by Linda Seed
The beat of silence that followed told her the answer, and that caused a growing sense of unease in Cassie’s belly.
“Lisa …”
“I’ll tell him, darling. I just haven’t yet because there was no sense in it if you weren’t interested in the first place. So, are you?”
Wasn’t this everything she’d been wanting? Hadn’t she daydreamed about just such a windfall, just such a serendipitous development that would make her dreams come true?
“Of course I’m interested.”
“Wonderful, Cassie.” Lisa’s voice brimmed with enthusiasm. “Let’s set up a meeting, shall we? We’ll need to discuss the details.”
Brian was excited about his date with Cassie. Part of the excitement was the promise of getting away from his mother and Lorenzo, and part of it was the hope of possible sex.
Most of it, though, was about the pure pleasure of being with Cassie.
Brian hadn’t dated as much as most people seemed to think, despite the fact that, at the height of his YouTube fame, he’d had plenty of interest from female viewers.
The truth was, despite his on-screen persona, he was an introvert who liked to have a few serious relationships—like the friendship he shared with Ike—instead of numerous superficial ones. That meant that he usually found dating to be uncomfortable at best and painful at worst until he really got to know the woman.
This thing with Cassie had been different. He’d felt like he knew her from the beginning, which allowed him to bypass the awkwardness and discomfort and go straight to the part where he was just happy to be with her.
He showed up at her trailer at six p.m. feeling nearly giddy with anticipation, though he made a valiant attempt to suppress the giddiness on the grounds that it was unmanly.
They’d both dressed up for their last date, but this one was more casual—a walk on the beach in Cayucos followed by fish and chips at Duckie’s—so he’d opted for jeans, sneakers, and a long-sleeved rugby shirt to protect him from the evening chill. She opened the door dressed in jeans artfully ripped at the knees and a loose, V-neck sweater over a tank top that gave him a peek of her cleavage. Her blond hair was loose over her shoulders, making him want to bury his face in it.
“Hi.” She grinned at him, and the flirtation in the grin made him feel a little weak-kneed.
“You ready?” He shoved his hands in his pockets because he didn’t know what else to do with them.
“Almost. I just have to do one thing first.”
“What’s that?”
She came down the steps, put her hands on his shoulders, and kissed him. Whatever thoughts he’d had in his brain promptly fled at the feel of her lips on his.
“Now I’m ready,” she said.
They drove south to Cayucos under a bright and clear sky, the sun just beginning to edge toward the horizon. A light breeze created a hint of chop on the ocean.
They ate fish and chips and drank mugs of beer at Duckie’s, a funky, surf-themed place just steps from the pier. Then Cassie held Brian’s hand as they walked on the beach, the surf lapping onto the sand near their feet.
During dinner, she’d waited for an opening to tell him about her conversation with his mother. The opening had come when he’d asked her how her plans for the bakery were progressing, but she’d let the opportunity pass.
She was nervous about it. She wanted Lisa’s help—wanted it so much she could barely think of anything else—but what if he had an issue with it? She knew he had a shaky relationship with his mother. What if he objected so strongly that it threatened to disrupt this new and fragile thing they had together?
One thing was certain: She couldn’t simply fail to tell him. Secrets got bigger and more dangerous the longer you kept them, and this one had to come out before it became obvious that she was intentionally keeping him in the dark.
“Hey. Brian?” They were walking hand in hand, going around a pair of kids building a sandcastle.
“Mmm?”
He seemed happy. She didn’t want to step on his happiness, and yet it had to be done. She supposed there was always the chance he’d be supportive of the idea.
Cassie stopped walking and turned to face him, her hand still in his, the breeze ruffling her hair.
“Did your mom tell you about our phone call?” She kept her tone light, as though she was certain he already knew and that it wasn’t an issue at all.
His eyebrows drew together. “What phone call?”
“Oh, I thought for sure …”
“Cassie? What phone call?”
Okay, the casual act wasn’t working. She sat down on a log of driftwood and motioned for him to join her.
“Your mom offered to put up the capital for me to open my bakery. She wants to have a meeting, with lawyers and everything. She said she was impressed with my skills and she thinks it would be a good investment.”
Her heart pounded as she waited to see how he would respond.
At first, he didn’t say anything. He looked out at the ocean, then rubbed his eyes with his hand, pushing his glasses out of the way. Then he straightened the glasses and looked at her.
“She did what?”
“Brian …”
“When did this happen? When did you talk to her?”
“Today. This afternoon.”
She’d held out hope that maybe he would even like the idea—maybe he’d be excited for her. Clearly, that wasn’t how it was going to go.
“You didn’t say anything. At dinner, I asked you how your plans were coming, and you didn’t say anything.”
“Well, I’m telling you now.”
He pulled his hand away from hers, and that wasn’t a good sign. No, that didn’t bode well at all.
“Well … wow.” Brian rested his forearms on his knees and didn’t look at her.
“I thought … I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. It all seemed so out of reach, you know? Finding a commercial kitchen space, coming up with the money I would need to do that … and now, it’s going to be possible. My dream is going to be possible.”
