by Aubrey Irons
I lean against it, squeezing my eyes shut and willing the tears not to fall as I sink to the floor. I suck in a breath of air, running my hands through my hair and trying to exhale the tension of this day and this situation.
I’m being given to some man as if I’m something to be traded — something to be owned. I’m twenty-one and this is what my life is boiling down to — decisions being made for me. My life being chosen for me.
What I can and can’t do being decided for me.
And I’m done giving up control.
I’m done letting those choices and decisions pass me by as if what I want doesn’t matter.
And suddenly, I know exactly what I want. Suddenly, I know exactly how to get the power of my own choice back.
Slowly, breathing quickly and feeling my heartbeat race, I peel my clothes off and start the shower.
I take my time.
I shave my legs, and wash my hair, and wrap myself in a fluffy white towel as I stand in the steam of the bathroom.
I don’t actually own any “sexy” underwear, so I slip on a pair of black cotton ones. I put on a dress, and a little makeup.
Finally, I take a deep breath and glance at myself in the mirror, and I smile.
It’s time to stop hiding behind the unknown. I’m done hiding behind the beliefs of my parents.
I’m done being innocent.
I open the bedroom window and start to step out onto the back porch roof like he did a few days before.
Because it’s time for what I want. And right now?
Right now, I want Rowan Hammond to fuck the innocent right out of me.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Rowan
The top of the beer hisses off with a twist, and I toss the cap with a clatter across my kitchen counter.
Jesus.
I almost slept with Eva. Normally, that’d be a good thing, well, except for the almost part. But it’s not with her, and I know damn well why.
I know damn well why, even if it freaks me out. Even if it throws my whole head for a loop.
It freaks me out because she’s not just some other girl. It scares me because the things I feel around her are feelings I’ve actively avoided for, well, my entire adult life.
It twists me up because somehow, despite her being the single last girl I can imagine me feeling like this for — with her prim and proper values, with her inexperience, with her Bible and her cross around her neck.
Somehow, I think I actually like her.
I think I fucking really like her.
I think being around her makes me feel fucking alive — makes me feel stronger, and better, and like I can be the best version of myself with her. And that’s what’s got me freaked out about saying no to her basically offering herself to me.
Because somehow, I think I’m fucking falling for church-girl, and along with that comes the bitter acceptance that if we’re being totally honest, a guy like me does not deserve her.
I take a swig of the beer and shake my head.
Yeah, somehow, teasing and messing with Eva just to get under her skin got her under mine.
And I have no idea how to get her out now.
There’s a knock on the door that drags me out of my thoughts, and scowl as I turn to it. “Fuck off.”
I slump back on the couch, but the knocking comes again. “Fuck off, please?”
The pounding just continues until I stand with a growl and storm for the door and swing it wide.
“Look, leave me the fuck-”
It’s Eva.
Eva with her eyes on fire as she levels them at me.
“What are you-”
She shoves me inside with a finger jabbed at my chest, her face snarling.
“You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do, got it?!”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Oh no?”
“No,” she spits.
“Great, well, noted. You should probably leave.”
“Why.”
God she looks good — something about the fire raging across her face and through her bright blue eyes has her looking just fucking gorgeous.
I shake my head. “Because you shouldn’t be here,” I say through clenched teeth, my eyes doing their damnedest not to trail over that body. I can feel myself slipping. I can feel the willpower leaving me already with her standing in my apartment like this, looking like that, with the fire in her eyes.
“Because school isn’t in session, sweetheart, that’s why.” I shake my head. “You can’t just-”
“I will DO what I want!”
She kicks the door shut behind her as she advances on me, her face red, her hair wild, her bright blue eyes shining like stars as she crosses the distance between us.
“I am twenty-one years old, Rowan, and I am done being told what I can and can’t do with my life, okay?! If I want to show up here at whatever time it is, I will!”
“Clearly.”
She ignores me. “If I want to swear, I will!”
I frown. “Um, okay-”
“Fuck! Shit! Asshole!”
I grin.
“And if I want to drink, I will!”
She grabs my beer and knocks it back. She sputters, choking on the huge sip, but she shakes me off, pushing me back when I go to help her.
“Stop it.” She wipes her mouth on the back of her arm. “If I want to do drugs, I-” She whirls around, her eyes wild. “Do you have any drugs?”
“Fresh out of heroin.”
Her eyes snap up to mine, holding my gaze.
Hungrily.
Her tongue darts out, wetting her lips.
“And if I want to kiss you,” she takes a breath, both of us eye to eye, inches apart, staring at the other, “then I will.”
Her lips are on mine before I can stop her, her moans drowning in my mouth as my arms go around her instinctively, drawing her close and relishing the feel of her under my fingers.
Slowly, I pull away, my jaw tight. “You shouldn’t be here, Eva. You don’t want this with me.”
“The hell I don’t,” she husks against my lips. “I can make my own decisions, Rowan. And I can do whatever I want to do.”
