In addition to the riders being penalized, Cox Racing was also slapped with a massive fine. Dad wouldn’t tell me how much it was, but I knew it was a crushing blow to our already struggling business. To add insult to injury, with everything that had transpired, no sponsors in the crowd had stepped forward to align with us. And it was all my fault. I had sparked a chain reaction that could quite feasibly end Cox Racing. I felt sick.
When we returned to Oceanside, a cloud of darkness hung over everyone. You could almost see the despair hovering in the air above the Cox garages. No one knew what the future held for them anymore, and everybody was on edge.
Ignoring the thick bleakness swirling around my teammates, I headed upstairs to see my father. He hadn’t said much once he’d gotten back from his meeting with the officials. Just briefly mentioned the speed penalty and the fine, then retreated behind a wall of stoic silence. He had to still be upset. Troubled at the least, torn apart at the most. Everything he’d worked so hard for his entire life was crumbling before his eyes. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to help him, I just had no idea how to do it now. Was racing well still enough to save us?
As I trudged up the stairs, I tossed around different comforting words I might say. All of them sounded horrible, lame, insufficient. I wanted to turn around and head back downstairs to the garages, but I knew I couldn’t. Dad and I might not do heart-to-hearts, but I had to see this through; it was my fault. And if he was hurting, I needed to be there for him. Because after everything else was stripped away, after all was said and done, he was my father, and I was his daughter. And I wouldn’t let him suffer alone.
After knocking on his office door, I waited for permission to enter. Once he gave it, I tentatively opened the door and walked inside. As I approached him, my heart started beating faster and my palms began to slick with sweat. I hated everything about the situation we were in, and I would have given anything for this meeting to be just another discussion about my lap times. I wished we could ignore the emotional part of the weekend and only talk about the racing. I could talk to him about that for days. But it was time to talk about something a little more serious, awkward as that might be for us both.
“Hey, Dad…How’s it going?” I wanted to slap myself after I said it. He’s just gone through some sort of emotional crisis, and you ask him how it’s going? Jesus, Kenzie. “I think we should talk…about what happened this weekend. You were so…different. You scared me. Are you…okay?” I quickly added.
Dad finally looked up from his paperwork. He looked horrible, with large circles under his eyes and thick stubble along his jaw. His normally perfect hair was in complete disarray, like he’d been stroking his hand through it nonstop. Definitely not okay.
Proving that we were cut from the same cloth, Dad completely ignored my question and my concern. “Ah, Kenzie. I’m glad you’re here. I have a few things to discuss with you before you start practice.”
By his professional tone, I might almost think today was just another day. Like nothing strange was going on, like he hadn’t gone ballistic and attacked half of the Benneti crew. A large part of me wanted to let him shift the conversation and continue the illusion, but there was a secondary voice inside me that was screaming, Avoidance isn’t the answer!
“Dad…you didn’t…you didn’t answer my question. You blew up at Keith. You hit him!” And Hayden. I kept that thought internal, though. Bringing up Hayden around Dad wasn’t a good idea, especially when the memory of Hayden’s lips on mine was still burning through my brain. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since that last intense moment in Dad’s trailer. We’d finally admitted we wanted each other…we’d finally kissed. But our paths couldn’t cross like that, and that one moment was all we would ever have. Even still…I hadn’t talked to him since coming home, and a part of me was dying to know: Was I on his mind too?
Shaking that irrelevant thought out of my head, I continued. “You were screaming…wild…out of control. You’ve never…you’ve never been like that. Ever. So tell me the truth…Are you okay?” I hated that my words were fumbling, my heart was pounding, and sweat was oozing from every pore. I wished opening up were easier for me, but it wasn’t. Every word leaving my mouth was a struggle.
Dad’s expression was completely bland, like he was a machine working on autopilot. Looking down, he started shuffling through papers on his desk. “I’m touched by the concern, Mackenzie, but…I’m fine.” Looking back up at me, he said, “Now when you get out there today, pay close attention to your positioning. You’re still too high on the bike when you exit the corner. When you’re rolling on the throttle, stay down as the bike rises.”
