“You don’t need to do that,” Ryder said. “We can use the same self-defense story and get Luke off of any charges.”
“He’ll have to face an inquiry from the CIA and the FBI,” Rowan countered. “I won’t.”
Ryder studied Rowan for another moment before tugging at Alex to leave. Her feet dragged against the dirt. Something deep in her chest told her not to leave. That if she did, she wouldn’t see him again. “Wait.”
Rowan stared at her. Intently. Passionately. Then he was there, the heat of him so close, she wanted to shut her eyes and lose herself in its comfort. But then it was gone just as fast as Rowan dropped a kiss on her forehead. A kiss that felt as intense as the kiss she’d given him in Paris. Right before they walked away from each other.
Obviously feeling that same familiarity, Rowan broke away with hard questions in his gaze. “Will you say it, Alex? Will you finally tell me to stay?”
A thousand things sat on the tip of her tongue. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears. Sweat coated her flesh. “Rowan…I—”
Sirens suddenly filled the silence.
Hurt crossed his expression before he turned away. “Go. Now.”
Alex’s mouth parted to stop him as Ryder pulled her away, but the words died in her tight throat. Her chest squeezed, reminding her she was still in grave danger, not from Lewis, but from the hold Rowan had on her heart.
CHAPTER 14
Late the next morning, and with six stitches in her throbbing arm, along with the stitches in her neck from the hitman Lewis hired to kill her, Alex stepped into her house, with Ryder hot on her heels, feeling like she’d left a piece of herself back in Woodbury. She got the stitches at the hospital there before they flew back home. Rowan wasn’t on that flight. Taylor had shown up at the hospital to take both Ryder’s and her account of what took place in the mine. Every story had been the same. Rowan took the fatal shot. Taylor had seemed satisfied and left without further comment. Then Ryder had a long talk with Luke on the flight home, but Alex had retreated into herself, only thinking of Rowan and how she’d wussed out instead of telling Rowan that her heart wanted him. Only him. Always him.
She sighed when Ryder shut the door behind him, relieved to be home, and yet wanting to be anywhere but there. “Do you want me to stay with you?” he asked.
“No,” she said, turning back to him and kicking off her shoes. “Go home to Hadley and the baby.”
She wasn’t sure what showed on her face, but it must have been bad, since she was tugged into Ryder’s safe arms. “Why are you doing this to yourself? Call him.”
Emotion welled in her throat before she cleared it away. “That’s not our thing. We don’t say goodbye.” Lies. She was terrified to admit that she needed anyone as badly as she needed Rowan.
Ryder pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “It doesn’t have to be your thing. Don’t lose him.” He leaned away, and just like a brother would, he gave it to her straight. “Swallow your pride and go after this one. I like him.” He gave her a final tight hug before letting her go and moving to the door. His hand wrapped around the silver handle and then he turned to her. “I know you’re scared to death of how he makes you feel, but love doesn’t always hurt.” He gave a soft smile. “You deserve to be happy, Alex. You only need to stop running from it.”
She had no response, so she stayed silent as he left. Love did hurt. Always.
Not quite sure what to do with herself, she locked the door behind Ryder and turned on her security system. Feeling gross and nearly crawling out of her skin, she headed straight for the shower.
She turned the water on as hot as she could tolerate and stepped inside, washing away Lewis’s hands on her and the confusion swirling in her mind. Call him. It seemed so easy, and yet the words were stuck in her throat, impossible to get out. To need him…to truly need anyone…she didn’t know how to stay. She forged on, worked hard, but to stop and breathe was not something she knew how to do. When the shower did nothing to help her mood, she shampooed her hair, careful not to get her arm wet and then got out of the shower, tucking a towel around her torso.
That’s when she realized she wasn’t alone.
A shadow sat in her living room chair.
She turned fast and grabbed her weapon from her bedside table and aimed it at the shadow, her heart thundering in her ears. “There’s a gun aimed at your head.”
A low chuckle. “If you shoot me, will you tie me to a chair and fuck me again?”
