My hands were shaking when we stopped at a red light. I felt like police were going to descend on us from every angle. I wanted to run so badly that just sitting there was pure torture. I looked over at Hayden to distract myself. Nodding at me in reassurance, he held a hand out like a stop sign; clearly he understood my desire to keep fleeing. Thank God he was okay. Thank God we were both okay.
Hayden seemed to remember something and looked around. There was traffic crossing in front of us—all normal cars and trucks, no cops—and no one behind us. While I watched, perplexed, Hayden hopped off his bike and quickly removed some sort of sticky-looking, magnetic-lined black plastic film from his license plate. I couldn’t tell from my angle, but I had a feeling that officer chasing him hadn’t been able to read his plate at all…which meant he was safe. Jesus. Where had he gotten that thing? And when the hell had he put it on his bike?
Hayden rolled the film up and slipped it into his jacket as he straddled his bike. I could only stare at him in wonder. Just when I thought I’d seen it all, he managed to surprise me. Now if only we could get all the way home without him needing that thing again.
The rest of the drive home was thankfully uneventful, but adrenaline was still rushing through me when we pulled up to my house and hid our bikes in my garage. Goddammit. That had been way too close. When we got into the kitchen, I couldn’t calm down. I felt like a thousand needles were under my skin, continuously pumping me full of caffeine. I was jittery, anxious, and on edge. But most of all, I was relieved. We’d done it, we’d gotten away.
“Oh my God, Hayden. Oh my God! We could have been…we were almost…Shit!” Yanking my hair out of its messy ponytail, I started pacing back and forth. Too close. Much too close.
Hayden watched me with an incredulous expression on his face. “You came back for me. I told you not to. I told you to go straight to your house and not look back. But you came back. Why?”
“Because I couldn’t let them take you away,” I said. “You’re trying to rebuild your life…trying to save a little girl. You don’t deserve to go to jail for that.” Something in the back of my brain told me that wasn’t the real reason I’d returned for him. His pain is my pain.
Stepping forward, Hayden grabbed my arms. “You’d gotten away,” he growled, his voice intense. “You were free, and you put everything back on the line. For me. Why?”
“I already told you why,” I cried, trying to get away. Saying he meant something to me, that I…had feelings for him, wouldn’t do any good, wouldn’t change anything between us. It would only make things harder. Didn’t he understand that?
Apparently he didn’t. “Not good enough,” he stated. I could tell he wasn’t going to back down an inch, not until I told him the real reason I’d risked it all. “Just tell me,” he whispered. “Stop holding it in, Kenzie.”
I was lost under his penetrating gaze, and all my reasons to keep him at arm’s length vanished in a puff of smoke. “Because I care about you,” I murmured, my voice barely audible. I almost heard a door creaking inside me as I admitted that. My heart was opening, letting him in. Tell him the rest—that you can’t stop thinking about him, that you worry about him…that you love him. God…I did love him…but I couldn’t admit that. It would only hurt us both to tell him.
“You care about me? How?” he asked, his tone soft.
I tried to say something, tried to somehow explain how I felt without really saying it, but that was impossible, and the words stuck in the back of my throat.
Hayden smiled, like he understood. “There was once a time when I thought that keeping shit in would make it go away. I was yanked around so much when I was a kid that nothing felt stable, nothing felt real. Izzy and Hookup…and Felicia…they gave me solid ground for the first time in my life. Then Felicia…she took it all away again when she left without a word, and I swore…I swore I’d never let anybody in again. And I tried to keep you out. God knows I tried. But I needed you, then I started to like you…and now…now I’m in love with you, and it’s too late for me to keep holding it all in.”
My mouth dropped open as a shudder went through me. He loves me? “Hayden, I…” Words failed me, and my sentence died. He’s in love with me…and I’m in love with him. We were a tragedy waiting to happen.
Smiling wider, Hayden said, “I love you for everything you are, and everything you do. And I understand it doesn’t change anything. In our case, love might not be enough. But that doesn’t alter the fact that I feel that way, and neither does not telling you that I feel that way. Keeping the feelings to myself won’t save us any pain. Nothing will save us, Kenzie. We’re doomed. And I love you. And I don’t regret a thing.”
