Leaning over so his mouth was almost touching my ear, he said, “There’s a back room in this building. Want to go check it out?”
I knew exactly what that was code for, and I wanted it, had a deep, profound ache for it. Lifting my lip in a half smile, I slyly told him, “Sure…why not.”
He grinned, then held out his hand for me. Hookup rolled his eyes as he watched us leave. Then he mimed jacking off and having an orgasm. Immature asshole. If we didn’t need him to get entry into the races, I might have a conversation with Hayden about cutting him out of his life. He acted like a spoiled thirteen-year-old.
Hayden led us around back to a dimly lit hallway; whatever this place used to be, it was still connected to power. We looked around, but we didn’t see a back room anywhere…just a bunch of boxes that made a sort of maze at the end of the hall. Hayden led us through them, and my heart started beating harder in anticipation. I couldn’t wait to hold him, kiss, him, let him touch me…everywhere.
When we got to the last stack, Hayden pulled me behind it. The light was so scarce, I couldn’t fully see him until my eyes adjusted. Once I was acclimated, the heat in his expression made my breath grow quick. “Have I told you tonight how incredibly sexy you are?” he asked.
Biting my lip, I shook my head. “No…not yet.”
He crooked a smile at me that instantly had me tingling. “Let me show you, then,” he said, opening his jeans.
I was squirming, I wanted to touch him so bad. Hayden stepped closer to me, pressing my back into the wall behind me. Taking my hand, he started leading me to him. “Feel me,” he whispered in my ear.
A shiver washed over me as my fingers touched the hard ridge of him straining against his underwear. Damn. He was so ready for me. He had to be throbbing, had to be in pain. I should do something for him, for us. But no, that would be cruel. Crueler than this?
Ignoring my internal argument, I slipped my hand into his underwear and wrapped my fingers around him. Hayden let out an erotic noise that ignited my body. “Oh God, Kenzie, yes…Touch me.” Knowing I shouldn’t tease him when I couldn’t follow through, I began stroking his body. His mouth found mine, and his kisses were frenzied with desire. “Yes, don’t stop,” he murmured.
I picked up the pace and he growled as he ran his fingers up my T-shirt to feel my chest. “Let’s leave here. Let’s go to your place.”
He tweaked my nipple and I cried out, squeezing him harder. “No…” Yes…
Hayden pulled my hand away from him, then grabbed my wrists and held them against the wall. Looking exasperated, he panted, “Why not? How long do you want to keep doing this in places like this? In a bed, I could kiss every inch of you…run my tongue up you…tie you up…” he murmured, his mouth twisting into a crooked grin.
Damn…I wanted to say yes so badly my body hurt. As if he could sense that I was on the brink of changing my mind, he slipped a hand into my jeans and ran a finger over my pulsing core. “Fuck…how long do you want to keep wasting a perfectly wet pussy?” Leaning up, he groaned in my ear. “My cock could be buried inside you right now.”
His words were dirtier than usual…and I loved it. I wanted more. “Oh God,” I murmured under my breath.
“Exactly,” he answered. “Instead of this, I could be plunging into you…over and over…until you come all around me…” His finger started simulating what he was saying and I had to struggle to hold on to my objection.
“Hayden,” I whimpered. I couldn’t take much more; I was going to explode if I didn’t have him.
“Yes?” he said, his mouth teasing my lower lip.
I was just on the verge of telling him to take me home when someone started tromping through the box maze. “Hayden, dude, you back here? You guys done fuckin’ yet? ’Cause I just found out something pretty amazing, and you should know about it.” The intruding voice belonged to Hookup. Are you freaking kidding me?
Hayden instantly stepped back and fixed his clothes, and I instantly double-checked my own outfit. Jesus. My heart was about to burst out of my chest. Goddamn interrupting asshole. Or maybe I should be thanking him. That had been way too close.
Hayden’s face was clouded with anger when Hookup stepped around the corner into our hiding place. “What the hell is so important that it can’t wait until we get back?” he snarled.