I could only stare at him, dumbfounded. He really wasn’t going to open up to me. At all. Was it any great surprise, then, that I was holding things back from him too? “Yeah…okay, Dad. I’ll work on that.”
Feeling like there was nothing left to say to him, I turned to leave. When I had my hand on the door to his office, Dad stopped me. “By the way…I’m going to make a public announcement tonight, but you’re family…so you should know first…”
Twisting, I looked back at him sitting at his desk; for the first time ever, he looked tiny behind it. His composure finally cracked as he let out a long sigh. “I’m…I’m closing Cox Racing after this season. It’s…it’s over.” The light in his eyes died after confessing that to me. It was like watching hope die.
Shock stole my breath, kept me silent for a solid ten seconds. I felt like I’d been hit in the head with a baseball bat, and my brain was vibrating. No, this can’t be happening. This place was more than just a practice track to me. It was where we all talked shop, where we socialized, where we came together as a unit, where we worked out, where we played…where I’d grown up. I couldn’t imagine it gone, couldn’t fathom it in someone else’s hands. And the team…who else would I race for if not my father? “Dad, no, you can’t—”
He held up a hand to stop me. “I have to, Mackenzie. I’ve tried all I can…but the fine, and the bad press…lack of sponsors, lack of wins…there’s just no digging our way out of this hole. It’s too late. Best to just admit defeat…and move on.” His shoulders hunched as he looked away from me.
His lack of belief in my abilities was devastating; for a second, my vision swam and my hearing buzzed. But he was right…my best finish so far was eighth. Not bad for a rookie year, but not good enough for what he needed. Still, I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. There were two races left. There was still time. “Dad…I can get you wins. Don’t give up on me.” My voice came out in a whisper.
Dad’s eyes returned to mine. They looked empty. “I’m not, Mackenzie. I’ve already begun the process of finding you another team to race for next year. This won’t be the end for you, I promise.”
No, it was just the end for him. The end of his business, his legacy, his reason for getting up every morning. What would Dad do without Cox Racing? And what will I do without him? “Dad…?”
A sad smile graced his lips. “You should practice, Mackenzie. You’ll need to stay on your toes to get the attention of a great team.”
I had to leave. My eyes were watering and grief and disappointment were crushing me. Giving Dad a stiff nod, I hastily left his office and sped down the stairs. Away. I needed to get away. Bypassing everyone I knew, I ducked out of the garage and headed to the gate. Keeping my head down, I pulled out my phone. There was only one person I could possibly talk to about this. Without hesitation, I texted Hayden the news. My dad is closing the business. He’s quitting.
Hayden’s reply was quick: I just arrived at the track. Meet me out back, by the weak spot in the fence.
Making sure no one was watching, I headed out the inner gate. I looked over in time to see Hayden disappearing behind the curve of the wall surrounding the track. After making sure I was still alone, I followed him. The tears were falling down my cheeks by the time we met up near the chain-link fence with the semi-invisible door in it.
His comment surprised me. “Why are you sorry?” I asked, stepping back so I could look up at his eyes. I’d expected curiosity, maybe sympathy, but never such deep concern.
He shrugged, and his gaze locked on mine so fiercely, I couldn’t possibly have turned away. “I know what Cox Racing means to you and your family, how hard you’ve worked to keep it. I’m sorry it’s being taken away from you.”
My eyes stung again as his words hit me. A lifetime of memories relentlessly pounded against my brain: playing peekaboo in Dad’s office, racing the track with my sisters on our bicycles, getting candy from the crew members…vague impressions of my mother’s voice, her smell, her laughter, her love. These walls were saturated with my childhood, and letting them go hurt even more than I’d realized.
Sniffing, I shook my head. “I’m not ready to stop fighting, I just don’t know what to do now. How do I fix this?”
Stepping back, Hayden began rubbing my arms; it felt like he was pumping life into me. There had to be a way to change things. It couldn’t really be too late. “Is he closing now? Do you have time?”