A sob hitched in my throat. Every word he was saying felt like goodbye. A torturous, painful farewell that would change me forever. “Stay. Stay with me tonight. Don’t go…”
He ran a finger across my cheek, then over my lips. “Nothing could drag me away from you right now.”
His mouth replaced his finger and I hungrily consumed his lips. Everything felt so powerful, yet so final—like we were opening and closing a door at the same time. It made me frantic, needy, and I started pulling off his jacket right there in the kitchen. “I want you,” I murmured, running my fingers down the firm muscles of his chest. “Take me to the bedroom.”
A low noise escaped him as he moved his mouth to my ear. “I will take you in every room,” he whispered; I instantly wanted him to make love to me right there on the kitchen table. Yes…
I started tugging at his shirt, wanting it off. He helped me, pulling the fabric over the back of his head. Once his skin was bare, I brought my mouth to his collarbone and moved my fingers to his jeans. I need more.
Hayden stopped me. “It’s your turn,” he said, unzipping my jacket. When that fell to the floor, he trailed his fingers along the skin just above the waistband of my jeans. I tried to rip my shirt off, but again he stopped me. “Let me,” he whispered. Then heslid his hands up my ribs, taking my shirt with them. He bent down to kiss every inch of exposed skin, and when he got to my breasts, he kissed each peak through my bra. Electricity shot through me, igniting me.
Removing my shirt, he dropped it on the floor. “You’re so beautiful, so perfect.” Slowly, he ran his fingers along my shoulder, grabbing my bra strap and slowly taking it with him. The calculated deliberation of his movement was excruciating. We’d only just begun, and I was already dying for him to be deep inside me.
He kissed my bare shoulder as the strap fell away, then he started on the other one. When the bra finally fell to the floor, he brought a hand up to cup my breast and a shudder of expectation passed through me. Then he closed his mouth around my nipple and stroked it with his tongue. A loud groan left my mouth, followed by some incoherent plea for more.
A rumbling noise of approval vibrated my skin as Hayden teased me. Then his fingers found my waistband and started undoing my jeans. God, yes. I helped him shove them down my hips, helped him remove my boots, my socks. We were completely uneven when I was left in only my underwear and he was still half-dressed, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be bare before him. “Where do you want me?” I panted, my thumbs in my underwear, ready to rip them off if he commanded.
Hayden’s eyes closed for a fraction of a second, as if my words had been a stroke of my tongue over his cock. I loved the thought of satisfying him on every level. I wanted him to be happy…all the time. Because he meant…so much to me.
He focused on me again and his hands went to my hips, over mine, and he helped me slink my underwear to the floor. “Hop up on the island,” he murmured. Breathing heavily, I did what he asked without question. I would do almost anything he wanted right now, so long as we were together. “Lie back and close your eyes,” he said.
The Formica was cool but invigorating against my skin. I never kept anything on the island, preferring it bare and open, accessible when I needed it. I’d just never imagined needing it in this way. A row of spotlights dangl
ing from the ceiling threw hot circles of light against my skin; it was almost like I was on display for him. Arching my back, I closed my eyes and waited for my lover, my soul mate. Touch me, Hayden. I am completely yours.
I heard him removing his clothing and I squirmed, feeling restless with pent-up energy. Then I felt him place my legs over his shoulders, and I started to breathe so hard, I thought I might pass out. He began placing tender kisses up my thigh but then I felt him pause, heard an erotic exhale leave his lips. “You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he murmured. “So ready, so wet. God, I bet you taste good…”
With that, he ran his tongue up my core. The shock wave that radiated through me made me cry out, and I had to grip the edges of the island to stop myself from holding his head there. “Shit, yes, you taste good,” he panted. “Oh God, Kenzie, I need you so much.” There was something about the tone of his voice, some serious edge of pain, panic, and fear, and I knew he wasn’t talking about sex. I need you too.
