by Mary Ting
The soft instrumental music owned my heart as the harmony and bass swirled and dipped. The upbeat tune carried me away to a paradise where happiness lived.
Payton and I moved across the floor with ease—gliding, spinning, and laughing—like we’d been dance partners all our lives. We had perfect rhythm. I matched Payton’s affable smile as he twirled me around. When I landed back in his arms, Payton was no longer Payton. The memory of Rhett invaded my present.
The instrumental music had been replaced by another song with lyrics, and I was in a room I didn’t recognize. Rhett’s room, perhaps? Another lost memory had unmasked, and I let it unfold with open arms.
Look within.
Show me what I have hidden, locked away. Open that door.
Eight Months Ago
Rhett and I swayed to the music in his room. My lips were wide, my heart bursting. After he placed my hand on his chest, he sang to me.
“Put your hand on my beating heart as we dance under the stars. I’ll sing you a love song, mending all time’s scars.”
Then I sang, meeting his eyes lovingly. “It was clear and simple, you see. We fell in love with just one glance.”
He held me closer. “We knew it was special when we took a chance. A gamble worth taking, true love in the making. We are forever. You and I.”
Then he kissed me fervently. His hands roamed everywhere, and no matter how hard and passionately he kissed, it wasn’t enough. I want more. More. More. More.
Something warm tingled inside my heart and expanded as if thousands of butterflies were locked inside, begging to be unleashed. I pulled back from Rhett’s kiss, breathless. His eyes, darkened with desire.
“Yes.” My heart beat as fast as hummingbird wings.
Rhett’s triumphant grin undid me. When he lifted me up, I anchored my legs around his hips. He kissed me and gently placed me on his table. And then ...
Present Day
My mind became an empty canvas, leaving me flustered, and air forced out of me like I had run a race. I burst away from Payton as if he had slapped me and stared at him blankly.
“Sorry. Did I do something wrong?” He extended his hand in an apologetic gesture.
Poor Payton. Twice I had spooked him. Twice he paid for my torrential downpour of memories.
“No. I-I’m ...” I blinked.
What just happened?
I remembered. Oh, I remembered Rhett. I hadn’t expected us making out to be the first clear thing I recalled. It was longer this time. Not a glimpse, but a pure, real memory I had coaxed my mind to give up.
It was the first giant step, and perhaps if I practiced or tried it again, I’d dig up more. And if I reached deeper, I was certain to regain all my lost memories I hoped. What other truth had I hidden to protect the ones I loved?
“Sorry. My fault. I’m just tired.” I rubbed my eyes for emphasis, but secretly, I shouted with elation. My heart soared and I wanted to burst into song.
A clapping noise interrupted. Diana’s tan skin glowed with sweat, and she dabbed the liquid beading her forehead.
“That was wonderful. I love this group. Come back tomorrow. Same time. I’ll teach you the next dance—the tango.”
“Oh joy,” Justine sighed, wiping the sweat streaming down her temple.
“I can’t wait. That was fun.” Tamara smiled and flapped her shirt to cool down.
“Maybe I’ll pretend to be sick.” Brooke thumped her clammy head on my shoulder. “Take me to my room, Mother. I want to puke.”
I patted Brooke’s head. “Sorry. We’re due in the other training room with Mitch, remember?”
Brooke snapped her head up and socked my arm. “I’m all for making nasty comments to Mitch, but do it when you’re the only one getting punished, yeah? And why are you smiling like an idiot?”
“Because ...” I trailed behind Payton, who had passed us in a hurry.
My good mood seemed incongruous. While everyone else dragged their feet, I bounced like an eager rabbit.
Rhett. My hottie TAB invader and kidnapper. I will find a way to remember you.
Ava
After the grueling training with Mitch, we had a break before dinner. I headed for my room, but Brooke followed. I had no choice but to let her in. My initial plan to check my TAB for a message from Rhett would have to wait. It had been a week. Another few hours wouldn’t matter.
