by Jenny Hale
The image of the boy wasn’t clear anymore after all these years, but the way he made her feel remained strong in her memory. She blinked, clearing it, wondering why it had come to her now. Maybe the whole thing with Matt was lingering at the back of her mind, playing with her thoughts. Even though she didn’t want to admit it, there was a tiny bit of shame lingering, making her feel like there was something wrong with her that had caused Matt to stray, even though she tried to tell herself otherwise. The reminiscence of that summer day long ago made her feel stronger now.
Alice unlocked the windows and pushed them up, the sea air soaring in. She hadn’t been upstairs since her father had started packing Gramps’s things. She hadn’t had the strength until now. He’d told her there were still a few items left that wouldn’t fit in the storage unit he’d rented to hold it all until he could go through everything, but she figured she could just push them aside for now and find a place for them later.
She could already feel the lump in her throat at seeing the emptiness of the shop again, let alone Gramps’s apartment upstairs. She remembered how he would pin a sheet to the slanted rafter beams, each end of the fabric draping down onto the arms of the sofa underneath it, making a tent. He would fill the space with pillows and a blanket, just for her. She loved sleeping there. With the windows open and the sound of the ocean, it felt like she was really camping.
She’d let Sasha take the dog and his crate upstairs for her. But at some point, she’d have to go up so it might as well be now. The boards of the narrow wooden steps creaked underneath her feet, as she remembered them doing when Gramps walked up them. The treads were worn, the finish lightened in the center of each one. With every step, she could feel her heart hammering, unsure if she could face the onslaught of memories. She got to the apartment at the top and paused in the empty living and kitchen area to give herself a minute. The sofa was gone now, the space open and airy—just a few boxes, a trunk, and a lamp with its cord wrapped around its base on the whitewashed floor.
“It’s so clean and roomy,” Sasha said, now standing next to her. “This is going to be amazing when we get our hands on it.”
The apartment consisted of one large room with four smaller rooms off of it; there was a modest kitchen at one end with white cabinets, gray countertops, and a view of the cottages and the sea just above the sink. The rafters were exposed, but Gramps had painted them white along with everything else: the walls, the floor—all of it white. He’d explained it to her once that he’d chosen a light color to make the place look bigger. Now that she could see it through adult eyes, he was right. Without his things in the room to age it, the place looked as new as her apartment back in the city. She walked over to the large double windows at the other end and opened them to let the heat out and the breeze in.
“Your gorgeous navy and gray patterned rug would be perfect right here,” Sasha said, her voice animated as she pointed to the large space that Alice was already thinking would make a good sitting area. “Some white, gauzy curtains on those windows…”
Henry and Einstein clambered up the steps and joined them, Einstein getting right to business, pacing past his crate and sniffing the place.
“I just got white slip covers for my old chair and the sofa that were in my apartment,” Alice added, the anticipation of starting over beginning to bubble up. “With the navy and yellow pillows I got, they’ll fit right in.”
“Oh my gosh, yes!” Sasha danced around the open space, taking Henry’s hands and spinning him, making him giggle. “I have those glass floor lamps too! I’m imagining a painted starfish here on this wall…” She gave Henry one more spin and then let go, pointing to a small space beside the windows.
Alice was getting a vision for the place already. “Maybe we could go shopping later for knick knacks.”
“And cocktails.” Sasha widened her eyes suggestively, making Alice laugh. That was the Sasha she knew and loved.
“You know, Henry, there’s a restaurant that makes cocktails for kids too,” Alice said, “Fruity drinks with whipped cream and a maraschino cherry on top. Gramps used to take me there. I hope it’s still open.”
“I’m hungry now,” Henry said, grabbing his tummy. “Do we have any food?”
“I didn’t pack a whole lot.” Alice walked over to the fridge and opened it. Thankfully, it had still been plugged in and was ice cold when they’d placed their food from traveling inside. She peered in at the half-empty bottle of water and a single-serve fruit and cheese tray she’d picked up on the way. Henry had eaten all the crackers. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t we run out and get a few groceries?”
Henry’s face dropped, but he nodded politely. She knew that after that drive, asking him to get groceries was a little much, with the beach just outside. Einstein, who probably felt just the same as Henry, also needed to get out and run.
Sasha seemed to have the same thought because she offered, “I could run out.”
Henry turned to her happily. “Oh! Can you buy me the little squishy fruity things that are in the shapes of animals? I like those for dessert. What are they called, Mom?” He’d squatted down and was threading his fingers through Einstein’s fur, the back of his hair sticking up from sleeping in the car.
Alice’s mind was so full, she wasn’t placing the brand name. “I can see the box—it’s blue with yellow writing… Why don’t I just go? Would it be okay if you took Henry and Einstein to the beach while I run to the store? You could make me a list of anything specific that you want, and I’ll just get it all. I know the area and there’s a grocery store just down the bypass. I’d be less than an hour if I get us everything for a week.”
“That sounds like a plan,” Sasha said, grinning at Henry. “Let’s get your swimsuit and your boogie board.”
