“Rupert?”
“Hm?”
“You are standing very close.”
“Do you object?”
“No.” She shivered. “I only wish you would do something about it.”
He chuckled, then closed the remaining space between them to press his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.
She tasted sweeter than honey, and her lips were soft as rose petals. His arms went around her waist, and her hands fell upon his shoulders. Alice returned his kiss, gentle and uncertain at first, but as he deepened the kiss, her hands went around his neck.
When they broke apart, Alice’s eyes remained closed an instant longer than his. “Rupert.”
He kissed her forehead, and her eyes opened to stare up at him. “I am terribly sorry. I meant to wait. To make certain this was what you wanted.” His fingertips brushed against her cheek. “We barely know one another, but I have felt this pull toward you almost since the moment we met.”
“Even though I was so cross with you when you asked me to serve as your colorist?” she asked, her nose wrinkling at him. She did not pull away. Having her length pressed against him would soon drive him to distraction.
“Even then. I only wished to know you more. That is the real reason I asked for your help. I hoped it would mean more time in your company, more time to puzzle out what made you so indecipherable.”
She laughed and stepped away. “And then I went to great lengths to stay away from you. I am sorry, Rupert. But—you cannot blame me. Surely. I am a governess.” Her smile fell away. “I cannot afford dalliances of any kind. You must know that.”
He shook his head. “That is not what this is.”
She slipped further away from him, his hands falling from her waist. “I should go.”
Rupert’s heart ached. “Alice, you do believe me. I have no wish to play with your feelings, or to take kisses from you without consequence. There is more here between us. Being without you this long has made me understand—I care for you. Deeply.”
"Then you will understand that I must be careful. One wrong step could leave me without a position in this house. Without a place to go. My reputation—”
“I understand,” he hastened to say. “I can be discreet, Alice. But I cannot ignore this.”
Her smile returned at last, though it was smaller. “Thank you. I will see you on my half day.”
He wanted to snatch her back, to hold her again, but instead he nodded. “The day after tomorrow. The same time as before. Here.”
Alice nodded. “Here. Good day, Rupert.” She hurried away, stopping only to scoop up her sketchbook and gloves, her spectacles too. Then she disappeared from the garden, giving him one last glance over her shoulder as she went.
Rupert fell against the tree, his heart pounding in his chest.
He needed to visit home and speak to his parents. Soon. And Alice... He needed to determine how much she meant to him, and how much he meant to her. There was nothing more important in the world at that moment than studying what had grown between them, as unexpected as a rose in the middle of a marsh.
Chapter 16
Though Alice had not known Emma Arlen long, the companion had begun to feel like a friend. So the next day, while the children were busy with their art master and riding lessons, Alice went in search of the only woman in the castle who might offer her advice.
As a companion to the duke’s daughter, Emma was in a similar position to Alice. She was a paid employee, but not exactly a servant, privy to much that happened within the family though not precisely a part of it.
Emma might understand Alice’s muddled thoughts and equally confused heart.
Alice found Emma in a sitting room frequented by Lady Josephine. She was alone, as Lady Josephine was also working with the art instructor that afternoon.
When Alice came further into the room, Emma looked up from the book in her hands and immediately smiled in welcome.
“I do hope I am not interrupting,” Alice whispered, looking around the room again to ensure herself they were alone. “But when you did not arrive with Lady Josephine for the painting session—”
“Oh, I try to avoid painting when possible. I am afraid it is not one of my talents.” Emma brushed aside her shortcoming and rose from her chair, then gestured to a couch where both of them might sit comfortably. “Do join me. I thought about seeking you out, but you are always so busy planning the children’s lessons that I had no wish to disturb you.”
Alice settled next to her friend and spoke with sincerity. “I am always happy to make time for you.” Then she rubbed at her forehead. “Though today I must beg your time and advice.”
“This sounds almost serious.” Emma leaned back against the curve of the couch’s arm. “Is something amiss?”
Twisting her father’s ring upon her thumb, Alice considered how to begin the conversation. “Will you keep what I tell you between us, Emma? I am—that is, I do not wish anyone else to know what I wish to tell you.”
Emma gave one firm nod. “So long as what you have to say poses no harm to others, I will keep your secrets.”
It was as reasonable an answer as one could hope for. Alice took in a deep breath before speaking.
“You have teased me about Mr. Gardiner before, if you will recall?”
Emma’s lips twitched. “Indeed. I think he is rather enamored with you. I have never heard him speak with such warmth of a woman, of anyone, really. He admires your talent, and your person.”
Alice clenched her hands together in her lap, feeling her cheeks grow warm. “He kissed me yesterday.”
The other woman’s mouth fell open. “What? When?”
The whole story came spilling out of Alice, rather like water from a fountain, and she wrung her hands as she told it. Then her concerns came next. “What if this means nothing to him? As kind and sincere as he is, he is a gentleman of means and importance. He is friends with the duke. I am only a governess. I have no connections of consequence. He cannot be serious about his affections.” Her eyes filled with tears and she searched her sleeve for her handkerchief.
