Frowning, I socked him in the arm. “No, I’m not.” Not really. Maybe.
The hours I spent with Myles seemed to drag. I hated that they did—I loved hanging out with my friends—but I had somewhere I really wanted to be, and a certain pair of jade-green eyes kept invading my thoughts, along with the words “so damn beautiful.” They replayed in my head over and over. I couldn’t even remember what movie Myles and I watched, but as soon as it was over, I faked a yawn and said good night to him.
When it was finally time to go meet Hayden, my heart started beating out an increasingly fierce rhythm that reminded me of a locomotive gaining speed. I couldn’t wait to see him. No, I meant I couldn’t wait to race him.
He was in the parking lot when I got there, waiting on his bike with his helmet under his arm. The lights in the lot made his dirty-blond hair shine, but that was nothing compared to the seductive gleam in his eyes. “Hey, Twenty-Two. Miss me?” he asked, his lips curling into a slow smile.
Yes, oddly enough…I had missed him. Not that I would ever admit that to him. “I’ve missed kicking your ass,” I teased.
His smile broke into a warm laugh that made butterflies swarm through my stomach. “Ready?” he asked, tilting his head toward the locked gate he was about to pick. I eagerly nodded. Yes, I’ve been ready for you for a while.
My oddly passionate thought made me pause. No…I wasn’t ready for him like that. I wasn’t ready for anything like that, and I never would be. Not with him. I wasn’t sure if I knew anything real about him…or if I believed half of what I did know. And that made all of this so much worse.
Hayden tilted his head as he studied me. “You okay?”
God, I needed to school my face better so people would stop asking me that question. “Yeah, let’s do this.”
Hayden’s eyes were glued to mine. The connection was so great, I couldn’t have looked away if I wanted to, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to, because with every second that our eyes remained locked, it felt like some part of my body was coming to life—my hands, my face, my chest…my heart.
Finally he broke the spell and moved over to the gate. “Come watch. I’ll show you how to do it.”
I had to raise an eyebrow at that. “Why would I ever need to know how to pick locks?” Damn it. Hadn’t I just wished I’d had the knowledge over at Myles’s place? Before Hayden could respond with some clever quip, I squatted down next to him. Might as well take the opportunity to learn a new skill.
Hayden laughed, then started talking me through everything he was doing. Once the gate was open, he showed me the trick again at the Cox garage. I wasn't sure if I could do it on my own, but I thought I understood the concept.
When the lights were on and everything was ready, I asked Hayden how many laps we were shooting for this time. “Want to go for twenty? Or maybe fifty, really make it challenging.”
Broad smile on his face, Hayden shoved his helmet on and pushed the visor up. Looking up at the lap board, he thought for a second, then said, “Let’s make it thirty.” When he returned his eyes to mine, they were brimming with playfulness. “And just for fun…how about we put a little wager on the race. If I win, you have to answer a question. Honestly.”
My insides tightened at just the thought of an intimate Q&A with him. What did he want to know? And would I be able to tell him? Opening up wasn’t my strong point, especially when it came to feelings and emotions. Acknowledging the heat between us wouldn’t help us race better, but then again, maybe I was just scared, and that didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t want to be scared of anything. Clenching my jaw, I pushed aside my concerns and asked, “What do I get if I win?”
He leaned his bike my way. “What do you want?” His eyes were burning with intensity now, and my breath caught in my throat.
God…that was the real question, wasn’t it. The answer was both extremely simple and profoundly complicated. I wanted to earn my father’s respect. I wanted to be a champion. I wanted to win. I wanted to save the family business. I wanted Hayden to…help me do it.
I felt a part of me ripping open as a simplified form of the truth leaked from my mouth. “All I want is to race.” True, yes. The complete picture…no. What the hell do I want?
Hayden stared at me a second longer, then flipped down his visor and started his bike. A rush of adrenaline filled me as I did the same. Yes, I loved this part—the anticipation of release. We rolled onto the track, then got into position. I leaned over the handlebars as Hayden held up three fingers. A bliss as sweet as climaxing filled me as I started counting backward. Yes, just a few more seconds, and then I could let go of this pent-up energy.