What she really meant was, Please let me have this. Please don’t take this away from me.
“She’s manipulating you. Or me,” he said. “She’s manipulating someone, though I’m not really sure how yet. When she starts pulling the puppet strings—”
“That’s not fair.” But, was it? Brian certainly knew Lisa better than Cassie did. Maybe he saw something that Cassie didn’t. Still, it didn’t seem right for him to immediately jump to the judgment that Lisa was using her and Cassie was naïve enough to allow it.
Brian stood up, walked a few feet away, and turned back to Cassie. “What did she say? What did she say exactly?”
Cassie stood up, too, to avoid a severe height disadvantage. “I told you what she said. She wants to invest in my business.”
“In exchange for what?”
Cassie blinked a few times, gathering herself. “In exchange for a percentage of the profits. That’s how investments work.”
“But … she doesn’t need that.” He shook his head. “She’s loaded. She doesn’t need …” Brian pressed his mouth into a tight line and jammed his hands onto his hips. “Oh, God. I know what this is. I know what this is. She’s going to wait until it’s almost a done deal, wait until you’ve picked out the place and are all excited about it, then she’s going to …”
“What?”
“She’s going to tell you to break up with me or she’s pulling the money.”
Brian knew what he was saying was true. He knew it as well as he knew the shape of his own hands or the taste of his own tongue. And yet it wasn’t until the words were out of his mouth that it occurred to him that his take on things might hurt Cassie’s feelings.
“But … why would she want that?” Cassie asked, the injury already in her eyes and on her face. “Has she said something? Did she tell you she doesn’t like me?”
“No.” Now he could either pull back what he’d said or double down on it. He chose
to double down. “She doesn’t work that way. She doesn’t tell you things straight out. At least, not at first.”
“So, what does she do, then?”
“She …” He hesitated, thinking about it. “She hatches a plan, like Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz, but with money.”
“But I’m asking you why.” Cassie’s voice lowered, and the open, happy expression on her face had changed to one of guardedness. “Why would she want you to break up with me? What does she think is wrong with me? Why wouldn’t I be good enough for you?”
That was when he knew for sure that he’d stepped in it.
“Cassie …”
“I’m asking. I really want to know.”
Shit. What could he say now that wouldn’t make this situation worse? What could he tell her that wouldn’t make her stomp down the beach away from him?
He tried to form his words carefully. “She might think … It’s possible she wants to see me with someone more …”
“What are you trying to say, Brian? For God’s sake, spit it out.”
“Okay. Fine. She wants me with someone high-powered who’s going to drag me kicking and screaming into what she thinks is a respectable career. And aspiring bakery owner doesn’t qualify.”
Cassie tried to process what Brian had just said to her: his mother didn’t think she was good enough for him. But his mother had never said that. Which meant Brian was the one assuming she wasn’t good enough for him.
Part of her brain acknowledged that Brian’s criticism was of his mother, not of Cassie. After all, his assessment was that his own career wasn’t good enough, either. But another part of her—something primal—told her he wouldn’t have come to that conclusion if he hadn’t believed it himself.
“Why don’t we just walk back?” Cassie avoided eye contact with him, focusing instead on brushing sand off her jeans.
“You’re mad. You’re mad, aren’t you? Listen, I get it. She’s impossible. She’s—”
“Right now, she’s not the one I have an issue with.” Cassie said it deliberately, carefully, meeting his eyes with her own. If she didn’t stand up for herself now and this became a relationship, then it could stretch out into months, years, potentially a lifetime of not standing up for herself. She didn’t want to set that kind of precedent.
“What do you mean?”
She started walking away from him toward the pier.
“Cassie? What do you mean?” he called after her.
She spun around to face him. “What I mean is, she never said I wasn’t good enough for you. She didn’t say it to me, and she didn’t say it to you. Only one person said that. You. Just now.”
“I didn’t mean …” He rubbed his face with his hands. “Cassie, wait. That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s certainly how it sounded.” She’d said what she needed to say. Now, she turned and walked back toward the car without stopping.
They didn’t say much on the way home. They’d intended to have a longer evening—drinks at Ted’s, maybe, or a movie at his place or hers—but from the tension in the car, it was clear that wasn’t going to happen.
They’d just passed the town of Harmony on their way back to Cambria when Brian finally said something.
“I don’t think you aren’t good enough. Wait. With the double negative, that’s confusing. I do think you’re good enough, Cassie. In fact …”
“In fact, what?”
“In fact, I think you’re a little out of my league. I think I’m playing above my division here. Or at least, I was until I stuck my foot in my mouth and ruined everything. It’s just … my mother makes me crazy. I know she’s going to try to ruin things between us somehow, and I just … I don’t want that to happen.”
She’d been trying to keep her eyes forward, but now she sneaked a look at him. “You think I’m out of your league?”
“God, yes. Just look at you.”
A smile tugged at Cassie’s lips, but she suppressed it. Yes, it was nice to know he was attracted to her, but that wasn’t good enough. If all she had was her looks, then what was the point?
