by Auryn Hadley
Sal smiled and nodded. "Ya know, I've never celebrated the New Year before. I mean, not with a family at least. Jase, I can't believe it hasn't even been a year since I've been a Blade."
"I know. Ya kinna feel like ya've always been one a us." He laughed, lightening the mood. "C'mon, let's find something ta eat then try it on. Ya need a break b'fore ya run through that again, and poor Hwa is gonna be feeling it by now."
That evening she tried on her new armor. The entire pack commented on how terrifying she looked in it before she had to run the gauntlet again. Each time it got easier. Soon, she began to practice with Hwa each morning, learning the combat styles of the grauori, and spent her evenings watching for her packmates to make random attempts to knock her off her feet. She improved each day, but none of them would let her stop, knowing that her life depended on being better than any assassin had been before. Every meal became a tactical session and every evening Sal treated as her last.
The night before the coronation – the day she planned to run the gauntlet – she lay awake in Jase's arms. She was sure he'd long since passed out, but her thoughts refused to let her do the same. Tomorrow might be her last. If she failed, the guards wouldn't allow her to simply apologize and return to the Conglomerate. They all knew it. None of them had spoken it aloud, yet she'd seen it in their eyes as she left the fire that night. She'd felt it in the desperation of Jase's touch as he'd made love to her.
She'd grown so close to him in these last few months. They understood each other in a way she'd never thought possible, and he smiled now – a lot. The grauori had changed him like nothing else seemed to, not even Sal.
She wondered if that could be why he'd allowed himself to finally open up. Jase had always been a skilled fighter and a born assassin, but only recently had he begun to assert himself. Cyno, as the Black Blades knew him, had kept himself reserved and at the edges of society. Her fellow Blades often commented on their fear of him – and their respect – easily acknowledging how lethal he could be, but he'd only ever let Zep close. In the past month, he'd grown into a leader as the grauori looked to him for answers. She couldn't get enough of his newfound confidence.
In many ways, she regretted that she hadn't just run to him when Blaec had cast her away. That was another week that she could've had with him. But one thought lead to another, and she found herself thinking of Blaec. He had an exterior of steel but inside he was as fragile as glass. His men were all there for him, but until she'd joined their ranks, he'd refused to take the support they offered, keeping his regrets bottled inside until he was near breaking. She knew it was his own fears of failure that had caused the rift between them. That's why she'd waited, why she never resented him. At least that's what she told herself.
She sighed again and watched the canvas of their ceiling billow gently in the winter wind.
"You know, Roo's still awake," Jase whispered softly beside her, startling her with his voice.
Sal flicked her ears at him, unable to follow his thoughts. "No, I didn't."
"Yeh, I can hear her outside. Ask her ta get Arctic, kitten. Ya will na sleep until ya talk ta them, and we both know yer gonna need it."
"I don't know what I'd say to them, Jase."
He pulled her to him, his arms comforting. "Tell them ya love them, kitten. All of them. They need ta hear it, an' I think ya need ta say it."
"Yeah." She took one more deep breath. "And so you know, I love you, too."
He chuckled softly. "I know, Sal. I do."
Chapter 12
Jase was right, she needed to talk to her pack before she tried to kill herself in the morning. Reaching out with her mind for Roo, she asked for a link to the Blades. Her friend readily agreed, and Sal waited impatiently for a voice in her head.
Sal? Arctic asked finally. Isn't it late there?
Yeah, but the coronation's tomorrow.
Oh fuck, ok, hang on, demon. She felt his mind drift as he called out to the others. You want a full link, or do you want us to take turns?
Turns, I think. And you're first, Arctic.
You know you'll do fine, right? He understood immediately what she was thinking.
I hope so, but if I'm not, I just wanted to hear you again. I miss you guys, ya know? I'm tired of being cold, and I'm more than ready to be back.
I hear ya, kid. It hasn't been the same without you. Zep and Razor got into it the other day, Zep's arrogance getting the best of him. You know how he is.