“Hayden, please,” I begged. I don’t want to think about the bleakness of our future, I just want to savor the moments we have.
His mouth returned to me, his tongue stroking my core while he sucked, teased, and pleased. He was firm, aggressive, commanding, and still, it wasn’t enough. I let go of the counter to hold his head to me; I couldn’t let him go. I don’t want to ever let you go.
The painful need inside me grew to a precipice, and like he knew it was coming, Hayden slowed his movements, coaxing me to the end instead of pushing me. Euphoria crashed around me like a storm, and I couldn’t contain my joy. And just as the crest started fading, I felt Hayden pull my hips closer to the edge. Then he was filling me, and I gasped as he started stroking me toward something amazing again. I rocked my hips against him as he slammed into me. His noises were frantic, needy, like he was on the verge of climaxing. I was almost there again too. Just a little more.
“Fuck,” he murmured. His fingers swirled over a nipple, then trailed down my stomach. When he got to where we were joined, he moved his thumb in small circles over my core. “Come with me, Kenzie. God, please come with me.” I could tell by his voice that he was close, and his thumb running over me was exactly what I needed to get there.
My body stiffened as the ecstasy washed over me again. I clutched the hard surface above my head as a loud, passionate “Yes” escaped my lips. I felt Hayden coming a second later, heard his own erotic groans as he released, and I felt utterly and completely whole.
As the surge of bliss began to fade into the background, as our breathing returned to normal and our hearts slowed, a feeling of despair started sneaking up on me. How many times could we make love like this before we truly had to part ways?
Removing himself from me, Hayden handed me a dish towel from nearby, then pulled me into his arms. He held me close, like he also knew this couldn’t last. A contented sigh escaped me as I wrapped my arms around him. Yes, this is what love should feel like.
Hayden kissed my head before picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom. He laid me on the mattress in the dark room and helped me get under the covers. When we were both buried under blankets, I turned to face him. Pulling his mouth to mine, I wished with all my heart that I could keep him. That we could remain here, in this bed, and let everything in the outside world slip away.
As our lips moved together, I felt that same wish in the force of his kiss. We were both trying to hold on to something that couldn’t be contained. We’d each lose something far too important by being together. It was a price I couldn’t pay, even though I loved him.
Hayden sighed into my skin, a sound conflictingly full of happiness and sadness. He ran his fingers through my hair as he held me tight to his chest, and a heavy dread fell over us both. Because now that we had both fallen…the true pain would begin.
Chapter 20
I woke up to the feeling of a tongue swirling around my nipple. It wasn’t a bad way to wake up, but it was definitely disorienting. It took me a solid minute to remember what had happened last night—the disastrous race, fleeing the cops, the heated moment with Hayden in the kitchen, making love on the island…Hayden admitting he loved me, finally admitting to myself that I loved him too.
Pushing aside the emotional pain we’d experienced last night as we’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, I threaded my fingers through Hayden’s hair and allowed a satisfied hum to escape me. We were fated for disaster, but at least we had this moment together. And it was a good one.
Seeing that I was awake, Hayden started moving his lips up my neck. “Hey,” he said, his voice low and seductive. “I’m glad you’re up.”
“It’s not like you left me much of a choice,” I answered, angling my head so he could kiss all the way up my throat.
A low laugh escaped him as he nibbled on my earlobe. “What can I say? I like mornings.” I couldn’t help but smile. I liked mornings too, but for a whole new reason now.
Hayden placed a line of kisses along my jaw as his fingers moved up the inside of my thigh. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for him yet, but his finger against my skin was light and gentle, and before long I was breathing harder, wanting more.
He moved on top of me, then slowly slid inside. We both let out long, relieved exhales. “Making love to you feels so good…I don’t ever want to stop,” he said, giving me a soft kiss. I started to agree, but he moved his hips and I groaned instead.
The pace he kept was slow, steady and unhurried. We cherished every sensation, every thrust, every pulse of pleasure. I was torn between wanting that epic climax and never wanting to stop feeling this good. But eventually, I couldn’t contain the explosion. It was going to happen no matter what I did, and now that it was upon me, I didn’t want to stop it.
