‘It’s the same in general practice—so much time is wasted behind the scenes. Every year the paperwork seems to increase and that puts extra pressure on everyone.’
‘Which is why it would be a good idea to hire a practice manager to take care of all those irritating jobs that have to be done.’ He poured them both a cup of coffee and passed one to her.
‘I have to admit it’s tempting…’
‘But?’
She shrugged. ‘But I need to square it with my conscience first.’
‘Obviously, that’s something only you can decide.’
He picked up the sheet of figures, making it clear that he wasn’t going to try and persuade her. Perversely, Helen found herself wishing that he had. She needed someone to reassure her that she would be doing the right thing…
She brushed aside that thought, annoyed with herself for vacillating. She was a grown woman and she didn’t need anyone to make up her mind for her. They set to work again but by ten o’-clock they were no closer to finding the problem. Helen ran a weary hand over her face. ‘I just don’t know where we’re going wrong, do you?’
‘No. We must have gone over these figures a hundred times by now—’ He suddenly broke off and let out a whoop of joy. ‘That’s it! Right there.’
‘Where?’ She leant forward and stared at where he was pointing. but she still couldn’t see what he meant.
‘See, that column on the right is exactly the same as the one on the left but it should be—’
‘Four thousand pounds lower!’ she finished for him. She gave a little whoop of glee. ‘We did it. We actually did it!’
‘Yep. What a pair of idiots we are not to have spotted it sooner.’
He grinned at her and Helen felt her heart give an almighty lurch when she saw the warmth in his eyes. She knew that she should say something to defuse the moment, but for the life of her she couldn’t think what. She could only sit there as though transfixed and maybe she was, too—transfixed by the need to have him look at her like that for ever.
‘Helen.’
His voice grated so that her name sounded strange when it emerged from his lips, and she shivered. When he reached across the table and covered her hand with his, she could feel ripples of sensation running up her arm. His hand was so warm and strong—a surgeon’s hand with those long, sensitive fingers—and the ripples started to spread as she found herself wondering how it would feel to have his hands on other parts of her body.
The thought stunned her. She’d never wondered before how it would feel to allow a man other than Ian to make love to her, yet that was what she was doing. She was imagining how good it would feel to have Lewis’s hands stroking her skin, caressing her breasts, arousing her to a passion she’d never experienced before, and it was just too much.
She leapt to her feet, but he was too quick for her. He was round the table in a trice, gathering into his arms as he forced her to stop. ‘Don’t! Please, don’t run away, Helen. We need to talk…’
‘No!’ She pushed him away. ‘I’m sorry, Lewis, but I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say.’
‘Then maybe this will convince you.’
Before she realised what he intended, she found herself back in his arms. She just had time to draw a single breath before his mouth found hers and the instant his lips touched hers, she was lost. Helen felt the blood rush to her head. Other kisses she’d shared in the past had been mere tokens compared to this. This kiss touched both her heart and her soul, touched her on so many levels that she was powerless to resist.
Lifting her face, she kissed him back with a lifetime’s worth of repressed passion. Maybe she had been married but it felt as though she was still the innocent young woman she’d been twelve years ago. It had taken Lewis’s kiss to show her what she’d been missing. His kiss had opened the door to a wonderful new world, a world where dreams could come true…
CHAPTER NINE
‘DADDY!’
Lewis flinched when he heard an anguished cry from upstairs. Helen’s response had been everything he could have dreamt it would be. She hadn’t held back or tried to pretend that she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her, but the sound had jolted him back to reality with sickening speed. His daughter was calling for him and he had to go to her!
He let Helen go, feeling his heart ache when he saw the expression on her face. Her eyes were heavy with passion, her mouth was ripe and swollen from his kisses, and he wanted nothing more than to sweep her back into his arms—only he had a child to consider. His precious daughter. The person whom he had sworn to put before all others.
‘Kristy’s shouting for me,’ he explained tersely, turning away. He strode to the door, steeling himself before he glanced back. ‘I’m sorry, Helen, but it might be best if you went home.’
‘Home?’
The confusion in her voice was almost his undoing, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he let Kristy down. His daughter needed him and he intended to be there for her no matter how difficult it might be for him personally.
‘I think it would be best, don’t you?’ He drummed up a laugh, hoping Helen couldn’t tell how much it was hurting him to send her away. ‘I don’t know what came over me just now. I hadn’t planned on making a pass at you, so I can only apologise. It must have been all that effort we put into working out those figures—it turned my head!’
‘Don’t worry about it.’ She turned away, keeping her face averted as she gathered together the papers they’d been using. ‘You go and see to Kristy. I’ll let myself out. I hope she’ll be all right.’
‘I’m sure she’ll be fine.’
Lewis hesitated but there was nothing more he could say, was there? He left the kitchen and hurried upstairs. Kristy was sitting up in bed with tears streaming down her face so he went straight over and gathered her into his arms. ‘It’s all right, darling. Daddy’s here now. Did you have a bad dream?’