“Here, take mine.” Emma thrust a clean handkerchief trimmed with lace into Alice’s hand. “You poor dear. I understand you perfectly.” Emma moved closer and put her arm about Alice’s shoulders. “The world is a frightening place for a woman alone, and those in our position, reliant upon our reputation but without protectors, are even more vulnerable.”
Alice nodded as she dabbed at her eyes. “I am thoroughly confused, too. I certainly like him. I have from the first time I met him, when I thought him a gardener.” She laughed at the memory, though the sound was somewhat bleak. “And yesterday, when he said how much he missed me, and he kissed me—I wanted to believe him. But how can I? Emma, I am a poor nobody.”
“And you are concerned he is toying with your feelings?”
Though she hesitated a moment, well remembering the sincerity of Rupert’s eyes and tone, Alice answered with a weak shrug. “I think he has an affection for me. But he cannot understand how complicated it would be for either of us. What would people say about him marrying a governess?”
“Alice, that might be your current position, but you are also the daughter of a gentleman. Orphaned or not. And you do have family scattered all over England.”
“I am not related to anyone of importance,” Alice protested. “My dowry is a pittance, held by one of my uncles, but no one ever really expected me to marry.”
“From what you have said before, they worried that you would marry, by stealing their own daughters’ suitors.” Emma sniffed disdainfully, then folded her arms tightly across her chest. “Horrid relatives, all of them. If they were so concerned about it, they should have given you a proper coming-out and married you off first.”
The absurdity of that idea made Alice laugh through her tears, and soon Emma laughed too.
“Why are you a companion?” Alice asked when their mirth subsided. “I have never heard your story.”
>
“It is not interesting.” Emma glanced away, toward the windows. “My parents were friends with the duke and duchess, though untitled. I was an only child. My mother was expecting another child when they died. There was an accident. Their carriage overturned on a bridge.”
“I am sorry.” Alice’s heart squeezed in sympathy. “Were you very young?”
“I was ten years old.” Emma rubbed at her arms. “Lady Josephine and I are of a similar age. The duke and duchess took me in as a ward. I have an inheritance waiting for me. The funds will be released either when I wed or reach five and twenty, unmarried. The rest of what belonged to my father went to a cousin.”
The ducal family had taken Emma Arlen in out of the kindness of their hearts, and then they had given her a purpose. Alice twisted the handkerchief in her hands. “What would you do in my position?”
For a long moment, Emma stared out the window before returning her gaze to Alice. “You want to fall in love with Mr. Gardiner, don’t you?”
“But I cannot think we are suited—”
“Stop that.” Emma slid closer and took both of Alice’s hands. “You are suited. I have never seen a woman learn of his fascination with insects and then carry on a conversation about them with him.” A sliver of humor entered her tone. “The only thing that worries you, it seems, is the acceptance of others. Of what others may think. Mr. Gardiner is a grown man. Let him worry over that. Be honest. Tell him how you feel and what concerns you.”
Alice bit her lip and looked down at her father’s ring. “His family could object.”
“What is the worst thing that could happen, Alice?”
“The duke and duchess would find out, and think me a woman of poor morals, and send me packing.” Spoken so baldly, her fear rose more darkly before her. “Then what? What if my own family will not take me back? What if—”
Emma interrupted, sounding exasperated. “What if all our noses turn blue and fall off?”
Alice hiccoughed. “What?”
“You can sit here and wonder ‘what if’ all day, Alice Sharpe. But you will never know for certain until it happens. Until you try.” Emma squeezed her hands again. “Be brave, Alice.”
Alice lowered her chin. “I have spent all my life unwanted by my own family. How could Rupert want me?”
“Rupert sees the value in tiny creatures living in the garden. If anyone would recognize what a treasure you are, it would be someone like him.” Emma embraced Alice. “My dear friend, your family is foolish. Trust me when I tell you that. And do stop your crying. Come, show me what you will wear tomorrow to meet Mr. Gardiner. Or Rupert, I should say.”
Though her fears were still present, Alice quelled them as best she could. Together, they went to her room, and Alice withdrew the blue dress, made especially for her, and the loveliest thing she owned. If she had to be brave, she would dress well for the occasion.
Chapter 17
Rupert paced beneath the elm tree the next day, rehearsing in his thoughts all that had passed between him and Alice two days previous.
Kissing her had proven marvelous. But she had rushed away with such haste, he had to wonder if he had done something wrong. Had he acted too hastily? He had never been very good with people—at least, not beyond the small, polite talk his parents had spent years teaching him to perform.
But Alice was different, wasn’t she?
Rupert dropped his forehead against the rough bark of the tree trunk. After they went so long without seeing one another, he had reacted to her presence like a starving man placed at a well-laid table. His enthusiasm may well have overwhelmed her.
Then there was her concern about her position. Governesses likely could not court. He had never heard of a governess who had. Had he?
Some married, he thought. One of his own governesses had, but years after she had left his family. When he had grown past such an age to need a governess, she had sent a letter informing them of her news. At least, he thought he recollected that happening.
He started pacing again, until a snatch of bright blue caught his eye. Rupert stopped and stared as Alice entered the rose garden, her steps hesitant and an uncertain smile upon her face.