In one week, we would travel to West ISAN and be paired up with their assassins to train for the San mission. It would be my chance to find my twin, but I wasn’t sure about finding my father.
A few days earlier, Brooke had caught me snooping near the restricted area. She wanted to know what I was doing. I had broken my promise and told Brooke everything.
At first, she’d thought I was joking. When I’d shared more, she’d gasped and insisted I tell her every detail. I’d told her about Rhett, Ozzie, Reyna, and the other kids at the rebel hideout. Though I couldn’t remember anything about the escape, I told her what Rhett had told me.
I also told her what I’d experienced during the kidnapping, and how I wanted to take her there with me. She agreed.
“You promised you wouldn’t wander the halls by yourself,” Brooke whispered harshly.
I shoved my fists to my hips and scowled playfully, pretending to be mad. “I wouldn’t be wandering by myself if you didn’t catch me, now would I?”
“Huh?” She scratched the side of her head.
I threw up my hands and plopped on my chair. “I have no idea what I said. I think Mitch’s exercise session fried my brains.”
“Not just the brain.” Brooke flopped on my bed, which I hadn’t bothered to push back into the wall this morning. “My muscles. I don’t think he’s worked us so hard in at least a month.” Her voice was muffled by my pillow.
“Sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have taunted him, but he makes me ...” I growled and scrunched my face. “So mad.” I hissed through my teeth. “If he gets in my way when we escape, I’m going to do whatever I have to do. You know that, right?”
I tried to sound sensitive, but my words came out harsh and vicious as if Mitch was an object and not a person.
Brooke flipped over and placed her arms behind her head for support. “I know. I will too.”
I eased my shoulders and hung my head low. “I can’t believe talking like that comes so easy to me now. My mother didn’t raise a killer.”
“Be someone important, Ava.” Mother’s voice echoed in my head and I felt ashamed.
Sorry, Mother, I strayed. I had to survive first and get out of juvie. I will make this right.
Brooke whipped upright. “Hey.”
Her sharp tone forced me to look up.
“When life shoves you down, you get right back up. Don’t think too much, okay?”
I stiffened, and something in me crumbled at the ghost of my mother’s words.
Brooke added as I stared at her, “Things will happen the way they’re supposed to happen. My wise quote for the day, thank you very much.” She bowed like she’d won a prize.
“Be strong. Be brave, Ava. Be someone important.” I finished the rest in my head.
“You’re right, Brooke. What would I ever do without you?”
She bounced on the mattress and kicked up her feet like an excited child. “I’m not sure, but I hope you never find out.”
“No. I won’t. We’re going together.” I meant it with every breath in my lungs.
“Yup, together. I’m hungry. Ready for dinner?” Brooke slid off the bed and waited for me.
I didn’t reply. Instead, I commanded the door. “Please open, door.”
“You’re so polite. I just say open door or I’ll shut you down and break you into tiny pieces of scrap metal.” Brooke snorted and stepped forward, right into Tamara.
“Ouch.” Tamara rubbed her forehead.
“Tams.” Brooke stretched her mouth wide and stroked the side of her cheek. “Don’t stand so close to the door. I could’ve hurt
you. I have a hard head, filled with lots of important knowledge and dirty thoughts.”
“Sorry. I figured you two were here together. Justine isn’t good company. She only talks about herself.”
“Well, what else is new?” Brook arched her eyebrows, swung her arm around Tamara, and led the way. “Come on, Tams, you can eat with us.”
My heart warmed at the sight of the two of them. Friends. I finally have friends. Mom would be ecstatic.
After I got my meal—chicken breast, string beans, broccoli, and brown rice—I waited for Tamara and Brooke before searching for a place to sit. No matter how much time passed, an eerie chill gripped me when I strode by the table where Roxy used to sit.
Roxy’s entire team had died on a mission, and we had been told Roxy was sent to her foster parents’ home. Others might have believed it, but not me. Though, I had only suspicions with no facts to prove Roxy had been terminated, I was no idiot.
Sorry Roxy. I hope you’re in a better place. Even though I didn’t like you, you didn’t deserve to be treated like crap. Nobody does. Humans are not objects.