“Yes, you can, but-”
“And what I want is you,” she says quietly.
The fire roars inside of me.
“Careful,” I say, the warning edge in my voice the last of my resistance.
“I am.”
“You don’t know what you’re doing, Eva.”
She pulls me close, her lips pressing tenderly to mine. It’s not erotic, it’s not this passionate make-out kiss, it’s just that.
A simple kiss.
Her lips on mine, and all the tenderness, all the fragility inside of her rests right there on her lips.
And fuck if it isn’t the hottest kiss I’ve ever had.
“Then show me.”
She whispers it, and it’s like the fucking damn breaks down. And this time, there’s no tenderness, no softness to the kiss. This time, I take her lips. This time, I growl as I scoop her against me, my fingers threading in her hair and making her gasp with the fierceness of the way I kiss her hard enough to bruise. I kiss her like it’s my penance, it’s the absolution for the sin we’re about to commit.
This sweet, sweet sin, with her.
She gasps as I pull at her dress, her arms reaching up as I tug it from her shoulders and off her hair. She’s grappling at my t-shirt, shoving it up my abs and my chest, her fingers tracing the muscles and the ink there as her mouth hungrily latches to mine.
Clothes shed, and it’s the beach all over again except this time I’m telling the part of me that’s worried about hurting her to shut the fuck up.
This time, I’m not saying no to her.
…Like I could ever say no to this angel.
She gasps as I scoop her up, my hands grabbing her ass as her legs wrap around my torso. I carry her, kissing her the whole damn way across my apartment, stumbling once on my coffee table and making
us both laugh before she gasps again as I toss her down on the bed.
I crawl over her — stalking her, like she’s my prey.
There’s that apprehension in her face again, the move to cover her near nakedness, but I shake my head. I reach for her panties, and she shivers as I peel them slowly down over her hips and down her legs.
There’s no hiding behind a garage, and no shadowed darkness of her bedroom this time.
She’s just there for me — naked perfection, and the most goddamn gorgeous thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.
I’m rock hard as I crawl back up her body. She makes another move to cover her nakedness, but I pull her arms away, my eyes boldly moving over her, drinking her in.
“Stop it,” I whisper, leaning in to brush my lips across hers.
“Why are you looking at me like that?’
“Because you’re fucking perfect, that’s why.”
I kiss her, melting against her, drinking in her moans as I crush my body to hers. Her hands pull at my jeans, yanking them open, and I stand just enough to pull them off.
Her eyes go wide, her pink tongue darting out to run across her lips.
“Holy-”
“We can stop.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “Don’t you dare stop.”
I crawl between her legs, looking up at her. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I know,” she whispers.
I start to kiss up her thighs, and her eyes flutter shut. I move towards the prize, the sweet center, and she cries out when I drag my tongue through her slick folds. I groan at the sound and at the sweet taste of her. I move in, sliding my tongue deep and making her gasp. Mewling sounds fall from her lips, her hands in my hair as I stroke up and down, my tongue coaxing the moans from her mouth.
My lips move to her clit, my tongue darting across it and her whole body arching off the bed like she’s just been shocked with a live wire.
“Oh, God…”
I move faster, demanding the release from her. Demanding the pleasure from her body. I want her dripping wet for me when we do this. I want her gasping and begging for my cock before I slide it inside her.
For the first time.
I groan, my cock pulsing hard between my legs. The thought only spurs me on, my tongue moving faster, my fingers coming up to part her lips and push inside, making her hands tighten in my hair as she moans.
“Yes.”
“Oh my God, Rowan, yes.”
“Yes…”
I could listen to her the soft sounds from those lips all day.
I move faster and more deliberately, tasting her, teasing her, drawing it out of her until she suddenly cries out. Her body arches off the bed as she comes, and when she moans, it’s a whole new sound.
It’s unchained.
It’s unrestricted.
It’s just her.
And it’s all mine.
She’s gasping as I move up and reach for the bedside table. She’s panting, her eyes watching with heavy lids as I pull the condom from the drawer.
There’s no worry in her face — not anymore. Just a hunger.
A need.
Want.
Lust.
She strokes my arm as she watches me roll the condom down over my cock, a little moan coming from her lips as I stroke myself twice before moving over her.
“You’re sure about this?”
“I’m sure about this,” she whispers, her hand coming up to stroke my cheek. I lean in and kiss her, tasting her mouth and drinking in her moans before I pull away, watching the fire blaze in her face as she looks up into my eyes.
“Please fuck me.”
It’s so filthy, so wrong hearing it from her sweet mouth that I have to stop myself from plunging right in right there.
I’m going to go slow. At least at first.
Because after that, I’m going to take her like I know she needs.
“Eva, there’s no going back from this.”
“Rowan.” There’s a hint of a smile as she looks at me sternly. “For the last time, I want this.” She leans up and kisses me before dropping back onto the sheets.
Blue eyes. Blonde hair, cascading over my sheets. Perfect, flawless skin. The sloping curve of her breasts, the rosy pink caps of her nipples.