Touching his fingers to his chest, Hookup made a face like he thought we were adorable. “Aw, did I interrupt ‘racing’ time? So sorry about that, but I just had to tell you the good news, bro!” He looked like a little boy who’d just been told he was going to Disneyland. “You are both officially entered in the race this weekend. It’s on!”
His raised both of his palms in the air, waiting for high fives. He didn’t get them. Gritting his jaw, Hayden muttered, “That could have waited.”
I was confused. Hayden and I had plans this weekend—important plans. “Wait a sec…this weekend? We can’t this weekend. We’ve got a race this weekend.”
Hookup slapped his hands together. “I know! ’Cause I got you in!”
Shaking my head, I held my hand up. “No, the ARRC race is this weekend. In Monterey.”
Hookup nodded slowly, as if he were talking to a toddler. “Yeah, I know. The real race is after that shit.”
Comprehension finally dawned on me, and I twisted to Hayden in surprise. “You race during official events?” Of course he did. That was why I saw Hookup and Grunts on the track sometimes. Or lurking in Hayden’s hotel room. They were there to keep an eye on their asset. I was such an idiot.
Hayden gave me a sheepish smile. “Wherever Hookup can find a race is where I go, Kenzie. And you know why.” I did. I completely understood his motivation for racing, which only made things harder. “Are you in?” he asked, and I got the feeling he was wondering about more than just the race.
Possible futures zipped through my mind—continuing this secret life with Hayden, always hiding in the shadows and back alleys. Coming out to my father, confessing everything, and watching him disown me. Losing it all—my dream, my lover, my career, my family. But the slim chance that I might hover on the line between worlds long enough to do some good had me nodding at Hayden. “Yeah…I’m in.”
* * *
A couple of days later, we were several hours from home, in Monterey, California, preparing for the next big events—both the daytime and the nighttime ones. I wasn’t sure which race I was more excited for. And I also wasn’t sure which one would help Cox Racing more. The only thing I was positive about was that Hayden would be there for both of them, supporting me, pushing me…and wanting more from me than I was giving him.
There was an autograph session before the ARRC race, and the number of people there to see me was mind-boggling. I had been so sidetracked by the stress of trying to save the team that I often missed the fact that I was doing really well for my rookie year. In fact, if I kept on getting top ten scores, I’d be the highest finishing female…ever. And my fans were excited for me.
“You’re the most inspirational racer on the track.”
“I hope I ride half as well as you when I’m older.”
“Can I have your number?”
That last one had been from a male fan. I signed his glossy photo of me with my name and nothing else. My love life was complicated enough.
After the signing, I had lunch with my father. He tended to eat alone now, since no one on the crew was happy about his decision to close at the end of the year. Some crew members had even left already. We were getting by on a skeleton crew that was desperately grasping at the razor-thin hope that Dad might change his mind. That he even could change his mind—being broke couldn’t exactly be wished away or ignored. But it could be fixed, and that was what I clung to—my shield against the massive guilt tearing me apart.
Dad was already at his desk, eating a deli sandwich when I came in. “Hey, Dad, care if I join you?”
He gave me a partial grin. “Of course not, Mackenzie. You’re a welcome change
from John. The only thing he wants to talk about lately is investors. He seems to think merging with a third party could save Cox Racing.” He sighed and shook his head. “I tried having a partner before…and you know how that turned out. No. When the storms come, you batten down the hatches and wait it out. But when the storms don’t stop coming…you pack up what you can and move on.”
“Dad…I…” I can save you. I’m making a lot of money, and it’s all yours. I’ll be your partner…I couldn’t say it, though. I couldn’t confess what I was doing.
Clearing his throat, Dad didn’t give me the chance to finish. Pointing to the chair opposite him, he said, “Heard the latest gossip yet? There was a rider who missed the autograph session this morning. He’s been gridded, but I don’t think he’ll even race. They say he got violently ill after the warm-up this morning. People are saying it’s weird, since he was fine last night.”