I spotted Justine sitting with another team. I contemplated whether to sit with her or with Payton and a table of guys. When Brooke strolled toward Justine, my decision was made.
“Hey.” Brooke jerked her head by way of greeting to the girls at the table. “Chelsea, right?” she asked the girl next to her.
Brooke plopped down her tray, getting Justine’s attention. Brooke’s food swooshed and some rice shifted onto the tray.
Justine hitched a breath and frowned. “My crazy team.”
“Yup, I’m Chelsea,” the girl answered after Brooke settled.
My ears perked at her lovely British accent.
“Your team has an impressive score.” Chelsea retied her shoulder-length auburn hair into a ponytail and looked my way. “Ava, right?” She sliced her chicken with a knife and fork, just the way Diana had taught us.
Perfect student.
“In the flesh.” Brooke cocked a hand at me.
I tossed a piece of broccoli at her. “Brooke likes to speak for me. She thinks she’s my PR or something.”
“I’m her everything.” Brooke winked. “She can’t live without me.”
“I can’t live without my team, either.” Chelsea smiled at her friends. “That’s Kim. Trish. Maria. And over at the guys’ table is Hector. We’ve just been informed we scored the second highest and we’ll be joining you at the masquerade ball.”
“That’s fantastic.” Tamara set down her protein drink after taking a gulp and grimacing.
Chelsea’s friendly expression changed to a serious one. “We’ve had an assignment, but it wasn’t deadly. Nothing like what your team had to do yesterday. I have to admit, we’re a bit nervous.”
Tamara’s eyes lit up. “Don’t worry. Ava will be there. She’s our map and everything else. She’s never afraid. You’re in good hands.”
I sipped my drink, embarrassed. “Tamara meant to say, we all work as a unit. As long as we stick together, we’ll be fine.”
“Unless you get lost and Mitch activates your chip to release your cyanide.” Justine flashed a cynical smile, and then returned to picking at her rice.
I glared at her, and then softened my expression when I faced Chelsea. “Just stick to the plan and you’ll be fine.”
Chelsea nodded and exchanged glances with her team. “Russ told us we’ll be doing some mental training together tomorrow.”
Really? He hadn’t said anything to me.
“That’s great.” My voice pitched higher than I intended.
I wanted to sound cheerful, but when Justine hiked an eyebrow at me, I figured it came out fake.
“That should be interesting,” Brooke added after she swallowed a bite of chicken.
I glanced at Payton and the other guys. The boys didn’t talk as much as the girls. The sight of them reminded me of my time with Rhett, when we’d been in the eating area at the rebel base. Most of the people there were male.
So far, the new boys in ISAN had not shown any of the aggression Rhett had told me about. But Mitch hadn’t given them double dosage yet—that I knew of. I wondered what would happen if he did. I also wondered why Payton had been spending private time with Mr. Novak lately.
I never asked Payton about it, nor had he mentioned it. Either he was spying for Novak, or Payton had some kind of special ability I wasn’t aware of.
Brooke poked my ribs, interrupting my observation. She gazed at me inquisitively. If her eyes could talk, they’d say, tell me later.
“Do you agree, Ava?” Justine waved her spoon at me.
I had no idea what she was talking about.
“What?” I swished the protein drink in my mouth and swallowed.
“Why aren’t the boys and girls sitting together? Why isn’t Payton sitting with us? He’s on our team. Do you think Mr. Novak told them not to sit with us?” With each word, Justine’s face flushed darker, until she looked like she was going to explode.
Brooke mimed hanging herself with a noose.
“Justine.” My tone was low but calm, though my tolerance level with her had just reached its peak. “First of all ...” I held up a finger. “They’re probably sick of the girls staring at them like they’re some kind of dessert.” Girls like you, I wanted to say, then I flexed a second finger. “Second, they probably want to hang out with themselves, like how we want to hang out with ourselves.” I released my third finger. “Third, I bet they’re shy. After all, they are the newbies. I’m pretty sure if you sat at their table, they would welcome you.”