Grabbing Hayden’s hips, I pulled him into me. As my cries grew frantic, more urgent, Hayden dropped his head into my shoulder and started to stiffen with his own release. “God, yes, Kenzie, now…come with me.”
His angle as he came was perfect, and the explosion of bliss instantly hit me. I clawed at his hips as it overwhelmed me, buried me, consumed me. I would never be the same after making love to this man.
Hayden slumped against me, breathing heavily into my ear. I clutched him tight, desperately trying to hold on to the euphoria, desperately trying to ignore the fear that this might be our last time together.
“Oh God,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “Why weren’t we doing this from the beginning?”
Hayden laughed as he nuzzled my neck. “I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. Your stubbornness holds you back.”
“My stubbornness is part of the reason we race so well together,” I retaliated.
Lifting his head so he could look down at me, Hayden crooked a sexy smile. “True enough,” he murmured. Leaning down, he gave me a soft kiss, then rolled over so he could withdraw himself. I sighed as he left me, and Hayden looked back with an amused grin. “I’d be happy to do that again, but I think I need a drink first. I’m a little dehydrated.” I smacked his shoulder in answer…but I didn’t tell him no.
He left the room bare naked, and I waited just a half second before wrapping a sheet around myself and following him. When I caught up to him in the kitchen, he was slipping on his underwear. The room was strewn with clothes and memories. I wouldn’t be able to set anything on the island again without thinking of Hayden.
Opening a cupboard, I grabbed a glass and handed it to Hayden. While he walked over to the faucet to get some water, I studied the evidence of our lovemaking. My eyes washed over his jacket and a piece of last night popped into my head. “That thing you put over your license plate, it kept the number hidden, right?"
Hayden nodded while filling his glass. “Yeah…Hookup’s invention actually. You were already gone, but he peeled one off and slapped it on my plate before making a run for it. He always said he kept a few on him just in case of a bust. I thought he was crazy for being that paranoid, but I guess he wasn’t.” He frowned, then shoo
k his head like he was shaking off a bad thought
Just as Hayden started taking a sip of his water, his cell phone started ringing. Setting the glass down, Hayden made his way over to his jacket and found his phone; by the annoying alarm ringtone, we both knew who it was.
“Hookup, hey…you okay?” Cringing, Hayden pulled the phone away from his ear. Even from where I was standing I could hear Hookup’s annoyed voice. “Yeah, I see you’ve been calling all night. I was kind of…busy. Sorry. Kenzie and I are fine, though. We made it.” A flush crept through me as Hayden’s eyes met mine. I hadn’t heard his phone ringing. Guess we’d gotten carried away.
Hayden listened to Hookup talk for a little while, then asked, “Did everyone make it out?” His face suddenly went pale and his lips parted in surprise. “Grunts got picked up? Is he…? Are you getting him out? Are they pressing charges? Did he have the book on him?”
White-hot dread shot through me. I’d made a bet. My name was in that book, both as a bettor and a racer. I was double fucked if Grunts had it on him. Hayden closed his eyes; I didn’t know what that meant. Then he quietly said, “It was coded, right?”
He sagged in relief and I was finally able to breathe again. Jesus Christ. My life had actually flashed in front of my eyes. “Okay, yeah. Let me know when he’s home.”
He hung up the phone and I started panicking. “Grunts was caught? Is he going to jail? Am I going with him? Was my name in that book?” I frantically looked around my kitchen like the cops were about to bust in.
Shaking his head, Hayden walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “It’s fine, everything is fine. They were only able to bust him for evading police. There wasn’t enough proof of anything else, and the betting book is all gibberish nonsense. Grunts is the only one who knows how to read it. The cops just wanted to scare us. They’ve got nothing.”
I shoved him away from me. “Well, it worked, I’m scared. I can’t do this, Hayden. I can’t lose everything like that. My family, my career, my freedom? It’s too much…I can’t ever race again. I’m out. Hookup can hate me for life, but I’m done.”
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