by Mary Ting
I’m sorry I failed you.
This was wrong on so many levels. For God’s sake, leave the kids alone.
I glanced over my shoulder at Momo. She was belted in, but her knees were tight against her chest and she had her arms wrapped around her legs. Momo shook. She wasn’t the only one sobbing. Others were aware of what had happened to Debbie and their friends.
I had left a piece of my soul down there, though I didn’t know the ones who died. And Momo’s suffering made me sick to my stomach. Because I knew too well what she felt. I had lost many friends during our escape.
When we were clear of danger, I let the machine take over. It was going to be a long flight home, but we were safe for now.
I released my belt to take a break and headed down the aisle. Momo saw me coming, her eyes red and blotchy with tears. After releasing her belt, she ran to me.
“Thank you for helping us. We would’ve all been dead. Don’t feel guilty for the others. You tried. This isn’t your fault.” With each sentence, her lips trembled, but she had stopped crying.
A true soldier indeed.
Her words hit me right in the gut. This kid had wisdom way beyond her age. Momo did ease the guilt somewhat, but it would never go away, just like the time I had to leave Ava behind. All those kids were dead because they’d wanted a better future.
I got down on my knees. “Thank you. You are very brave and wise for your age.”
Momo snaked her arms around my neck, her frail, thin body shaking as she wept. “I’m going to miss them. Why does it have to hurt so much?”
Tears pooled in my eyes, tears I hadn’t expected. This little girl had weaseled into my heart and buried herself deep in such a short amount of time. And I found myself choked up.
I stroked her hair. “You’ve got us now, and you have your friends who need you too. Think about them, okay? We’ll get through this, I promise. We’re your family now.” I thought about the motto she said as a farewell to her comrades. As a tribute to her friends, I said, “Renegades forever.”
She squeezed me tighter and cried a bit harder.
My thoughts went to Ava.
Please let her be okay.
Ava
I fluttered my eyelashes and my vision finally cleared. I tried to sit up, but I had been strapped in. Locked inside a transparent casket, I recognized my surroundings. I’d been here many times.
Blue and green lights zigzagged over my body.
A stranger’s face appeared. No. Not a stranger. An ISAN doctor.
Most of the time, Dr. Machine did the stitching or examined us. Rarely were we in contact with a human doctor unless it was something serious. However, I no longer felt the ache on my back. Dr. Machine had patched me up and taken that pain away.
Though it had been some time, I recognized this doctor. Dr. Henson had soft gray eyes and short white hair, almost like a buzz cut. He was tall and lean, wearing a white lab coat. Dr. Henson was so busy checking the monitor he didn’t realize I was awake.
White lab coat?
Had I seen this doctor and mistaken him for my dad when Brooke and I had wandered through the restricted area?
“Ava. How are you feeling?”
His voice, soothing and soft, yanked me out of my thoughts.
“What happened to me?”
“I was told you fainted, which is why you’re inside Dr. Machine. Your vital signs are fine, but your blood pressure is still too high. You also had a recent wound on your back. It’s healed, and I’ve taken care of possible scarring. Also, you had a headache—a massive one. Do you remember what you were doing before you fainted?”
“Before I fainted?”
I pretended to have forgotten. I needed to talk to Mitch. There could be no discrepancies between our stories.
“Where’s Mitch?”
“Mitch has a bullet wound on the shoulder, but he’ll be fine. He’s inside Dr. Machine in the other room.”
Well, that explained his whereabouts during the gunfight. Most likely on the floor, curled up somewhere away from the line of fire.
“Can you please get Russ for me?”
I rehearsed the story I had prepared with Rhett. Rhett. Ozzie. Reyna. Cleo. Their faces flickered in my mind. I hoped they were safe.
Please let them be safe.
“I can do that for you, but first I need to know what triggered your blackout.”
I found out I’m telekinetic.
I rubbed the side of my skull for a dramatic pause and squinted. “I honestly don’t remember. Maybe one of the guards bumped into me and I hit my head. That would explain the headache, right? Like a concussion? Can you call for Russ, please?”