When my mental clock reached zero, I punched it, same as Hayden. We flew away from the starting line with a jerk of speed that had me clutching my bike to hold on. A giggle escaped me as I relaxed my brain and focused only on soaring down the track with him. I lived for this, so much more than I cared to admit. As we raced through the course, taking hard lefts, steep rights, and as we moved around each other, jockeying for position, everything between us fell away. There was no tension, no secretive past or mysterious future, no heated passion boiling under the surface, and no worry. There was nothing but the all-encompassing, all-consuming joy of the pursuit of victory. And when I crossed the finish line just a heartbeat behind him, I knew this was right. For some reason that I didn’t fully understand, Hayden was my center. I needed him to maintain my balance, and without him…I was lost.
We were both smiling wide when we exited the track. Helmet resting on his handlebar, Hayden gave me a look that was both curious and cautious. “I beat you…You owe me an answer.”
Unease instantly choked my good mood. “No, I never took that deal,” I said, taking off my helmet.
With a smirk, he shook his head. “You raced me. Acceptance was implied.” He ended his sentence with a playful wink. Damn loophole. And damn Hayden. His hair was that rumpled mess that looked so good on him, and beads of sweat dotted his neckline. And I would much rather lick them off than answer his question.
Seeing my uncertainty, Hayden shrugged and added, “If you don’t want to give me a truth, you could always do a dare.” From the way his smile turned suggestive, it was perfectly clear just what the dare would be.
Feeling desire starting to cloud my senses, I quickly spat out, “What is it that you want to know?”
He chuckled at my quick reaction, then his expression grew serious. My heart started racing in anticipation. Shit. He was going to ask me something I didn’t want to answer, I just knew it. But what? I had to get out of this; I was starting to feel a little faint.
With a soft smile on his lips, Hayden shook his head. “Hey, relax, Kenzie. You’re not about to ride your bike off a cliff…it’s just a question.”
Taking a deep breath, I forced a smile to my face. He was right. It was just information…and I didn’t really have to answer him if I didn’t want to. When he saw I was calmer, he asked his question. “I just wanted to know…why did the idea of me being with Izzy bother you so much?”
My teeth ground together as embarrassment washed over me. “What makes you think it bothered me?”
Pulling off his glove, he leaned over and brought his finger to my forehead. “You have this little vein here that pops out when you’re mad. I just can’t figure out why that made you mad.”
He didn’t remove his finger until he trailed it along my brow line. The loss of his touch was like a blow to my chest. God, why did the tiniest things affect me so deeply around him? And what would it be like to get lost in that feeling? Shaking those thoughts out of my head, I told him, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That didn’t bother me at all. You can sleep with whoever you want to.”
Hayden smirked at my answer, like he knew I was full of crap. Then his smile widened. Looking up into my eyes, he purred, “Whoever I want?”
The intensity in his eyes was heating the air between us; I could feel the warmth of it on my face. Damn�
��he meant me. “Yes…” I murmured, not meaning to. Shit. Had I just said that out loud?
Hayden’s eyes widened as his lips parted. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, and I had to stifle a groan. “Kenzie…” he murmured, leaning his bike even closer. Unconsciously, I found myself being drawn into him. His head angled toward me, mine angled away. We were perfectly aligned; all we had to do was keep moving forward. Kiss me.
He was so close I could feel his breath on my lips. Then his goddamn cell phone cut the silence in the air. Again? Really? Like last night, we’d been here about an hour, and it was getting pretty late. Who the hell kept calling him at this time of night? Hayden instantly pulled back. His eyes flashed to the clock on the lap board before returning to mine. “I’m sorry…gotta go. Continue this tomorrow?”
“Called away twice in two nights. You have standing plans with someone besides me?” I asked, my voice tight. I knew I shouldn’t care, but it really bothered me that I wasn’t the only one who got his late-night time.
