I raised my legs above his thighs and wrapped them around him. My arms around his neck, I held him tight.
“Did I make you mad the other night?” I asked.
“Nope,” he responded quickly.
“Well, wait. You don’t even know when I am taking about. This was the night…”
“It doesn’t matter,” he interrupted.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because I have never been mad at you,” he responded.
“Okay, well, did I disappoint…”
“Nope, same answer, you’ve never disappointed me,” he said sharply.
“Never, not once?” I asked, excitedly.
“Not one time Baby Girl,” he responded.
I felt warm inside. I hugged him and held him tight. I had so much to say. So much to tell him. I held him in my arms. He held me, his hands sliding up and down my back slowly, pulling me closer to him.
Love that is developed…
Chapter 20
ERIK. As I pulled my bike in and parked it beside Teddy’s, I looked at the patio. He was sitting where we were seated the last time we were here. He turned and watched me as I shut it off and pulled the key from the ignition. As I began to walk toward the patio, he stood up and walked to the patio entrance.
As soon as I got to the entrance, he shook my hand and embraced me in a hug.
“How’s it going, brother?” I asked.
“It’s all good,” he responded.
I walked to the table where he was sitting and sat down in the same seat I sat in the last time. That was one thing I never quite understood or complained about either. With bikers, when we frequented places, wherever it was that you sat in an establishment, it was always your seat. If we went into an establishment for the first time, and I sat in the third seat from the left at the second table from the end, that seat would become my seat. The next time we went there, if someone tried to sit there, one of the fella’s would say, “Hey, that’s Doc’s seat”. Strange, but comforting in the same respect.
“I ordered you water and I got a beer. I just got here myself,” Teddy said.
“I heard your exhaust crackling as soon as I shut my bike off, I knew you hadn’t been here long,” I said as I motioned to his bike.
“Ride it like you stole it, you know how I do it, Doc,” he said, smiling.
I shook my head.
“So, how’s Heather?” I asked.
“She’s god damn good, Doc,” Teddy responded, nodding his head.
“Good, you guys actually get along?” I asked.
“Oh hell, Doc, all we been doin’ is fucking for the last few weeks. She fucks me silly. Gets those big titties out, gets on top of me, and she just rides my meat like she’s getting paid,” he said, laughing.
“Do you guys get along?” I asked.
“Shit, I just told ya,” he said, scowling at me like I was an idiot.
“What’s her last name?” I asked.
He raised his eyebrows.
“Middle name?”
He raised his eyebrows again, and shook his head.
“Birthday?”
“Fuck Doc, we been fuckin’, not filling out applications for employment. I ain’t got no goddamned idea what her fuckin’ name is - beyond Heather. Wouldn’t know that had you not told me. I don’t know where she lives, when her birthday is, or nothing. I know this, she’s six foot fucking two, and her titties are 34 J’s. I looked at her bra,” he laughed.
“Jesus, J’s?” I asked.
“Yep, J’s,” Teddy responded, smiling as he nodded his head in an exaggerated fashion.
“Biggest fuckers I ever seen. They’re crazy big. And, she ain’t got no kids, so they’re still good and high. Well, as high as a ten pound titty can be.”
“Well, that’s good, I suppose,” I said, laughing.
“How’s Baby Girl,” Teddy asked.
“She’s good. She’s a damn good girl. She may be around for a bit,” I said, waiting to see how Teddy would respond.
“Well, if she makes you happy, Doc, it makes me happy.”
“Hey, you hear about A-Train?” Teddy asked.
“Well, I heard there was some mess with him and his wife, but that’s it,” I answered.
“Listen to this. Lemme see. Okay, Train’s wife was hanging out with that friend of his, Steve. They’re going to lunch, getting a coffee, and shit like that. So, people start telling Train, Hey, Steve’s fuckin’ your girl. Train tells ‘em all, Nope. I don’t believe it. This was maybe a month ago, from the way I heard it,” Teddy said, stopping as the waitress walked out.
The waitress delivered our drinks, and left two menus at the table.
“Where’s Heather?” I asked.