Inhaling a deep, calming breath, I told him, “He’s making an announcement tonight that he’s closing Cox Racing at the end of the season. I have two races to turn things around.” Maybe if I won one, or better yet, both of them, it would create a big enough media storm around me to change my father’s mind. To give him hope to stick it out.
Hayden was nodding as he absorbed my answer. “Then we practice harder, longer. We don’t stop until you’re undefeatable.” I wasn’t sure how we were going to accomplish that, but I was moved by his willingness to help me. Especially since making it so I couldn’t lose, as impossible a promise as that was, would also mean that he wouldn’t win. If only Myles and my father could see you now…they’d change their minds for sure.
“Thank you,” I whispered, hoping he understood just how deep my gratitude went.
His perfect face studied mine for long, silent seconds, and my pulse quickened under his penetrating gaze. It wasn’t only desire fueling the steadily accelerating beats, though. No, it was something deeper…fonder. Something absolutely terrifying. Hayden’s words in my father’s trailer echoed through my brain as we stared at each other. Every day I find there is less and less that I wouldn’t do for you, Kenzie…and that scares the shit out of me.
Hayden shook his head like he was waking from a daydream. A small smile cracked his lips, and I found myself responding in kind. “You’re welcome, Twenty-Two. You said your dad was making the announcement tonight?” After I nodded, he said, “Then invite me over. We’ll watch it together. Then we’ll talk, strategize…drink. Whatever you want.” His eyes drifted down to my lips when he finished speaking. God, what do I want?
His eyes lifted to mine again. They drove into me, igniting me like a lit sparkler being dragged across my skin. As I thought of where we were standing, of all the nearby buildings, people, and animosity surrounding us, suffocating us, all I saw were reasons why we couldn’t get too close. But then the memory of his lips upon mine filled my brain, and I thought of how amazing it felt to be cocooned in his arms. I thought of how my mind shut off when he was near, how I stepped outside of myself. How I…grew…around him.
My internal disciplinarian was shouting at me to tell him no—it was too risky, too dangerous, it could lead to something impossible, improbable, and unwise. But surprisingly, the word that left my lips was “Okay.” Then I rattled off my address.
Shit. What have I done now?
* * *
Hayden arrived at my house late that evening, about thirty minutes before the ESPN interview was set to air. My father had left the track earlier this afternoon to film the piece. I had to imagine he was back at home by now, most likely drinking heavily. I felt a little guilty that I wasn’t going to be with him when the interview aired, but I also didn’t agree with what he was doing. I can still save us, Dad. Somehow.
I opened the garage door to hide Hayden’s bike the second I heard it in the driveway. His vehicle could not be spotted by anyone I knew; they might recognize it as Hayden's.
After I led Hayden into the house, he looked around my modest place with a small smile on his lips. “Not what I expected,” he murmured, setting a bag on the island in the center of the kitchen.
“And what were you expecting?” I asked, opening the bag to find some boxes that looked like Chinese takeout. It smelled incredible. God, I was hungry, and thinking about the food distracted me from the fact that Hayden Hayes was standing in my kitchen.
Hayden seemed much more at ease. Hopping up on my counter, he made himself at home. “Something…grander, I guess,” he answered with a shrug. “I mean, you are the daughter of a legend. I just assumed…”
His answer made me smirk. Turning to face him, I leaned back against the counter with my arms folded across my chest. “You assumed I lived like the princess you thought I was. But I’m not like that. I’ve always been…simple at heart. Dad too.” A small laugh escaped me. “Actually, the only person in my family prone to excess is my sister Daphne. Her wedding budget alone could equal the GNP of a small country.” That made me frown. Dad wouldn’t skimp on Daphne’s wedding to save the business. He’d still give her everything she asked for…and she’d still ask for everything. Because she didn’t understand how dire things were. She might after Dad’s interview tonight. If she stepped away from her bridal magazines long enough to watch it.