I didn’t want to talk to the doctor anymore, afraid he would somehow find out what I had done. I had no idea if I could even do something like that again. It could have been a fluke, a one-time thing out of desperation. But the possibility ... I stopped thinking.
“Sure.” The doctor gave me his back and spoke through his handheld TAB. Though he tried to be quiet, I knew he had paged Russ.
A few minutes later, Russ strode in. He exchanged words with Dr. Henson, and the doctor left. Russ pushed a button and the casket slid open, but I was still strapped in.
“Hi.” My voice turned hoarse and rough suddenly. Maybe seeing a familiar face, belonging to someone who cared about me, unglued me enough to almost sob into his shoulder.
Be strong, Ava. Be brave.
“Ava. I was worried. What happened?”
The crease in Russ’s forehead relaxed when he locked eyes with me, but the tension in his voice did not ease.
I’d once considered Russ a friend, and I would have told him the truth, all of it, except I didn’t trust anyone anymore. Heck, even if I trusted him completely, I wouldn’t tell him. Russ had been a good friend, and he didn’t deserve to be in the middle of my battle. I had to protect him.
I pressed the heel of my palm into the center of my brow and shook my head. “I’m not sure. I remember my team and me falling into the trap at the gala. Somehow, I got caught in the middle of complete chaos. ISAN guards were shooting. I remember Brooke and Tamara going down to Taser fire. I saw the bastards who kidnapped me slipping out in the confusion and took the chance. I followed them all the way to some hideout in the Abandoned City—not the place Mr. Novak blew up. But anyway, I snuck around and found out their plan to retaliate. The next day, I followed them to that apartment. Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. And here I am.”
I would have extended my arms with bravado, but the straps held me firm.
“Mr. Novak is coming to speak to you. I asked to check up on you first before he proceeded. Do you have anything you need to talk to me about? Anything I can help you with?”
Russ’s stern voice and worried eyes told me he didn’t believe my bogus story. I hated that there was a wall between us.
I scowled. “I’m not hiding anything, if that’s what you’re implying. I followed the rebels. I almost got caught. And apparently, I fainted. I believe the outcome was worth you thinking I had died or something. Now, when can I see my team?”
Russ narrowed his eyes, displeased by my insolent tone. “Soon. You’ll get to see them after you answer Mr. Novak’s questions and your blood pressure is steady. But Ava, you know the rules. You’re not supposed to go on your own. You left ISAN. You left. You can’t leave on your own. Ever. Mitch could have triggered the cyanide.” He no longer sounded like he was scolding, but more concerned.
You can’t leave. You can’t leave ever. Ever. Oh, yes I can. Watch me.
“Then Mitch should have triggered the cyanide.”
I didn’t mean to sound sarcastic, but when he’d brought up cyanide, I almost lost it. How dare ISAN have such little regard for our lives.
They say the grass is greener on the other side, and most likely it isn’t. In my case, the grass was greener. I’d experienced freedom and what it would be like to live in the world without ISAN. Rhett and the others had o
pened my eyes to show me I didn’t have to be an assassin.
When I had been in juvie with no hope, I’d been desperate to leave. ISAN had been my only option. But my entire past was a lie, orchestrated by ISAN to ensure my compliance. There would be hell to pay. For now, as the sickly feeling leached like a disease inside me, I had to keep up the façade.
“Ava.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and then raked back his hair. “You were lucky this time. Mr. Novak told Mitch not to ... He had faith you hadn’t run away and would come back.”
I almost burst out a laugh as I rolled my eyes.
Russ didn’t sound convincing. Rehearsed. Forced. Mr. Novak was surely watching through some camera I couldn’t detect.
“Why? Because he wants to use me, like how ISAN is using all of us?”
I should be more careful with my choice of words, but I needed Russ to know how I felt. Even with my voice dropped to a harsh whisper, my scowl betrayed me. Besides, I knew now Russ wouldn’t turn me in.