“Working inside. She ain’t got the patio today. Okay, so this goes on for a bit, people telling Train that his girl’s being laid by his buddy Steve. He tells ‘em bullshit. So, I guess a week ago, maybe two, Train pulls her aside one night. They’re at home. He asks her, you fucking Steve? She tells him no. He says he can tell by looking at her she’s telling a damn lie. He asks her again, she starts bawling. Admits to fucking Steve for a few months.” Teddy stopped and took a gulp from his beer.
“So, he tells her, okay, it ain’t that big of a deal. He says they can get through this. Work it out. Tells her to agree to stop fucking Steve. She agrees and begs Train to not beat Steve’s ass. Train agrees. Now I am telling you, I’d a beat the brakes off that motherfucker if he had fucked my girl. But, you know A-Train; he’s all about giving a guy a chance. Guy. Girl. Hell, anybody. Heaven help a motherfucker crosses him twice, though.” He took another gulp from his beer, swallowed, and took a breath.
“Let me get this straight - he caught her fucking Steve - or she admitted to it, and he said they could work it out?” I asked, shaking my head in disbelief.
“Yeah, wait. There’s a bunch more. So…a few weeks or maybe a week or whatever passes, and she don’t come home from work. Sends Train a text. Says she’s working late – which she does often. But it’s a Friday, so Train wonders. He says he gets to wondering why work Friday night and not Saturday or Sunday morning. You know how he’s always thinking, he’s slick…”
I interrupted, “Hold on, did you hear this from A-Train, or from someone else?”
“The Train himself told me,” he responded, lifting his beer mug to his mouth with both hands.
“Okay, sorry Crash, go ahead.”
“Ok, let’s see…anyway, he’s uhm…he’s got a text from her. Says she’s working late. He wonders, because it’s Friday; why ain’t she coming home and going in to the office in the morning. He waits till about eight o’clock, and he calls her. She answers. He says she says some shit like, hey baby. Now, he said as soon as he heard that, he knew what was up. She never answers the phone like that. You know The Train; he’s all into patterns of behavior and shit. Anyway, he said he asks her a question. He says, so, what are you doing? She says driving, and she sits there, music playing in the background,” Teddy paused for effect, raised one eyebrow, took a slow drink, and put his mug on the table.
“Now, here’s where it gets good. Train says, Okay, here’s the deal, that’s ‘The Weeks’ on the radio. Ain’t no station in town that plays ‘The Weeks’, and you ain’t got ‘The Weeks’ CD. So, you’re either with Steve, because he’s got the CD, or he’s in your car, and you’re listening to his CD. ” He placed his forearms flat onto the table, leaned forward, and looked me in the eyes as he raised both eyebrows.
“Well, what fucking happened, Teddy?” I asked.
“She starts screaming. Oh my fucking God, he knows we’re together, and goes apeshit. She tells The Train, Oh, I’m so sorry, and then starts screaming at Steve that she’s sorry, and back at The Train, and The Train says, Do not come home, and she starts screaming, Oh my God, he’s gonna kill us. The Train hangs up. Said she called back a few times, and he didn’t answer.” Teddy stood up, wiped his forehead, and looked into the parking lot.
I was afraid of what was next. People get into relationships with another man’s wife and don’t always consider the repercussions associated with doing so. To them it was about sex and fun. The woman wanted a relationship. The man lied and told her what she wanted to hear. Sooner or later, people always get hurt. The maintenance of love. If people put the energy into the relationship that they were already in, most could be saved. Teddy turned and walked back to the table slowly.
“So, Train loads his fucking assault rifle, drives to Steve’s fucking house, and stakes it out. He’s in full fucking gear, flipped the fuck out. Going around the house, setting trip wires and shit. Her car is in the driveway. Sends a message to Steve. Says, ‘If you call the cops, I will at least kill the first two on the scene, we both know that. And you will have the blood of those cops on your hands, ‘cause he knows Steve’s a tree hugging Buddhist. Sends both of ‘em a text message. Says, ‘if I see your head pop up in a window, I’m gonna kill ya’. And he goes back to the street, gets in his truck and sits and waits - with night vision goggles on.” Teddy pushed his palms down on the table, and straightened his arms, pressing his massive chest outward.