She smiled. Yeah, I do. Take care of them for me, Arctic? Even Blaec. I know he tries to be brave and stoic, but we both know better.
I will. I promise. I also won't let you wallow in misery. We both know you're too damned good for that. But I know you have things to say... She felt his tone and knew he was about to pull away.
Arctic, before you pass me off?
Yeah?
I just... she didn't know how to explain how she felt. You know I've always thought you were so beautiful, but you have to stop being so serious all the time. You're not Blaec, and you don't want to be. Don't go down the same path? Don't try to force yourself to be something you aren't. Take some time for yourself, ok?
She could feel him blushing across the link, Thank you, Sal. Damn, you just embarrassed me but thank you. If you make it home, I promise to tell you a secret, K?
Ok, fair 'nough, she said, her mind curious.
Zep's going to kill me if I don't pass you over. Blaec said he'll go last.
Thanks, Captain. And she felt her mind tossed to the next man.
Sal! Zep's voice rang in her mind.
Hey, tough guy. I have bad news for you.
What'd ya do to poor Cyno this time, babe?
Nah, not that. I've just found something more iliri than I am. I think you're going to have to adjust your standards for women.
She felt him laugh. I've actually had the same girl in my bed for months now, Sal. You'd be proud of me.
Iliri?
About as much as Cyno. You remember Ryali from Tensa's, right? Her. I like this one, he said, then his thoughts shifted. Blaec's been handling this well, too.
Good. I'd worried a bit.
Yeah, at first, we were all a bit nervous about mentioning the two of your names too close together, ya know. But he's good with it. He's thrown himself into tactics, and he's been slightly obsessed with what's going on up in Anglia, but he's good.
Thanks for the head's up, Zep.
Yeah, and we heard about your new friends. Tilso's making plans for housing them, but it looks like we might be moving the home base up to Prin. There's a stable outside there that's perfect for what we need, but the move won't be as easy as we'd like. We've got a whole crop of foals coming, most by LT's stallion, but the major doesn't want to leave Tilso behind. We're probably each going to get a backup mount. Oh? And did you get the presents yet?
I did! Ayati, Zep, the blades are perfect. I may keep that knife in its sheath a bit more, now. Did you hear they're the swords I'm going to present to the King?
Nope, but that's perfect, kid. How's Cyno holding up?
He's pretty good. Why?
Zep seemed amused as he responded, Because he's been alone with you for months. He's either gone feral, or he's been tamed.
Neither! Sal said adamantly.
You seem to have one hell of an effect on the men around here. You sure about that?
We're good, Zep. We're more than good.
Good, I'm glad to hear it. Take care of him, Sal. I don't know if he'll say it or not, but he'd be lost without you. And don't let him do any stupid shit.
Not more than usual, she promised. And you'd better be working on your Iliran, because I can hold entire conversations in it now.
He just laughed at that. I'm getting better. I promise – but I have to share ya. Happy New Year's, Sal. It's a day early, but I wanted to be sure to tell ya.
Thanks, big brother, she thought, giving her closest friend a mental hug before she felt herself shifted again.
Eventually, there was only her commander left. When she felt her mind moved to his, her stomach clenched, and she wondered what she'd say. His mind rushed into the link stronger and clearer than the others. She could feel his emotions clearly.
You're doing this tomorrow? he asked by way of greeting.
Yeah. I've been training for it for a month, and I think I'm ready, but this won't be easy.
You know I wouldn't have sent you if I didn't think you'd come home, right?
I do. It's just nice to be able to hear you all again. I kept thinking about what I might not get to say to each of you.
I know, love. And I do love you. I miss you. How are things going with you and Cyno?
She laughed. His lack of jealousy always struck her as strange, more so since she'd been with Jase for so long now. He's good. We didn't go feral, but we did have a few nice massacres. You heard about my new friends, right?
Yeah, and you owe me a shirt. I poured whiskey all over mine when Arctic told me your threat.
