direction. My gaze finds the pretty curly-haired boy in the water, and a little jolt of electricity ripples through me when he looks at me. He grins, his smile wide and confident, and I'm glad to be sitting down because my knees turn to water. "You gonna be okay?" Miyuki murmurs in my ear as he rises naked from the pool and begins toweling off.
"I'll be okay," I promise, squeezing xer hand. "What will you do?"
Miyuki chuckles, rising to xer feet and adjusting xer clothes carefully. "I'm going to go talk to Handler. They didn't bring Justin because it's still not safe to move him. I'd like to change his bandages again."
Xie walks away with a purposeful stride, xer path taking xer directly alongside Keoki as he walks towards our table. I see xer mouth move, murmuring words to him, and I catch his cheerful nod. Then he's plopping down beside me, folding his leg underneath him and reaching for a nearby bowl of fruit like he's at home here.
"Heya," he says with an easy grin. He bites into a plump golden fruit and his eyes flutter closed for a moment. "Wow, this is good. Have you had one of these?" He pushes the bowl at me, his warm eyes watching me with interest.
I shake my head at him, feeling my smile spread slowly; I'm still disoriented and already missing Miyuki's healing touch. "I think the food is supposed to be for you," I point out. I reach up to push a curl away from my eyes, and his hand catches mine in midair. Heat flows through us where we touch, warm and liquid and good, then he palms a fresh fruit into my hand.
"Try one," he whispers, ducking his head like a conspirator. "I won't tell."
/> I bring the golden fruit to my lips and take a deep breath to savor the rich scent. The smell is heady and thick, a dark fullness that doesn't seem at home in this stony place where we live. My mind fills in shadows and shade, the darkness of the arena when the sun was blotted out for the Master's private match. I take a tiny bite and a moan escapes my throat as the rich juice bursts over my tongue.
"Isn't it, though?" He grins, watching my enjoyment with open pleasure before reaching out to touch my lips with the tip of his finger. "Drip," he explains. "So, uh, hey. Your friend says you feel a little out of—"
"Shove over, newbie." His remark is interrupted by a boy with sandy-brown hair who stalks up, the hint of a frown knitted on his brow. He shoots me a warmer smile, dipping into a bow as he waits for Keoki to move. "Scoria, at your service. They said your name was Alexandrite?"
I hesitate, not knowing how to answer, but Keoki breaks in before I speak. "Her name is 'mine'," he says, reaching for another fruit and not moving from his seat beside me. "At least for Auction, Lucas."
The older boy glares at him, anger flaring in his eyes at Keoki's casual tone. "You seem to have forgotten I have as many kills as you, newbie, and seniority to boot. She's not yours until I decide she's not mine." His hand, still damp from the dip in the pool, reaches out to caress my curls. I try not to flinch away at the unexpected contact but my stomach knots at the sensation of a stranger touching my hair.
"Wouldn't you rather have a veteran than a kid, pretty Prize?" Scoria—or is it Lucas?—smiles down at me and I try to smile back, but the politely bared teeth I offer up to him can't possibly reach my eyes. I feel a fresh wave of pain at being made to bend my neck like this and sway in my seat.
"Scoria!"
A bright voice breaks the gathering tension. Sappho trips up, her blue eyes glittering with laughter, and grabs his hand with both of hers. He glares at the interruption, but she doesn't seem to notice. "Scoria, you have to come help judge the game! We're gonna blindfold Emerald and kiss her. She has to guess who it is, but we need judges to make sure no one whispers the answers. C'mon, I get first kiss, but don't tell!"