Chapter Five
The ocean breeze had all but erased Matt from Alice’s consciousness; the brief memory of that boy at the window had been as close as she’d come to thinking about him. She could feel the tension fading away with every salty breath she took, exactly like Gramps had taught her to do. Even though she’d just arrived and there was a ton of work to get done, she was already glad she’d decided to make this move. Thankful to Sasha for talking her through it, she’d spent some time browsing in the local shops before getting the groceries, hoping to surprise her friend with a little token of thanks. She’d tried to be fast, running through them, eyeing trinkets and frames, cups and key chains, looking for something to give her, but when she peered down at her watch, Alice was flabbergasted at how much time she’d taken.
She’d settled on a blue and beige-colored coffee mug with OBX, the nickname for the Outer Banks, printed on it. The cashier had wrapped it in tissue paper and placed it in a white plastic bag with the shop’s emblem—but she’d do one more quick swoop through a few more shops to see if there was anything else she could get to go with it. She had also bought Henry a kite—the expensive kind made of fabric and real woven string on a wooden spool. She felt like celebrating tonight, and she planned to buy a bottle of champagne to open after setting three chairs in the sand once the sun had started its descent. But she really needed to hurry. Henry had said he was hungry ages ago, and all they had at the house besides what she’d put in the fridge was a bag of chips and half a candy bar that they’d bought on the way down.
She’d walked from shop to shop, stopping in just a few more, and she’d gotten so far away from her car, which was parked outside the grocery store, that she found herself jogging in her flip-flops to make up time, the gift bags swinging at her sides. When she finally got to the grocery store, she was hot, out of breath, and tired, but she lumped her gift bags into a shopping cart and headed in, making a mental list of things they would need.
Then, she started down the aisles.
By the time Alice had gotten to the fruit and vegetable section, she’d slowed just slightly, the icy cold of the aisle giving her goosebumps. The hum of music over the speakers and the fluorescent lights
helped her to focus. She stopped in front of the apples, reaching for one when a shiver from the cold air surprised her, causing her to fumble the fruit, bumping the stack next to it. Suddenly, an avalanche of apples came tumbling toward her.
“Oh!” Alice called, trying to catch them as they dodged her grasp, her tired limbs reacting too slowly.
Just as panic set in, the apples assaulting her while she shimmied back and forth in front of the display, two strong, tanned forearms swooped into her view, catching the rest and setting them right again. She tried to steady the ones she’d gathered, gently placing them back in their spots, one last defiant apple sneaking past her. It was caught in midair and returned to its place.
That was when Alice finally looked up to thank the owner of those arms—but also out of curiosity, because if the arms looked like that, what must the face…
“You were almost buried by apples,” he said. His eyes were a sparkly green, creasing at the edges with a smile that took over his face. There was a kind look to his features, but it also seemed like he could command attention at an instant. His smile widened, if that were possible, when he looked down at her, making her knees feel like jelly. “You okay?” he asked, and she realized her look of horror at the falling apples was probably still contorting her face.
Alice nodded, willing words to come out of her mouth. But her sudden muted state and her expression weren’t because of her battle with the fruit. They were because, for some cosmically unknown reason, he made her want to be at her best. She’d barely combed her hair this morning before the trip, the wind had erased any effort she’d put in at all, and she had a coffee stain on her shirt from the gas station cup with the ill-fitting lid. Her clothes were wrinkled, her flip-flops were the old ones she used to water the plants outside her apartment, and she hadn’t even put on any jewelry. But why did she care what a gorgeous man in the supermarket thought? She was over that. Independent woman—that’s what she was. She straightened her shoulders.
An apple teetered precariously at the edge of the pile. He leaned across her, his face next to hers, and caught it, sending a clean scent of cotton and spice her way. “Steady, boy,” he teased as he scolded it. He looked at her in a way she’d never had another man look at her upon meeting her. It was as if he could see right through to her soul, but she knew that was just ridiculous. Not even the boy from her youth could do that. Could there actually be someone out there who would meet the expectations she’d set that day? No matter how hard she tried to tell herself otherwise, she could feel his compassion through his eyes. Once he righted himself, he said, “I’m Jack.” He held out a hand, those arms coming back into view. “Jack Murphy.”
As if his touch were electric, when she shook his hand, it jolted her mouth into working order and she found her words. “Hi, Jack,” she said, putting on her most confident smile. “Thank you for saving me from the apple attack. Alice.” She held out her hand in greeting and he shook it while warding off any further apple rolls with his other hand.
A charged, buzzing silence from their little encounter fell between them, and it took her a minute to realize why she was there. “Well, thank you so much again,” she said, cautiously plucking three apples from the stack and setting them in her cart. “I’m in a slight hurry—I’m surprised my friend hasn’t texted me wondering where I am…” She reached down to pull her phone from her handbag just to make sure she hadn’t missed any texts, but then stopped, scanning the cart. The long trip, the apples, the hot guy beside her—was she going crazy? The cart was full of her shopping bags but her handbag wasn’t with them. Her eyes flashed to the apple display, but it wouldn’t be there…
“What’s wrong?” Jack asked, and she met those eyes again, the concern in them robbing her of all her thoughts once more. Did he have to do that? She needed to focus.