‘There was a big truck…’
She buried her face in his chest as the terrors of the nightmare came flooding back, and he sighed. As he’d feared, the episode with the lorry that morning had affected her badly. He gently rocked her to and fro as he tried to soothe her. He heard the back door close and realised that Helen must have left. Even though he knew it was foolish, he couldn’t help wishing that he hadn’t told her to go. He couldn’t bear to imagine what she must think of him now, but there was nothing he could do. He had to put Kristy first after all the heartache she’d been through. Even though she seemed to like Helen, he couldn’t risk introducing someone else into her life while she was still so vulnerable. Her world had been turned upside down by the death of her mother and she needed stability more than anything else, not more disruptions.
And, of course, it wasn’t just Kristy’s life that would be disrupted. What about Helen herself? She, too, was vulnerable, although in a different way. She may have responded to his kiss, but it was obvious that she hadn’t got over her husband’s death yet. The thought that she might leap into a situation she could come to regret was more than he could bear. He didn’t want to be responsible for causing her any pain so maybe it had been better that he’d called a halt when he had?
He tried to convince himself that he’d done the right thing but he couldn’t help feeling that he’d let Helen down. He tried to put it out of his mind while he settled Kristy down by reading her another chapter of the book and fetching her a glass of milk. He sat on the side of the bed while she drank it, smiling at her when she handed him the empty glass.
‘How do you feel now, sweetheart? Do you think you can try to go to sleep again?’
‘I need to go to the toilet first, Daddy,’ she told him solemnly.
‘Of course you do,’ he agreed, knowing it was just a delaying tactic. She was still a bit scared after the nightmare so he played along. ‘Off you go, then. I’ll wait here so I can tuck you up when you come back.’
‘Promise?’ she asked, climbing out of b
ed.
‘Cross my heart,’ he told her, making the shape of a cross on his chest with his finger.
She giggled as she ran out of the room and he breathed a sigh of relief because the crisis seemed to be over. He smoothed the sheets and plumped up her pillow then tucked her in when she came back from the bathroom. Bending down, he dropped a gentle kiss on her forehead.
‘I’ll leave the bedroom door open so just shout for me if you need anything.’
‘I will.’ She snuggled under the quilt. ‘Is Helen still here?’
‘No, she’s gone home now,’ he explained, switching off the bedside lamp.
‘Oh!’
She didn’t say anything else as she closed her eyes so he couldn’t tell if she was glad or sorry that Helen had left. Not that it mattered, he told himself sternly as he went to the door. Helen wasn’t part of this equation. It was just him and Kristy, and that was how he intended it to continue. However, as he made his way downstairs, he couldn’t help wishing that he’d met Helen at a different time in his life. Then he might not have needed to send her away.
Helen was late for surgery the following day. She’d spent a sleepless night thinking about what had happened between her and Lewis so it had been almost six when exhaustion had caught up with her and she’d slept right through her alarm call. When she hurried into the office shortly before nine a.m., Janet greeted her with concern.
‘I was just about to phone you to see if you were ill.’
‘I overslept and didn’t hear the alarm going off.’
She picked up the stack of files that were waiting for her, not wanting to be drawn into a discussion. What would Janet think if she told her why she’d not heard the alarm ringing? she wondered as she went to the door. Most probably Janet would be shocked and she would be right to feel that way, too. Kissing Lewis had been a stupid thing to do. Not only could it have an effect on her professional life but it had had a disastrous effect on her personally. She still couldn’t believe that she’d compared Lewis to Ian and found her late husband lacking in any way. She had loved Ian, and it had been disloyal of her to criticise him because he hadn’t possessed the experience with women that Lewis had.
‘Oh, before you go, Helen, there was a message from the hospital for you. The consultant wanted you to know that Lucy Maguire has regained consciousness.’
‘That’s wonderful!’ Helen tried to shrug off the feeling of despondency that had descended on her. ‘I’ll pop in to see her this afternoon. It’s my half-day off today so I’ll go straight into town after I finish surgery.’
‘You’re going to take the afternoon off?’ Janet exclaimed in amazement. ‘What made you suddenly decide that this place can function without you?’
‘Nobody’s indispensable,’ she said lightly, not wanting to admit that it had been Lewis’s comments that had prompted the decision. She didn’t want to think about him any more than she had to after last night.
‘Well, I’m very glad to hear it.’ Janet smiled at her. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but I’ve been really worried about you since the twins went away. You’ve been working far too hard and it’s about time you took some time off.’
‘You could be right.’
Helen didn’t say anything else as she left the office. However, it was a surprise to discover that even Janet believed that she’d been doing too much. Maybe she would try to reduce the amount of hours she spent in the surgery, she decided as she went into her room. And consider hiring a practice manager. She certainly didn’t want to go through a repeat of yesterday’s fiasco with those budget figures.
The thought immediately reminded her of what had gone on between her and Lewis, and she frowned. Quite apart from the fact that she felt so bad about comparing Ian to Lewis, there was no denying that she also felt hurt by the casual way Lewis had dismissed that kiss. Maybe it hadn’t been special for him but it had been a revelation to her. He had awoken her desire and if he hadn’t called a halt, then she certainly wouldn’t have done.