The softness of her belly, the heat between her legs.
She’s an angel.
And she’s about to be my angel.
I ease against her, and she sucks in a breath. Her teeth rake across her bottom lip as she looks down, nodding.
“Do it, please.”
I can feel the slick heat of her on the head of my cock, and we both moan as I start to push inside. Her eyes roll back, her fingers claw at my arm, her body rises to meet me.
I brace myself, ready to slide all the way in. Ready to take her.
To claim her, to mark her as mine.
Ready to take that sweet innocence.
“Show me,” she breathes into my ear.
I push inside.
Eva gasps, her hands raking my skin, her legs tightening around my waist.
“Oh, God,” she whispers, her mouth slack and her eyes wide and staring into mine.
I start to slow, but she shakes her head.
“Keep going,” she blurts out, her legs wrapping around me.
I groan, my muscles straining as I rock in, slipping inside of her, taking her, watching her face as the sweet bliss slowly melts across it.
“Oh my God,” she whispers again.
I’m only half inside, but she’s so fucking tight around me, so fucking perfect.
“You’re holding back,” she says softly.
“I know.”
“Don’t.”
Our eyes lock, and as I mash my lips to hers, I rock my hips forward and sheath the rest of my cock deep inside of her.
She screams into my lips — sweet agonizing bliss screamed into my mouth. Her legs tighten around me, her hands slide up my back to claw at my skin, and her hips rock up to meet mine.
“Yessss,” she hisses as I start to pull back. She’s panting, and I’m clenching my jaw just to hang on here before I sink back inside of her.
“It’s so good,” she husks out, her brow creased in pleasure as her hands slip up and down my back.
“We’re just getting started, angel.”
“Then please don’t stop.”
She cries out as I rock inside, filling her to the brim and taking those lips of hers again as I feel my cock sink deep inside. I start to move in and out, rolling my hips against her again and again, my hands sliding into her hair and tangling in those golden locks as she starts to move with me. She’s gasping, panting, crying out for more as the sensations start to pull us under.
And there’s something about this sweet angel of a girl moaning and begging me to fuck her deeper that has my cock harder than it’s ever been. We’re moving together like we’ve been doing this for years, rolling together, hips sliding together, mouths moving over the other, breathing each other’s breaths.
Hands memorize skin, lips memorize kisses, and bodies memorize the feeling of this first time.
I’m her first time.
And goddamn am I going to make it one she’ll never forget.
My hand slides down to her ass, grabbing her possessively as I fuck her harder. She’s panting now, her breath coming in fast, quick little puffs as her eyes lock onto mine.
“I’m- oh my God, Rowan…”
It’s like a whispered prayer.
She starts to moan faster, her cries high and whimpered and driving me right towards that edge with her.
“I’m going to-”
“I want you to come, angel,” I growl. “I want to feel it when you come for the first time with me inside of you.”
She screams into my mouth as she shatters under me, and I go crashing right over that edge along with her. It’s blinding, it’s raw, and it’s everything as we come screaming together in each other’s arms.
; Yeah, I might be going to hell for this. But right now?
Right now it couldn’t be more perfect.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Evangeline
I’m lost.
Not in a bad way, and not in a “my soul is lost” way.
Lost in the most perfect, most insanely wonderful sense of the word.
Blissfully lost. Wondering why I’ve never done this before lost. Not caring for a single second what comes next or what this means lost.
I can still feel my heart hammering in my chest, the blood pumping through my veins like hot fire.
My father, his version of scripture, and everything I’ve ever known would tell me I’ve just condemned myself to burn in hell. Everything I’ve been told and taught and lectured on tells me that I’ve just given up my soul for a taste of the sweetest temptation, that I’ve irreversibly soiled myself and spit in the eye of God.
And for the first time in my life, I have concrete proof that I can lean on that says all of that is dead wrong.
Because I don’t feel like I’ve sinned.
I don’t feel like I’m lost and spinning towards hell, and I don’t feel that any God would ever look at what I’ve just done — at the pure bliss of two people coming together and doing that — and think down on it.
In fact, I’ve never felt closer to a higher power than I did just now. When, for one moment, our bodies crashed together as one. When I lost myself in him.
His hand trails over my arm, fingers leaving goosebumps in their wake. His lips kiss at the back of my neck, sending a heated blush creeping over my face as he pulls me into him.
“So, what do you think,” he murmurs into my ear.
I shrug. “Oh, you know, I don’t see what the big deal is.”
He snorts a laugh as he tickles me, and I lose it as I dissolve into laughter and squirm against him. I giggle as I turn in his arms to face him, and I lean forward and kiss him. It’s meant to be quick, but I’m lost the second we touch, melting into him and letting my body mold to his.
He pulls away and shakes his head. “Don’t see what the big deal is huh?” he says under his breath.
I giggle, my eyes flashing mischievously at him before I kiss him again. “Oh, I definitely see what the big deal is, trust me.”