“Well, what happened? Jesus, Teddy.”
“He sat there three fucking days. From Friday night till Monday night. Nobody came out, nobody moved. Doubt if anybody slept. The Train says he sure didn’t. Said the adrenaline and such, plus no sleep and no shower had him smelling like a wet monkey. Said he smoked six packs of cigarettes. Took six packs. Said when he smoked the last one, he started the truck, and sent a text, and said, ‘It’s over. I don’t care what you do, I’m done.’ Teddy stopped and exhausted the breath from his lungs in an exaggerated fashion.
“Well, what’s happened since?” I asked, wondering what became of Steve, A-Train’s wife, and A-Train himself.
“Well, you know The Train. Strange fucker right there. He just lets go. He says, fine, fuck it. No big deal. He files divorce paperwork the next day. Say, Tuesday. And then calls Steve, and says he wants to meet. Steve says fuck no, calling the Train crazy. And Train says, dude, you fucked my wife, you owe me this. Steve is scared it’s a trap, and don’t wanna meet. Train convinces him it ain’t a trap, tells him he will meet in a pair of shorts, and flip-flops, with no shirt – to prove he ain’t packing. Crazy bastard. And he said Steve agreed. So, he meets him at that coffee shop up the street here. Rides his fucking chopper. In God damned shorts, no shirt, and fucking flip-flops. He gets off, stands out front, and waits for Steve. Steve pulls up, walks up to Train, and asks what he wants. Train shakes his hand. Tells him, sorry for the grief I put you through at the house, it was uncalled for. And then tells him good luck….and he gets on his bike and leaves. In flip-flops and fucking shorts.” Teddy slapped the table with his hands as he finished the sentence.
“So, is that it?” I asked.
“Well, ain’t that enough?” Teddy responded, raising his eyebrows and grabbing the handle on his beer mug.
“Yeah, just wasn’t sure if you were done. Damn. Yeah, A-Train’s a piece of work, that’s for sure.
“Well, that’s all I got. That’s all that’s happened. That and fucking Heather,” Teddy said.
“Well, you know, it’s a damn shame about Train. Kelli and I were talking about this just the other day. People don’t ever put into a relationship what they need to maintain it. A-Train’s wife could have been happy with him forever; he’s a damn good dude. But she decided to stray and get some cock somewhere else. Probably thought it would never amount to anything but getting some stray cock. And, once they start screwing around, they never stop. And it never ends well, no matter what.” I shook my head and took a drink of water.
“So what are you and Kelli gonna do? I mean, you two gonna be in it for the long haul?” Teddy asked as he looked into his empty beer mug as if it really wasn’t empty.
“Well, I don’t know for sure. She is so much different, to me, than anyone I have ever been around. I don’t know how much of it is her, how much is me, and how much is just because of the timing or whatever. I guess it doesn’t really matter. She does for me what I always have thought a girl never could. She makes me want her. She makes me want to be with no one else, ever. She actually makes me stop even thinking about other women.” I realized as I spoke about her how much she meant to me.
“Yeah but you’re a fucking weirdo about that house. Your mom’s house. You don’t really let people in it, do you? You still like that, Doc?” Teddy asked.
“Well, I haven’t, no. You know, I grew up in that house. Then, off to college for what, twelve years? And then came home, and mom was killed. She and I are the only two that have ever lived there. It’s tough to think about someone else in that house,” I responded, feeling almost offended that he had asked.
“Doc, maybe it’s time you let go. You know we all have talked about it. Your mom and all. You always been a tough fucker. In school, now. Hell, you grew up as a kid and was the man of the house. Damn, I always admired you for that. Never really knew you real well till after high school but knew of you. But, after your mom passed, you just let go of making any kind of progress in life. You just stopped.” Teddy stood as he finished talking and began to pace back and forth.
“Keep talking, if you have something to say,” I said, realizing he was uneasy.