And? she pressed.
If you say they're in, then they're in. You should know that I can't go against you in something like that. I mean, I'm not sure how we'll handle all the details, but as far as I'm concerned, they're just Blades I haven't met yet.
They're useful too, Blaec. Damn, and they can fight. But, there's something else.
What?
Tell Tilso to plan for a pair of pups. Aroora's pregnant. They'll be ready to fight beside us in two years.
Ok, that's one way to increase the ranks. Speaking of that, the new guys are holding up pretty good. Geo has a strange talent, and we don't quite understand it yet, but Audgan can back off nearly an entire platoon with just his ability.
Mine are a linker and another shifter. Roo's been teaching us more about the gifts too. We've barely been scratching the surface of what some of these things can do, and her people have been perfecting the use of them for centuries.
Damn, ok. Yeah, they're definitely in. She could feel his excitement about the possibilities they brought. But enough business. I want to know about you.
I'm in love with him. I finally realized it, she admitted.
More like admitted it. Did you tell him?
Yeah.
And?
He cried. She shrugged, unsure of how else to explain it. He laughs more now, too. And the grauori? He's closer to them in many ways than I am. They've brought him out of his shell.
Sal, you have no idea how much he cares for you. I know you can't cry, but we do it for the strangest things. Love is a good example. But you're not telling me something. What is it?
She paused, unsure how to break it but knowing that there was no way to lie mind to mind. It's not fair to be alone with him and keep calling him my second mate. I know you were first, but...
Sal, I've never demanded that position. What do you want, sweetness?
I honestly don't know. I love you, you know that.
I never doubt it.
But… he's different, she admitted.
Sweetness, he's your kind. You will always be mine – I'll make sure of that – but if I'm your first man or your second, that doesn't matter to me. You're my shoulder, and in some ways, you're my strength, but if you move into his rooms when you get back, all I ask is that you tell me, so I don't lay awake wondering. Hell, I'll just make sure he gets rooms big enough for two on principle. I'm not blind Sal. I see how you two are together. Hell, once Zep made me realize that it's my damned iliri side that caused all those problems, I... he paused. You're going to kill me.
What did you do?
I made it known that you are mine, but that anyone in the Blades is welcome to try. It's your choice after all who you show your affections to. Even Arctic.
Oh, I see, so you just tried to give me away? She was amused, well aware that wasn't what he meant.
Oh fuck no. I just gave them permission to try. You know how my damned alpha pride works. It's still your choice which ones you accept. I can be stupid, but I'm not quite that stupid.
There was only one way to reply. I love you, Blaec. I've missed you so much.
I love you too, sweetness.
Would you do something for me, though? This is a big favor.
Anything, he assured her.
If I die tomorrow, tell Jase I was going to make him first?
Are you?
I don't know, love. I really don't. Maybe? Probably? But tell him regardless? It'll matter to him.
Yeah, I know. I promise, Sal. I'll tell him, and I'll make sure he believes it.
Outside, bats were starting to chatter. When a log slipped on the fire, she couldn't ignore how much time had passed. She wanted to spend all night talking to him but knew that would be the death of her.
It's early, Blaec. I have to sleep.
I know, and yet I don't want to let you. Think fast tomorrow, little one, and move faster. Come home to me. Hell, come home to us.
I will Blaec. And thank you for the bars, that means a lot to me.
You're the only one that could wear them. Good night, Sal. Don't keep me waiting to know how things go, at least have Roo send to Arctic.
I promise. Good night, Major. I do love you.
She let the link fade then thanked Roo, smiling as she curled up next to Jase. He tried to feign sleep, but she knew better.
"I told him how things have changed between us, you know," she whispered. "He said they're moving to a new stable, closer to the front line. He'll be sure to assign you a room large enough for two."
Jase chuckled quietly in the darkness. "Yeah, that's how he is."