You would fit right in. You can talk all you want, and they would just pretend to listen.
“Oh.” Justine’s facial tension eased, as if I’d put the missing pieces to a puzzle together.
“And Ava is smart, too. You can add that to the list of things I told you about her.” Tamara poked her fork in the air toward Chelsea.
“Well ...” Brooke sighed, her shoulders slumping. “That wasn’t what we were talking about, Tams, but you know Justine, she just blurts whatever the hell she wants, whenever she wants.”
“Hey.” Justine rose abruptly and almost knocked over her cup.
Why is my team the one to always cause problems? Why can’t they be like the other teams?
“Sit down before the guard comes over.” I shook my head. “As you can tell, Chelsea, I have a lovely team. We get along so well.”
Chelsea’s squint suggested she wasn’t sure if I was being sarcastic.
“Kind of,” Tamara added with a soft voice.
I sighed in annoyance. With life and death on my mind, every topic seemed insignificant and boring. But our conversations were limited because we weren’t exposed to the outside world. We had no idea what went on outside of ISAN.
With most of us being from juvie or having grown up with foster parents—who hadn’t cared if we learned etiquette—we talked about childish, foolish things.
Mr. Novak and our trainers spoon-fed us what we needed to know, which wasn’t much. I had no idea if ISAN told us the truth. There was so much at stake. My friends had no idea a war was coming.
Instead of speaking my mind, I found myself staring over Hector’s head.
Something. Something about the gray wall tugged at me, like invisible hands coaxing me to reach deeper into my head. To that slumber part of my brain.
Surrendering, I let my mind flow. I was surprised how easily I slipped into the darkness, a void that promised memories. I pressed harder, urging my senses to take me to that wall.
“Helix is already in you,” Rhett said.
The clanking of utensils, kids muttering, and the dull gray walls faded away. Impossible. I must be hallucinating, but it felt so real. Then a hazy light blinked.
Blurry images came to focus. Kids I recognized from Rhett’s hideout frantically waited their turn to throw themselves into the trash chute.
Rhett and I stood together. His eyes were wild with
concern as bullets whizzed by. One hit the back of Rhett’s backpack as I shoved him away. Bullets rained faster, and the guards were nearing. As Rhett tossed one kid after another into the hole, I stupidly ran the other way to distract the guards.
Rhett had no choice but to jump into the trash chute. I had glimpsed this image once before, when I’d thought Rhett was dead. But now, my vision was clear as day. And this time, I made myself remember.
With this new revelation, perhaps I could glue the missing pieces together. Perhaps Rhett’s theory was correct after all. I had erased my own memories to protect the ones I loved. I had no proof, but if it was true, I would eventually remember how I had done it and why.
I craned my head to examine the trash chute by the exit door. Too small for a body. Even the smallest of us couldn’t fit through. Then where was ...?
I inhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes. Think of something good, I told myself. Fear and negativity caused Helix to shut down. I’d learned that from my father’s video and confirmed it through experience.
A warm, tingling sensation stroked my skin from the inside, then my muscles and bones. Ever since I’d learned I had a special ability from my father’s journal, I had practiced alone in my bedroom to learn to control Helix. Sometimes nothing happened, but sometimes, like right now, Helix came strong.
I tuned out the noises and conversations in the room as the colors around me became vibrant. We were all wearing white, black, or gray. But that gray wall, that square outline I didn’t see without turning on Helix ... something was there.
I rose.
“What are you doing, Ava?” Justine yanked my shirt. “You’re acting crazy. I think you’re in over your head as team leader. You need to get help.”
Shut the hell up, Justine. You’re going to need help if you don’t stop bitching right now.
I didn’t look at Justine as anger at her burned through the Helix I’d carefully called. As much as I wanted to knock her down, I had every reason to keep my composure. Nothing good would come from violence. So instead, I grabbed her cup and calmly dumped it on her hair.
You need to cool it.
“Ava.” She heaved a breath, her greenish protein drink dripping from her hair.