Hayden laughed, then sighed. The sound caught my attention, and I shoved Daphne to the back of my brain. By the look on Hayden’s face, he seemed almost…troubled. “Your dad…what he was saying to Keith before everything went to shit…does he really think Keith is sabotaging racers?”
My jaw firmed as I pushed away from the counter. “I really don’t want to talk about Keith right now. Not with what my dad is about to do, not with everything we’re about to lose…” With a sigh, I shook my head and did my best to change the subject. “You hungry?”
“Mackenzie…”
From his tone of voice, I knew he actually wanted to talk about something deep, but that wasn’t what I wanted from him right now. Not if it was about Keith. We could talk about me, we could talk about him, we could maybe even talk about us, but I did not want to discuss Keith. “Are. You. Hungry?” I firmly stated my question this time, so he would know that Keith was off limits.
Hayden looked about to argue, but then with a resigned sigh, he said, “Yeah…I’m hungry.” Giving me a crooked smile, he added, “I couldn’t decide between Thai and Chinese, so I got a little of both,” as he hopped off the counter.
“Aren’t they pretty much the same thing?” I asked, glad that he was willing to drop it.
His condescending expression spoke volumes. “No. Not even remotely. Unbelievable,” he muttered, snatching the bag from the counter. As he began setting boxes on the island, he started telling me all the various differences between the two types of meals he’d procured. I tuned him out, instead watching the way his body moved under his clothing. That was by far more fascinating than the history of peanut sauce.
Hayden turned suddenly, open takeout box in hand. I snapped my gaze up, but not before he noticed I’d been checking him out. With a seductive curl of his lip, he stepped my way, closing the distance between us. Pulling a plastic fork twined with noodles out of the box, he murmured, “Try this, then you’ll see what I mean.”
Gaze locked on his, I parted my lips and let him push the food into my mouth. My eyes fluttered closed as the explosion of spices hit my tongue. “Mmm, that’s good,” I moaned after swallowing the last little bit.
“Yes, it certainly is…”
The heat in his voice made me open my eyes. He’d set the box down on the counter, and he was staring
at me like I was dinner. Memories of our frenzied kiss flooded my brain, overwhelming my senses and lowering my defenses. Wrap me in your arms again. Press your lips to mine. Take me, claim me, have your way with me. I’m waiting.
“God, you’re intoxicating,” he whispered, his lips inching ever closer to mine.
“Am I?” I asked. He was the one making me feel lighter than air; just his presence made me dizzy.
His lips just missed mine, making me gasp. They trailed along my cheek, stopping just below my ear. “Definitely,” he whispered, his breath hot against my skin. My body instantly kicked into overdrive. I was ready for him to do so much more than tease me.
He dragged his lips along my jawline, making me shiver so uncontrollably that he probably thought I was freezing. Desire surged to life as his mouth rounded my chin. Yes. God, yes.
Suddenly, a knock sounded on my front door. Hayden and I both froze, hoping silence would make the person go away. No such luck. A few seconds later, the doorbell rang, then I heard a familiar voice say, “You in there, Kenzie? It’s Nikki, open up.”
Damn it. Nikki wouldn’t just go away if I didn’t say anything, not with all my lights on clearly signaling I was home. No, if she really wanted to talk to me, she’d pound on my door, annoying my neighbors, ceaselessly call me on my phone, then eventually break a window to get inside. She could be relentless if the situation called for it.
Over my shoulder, I shouted, “Hold on, Nikki!” Shit. Now what?
There was a door in the kitchen that led to the backyard, and I started shoving Hayden toward it. Once he understood what was going on, he grumbled, “But what about my bike? It’s locked in your garage.”
Shaking my head, I told him, “You can get it later. Nikki can’t know you’re here.” And hopefully she didn’t want to go in my garage for some reason.
Hayden wasn’t thrilled about being evicted, but he understood why he had to leave. Once he was safely outside, I hurried to the front door so Nikki wouldn’t get too concerned over what was taking so long. As it was, she asked, “Everything okay?” when I opened the door.
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