I knew what he wanted me to believe, but a rider getting sick before an event wasn’t all that unheard of. “Dad, that doesn’t mean anything.”
Dad shook his head. “There’s been other trouble this year too. Illegal parts here, bad spark plugs there, wrong tires…Riders who should know better are being penalized for stupid rookie mistakes. It’s not natural,” he finished with a grunt.
Only it was. It was all stuff that routinely happened during the course of a season, just usually not as frequently. “Dad…the officials are all over you after Barber. You can’t—”
Pointing a finger at me, he cut me off. “All I’m saying is watch your back and watch your stuff.”
I nodded. That much I could do.
After lunch it was time to race. Our positions on the grid were adjusted according to the sick rider’s no-show. His vacant area was a radiating warning that I did my best to ignore. It was normal, routine racing. Hayden wasn’t doing anything to mess with people, here or on the streets. It was coincidence, nothing more.
As we moved into our new positions, I found myself momentarily close to Hayden. Flipping up his visor, he told me, “Good luck out there, Twenty-Two.” Then he winked, and I could tell he was grinning under his helmet. A schoolgirl flush rushed through me, making me avert my eyes. Seriously. I was a professional. A wicked smile shouldn’t undo me.
The light shifted to green, and I surged forward. Corner after corner whizzed by, with me right on Hayden’s heels. Aside from directly in front of him, this was my favorite place to be. Racing against him made my heart thud in my chest, made my breath come out in furious pants. God, I loved this.
Suddenly, smoke in the distance signaled a wreck somewhere ahead of me on the track, and that feeling of contentment was snatched away. We were in too deep, though, and there was no way to avoid what was coming. All any of us could do was punch it and pray.
I followed Hayden through the wreckage of multiple crashed bikes. We made it through the eye of the needle, but I caught glimpses of a few riders behind me who weren’t so lucky; they were sucked into the chaos and didn’t emerge from the other side. Warning flags went up everywhere, and those of us remaining riders were forced to pit so the track could be cleared.
Fear tightened my chest as I examined the ripped-apart bikes. Save for a bit of good luck, I could have been out there in the wreckage. It was a side effect of my sport, though, one I’d made peace with a long time ago. But Myles and my father were inside my head, shouting at me that something was amiss, that none of this was as random and innocent as I wanted to believe it was. And if they were somehow right…then none of us were safe.
Once the track was cleared, we were allowed to finish the race. It was hard to get started again; I had so many swirling thoughts, fears, doubts, and worries for the wrecked riders. But I pushed all of that aside so I could do what I was meant to do: Race. Win. And maybe it was the lack of competitors, maybe it was my precision-point focus, but I smoked that course with a third-place finish. My highest ever, and a record for a woman on this track. Hayden finished second, his highest ever. And even though I had to sit through an interview after my finish, I was on top of the world.
I did it! We did it. Everything I’d done—everything Hayden and I were currently doing—it was paying off. Relief and joy coursed through me in waves. It wasn’t too late to fix things. Dad would see that and change his mind. Everything was going to be okay. It had to be.
But when I saw my father, he wasn’t excited for the future of Cox Racing…just happy to see that my own path was brighter. “This is great, Mackenzie. Finishes like this will go a long way toward getting you on a great team next year. Keep up the good work.”
As he turned to walk away, I grabbed his arm. “That’s it? ‘This should get you on a new team’? What about our team, Dad? Don’t you see how this can help us?”
He looked at where I was holding him, and I instantly released him. “No. What I see here is potential for you. Cox Racing is done. I already told you that.”
* * *
I had a chip on my shoulder when I showed up at the assigned meeting place for the street race late that night. Hayden noticed immediately. “Hey. You…okay?” He studied my eyes, like he was trying to read the answer in them.
“Yeah,” I told him. “Just trying to continue the fight when everyone else around me has given up.”
Hayden smirked, and a knowing look flashed through his eyes. “I get that.”