“I can’t find my handbag,” Alice managed, feeling slightly panicked. “I’ve been all over the place shopping. I must have left it in one of the other stores.” But as she processed this, she grasped the full consequences of not having her bag. “I have no phone, but also no car keys, no wallet…” she worried aloud.
“Do you think you can remember all the places you’ve been?” Jack asked, his voice so calm that her pulse slowed just hearing it, and she could imagine what he’d be like in the quiet darkness of the night. That was when she’d loved to talk to Matt: when the whole day was behind her, her clean body cocooned in her crisp bed sheets, as she lay next to him. Matt had hated it when she’d kept him awake, rolling around restlessly and telling her he had to get up in the morning. But she’d just wanted to know about his day…
“Well, don’t worry if you can’t,” Jack said, breaking through her thoughts. “I don’t mind driving you around. I happen to have the day off, and I have nothing planned at the moment.”
“Yes,” Alice said. Then, realizing by the way the skin between his eyes creased slightly that he didn’t understand her response, she added, “Yes, I can remember all the shops. But I’d feel terrible if you were to spend your time off driving a stranger around.”
“I couldn’t just leave you here. I’d feel awful.” That smile emerged again, and it was so friendly that it felt as if she’d known him for years. “Let’s find your bag and then you can come back for the groceries.”
As they replaced the few things she’d put into her cart on the shelves, she asked, “If you have nothing planned, what were you doing here? Or is the local grocery your hangout?”
Jack laughed, scooping up her shopping bags in one hand and returning her cart to the line of them at the front of the store. “I was going to try a new recipe.”
He cooks? Handsome and handy in the kitchen; this guy was too good to be true. He must have flaws, although Alice was struggling to find any at a quick glance. “What were you going to cook?” she found herself asking.
Something had to be wrong with him. But as he moved his lips to speak, she still couldn’t imagine anything but sweetness. She willed herself to make eye contact.
“It’s a seafood stew. I found the recipe online. I was going to try to cut it in half since it looks like it could feed an army, and there are just two of us at home.”
There it was: he was married.
Her cheeks burned with the thoughts she’d been processing about a married man. He was going home to the woman he loved while Alice was busy feeling all fluttery for someone’s husband! Mortification setting in, she tried to get a look at his left ring finger, praying there was a mix-up, but his hand was in his pocket, fumbling with his keys. He pulled them out and pointed them toward a black Mercedes, the taillights blinking as he unlocked the doors. His hand swung by his side and she still couldn’t get a look. Then, she scolded herself for even putting herself in this position. The last thing she needed was the distraction of a guy, anyway, let alone a married one. No. More. Distractions.
And then there was the fact that this perfect man was all in her head; he was wishful thinking. He wasn’t real. He was a regular person with flaws. And probably that wife… Even if he wasn’t married, she didn’t need a stranger around Henry either. He had enough change in his life with Matt leaving and he would be starting a new school at the end of the summer, moving to a brand-new place where they didn’t know anyone, and all the chaos that went along with opening a business.
All of a sudden, and totally unexpectedly, the weight of her choices came crashing down. What was she doing? Had moving here been an irrational decision to mask her need to escape the toxic environment Matt had left her and Henry in? Was this the right move for Henry? He’d left an apartment complex full of friends where the kids had spent Saturdays at the playground. They’d all been on his soccer team for the last two years. They were going to kindergarten together when school started. He’d left his Grandpa Frank. She’d thought it through and decided that the change would be good for him—that it would remove him from all the memories of the fun he’d had with Matt—but now she wasn’t sure.
&nbs
p; She’d brought him hours away from everything he knew, everything she knew. There wasn’t a single person with kids on Beach Road that she’d seen; most of the properties were rentals. Gramps wasn’t here anymore. No one was, except Sasha. Would Henry be able to make a life here? Jack leaned in and offered a consolatory smile.
“Do you mind if I use your phone to text my friend Sasha, so she knows what’s happened?” Alice asked as they reached his car.
Jack pulled out his phone and entered the passcode, then handed it to her. Alice sent off a text, quickly explaining everything and telling her that she’d be home as soon as possible.
Sasha responded: Take your time. We’re fine here.
With a little relief, Alice handed the phone back to Jack. Thank God for Sasha.
Jack put the bags in the backseat and shut the door. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Alice said, not very convincingly. Then, out of nowhere, she felt tears fill her eyes. Maybe she was tired from the trip and all the excitement. How embarrassing.
“You’re not okay.” Jack took a step toward her, distress sliding across his face, only making her more emotional. What was wrong with her? When she tried to stop the tears, more came.
“I’m sorry,” Alice managed.
“Don’t be. We’ll find it.”
His comment startled her out of her uncertainties. She hadn’t even been thinking about her handbag. “It isn’t that,” she heard herself say. She shouldn’t be unloading all her feelings onto this stranger. She’d never done this before, so why start now? While the move had been a major decision, had the stress of it catapulted her into some sort of insanity?