"He also said that I'm still his. You can be first, but I'm still his soldier above all else – and when he needs me, he gets me."
Jase was silent for a long time before he finally spoke. "Sal?"
"Yeah, killer?"
"I finally understand him." He pulled her close and held her until she found sleep with a smile on her lips.
Chapter 13
Getting through the city gates of Dorton was easy. Not a single guard stopped Sal to check for weapons, which was odd with the hilts peeking above each shoulder. She pulled her worn cloak tighter around her, the faded material masking her immaculate armor beneath. In one hand she carried her helm, the other entwined with Jase's.
"Make sure you tell the mutts they're full Blades?" she asked, last minute concerns flickering across her mind.
"Nah, I think that'll be yer job. Breathe, kitten. Ya know ya got this."
She nodded and, with him at her side, pushed through the crowd. Just before they reached the Palace doors, he pulled her into a nook between two buildings. Sal stripped off her worn cloak and passed it to him. He tossed it casually over his shoulder, his twilight eyes staring into hers passionately.
"Do ya remember that first night ya kissed me, Sal?"
"Yeah. You called to my body like a flame, and I couldn't think about anything else no matter how hard I tried."
"I'd wanted ta kiss ya for so long, and when it happened, I did na know what ta do." He smiled at her sadly, his eyes searching hers. "Are ya scared, kitten?"
"I am. Not a lot, but a bit, yeah."
His answer was to wrap her in his arms and kiss her deeply. It was frantic and desperate, but exactly what she needed. When their lips parted, he pushed his sleeves to his elbows and looked at her again. "Ya have yer steel knife on ya?"
She nodded, confused.
"Ok, lemme have it. Ya will na be using it t'day, and worst case..." His shrug took the place of words.
"I'd rather it ends up with y
ou than with some metal-hungry guard? You're right."
She slid the knife from its sheath, but before she could turn the blade, he caught her hand, closing her fingers tightly on the hilt. She paused, looking up at his eyes. He didn't look away. Without a hint of submission, Jase moved the steel to his forearm. The corners of his lips twisted higher – then he cut. Sal felt flesh part easily beneath the sharp edge, and Jase sighed. She watched his eyes change, the pupils contracting to mere slits at the taste of the pain. So close, she could smell the sharp tang of his excitement and her body reacted. A surge of desire raced over her skin like tingles. She wanted more. Needed it. He was so close and always willing. Without thinking, she leaned in, but he held her back.
"Taste it, kitten. I wanna taste my blood on yer lips."
Intoxicated by the bloodlust, she couldn't help herself. She lifted his arm to her mouth and let her tongue slide along the cut, closing her eyes at the natural perfection of him. One of his strong hands palmed the back of her neck, and he pulled her face up, forcing her to look at him. Slowly, torturously, he brought his mouth to hers and flicked his tongue across her lips before delving inside. With their mouths locked together, his mind entangled hers as tightly as his hands in her hair.
All she could do was cling to him. A moan slipped out and she clawed at his shoulder, needing him closer. Her nails pressed hard against the back of his neck. One of his hands slipped to the dip of her back, sliding across the intricate rings like glass. Too soon, he broke the kiss – and pushed her against the wall, wrenching her hands from his body. She gasped with her need for more.
Panting just as hard as she was, his voice came out rough. "I'm na a fool, kitten. I'd never make it through those doors if I had yer marks on me, but I understand how this works. If ya wanna sink those pretty teeth inta my body, ya'd better lay those swords b'fore the King."
His thumb brushed her cheek once, and he stepped back. When she tried to follow, he pushed, again shoving her into the wall. This time, his eyes were cold, not filled with the passion she needed so badly. Then he turned and walked into the Palace without another word. Sal growled, resisting her desire to follow him, to take him. As she clenched her fists against the frustration, she realized what he'd done. The maast took all fear. It sharpened her senses. It turned the world crystal clear. Looking down, she found her steel knife still clasped tightly in her hand, his blood dripping softly from the edge.