Russ had shared confidential information with me before. He’d told me to look within myself when I asked him if ISAN could erase our memories. He was trying to tell me things he knew without being obvious. I was sure he knew even more than he had let on.
“You promised me I would be making a difference, that I’d be a hero, but I feel like I’m being used. Not for good, but for something far worse. I trusted you.”
Russ scrunched his face, looking hurt or surprised, I couldn’t tell. He leaned in closer, trying to be inconspicuous.
“Keep your voice down.” He looked over his shoulder and once around the room, then settled his gaze back on me again. “You can trust me. I’m on your side. You need to look at the bigger picture.”
What did he mean by that?
“Listen, there are things Mr. Novak—” Russ’s head jerked up like a hound who had scented its target and he retreated a step.
Right on cue. Click ... click ... click. Mr. Novak’s footsteps alone chilled my blood. With his hands shoved inside his suit pants pockets, he slowly came to me.
His posture, arrogant and poised, commanded my attention. Buckled in the casket-like case, I felt vulnerable, powerless, especially when he peered down at me. Another set of footsteps let me know someone else was with him.
The person with him smelled like the ISAN protein drink. I craned my neck to get a better view. Payton. His tight lips and unfriendly expression let me know he was here not for me, but for Mr. Novak.
“Hello, Mr. Novak. Payton.” My words rang like a cheerful bell.
Payton flashed a glance my way and kept quiet.
Mr. Novak shifted his eyes to the monitor above me and then met my gaze. “Are you happy to see me or are you hiding something from me, Ava? Your heart rate is increasing.”
I hadn’t realized that, so I drew on my inner peace. I thought of Mother gardening, her smile, her hugs, and then I thought about Rhett. I wanted comfort, but it only made me furious.
So much had happened, and the month wasn’t over. I should be with Rhett right now, helping him find the rebels in the South.
“Of course I’m happy to see you, Mr. Novak. It’s been a drag out in the real world. People are stupid and rude.” I tried to fake a smile, but it was half-hearted at best. And I probably exaggerated the cheerfulness a bit.
Calm down. Don’t be an idiot, and keep your mouth shut.
“I see.” Novak ran a finger along the casket without making eye contact, seemingly distracted. “Stupid and rude. I do agree with you.”
I cleared my throat to get his attention again. “Anyway, while I followed the rebels, I heard something that will interest you. I came back as soon as I found their hidden base and got the information.”
He glanced at Payton, and when Payton nodded, Mr. Novak faced me again. A surge of faint energy crackled from Payton. I glanced between the three men, but no one seemed to notice or feel it. Perhaps only Helix could detect it?
Payton had become Mr. Novak’s lapdog while I was away. Or had he been all this time? I could be wrong, but why else would Novak glance to Payton for confirmation?
Payton is just like me, Drew had said.
I had forgotten Drew’s warning. Payton could detect if someone was lying.
What are you doing, Payton? Why are you helping that monster? What does Mr. Novak have over you?
Ridiculous question. He owns your life. My life. Everyone in ISAN.
It dawned on me that Payton had chosen to be here of his own free will. He had told us when Justine asked him a question.
“Really?” Novak rocked on his heels as if making an important decision. “What would that be? I already know what I need to know. Being kidnapped by the rebels, and then following them alone doesn’t look good, Ava.” He leaned closer, pressing his forehead close to mine. “Tell me your story and I’ll tell you mine.”
My heart skipped a beat.
Don’t let him intimidate you. He’s testing you, Ava. Get it together. Rhett is counting on you, and Mitch’s life could be at stake.
I swallowed and tried to mute my expression. “First, as you know, the rebel Rhett is not dead. He has some sort of sick fascination with me, which is why he kidnapped me. He has a serious problem. Second, the rebels are planning an attack against ISAN. I don’t know which territory, but if you warn the others ahead of time, they’ll have time to prepare. They plan to attack in three days, counting today. If we launch a surprise attack, we could ambush them. I have the coordinates of their base—not the pile of debris you bombed. And I would like to lead the team that gets to wipe their sorry asses off the map. Excuse my language, sir.”