Warmth and emotion rushed Alex so fast she stumbled, the gun—with the safety still on—falling to the floor. She flicked the light on next to her, bathing her space in a soft glow that only added to the tenderness in Rowan’s eyes.
She blinked. “How did you get in here?”
A sexy smile tugged at his mouth. “I’m a spy, Alex, I can get in anywhere.” He paused, then arched a brow. “Or maybe I should say, I was a spy.”
She glanced at the security system on her wall. One she knew was unbreakable. “But Ryder’s security is on in this place.”
Rowan’s grin widened. “Which probably explains why he offered me a job in New York City?”
The space between them felt heavy and full of all things that should have been said so long ago. “Did you accept it?”
Rowan gave a slow nod and began to rise. “I turned it down.” Her heart promptly landed in her belly as he stepped closer and went on. “But I told him I would work for him here in San Francisco.”
Her hair on her arms rose, her throat tightening. “I didn’t think I’d see you again. That your patience had been worn thin.”
“No, Alex,” he said, stopping in front of her. His soft eyes—the ones he only gave to her—held. “But I understand why your mind goes there. It’s all you know. People leaving you.” He paused a moment, his sizzling stare roaming over her face until it landed on her lips. “You’re locked up tight, protective.” He tucked a finger into the front of her towel and tugged her forward, causing her belly to quiver, when his hard body pressed intimately against hers. “But let me ask you this”—he held her close and brought her lips within a whisper of his own—“what did you feel when you thought I wouldn’t come for you?”
Every warm thing in her body turned to ice. Her hands grew sweaty, her stomach clenching. She stared into the strength of Rowan’s eyes and let herself fall there, into that safe place. “Empty,” she barely managed to squeeze out of her dry throat.
Soft emotion touched his sculpted face. “And what did you feel when you saw me sitting here?”
“Better,” was her reply.
His smile was everything beautiful in what could be a dark world. “We both know why that is, don’t we?” He tucked her dripping wet hair behind her ear, following the movement with his gaze. “We knew it the second we met in Paris. We knew it so much that we ran from each other to avoid the scary shit that we feel together because it doesn’t make sense. It’s intense and wild and so damn good, we feel like we don’t deserve it.” His eyes captured hers and packed an emotional punch to her throat when he went on. “But we do deserve it. The both of us. I’ve had my adventures. I want a new one. With you, if you’ll have me.”
She felt the fear creep up, desperately attacking the warmth, while Rowan stared at her, patiently waiting for her response. She forced herself to give it to him. “I don’t need anyone,” she said, her voice shaking. “I haven’t for a really long time.” She fisted her hand belonging to her uninjured arm into his shirt and pulled him closer. “I need you, Rowan. It scares me how much I need you.”
“Don’t be scared, luv,” he murmured, brushing his lips against hers. “I love you.”
The guards around her heart shattered. “You love me?” she asked through watery eyes.
He dropped his mouth to hers in a whisper of a kiss. “I love you, and you love me.” Again, and again, he kissed her just barely, enough to tease. “Tell me what we both know is true. Tell me so we can stop fighting this.”
&nbs
p; And just like that, everything wasn’t so scary anymore.
She had him. He had her. And somehow that made complete sense.
“I love you, Rowan,” she whispered against his mouth.
The smile he gave was blinding and sweet all at once, and then his lips found hers. His kiss was gentle and tender, but soon, all that softness was replaced with a need she understood. With no barriers between them, nothing but their new love they’d been fighting a long time, came a need that was raw and ravenous. A desire that had to be fed. She ripped at his clothing, while he yanked away her towel, sending it to the floor. He had her in his arms, naked and ready, and then soon, laid her out on the mattress, closing his body against hers.
“So beautiful,” he murmured, sliding between her thighs. Then he grasped her hip and the tip of him found her, and he entered her with one swift stroke. She was ready for him, so wet and warm, and she began to move with him. “All mine,” he growled.
“All mine,” she growled back.