“That’s all?” she said. “You like how I look. That’s it?”
“No. Of course not.” Brian’s knuckles went white for a beat as he squeezed the steering wheel. “You being out of my league has to do with the whole package. Your looks, yes, but also your talent, your personality, the way you just have your shit together. It’s everything.”
“You think I have my shit together?” The idea was surprising, especially because Cassie’s sisters always seemed to believe otherwise.
“Yes. I do. Well … despite the fact that you were stealing the use of my kitchen and wearing only a towel when I met you.”
Now she did grin—she couldn’t seem to help it. “Despite that.”
“Actually, I think the towel thing has to go in the plus column rather than the minus. Because obviously.” He shot her a quick grin that was sexy as hell.
Was this how it was going to be? Was it always going to be impossible to stay mad at him? Because that might make things difficult for her in any number of ways.
“You’ve really got the charm-your-way-out-of-trouble thing down,” she said.
“Well, in fairness, I’ve been working on it for a number of years.”
“Park here. Right here.” Cassie indicated a spot at the curb several houses down from her parents’ place.
“But—”
“Just do it.” He did. They got out into the dark night, and Cassie used the flashlight app on her phone to light their way as they walked toward the Jordan house.
“What are we—”
“Shhh!” She quieted him and motioned for him to follow her.
They walked to the Jordan house quietly, by the light of Cassie’s phone, and sneaked around the side of the house and into the backyard, their feet swishing through the overgrown grass.
“Cassie, do we really have to—”
She turned to him and hissed, “Do you want to come into my trailer, or do you want my father to roust you off the property again?”
There seemed to be only one correct answer to that question. “I want to come in.”
“Then follow me and don’t make any noise!”
They got to the trailer without triggering the dreaded back porch light at the Jordan house—which would have been a sure signal that they’d been caught.
Cassie unlocked the trailer, went inside, and soundlessly waved him in.
“Do you always have to do this when you bring a guy home?” he asked as she went through the tiny space turning on lights.
“I’ve never brought a guy here before.”
“Really.” This came as a surprise, though he wasn’t sure what he’d thought. Of course he hadn’t expected to learn that Cassie brought home a new guy every weekend—she didn’t seem the type. But it had never occurred to him that he might be the first man in her trailer—a phrase that sounded to him like some kind of off-color metaphor.
“Yes, really. It’s not that I haven’t dated, it’s just … well. The sneaking is awkward and makes me feel like I’m fifteen, and that’s not usually the image I want to project to the men in my life.”
“And I imagine you can usually go to their place without having to deal with their mothers. Or their mother’s pretentious boyfriend.”
“Yes, that. It’s weird. I mean, here I am, a full-fledged adult, and I still have to sneak around so my parents won’t know I plan to have sex with my boyfriend.”
More than one element of that sentence struck him right in the central nervous system, making parts of him tingle and other parts of him come to attention. “So … you think of me as your boyfriend? And you’re planning to have sex with me?”
“Oh.” Her voice softened. She was standing very close to him. “The boyfriend thing … I didn’t mean … What I’m trying to say is, yes, I do think of you that way, but if you’re not there, it’s not a big deal, we can—”
“Stop ba
cktracking. I liked it.”
“Oh.” She inched closer.
“And the sex thing?”
She tipped her face up to him. “Why don’t you kiss me, and we’ll see what happens?”
He did. He touched his lips to hers tentatively at first, then deepened the kiss, thrilling at the taste and feel of her.
“So … I noticed you’ve got a full-sized bed in this thing,” he murmured. Her hands were on his back, and he gently rubbed her cheek with his thumb.
“I do. You want to try it out?”
Chapter 21
The thing about Brian was, if you watched him on YouTube goofing around with his friend, you’d imagine that he couldn’t find a clitoris with a flashlight and a diagram.
In real life, though, he had no trouble finding it—and he knew what to do with it once he did.
Being skilled was one thing. Cassie was delighted to find that he was also sensitive, caring, and generous as a sexual partner. He took direction when she gave it, he put her pleasure before his own, and he checked with her throughout to make sure she was still okay with whatever it was he was doing.
Which pretty much meant that, as far as men were concerned, he was as rare as a magical unicorn that shot gold dust out its ass.
“I mean, you wouldn’t think it, right?” Cassie asked Lacy on the phone the next morning. Brian hadn’t spent the night, as he’d wanted to get off the Jordan property before Lacy’s dad knew he was there. “You’d think he’d be this … I don’t know. This frat boy or something. Eager, but no nuance. But, oh my God. There was nuance. So much nuance.”
“Is nuance a code word for orgasms?” Lacy wanted to know.
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
“That’s so great.” In the background, Cassie heard Trevor fussing and one of the older kids—it sounded like Caleb—asking when she was going to make his breakfast. Lacy shooed him away, telling him she’d be right there. “Daniel and I used to have … nuance … every day. You know, before the k-i-d-s.” She spelled the word out so her son wouldn’t be offended. “Now, we’re lucky if it’s once a week.”