“Well, you don’t let people in that house. You run around fucking girls and not ever getting close to them. When they like ya, you ditch ‘em. Hell you tie ‘em up, slap ‘em, beat ‘em, and all that crazy shit you’re in to. And they agree. You really think they are agreeing to do all of that because they just like it? Hell no, they ain’t. They’re agreeing to it because they wanna make you like ‘em, Doc. Fuck, I ain’t even a shrink, and I know that. You know it too, you just tell yourself otherwise. You’re a fucking doctor, for Christ’s sake. And you’re a doctor for the brain and all that shit. Knowing how a person’s mind works. If anyone knows what people are thinking or ought to be thinking, it should be you. We all just want you back, Doc. We want you happy.” Teddy stopped pacing as he finished speaking and looked me in the eyes.
I stood, put my hands in my pockets, and thought. Kelli was, to me, different. I actually not only enjoyed my time with her, but looked forward to it. She was a person that I felt I could spend time with and never reach a point where I didn’t want her around. Having her live in the house with me was a totally separate issue.
“Brother, I am making progress. I think this girl is a good thing for me. Let’s see what happens with her. These things, these changes…they take time,” I said, actually believing what I told him.
“Well, let’s do this. Let’s take the girls on our poker run. Heather and Baby Girl. Let’s take ‘em with us,” Teddy said as he stopped pacing and looked me in the eyes again.
“Are you fucking serious?” I asked, offended that he even suggested it.
“Yeah, dead serious. If you’re serious about her, bring her around the fellas. Introduce her to the club. I’m taking Heather anyway, we already discussed it. If you won’t bring her and show her off to the fellas, you ain’t serious. So, you gonna bring her?” he asked, both eyebrows raised, his hands raised in the air.
“You’re taking Heather?”
“Yup.”
“On the poker run?”
“Yup.”
I pulled my hands from my pockets, and picked up my glass of water. Holding it, I stood and thought. Bringing a girl around the bike club was a huge step. An introduction of her to the fellas was an acceptance of sorts. Acceptance of the girl by her male counterpart, and acceptance, immediately, by the club. Bringing random women around the club - the entire club, was not something that was done, allowed, or accepted. I stood and thought about Kelli and the discussion we had at the coffee shop about love.
“The answer ain’t in that water cup, Doc,” Teddy said, chuckling.
“Fuck it. Fine, I’ll talk to her,” I responded.
“Bring her, god damn it,” Teddy
said.
“I’ll talk to her about it,” I responded, taking a drink.
“Tell her, don’t ask her.”
“Alright.”
“So, you bringing her?”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“Shake on it. Shake on it, Doc.”
I walked around the table and met Teddy halfway around the corner, arm extended. As we shook hands, he pulled me into him and gave me a hug, patting me on the back.
“Love ya, brother,” he said as he hugged me.
“Thanks brother, for everything,” I responded.
Chapter 21
ERIK. I finished my workout and sat at the end of the weight bench. I stood and walked into the living room of the house. This house, for the last thirty-five years, remained unchanged. I thought of my discussion with Kelli about Freud and Jung. Psychosexual development. I stood, looking around the house, and thought.
As a boy, I struggled for acceptance from my mother, and in the absence of a father, became my own father. I accepted myself as being able, always being considerate and sensitive of my mother and her needs.
I communicated my feelings to my mother, and although she accepted my feelings, she never accepted me as that fatherly figure. She loved my father and never accepted his untimely death. She never remarried or dated. She was unable to accept me as that fatherly figure and unable to accept me as a child, as her child. Never accepted as her child or as the fatherly figure I tried so hard to develop.
I struggled for possession of my mother, and she struggled for acceptance of me becoming the fatherly figure. And neither came. We are a product of our exposure in life. Our parents are the largest part of life that we become exposed to as children. Their involvement or lack of involvement, in our upbringing, altered who we became. Who we were for the rest of our lives.
I stood at the door of her room. Looking in at the room, it appeared the way it had for my entire childhood. The bed was still made with her favorite comforter. The photograph of my father remained on the dresser.
FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME Page 93