Hayden smiled in answer, but his eyes were guarded. “You’re so cute when you’re jealous.”
My defenses went up so fast I heard a distinct slamming sound in my head. “I am not jeal— See you tomorrow, Hayden. For training.” I emphasized the last word as hard as I could, so Hayden would have no doubt about what was happening between us…and what wasn’t.
Chapter 12
My nerves were on overdrive when I arrived at the track the next morning. I found myself walking around with my shoulders bunched up around my ears, like any second the shit was going to hit the fan. But Hayden and I had closed everything, turned everything off, locked everything up…no one should know what we’d done.
I didn’t begin to relax until the afternoon, when everyone still appeared to be clueless of my crimes. When our track time was up I decided to go for a run outside instead of on the treadmill; a little fresh air was exactly what I needed. Throwing my unruly hair in a ponytail, I grabbed my tennis shoes and headed out.
When I got to the entrance of the course, I noticed Hayden was doing practice laps out there. Pretending I was tightening my shoelaces, I stopped to watch him. His times were good, but not the best I’d seen him do. Looks like he needs me too. As I watched him, I wondered about all the mysterious questions that had popped up last night—who was always calling him, and was he involved in Myles’s wreck, and what had happened between him and this Felicia person that he didn’t want to talk about, and what had being bounced around from home to home been like for him, and…was he happy?
Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he’d fought tooth and nail for everything he had in his life and that was why he’d looked down on me when we’d first met. I really must have seemed like a spoiled princess to him, handed everything on a silver platter. The paths that had led us to this point were certainly very different—I’d had easy access to all I’d ever needed, and Hayden had clawed through the mud to get where he was—but maybe the two of us were more similar than I’d originally thought. We were both struggling for respect, we were both fighters, we were both underdogs.
I felt like Hayden and I were teammates, in a way, and wished I could grab my bike and go out there on the track with him. For the first time in my life, the ban between Cox Racing and Benneti Motorsports seemed absolutely ridiculous to me. And besides, Hayden wasn’t really a Benneti…he just didn’t have anywhere else to go. We were being punished because of Hayden’s limited options, and it wasn’t right. I’d never convince Dad of that, though. Keith either…
Straightening, I started to move away, but I was captivated by the way Hayden moved over his bike. His rage about the rumor surrounding him filled my mind as I studied his flawless transitions. He’d been so upset that people believed he’d mess with bikes. That passion had to mean he was innocent of what Dad and Myles suspected him of, right? He was trying to change, he’d said so himself. So why would he throw all that away? To win, that was why. To succeed. To get out of the gutter for good. I left the streets for a reason, Kenzie, and I have no desire to go back …
“Kenzie, what are you doing here?”
Startled out of my thoughts, I spun around to see Myles standing there with a deep frown on his face. Leaning on his crutch, he looked a little sweaty, like he’d been upstairs working out. “God, you scared me, Myles. I was just…on my way outside…going for a run.” I gave him a cheery smile, but he didn’t return it. My heart started thudding. Was it suspicious that I was so intently watching a Benneti rider?
Reaching into the large pocket of his cargo pants, Myles pulled out a piece of paper. It looked like lap times to me. “I think you forgot this last night. Luckily I was the first one in the control room this morning, and I spotted it resting in the printer.” He handed it to me and my chest seized. It was lap times. Hayden’s and my lap times from last night. We’d forgotten to clear the computer, and it had automatically printed the report at the end of the hour, just like it always did when it was on. It had logged our bike numbers, the date, the time…everything. Shit.
Flicking the piece of paper, Myles sneered, “Want to tell me what the hell you were doing here in the middle of the night? With him?” He tilted his head toward Hayden.
My palms instantly turned clammy as I crumpled the evidence. “Don’t tell my dad. Please…I don’t want to be fired.” I began frantically looking around. We were alone, right? No one could hear us?
Myles looked like I’d just asked him not to breathe. “Then tell me why you were with him. Him. Of all people.” Pointing over his shoulder, he added, “Jesus, Kenzie. You can pull the knife out of my back any time.”
