‘That would be a big help.’ Helen peeled off her gloves and dropped them into the bin. Maybe she couldn’t say for certain what would have happened, but she could make an educated guess!
Her cheeks flamed at the thought of what the receptionist might have witnessed. Seeing her and Lewis kissing certainly wasn’t the kind of behaviour the staff would expect to see. In the whole time she and Ian had been married they had never once kissed each other while they’d been at work. Ian had had set views on such matters and would have considered it highly unprofessional behaviour, and she had respected him for it. However, just a couple of weeks after meeting Lewis, all her principles seemed to have gone by the board.
It was painful to realise that she had let herself down. She turned to Lewis as the receptionist hurried away, wanting to make it clear that there would never be a repeat of what had happened that day. ‘Amy can give you the tetanus shot. Make sure you ask her for it, won’t you?’
‘Of course.’
His tone was every bit as distant as hers had been so she couldn’t understand why it upset her so much. As she left the treatment room, she told herself it was silly to let it bother her. Maybe Lewis had realised the mistake they’d nearly made and regretted it, as she did. Only that thought didn’t make her feel any better.
She sighed. Two wrongs definitely didn’t make this situation feel right.
What the hell had he been thinking?
Lewis could barely contain his frustration as he made his way back to his room a short time later. He knew that he’d made a major blunder with Helen and knew, too, that there was little chance of him putting things right. He only had to recall the expression on her face as she’d left the room to know that he wouldn’t get a chance to explain himself.
He groaned as he sat down at his desk. What kind of explanation could he have given her? That he’d been so overcome by desire that he’d wanted to make mad, passionate love to her? He could just imagine her response if he told her that! She would probably terminate his contract and he’d find himself out of a job…
Or would he?
Why should he assume that she would have reacted that way? She’d had plenty of time to tell him to stop but she hadn’t made any attempt to do so. She’d just stood there and there was no point pretending that he hadn’t seen the desire in her eyes, because he had!
The truth was that she hadn’t wanted him to stop. She’d wanted him to take her in his arms and make love to her right there in the surgery. For once in her life she had reacted with her heart, not her head, and in her heart she’d wanted him. She had!
Lewis shot to his feet. He knew that he needed to sort out the situation as quickly as possible. If he waited then Helen would find a way to rationalise what had happened and he didn’t want her doing that…did he?
His head spun as one side of his brain argued with the other, leaving him in the middle to referee. He wanted to make Helen admit that she’d desired him, yet he was afraid of what it could lead to. Once he’d uncovered the truth, it couldn’t be hidden away again. He would have to act on it, and he wasn’t in a position to do that.
The fact was that he couldn’t have a relationship with anyone when he had Kristy to consider. And Helen wasn’t just anyone. She was someone special, so special that she had the power to destroy all the plans he’d made for being a good father. How could he take that risk? How could he be so selfish as to put his own happiness above that of his daughter?
He sank down on the chair again. He couldn’t involve Helen in his life, now or in the future.
The day was one of the busiest Helen could remember, but at least it meant she had less time to brood about what had happened. After the social worker left, she got ready for the antenatal clinic. The clinic was her favourite part of the week. Watching a new life develop was a real joy and she took extra care as she discussed any problems the mums-to-be had. She wanted them to enjoy their pregnancies, although not everyone felt it a reason for celebration.
Lisa Pendleton fell into that category and every time she visited the surgery Helen had to make a special effort not to be sharp with her. It was harder than ever that day when presented with the young woman’s litany of complaints.
‘I feel like such a freak! I can’t wear anything decent because of this bump!’
Lisa stepped off the scales and glared down at her expanding waistline. She’d reached the twenty-week mark and her tummy was getting quite large. Helen murmured a few soothing noises as she made a note of Lisa’s weight, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy the young woman.
‘I wish I hadn’t gone ahead and had the baby now. I was going to have a termination but Aidan talked me out of it.’ Lisa glowered as she put on her shoes. ‘I shouldn’t have listened to him. I mean, it’s not him who’s having to go through all this!’
‘A lot of women get upset when they see their bodies changing,’ Helen assured her. ‘But once you’ve had your baby, you’ll soon be back to your old self.’
‘My sister isn’t. She piled on weight when she had her little boy and she’s never lost it. Ryan’s two next week and she still looks as though she’s pregnant!’ Lisa plonked herself down on a chair. ‘I don’t see why my life should be ruined because of some kid. Maybe it’s not too late to get rid of it.’
‘That would be a very drastic step, Lisa,’ Helen said firmly, trying not to let the girl see how appalled she was by the idea. ‘Your hormones run riot when you’re pregnant and I expect that’s why you’re feeling so down at the moment.’
‘It’s not my hormones. I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do after the baby’s born. OK, so Aidan swears that he’s going to help me look after it but I know what he’s like.’ Lisa tossed her head. ‘He’ll be down the pub with his mates while I’m stuck at home with a screaming brat, and I’m just not prepared to put up with it, Dr Daniels.’
‘Looking after a new baby isn’t easy, Lisa, and I won’t try to tell you that it is. However, I’m sure you will cope perfectly well once he or she is born.’