Yes. If anyone understood constantly fighting against impossible odds, it was Hayden. It filled me with peace to know that he truly understood me. It also filled me with fear. Sharing a bond with him meant sharing a piece of my heart, a heart he could potentially rip to shreds. But not making that connection with him was impossible. I couldn’t ask the sun not to rise just because I didn’t want to get burned. I’d just have to be careful, and Hayden probably felt the same way. When it came right down to the core of who we were, Hayden and I weren’t all that different, and that only made it harder.
As if he’d followed the exact same mental path I’d taken, Hayden frowned. “I wanted to congratulate you on your race today, but there was never a good time. Keith was all over me, and my teammates…” With a shake of his head, he cleared his thoughts and smiled. “With everyone’s eyes on me, I had to stay clear of the Cox camp. You understand?” I nodded. It was the same reason that had kept me from congratulating him—that damn Benneti/Cox Racing ban that kept us apart. Or was supposed to, anyway.
Hayden chuckled as he looked around the street rapidly filling with people. “Strange, isn’t it? We have more freedom here, doing something that could feasibly get us arrested, than at our legitimate jobs. No matter how you try and make the world make sense, it just refuses to.” Returning his eyes to mine, he murmured, “The universe is stubborn…just like a girl I know.”
The smile on his face made a warmth bloom in my chest, and suddenly all the secrets we were keeping felt incredibly right. And then I heard Myles and my dad in my ear, whispering that something dark and sinister was going on, and Hayden was in the middle of it. The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Weird wreck today, right?”
A strange emotion flickered across Hayden’s face, and he opened his mouth to speak…right as Hookup bounded to our side. “There are my star racers! Ready for this? It’s gonna be a big one!”
Hayden smiled. “I’ve been ready all day,” he said. I bored holes into the side of his face, but he wasn’t looking at me anymore. Like I didn’t even exist, his eyes were all on Hookup.
Not noticing the sudden tension between us, Hookup gave me finger guns. “You’re up first, Kenzinator.” I groaned at Hookup’s never-ending nicknames for me, then went to find my bike. Since we were close enough to home, Hookup and Grunts had hauled our everyday bikes over in a trailer. It had been difficult to trust Hookup with my equipment, and if it hadn’t been for Hayden assuring me it was fine, I never would have let him touch my motorcycle.
While Grunts got my helmet ready, I inspected my bike. It seemed fine, but it was alway
s good to double-check. I could feel someone hovering nearby while I worked, and when I peeked my head up, I saw Hayden staring at me; his expression was dark and his eyes were intense. “You might be right about the wreck. It was a little…weird. But racing is unpredictable, and sometimes weird things happen…” His eyes lost focus for a second. When he came back to himself, he shot me an untroubled smile. “Good luck out there, Kenzie.”
He left before I could respond, and a pit of dread formed in my stomach. Sometimes weird things happen? He sounded like he was making excuses…but for what? Or was he just saying what I often said—that our sport was dangerous, and sometimes crap happened. Shit. I didn’t know for sure just what he’d meant by that. And I hated not knowing.
While I tried not to read too much into anything and just take the encouragement as it was offered, Grunts approached me with my helmet. It was time to line up for the race. My heart was thundering as I pulled up to the line. Sometimes weird things happen. Right. That was why I practiced diligence and control, so I could avoid the weird things. But I raced better when I let go, when I imagined Hayden was beside me and I let everything else fall by the wayside. I couldn’t be cautious and fearless. I had to choose which path to take, which philosophy to embrace. And if I was going to make a difference to my family, there was only one option—close my eyes and leap.
The light turned green and I took off like I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. In most cases, I think my sheer determination would have been enough, but my competition this race was just as crazy as I was, and unfortunately, he had a slightly better bike. I could have easily taken him on my official racing motorcycle, but this was my street bike, and it wasn’t quite as high powered. By the third checkpoint, I was a good two feet behind the other rider. I was going to lose.
Then something on the bike in front of me flashed, and the rider almost instantly lost control. We were approaching a corner when it happened, and he slid out and crashed into the side of a Dumpster. I couldn’t believe it! Accelerating, I hurried to the final checkpoint—the finish line.
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