Slow and gentle, his mouth returned to hers as they moved together, no longer fighting what their hearts wanted. He was hard and deep inside, and every stroke of his cock sent pleasure skyrocketing through her. She held onto his strong shoulders, digging into his flesh, riding him while he worked above her.
Until it wasn’t enough.
She slid her hands down to his sculpted buttocks, feeling the hard muscles working with every thrust. “Make me yours, Rowan,” she breathed. “Give me what I need.”
His eyes flashed with something primal and possessive as he growled, then rocked harder into her, his kiss slowly becoming more demanding.
She answered that need and kissed him back harder, shifting her hips beneath him in the rhythm he set. When he growled again, this time deeper, he latched an arm around her waist and then flipped their positions.
“Go on,” he grunted, reaching up to hold her breast in his tight grip. “Take what you want.”
And she did.
She took all of him, as deep as she could take him, feeling connected in ways she never dreamed of. She rode him. Hard. He held her breasts, squeezing them tight as she rocked back and forth, the hardness of him giving her the perfect fullness she craved.
Over and over again, she moved and rocked and bounced, and took and took, until she was quivering and moaning, her head tipped back with the soaring pleasure. And then he groaned deep from his chest, a sound that was all hers, belonging only to her. She broke apart, the pleasure spilling out over her until she was boneless.
“Do that again,” Rowan grunted, flipping her onto her back, hooking her leg onto his arm before he rode her hard. His face was buried in her neck, his deep moans brushing against her ear. She began moaning, the pleasure making her mindless to anything but the way Rowan ground against her, every place he touched her. But then those moans from her mouth became screams, and that’s when it became clear that wherever they’d go, even if that was crashing over the edge, they’d always go together.
CHAPTER 15
One month had gone by since the women were rescued from the mine, and Alex was only too glad she didn’t live in New York City. The news held onto what Lewis had done for the entire month. The story was everywhere. Luckily, her face wasn’t anywhere near the news, nor was Rowan’s, but Ryder, as the face of Blackwood Security, was all over the television. Which had been exactly as she hoped. He got the press and the credit for their hard work, which would only be good business. And Rowan got his justice against Lewis, and the knowledge that he’d helped take down the man who terrorized his sister. Just thinking about Lewis again made the scar on her arm tingle. She ran a finger down the reddish mark that still hadn’t completely healed yet and shivered at the memory of the blade dragging through her flesh.
“You look like you need a beer.”
Reminded she wasn’t alone, Alex dropped her hand and smiled at the familiar voice. She looked up to meet strong hazel eyes and dark messy hair. Gabe O’Keefe, owner of O’Keefe pubs, a chain of Irish pubs across North America, and also one of Ryder’s closet friends. He wore a black T-shirt with O’Keefe’s lime logo across his chest. “A beer sounds great,” she said.
He grabbed a bottle from the fridge and cracked it open. “Long day?” he asked, offering her the beer.
She accepted it with a nod. Her head hurt. Her fingers hurt. Today they’d worked an identity theft case. Sometimes those were easy cases. Today’s case was daunting and draining, and her brain needed a break before it fizzled out. “How’s McKenna?” she asked, inquiring about Gabe’s wife.
“Very pregnant,” he said with a sweet smile that spoke of his love for her. “And very miserable too. She’s a week overdue.”
“That sounds uncomfortable,” Alex said with a laugh. “Tell her I say hi, and that I hope the baby hurries up and gets here soon.”
“I’ll make sure to do just that.” And maybe knowing she wasn’t really in the mood to talk, he added, “Enjoy the beer. Let me know if you need another.”
“Thanks. I will.” She watched him walk away to the other customers at the end of the bar. The noise in the pub engulfed her—chatting, laughing, even the man next to her burped—washing over her and letting her know how much she’d been inside her head. There was not an empty table in the room. Wood panel walls surrounded her, with the bar off to the right and tables scattered throughout, and even a pool table at the back where an obvious double date was going on.