Glancing between Hayden and Myles, I desperately tried to think of something that would save me. Only the truth would. “Because…for reasons I don’t even understand, he makes me a better rider. And I need to be better. I need to be the best. You know what’s at stake.”
Closing his eyes, Myles shook his head. “I know you’re making a mistake.” When he opened his eyes, they were hard. “And I know he’s changing you. Breaking and entering, going behind your dad’s back, hiding things from your friends…This isn’t you, Kenzie. He’s corrupting you, not improving you.”
Panicking, I tried to smooth out the paper. “Look at my times, Myles. Just look! This is proof that he’s helping me!”
He snatched the paper out of my hands. “He’s a crutch you don’t need.” Sighing, he put a hand on my shoulder. “You can do this on your own. You have to.”
I felt ice pooling in my gut. That sounded like a threat. “What does that mean?”
Myles gritted his jaw, fortifying himself to swing the wrecking ball. “It means end it with him…or I tell your dad everything.” Once his verbal blow was dealt, he turned and started walking away, the evidence of my deception still clenched in his hand.
“Myles…please!” He didn’t respond in any way, just kept shuffling back to the garage. I wanted to fall to my knees and scream in frustration. No. This could not be happening. Barber was this weekend. I needed Hayden to keep me on my toes. I absolutely could not afford to end things with him now…even if that meant actively lying to one of my best friends.
* * *
When we arrived at Barber Motorsports Park, just outside of Birmingham, Alabama, I felt more relaxed than I had been in days. I was recharged, ready to take on the world, and ready to make a dent in the history books. It probably helped my nerves that Myles had stayed home and I didn’t have to directly lie to anyone for a few days. Hanging out with Myles every night, trying to convince him that I’d seen the error of my ways and cut things off with Hayden, which I hadn’t, was almost a full-time job. The guilt was excruciating, but my end game was worth it. That was what I told myself, anyway.
As we were staging our area at the historic racetrack, I was so pumped full of energy, I could barely contain myself. I felt like I was going to vibrate out of my skin at any moment. It was almost time. Finally.
“Do you need a sedative, Kenzie?
Because I’m sure I could get somebody down here in an instant to give you one.” Nikki’s face was twisted in annoyance as she watched me pacing where she was trying to set up her stuff.
“No,” I retorted. “I’m perfectly fine. I’m just…I’m ready to go,” I said, clapping my hands together. “I want to be out there already, making my mark.” Waiting around a solid day to get on the track was going to kill me.
“You know I love you, and I’d do just about anything for you, but you’re driving me up the fucking wall.” Picking up my bag, she shoved it into my chest. “Go to the hotel. Drink. Dance. Meet a guy and bump uglies. I don’t care. Just let me work in peace. Please.”
I was about to protest her choice of suggestions, but she seemed really stressed and really tired; the dark circles under her eyes were plain as day. My dad was a taskmaster and a perfectionist, and he expected the same out of everyone on his payroll—especially now, since there were so few of us left and so much was on the line. And since I was the top rider now, and I couldn’t do well unless Nikki did well, Dad was probably riding her pretty hard. Probably about as hard as Daphne was riding Dad about the wedding; she’d given me strict orders before we left to make sure Dad stopped procrastinating and helped her pick a cake flavor for the wedding shower. She was unrelentingly focused.
Compassion filling me, I told Nikki, “I’m sorry. I would go somewhere, but I don’t want to leave you hanging. All hands on deck, right? I’ll try to control the excess energy…just tell me what to do.” I set my bag down on a workbench and accidently knocked off a tray full of tools. The loud clang got everyone’s attention, and earned Nikki a seething glare from John. With a groan, she picked up my bag and shoved it into my arms again.
“The best thing you can do for me is leave me alone!” she snapped. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath before reopening them. “Please,” she added, in a much calmer voice.
Knowing I was only making things worse, I nodded. “Okay, I’m out of here…Sorry.” Feeling like a gigantic horse’s ass, I made a beeline for the parking lot. Now what do I do to burn off energy?
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