Her face flamed as she realised that she would have slept with him if he’d asked her to, but there was no point lying to herself. She’d wanted him that much and knowing how easily he had aroused her meant that she would have to be extra-careful in the future. There was no way on earth that she wanted to make a fool of herself again.
It was a sobering thought and she found it hard to shrug it off as she started on her morning list. Diane Hartley had come in to discuss her test results so Helen went through them with her.
‘As I told you briefly over the phone, Diane, the blood tests showed a definite drop in your levels of oestrogen. It confirms my initial diagnosis that you are going through an early menopause. That’s why you’ve been experiencing all those distressing symptoms recently.’
‘So what happens now, Dr Daniels? I mean, there is something you can do to help me, isn’t there? Martin will be devastated if I have to tell him that we can never have a family. He’s just longing to be a dad.’
‘I understand and that’s why I don’t intend to waste any time. I’m going to refer you to a specialist and let him deal with the problem. I think I mentioned there was a clinic near Blackpool when you first came to see me.’
‘That’s right,’ Diane agreed eagerly. ‘Do you think they’ll be able to do something?’
‘There have been huge advances made over the past few years in fertility treatment. Obviously, I can’t promise you a result, just as I can’t promise any woman that she will get pregnant. However, this clinic has an excellent reputation for helping women in your position.’ Helen smiled at her. ‘They are the experts, Diane, and I honestly believe that they will do all they can for you.’
‘Then I’m going to give it my best shot,’ Diane said firmly. ‘I don’t care how uncomfortable the treatment is. If there’s a way for me to have a baby, I’m going to do my utmost to make it happen.’
‘Then I wish you the very best of luck. I know how upsetting this has been for you but at least you know what you’re up against now, and that has to be a good thing.’
She saw Diane out, inwardly praying that the treatment would work. No woman should have to suffer the heartache of never having a child if it was what she wanted, she thought as she went back to her desk.
She sighed. It was a fine idea in principle but very difficult to put into practice, as she knew from her own experiences. Just for a moment she found herself imagining how different her life might have been if she hadn’t married Ian before she blanked out the thought. She had enough to feel guilty about without going down that route!
The morning wore on. Her lack of sleep meant that Helen had to concentrate far harder than she normally would have done. She’d always been very conscientious and it troubled her to think that she might miss something because she was so tired. When Tanya Rimmer arrived with her baby son, Dominic, she made sure she gave the young mother her full attention, even though Dominic was screaming so loudly that it was difficult to concentrate.
‘Sounds as though this little fellow isn’t very happy today,’ she said when Tanya came in.
‘He’s been screaming non-stop since yesterday evening.’ Tanya sounded tearful as well as she carried the three-month-old baby into the room. ‘My mum said he just had colic and not to fuss, but I wanted to make sure there was nothing really wrong with him.’
‘Of course you did. Why don’t you lay him on the couch so I can examine him.’
Helen helped her settle the squalling infant on the examination couch. She nodded when she saw how the baby drew up his legs towards his stomach. ‘That’s a classic sign of colic. Each time his intestines go into spasm it causes him pain and he draws up his legs.’
‘So my mum was right after all,’ Tanya said tiredly.
‘I’ll check him over just to make sure.’ Helen undid the baby’s sleepsuit and gently felt his tummy, murmuring soothingly when he cried even harder. ‘There, there, sweetheart, I know it hurts but we’ll soon have you feeling bette
r.’
‘He cried so hard during the night that he made himself sick,’ Tanya explained.
‘Really?’ Helen frowned. In her experience, vomiting wasn’t normally a symptom of colic. ‘Have you noticed anything else?’
‘Not really…Oh, except there was a bit of blood in his nappy this morning when I changed him.’
‘I see.’ Helen tucked a blanket around the little boy and smiled at the mother. ‘Would you mind waiting here for a moment, Tanya? I want to have a word with Dr Cole about Dominic.’
‘Why? What’s wrong with him?’ the girl demanded anxiously.
‘I’d just like a second opinion. It might very well be a simple case of colic but it might be something more than that so it’s best to check.’
Leaving Tanya with the baby, Helen hurried along the corridor and knocked on Lewis’s door. He had a patient with him and he looked surprised when she popped her head round the door. Helen did her best to behave with her usual composure, although she had to admit that the sight of him had awoken a lot of feelings she could have done without.
‘I’m sorry to bother you, Lewis, but I would welcome your opinion on a patient,’ she explained formally. ‘Perhaps you’d be kind enough to pop along to my room after you’ve finished?’
‘Of course,’ he replied equally politely.
‘Thank you.’
Helen quickly withdrew, feeling her heart racing as she went back to her room. There was no denying the effect Lewis had on her. Despite her resolve to forget about what had happened last night, it wasn’t going to be easy not to think about it. All she could do was hope that she would be able to put it down to experience in time.
Fortunately, there wasn’t time to worry about it. Tanya was upset and the baby was screaming harder than ever when she went back to her room. When Lewis arrived a few minutes later, Helen could hardly make herself heard above the din.
In His Loving Care Page 11