Helen chose her words with care, wishing that she didn’t have to face this dilemma today of all days. Her feelings were already very raw, thanks to what had happened earlier, and it wasn’t easy to behave in a professional manner when faced with such an emotive subject. The fact that Lisa could think of aborting her child at this stage was truly horrifying, but she was bound by professional ethics not to say that to her.
‘How do you know that I’ll cope?’ Lisa retorted. ‘I’ve never had anything to do with kids—never wanted to either.’
‘Because you’ll learn as you go along. I knew very little about being a parent but I learned what to do as the twins grew up. In a way, I grew up with them. What I do know is that I wouldn’t have missed those years for anything.’
‘Ah, but it was different for you, Dr Daniels. The twins aren’t your real children so you didn’t have to go through the hassle of actually giving birth to them.’ Lisa stared balefully at her bump. ‘You also didn’t have to sit around wondering if you were going to spend the rest of your life looking like a beached whale.’
‘No, I didn’t give birth to Tom and Katie, although I wish I had. I would love to have experienced all the highs and the lows of childbirth.’
Helen tried not to let her emotions surface but the comment had touched a nerve. If Ian hadn’t been so determined not to add to his family, she might have been able to speak from experience. However, his selfishness had denied her the thing she’d wanted more than anything else: a baby of her own.
The thought shocked her to the core. She couldn’t believe that she’d just thought of Ian as selfish. Ian had been a kind and gentle man, and she was appalled that she should have denigrated his memory that way. She stood up, needing to bring the discussion to an end before anything else happened, but Lisa obviously still had issues to resolve.
‘What’s the cut-off point for having a termination?’
‘Under current UK law it’s twenty-fou
r weeks,’ Helen explained hollowly. ‘However, you can’t just have a termination on demand, Lisa. Unless it’s a medical emergency and the mother’s life is in danger, two doctors have to assess a woman’s situation and there are strict guidelines that have to be followed.
‘Abortion may only be performed if continuing the pregnancy would present a risk to the mother’s life, or if there’s a risk to the mental or physical health of the woman or her existing children. It’s also permitted if there is substantial risk of serious handicap to the baby, although there is no question of that in your case. Your baby is perfectly healthy.’
‘But there’s still time for me to have a termination?’ Lisa insisted.
‘In theory, yes. However, each case has to be assessed on its own merits.’ Helen took a deep breath but she simply couldn’t hold back any longer. ‘Quite frankly, Lisa, I think you’d be wrong to have a termination. You have a healthy child developing inside you. Maybe it isn’t the most wonderful experience of your life but you could regret it if you decide to abort the baby.’
‘That’s just your opinion. And as I said before, you have no idea how I feel because you’ve not been in my position.’ Lisa stood up and glared at her. ‘I don’t need you preaching at me, Dr Daniels, thank you very much!’
She stormed out of the room, leaving Helen with the sinking feeling that she’d made a mess of things. She should have tried harder to understand what Lisa was going through, and been more supportive. If she hadn’t been so emotionally keyed up she would have handled the situation better and it was distressing to know that she’d allowed her personal feelings to get in the way of doing her job.
As she went to call in the next mum, she vowed it wouldn’t happen again. No matter how stressful she found working with Lewis, she would keep a tight rein on herself in future. It shouldn’t be that difficult because there wasn’t going to be a repeat of what had happened that lunchtime. She intended to learn by her mistakes, not repeat them.
It was gone four by the time Lewis got back from doing the house calls and evening surgery had started. It had been a long list that day and he’d been late setting off, but what had delayed him most had been his car. As he let himself into the surgery, he realised that he was going to have to change the car as soon as possible.
‘Sorry I’m late. I got caught out at one of the farms. I couldn’t get down the road in my car so I had to leave it at the top and walk the rest of the way,’ he explained as he hurried into the office.
‘Well, if you will drive those posh vehicles, what do you expect?’ Janet teased, and he groaned.
‘Not so posh if it can’t do the job it’s supposed to do. Sports cars and farmyards definitely don’t mix so it will have to go. Where’s the best place around here to buy a new car?’
‘Jack Thomson has a showroom in town, which is where most folk go—although I don’t know if he’ll have anything to interest you,’ Janet added dubiously.
‘So long as it has four wheels big enough to clamber over the ruts, it will be fine,’ he assured her, grinning. He grabbed the pile of files stacked in his tray and headed for the door. ‘Just give me a couple of minutes to get sorted out then you can send in my first customer.’
He hurried along the corridor to his room. Harry’s door was shut so obviously he had a patient with him, and Helen’s door was also closed, although maybe she’d shut it when she’d heard him coming in. He wouldn’t blame her if she had because he could understand why she wouldn’t want to speak to him.