When Gabe grabbed another beer for the customer he served, the front door opened, and Ryder’s entire inner circle walked in. Micah and Allie. Darius and Taylor. They were laughing about something but paused to give Alex a wave. She’d done some work for some of them over the years, and they were Ryder’s closest friends. The people he trusted above all else, including her and his team. She returned the wave, then focused on her beer, not wanting to bring any conversation her way. She wanted quiet for a little while before she went back to headquarters and kept digging for the slime ball that stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from a person who had the money to find him.
She stared down at the bubbles in her beer when suddenly the air around her shifted from warm to red-hot. A smile touched her mouth before she glanced up finding Rowan there. “Hi,” she said.
“Hi.” His smooth voice took away the icy chill in her bones. He gave her a warm kiss. “Ryder told me you came here. Everything all right?”
She shrugged. “Just needed a break.”
“Ah,” he said, sliding onto the stool next to her. “Still working that case?”
She nodded. “Still at it.” But that’s not what was on her mind all day. She turned and studied him, trying to assess his mood. “How was your day?” Today had been Rowan’s first protective detail job working for Ryder. For the last month, he’d worked cases alongside Alex, but he missed being in the field, so Ryder gave him his first assignment protecting a rich and powerful CEO who had received threatening letters. Jeff was working that case alongside Rowan. Far less exciting than his regular CIA gig.
“Rowan.” He glanced up right as Gabe slid a beer down the bar.
Rowan caught it and lifted the bottle up in salute. “Thanks, buddy.”
Gabe smiled then focused back on his group, who all gave Rowan a wave. In that regard, Rowan had fit right in. Ryder’s friends liked him. The team respected him. Alex had never been happier. Life should have been great…yet…there was a tightness in her chest all day she couldn’t get rid of.
After Rowan took a sip of his beer, he said, “Today was far more eventful than I think anyone was expecting.”
She gave a sidelong glance. “What do you mean?”
“The CEO was attacked on the street.”
She spun on her stool, giving him a harder look over, reassessing. “You didn’t get hurt?”
He chuckled, his eyes twinkling while he grabbed her chin and dropped another kiss on her mouth. “I’m fine, but I do appreciate that worry you’ve got for me.” His hand lowered and he
took another long draw of his beer before continuing on. “The idiot didn’t even get close, but the case is over. The guy is in jail.”
“Who was it?”
Rowan shrugged. “An angry customer.”
Alex laughed. And yet…and yet…even to her ears, it sounded miserable.
A beat passed, then a gentle finger tucked under her chin. Rowan’s eyes were soft and sweet and questioning. “Want to tell me why you’re really here?”
Of course, he saw right through her. She’d spent all day considering how to address her concerns, but all of those thoughts vanished, and she blurted out, “Are you happy?”
Rowan’s brows furrowed. “Why would you think I wouldn’t be happy?”
“You didn’t answer my question,” she pointed out, annoyed because he seemed to do that very easily. “I guess I’m just thinking…I mean…this job, is this really want you want? You protected a CEO today. In your world, that’s got to be boring as hell. That would be like me fixing computers with viruses on them. A total drag.”
Again, his eyes got soft. “You’re what I want, Alex.”
And that’s what sickened her. “I don’t want you to give anything up. You can have me and the CIA.”
He watched her closely then shook his head. “No, I can’t, and we both know why that is.”
Because she broke the law. A lot. Did she have to work in those gray areas sometimes? Yes. Would she always have to? Yes. That would never change. “I just can’t imagine not having my job,” she told him honestly. “And I feel like I’m taking something away from you.”
“Stop it,” he said firmly, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her palm. “You’ve given me everything.”
Of course, he’d say that. He was trying to placate her. She huffed. “But will you change your mind?”
His back straightened and he let out a long deep breath before answering her, “You’re scared.” She parted her lips to object, and he placed his finger over top. “I said it, so you don’t have to. We both know that’s what’s going on here. This is all new and that’s unnerving, and you’re worried that all of a sudden I’m going to walk away from you and want this other life I had.” He dragged that finger slowly across her lips, his simmering gaze following her every move. Until he looked her in the eye again, then that heat faded. “You once told me that Ryder was tired of all the death and the darkness and that’s why he left the Army Rangers.”
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