The blue gown was not something any of his governesses had ever worn. Dressed as she was, she put him in mind of butterflies, wildflowers, and summer skies all at once.
He came from beneath the tree, wearing his admiration openly. And in the instant his hand touched hers, Rupert quite forgot his worries. She had come. They would muddle through somehow.
“Will you walk with me?” he asked, gesturing out into the garden. “I wish to know everything about you.”
“Everything?” She looped her arm through his, and her cheeks turned pink. “There is not all that much to tell, I’m afraid.”
“How can that be, when you have lived more than twenty years in this world without me knowing of it?” Rupert might have sounded like a fool, but he hardly cared. He wanted to know her.
She began somewhat hesitantly. “My parents died when I was five years old, and I was raised by my relatives. By whomever could spare the room or had the ability to manage an additional child.”
Rupert nodded as she spoke. “Like our friend, Geoffrey. I cannot think one child could cause all that much difficulty.”
“One would think.” She punctuated her sentence with a sad smile. “But parents will always put their own children first.” Though she began reluctantly, her story wove around them as they walked. He asked the occasional question, but it soon became clear to him why she was reluctant to speak of her past.
Somehow, despite her kindness and cleverness, Alice had never been wanted by her family. Though she shared moments of happiness in her childhood, Rupert’s heart ached for the little girl without a permanent home. She had never known when she might be shuffled from one household to another, or what the next family would be like. Would they treat her as family or a servant? Would they keep her for a year or only a month?
They walked down through the gardens, away from the structure of the rose hedges and the careful arrangement of statues. Through the sunken fountain’s garden, where several frogs chirped and burbled happily to each other. Finally, they arrived at the meadow. Far enough away from the castle’s windows that—Rupert hoped—Alice would be more at ease.
Rupert asked fewer questions, and they gradually fell into silence sitting upon the meadow grass.
Alice had removed her gloves to pluck at daisies, and her restless fingers wove them together. Rupert leaned back on his hands, watching in silence, her history heavy on his heart. He saw the ring she wore on her thumb flash once in the sunlight, silver and scarred with slight scratches from years of wear.
“The ring you wear,” he murmured. “Where did it come from?”
She paused a moment, then put her daisy chain in her lap in order to slip the ring from her thumb. She held it out to him. “It was my father’s. He used to give it to me when he went away. I barely remember him, but I remember he would put this ring on a chain, and I would wear it until he came home.”
Rupert accepted it in his palm, noting the inside of the ring was smooth and bright from her wearing it. “Incredible that a child would not lose it,” he said, trying for a lighter tone.
Then he slipped it momentarily on his finger, the metal still warm from her skin. Her hands were so slight, the ring fit the second smallest finger on his right hand. He took it off again and held it out to her. “A precious gift.”
Alice stared at the ring, then looked up at him with a crease in her brow before she accepted it again. “It is only a silver ring. And look how much it needs polishing. I don’t think I ever noticed until now how very damaged it is.”
“A little polish from a jeweler would bring it to rights again.” Rupert rolled onto his back and folded his hands across his middle. “You have lived such a life of hardship, Alice. I did not know—and now I understand. Will you forgive me for my ignorance? I can see now why you protect you
r position as fiercely as you do, and I would rather give up my project entirely than make you fearful of losing your place.”
He turned his head to watch her profile as he spoke, his soul aching that he had caused her fear while in pursuit of his own plans. Yes, he dreamed of publishing a paper in the Royal Society, of joining their esteemed ranks. But to do so at the cost of her peace? It would be reprehensible.
It was too soon for him to tell her—admit to her—that he had started to imagine offering her a different place. One by his side. As his wife.
The word frightened and elated him, but he kept the thought to himself.
What would that do to the duke’s regard for Rupert? Would he earn His Grace’s ire in stealing away a governess all his children dearly loved?
The sincerity with which Rupert spoke lifted a weight from Alice’s chest. She lifted her daisy chain again, tucking another stem into the plait. Then she turned her gaze to him, where he rested in the grass, his stare upon her almost fierce as he waited for her to speak.
“I feel I know the family a little better now. The children and I get along well. I am not afraid of losing what I have here. At least, not regarding the work we do together.” She plucked one more flower, adding a last bit of length to her chain before looping it back upon itself to make a crown.
Rupert watched her, his smile returning, softer now. “But you are concerned about what will happen if we are seen too often together. If I attempt to court you, as you deserve to be courted.”
Alice’s cheeks warmed and she nodded, letting the daisy crown fall to her lap. “When they took me on, the dowager duchess and her grace were both clear about my duties, and what I could not do. ‘Fraternizing with men’ was most certainly upon the list of actionable offenses.” She tried to smile, but it felt weak to her. “Oh, Rupert. What am I to do?”
He sat up and took her hand from her lap, holding it between both of his. “Leave it to me, my dear. I will put some thought to the matter. Until then, I will make a heroic effort in refraining from showing my affection for you. In public, at least.”
Mr. Gardiner and the Governess: A Regency Romance (Clairvoir Castle Romances Book 1) Page 14