He sighed as he tossed the files onto his desk. All afternoon long he’d thought about what had happened. He knew it would be wrong to involve Helen in his life but it didn’t mean that he didn’t want to. The thought of having her there whenever he needed someone to turn to was very appealing, but it wouldn’t be fair if he started an affair with her…
He shook his head when he realised how arrogant it was of him to assume that she would be interested in having an affair with him. Maybe she hadn’t exactly run screaming from the room at lunchtime but it would be silly to make that assumption. She was a normal, healthy woman who had needs the same as any other woman, but it didn’t mean that she wanted him in particular. Her response could have been the very natural result of two years of celibacy.
The thought was rather deflating and he wasn’t sorry to put it out of his mind when his first patient arrived. He didn’t need a battered ego to add to his woes!
Helen saw her final patient out then set to work on the budget. She felt tired and stressed, and the thought of a long soak in a hot bath was very tempting, but she was responsible for running the practice and she couldn’t go home when there was work that needed doing. She would get it finished tonight even if she had to chain herself to her desk!
The trust had demanded quite a large reduction to their drugs bill and she couldn’t seem to find a way to make the necessary cuts. She was just totting up the figures for the third time when Harry popped his head round the door.
‘I thought you must be here when I saw your light was on. What’s up?’
‘Budget cuts,’ Helen explained succinctly, keying another row of numbers into her calculator.
‘Need a hand?’ Harry offered.
‘Thanks, but it’s down to me to get it done.’ She treated him to an abstracted smile. Obviously something had gone wrong because the total on the calculator’s display was far larger than it should have been.
‘Well, if you’re sure…?’
‘I am. Thanks, though, Harry. I appreciate the offer.’
Helen picked up her pen after the locum had left. Maybe it would work better if she resorted to the old-fashioned method of pen and paper? She wrote down the figures then added them up in her head but the answer came out the same. She’d made a mistake somewhere and now the trick was to find it. She sighed. It looked as though it was going to be a very long night indeed.
Lewis wasn’t sure what made him drive past the surgery on his way back from picking up Kristy from the after-school club. It wasn’t his usual route but for some reason he turned left instead of right at the roundabout. He slowed as he approached the surgery and realised that the lights were still on. It was half past six and he couldn’t understand why the place was lit up…unless Helen was still in there, working.
His mouth thinned as he drove home because there was very little he could do about it. If she chose to extend her working day, that was her business. However, he couldn’t shake off the image of her slaving away at her desk. Couldn’t she see that she was in danger of burning herself out? And for what? To uphold her late husband’s exacting standards?
Kristy was rather subdued when they got home. He suspected that the incident with the lorry had affected her and he hoped it wouldn’t unsettle her too much. She’d been far less withdrawn since he’d suggested those riding lessons and he would hate to think that she’d taken a backward step.
He realised that he still hadn’t got the riding instructor’s phone number from Helen, and that he must do so soon. He wouldn’t want Kristy to think that he didn’t keep his promises so maybe he should get it from her tonight? It would give Kristy a boost to know when she would be starting her lessons so he would pop back to the surgery and ask Helen for it. And while he was there, maybe he should offer to help? She might appreciate an extra pair of hands, plus it would be a good way to put things back on a level footing. If he made it clear that he was only interested in having a professional relationship with her, it would make the situation easier for both of them.
He told Kristy they would be going out after tea. She seemed a bit uncertain at first because it wasn’t usual for them to go out on a school night. However, she immediately brightened when he explained that he wanted to ask Helen for the phone number of the riding school. He also explained that he might want to help Helen do some work, and Kristy seemed quite amenable to the idea.
The surgery lights were still on when he drew up in the car park so he helped Kristy out of the car the
n used his key to let them in. Holding her hand, he headed along the corridor and stopped outside Helen’s door, feeling his heart pounding. Once he knocked on the door, there would be no going back so was he absolutely certain about what he was doing? In other words, was he here purely because he wanted to keep his promise to his daughter and help a colleague? Or was he here because he wanted to see Helen? All of a sudden he was no longer sure about his motives.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘HELEN!’
Lewis jumped when Kristy suddenly shouted Helen’s name. Before he could do anything, she knocked on the door. He knew his face must be a picture when a moment later Helen appeared.
‘Hello! What are you doing here?’
Helen ignored him as she bent own and smiled at Kristy, and for some reason he felt more than a little put out. Maybe he wasn’t exactly flavour of the month, but did she have to make it so obvious that she wasn’t pleased to see him? All of a sudden he could see how stupid he’d been to imagine that she might welcome his help. She didn’t want anything to do with him so he would just ask her for the phone number and leave.
‘I’m sorry to disturb you but can you let me have that phone number for the riding instructor?’ He shrugged when she glanced up. ‘I might be able to arrange a lesson this weekend if I phone her tonight.’
‘Of course. I should have given it to you before.’
She went back into the room and opened the top drawer of her desk. Lewis frowned when saw the stack of papers that were piled on top of it. ‘Looks as though you’ve been busy.’
‘It’s that wretched budget. I can’t seem to get the figures to add up…Ah, here it is.’ She took an address book out of the drawer and jotted the number down on a scrap of paper then handed it to him. ‘Tell Jill that I recommended you. She doesn’t take many pupils because she’s so busy with her own family, but I’m sure she will squeeze Kristy in.’
In His Loving Care Page 9