Mr. Novak stared at me, and then tapped a button without looking at it. The machine hissed.
“You have been signed out.” A robotic voice spoke and the lock released.
The cold floor stung my bare feet when I took the first step off the case. The white patient’s gown I had on did nothing to keep me warm.
Mr. Novak withdrew a step to give me space. Again, he met Payton’s eyes, and when Payton nodded, Mr. Novak turned to me.
“Very well, Ava. Give Russ the coordinates. I’ll plan it out with Mitch. I’ll place you back into your team as soon as you’re ready. I’ll consider your proposal, but I’m wondering if it’s gotten too personal for you. After all, your mind will be set on revenge for the kidnapping, don’t you think? I’m not sure it would be a great idea for you to be there.” His dark eyes pierced with accusation and warning.
Doesn’t have to be a great idea, idiot. And as for revenge, I get mine one way or another for killing my mother, for holding my father hostage, for taking away my sister, for taking away the normal life I should’ve had.
I stood closer to the wall, wishing I could disappear right through it. I held up my chin, squared my shoulders. He would not break me. I needed to find the strength to play his game.
“Nothing is ever a great idea. You just do your job. Besides, I already have a blueprint for their building. I’m the best choice to lead the team.”
He paused. Those few seconds seemed like hours.
“Very well. I’ll discuss this with Russ.” He craned his neck to Russ and then back to me. “Since you told me your story, it’s time to tell you mine.”
His smirk let me know I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“The rebel team in the South has been destroyed,” he announced as if sharing wonderful news. He waited in silence, no doubt for my reaction.
No. He’s lying. He has to be lying.
All those children. Though I didn’t want to think about it, or even consider the possibility. What if my sister escaped as part of the rebel team? My lungs squeezed, no air escaped from them.
Sadistic monster. I’m going to kill you.
“Excellent. How? When?” My tone lifted in excitement, but my stomach filled with acid and I wanted to vomit. I really wanted to pounce on Novak and smash his head on the monitor behind him.
Zen’s scouting te
am. They were too late. They couldn’t have had enough time to find the southern base unless they’d flown a glider down there. Even then, they had so much ground to cover.
Rhett. Ozzie. Reyna. Most likely, they would have tried to help to find the southern rebel base.
What if ... no.
They are fine, Ava. Get it together before you lose it.
“While you were recovering.” Mr. Novak glanced at something on the monitor, frowned, and then turned back to me.
“Recovering? What day is it? What time?” I became disoriented as I raced through my memory.
“You’ve been out almost a full day.”
A full day? No. I needed to find that serum.
“Wow. I’m only disappointed I wasn’t there.”
It took every ounce of my willpower to stop my lips from quivering as I shoved my trembling hands inside the gown pockets. A hot burning sensation rose from my gut, up my neck, and to my head.
Stop. You cannot show Novak your emotions.
The news hit me hard. Many people I cared about were on the line. I wanted to scream, and I did, silently in the darkness of my mind. Images of young bloody corpses—my sister, Rhett, Ozzie, Reyna.
Mr. Novak adjusted his tie, regarding me. His eyes like a white-hot furnace, he grabbed the collar of my gown. I gasped and I chastised myself for reacting. I’d thought he would choke me.
“Don’t worry, Ava. You’ll have your chance very soon. And if you’re wondering why Payton is here with me, let’s just say, he’s been leading the group while you were gone. Kendrick is close to figuring out a way to mimic your mapping ability. I found out you are replaceable after all.”
Leisurely, he peeled one finger at a time away from my neck, then he walked out with Payton trailing behind him like a lost puppy.
Ava
Mr. Novak is going to kill me. He’s really going to do it this time.
He was probably planning and waiting for a perfect opportunity. Perhaps on the next mission.
I found out you are replaceable after all.
His threat sickened me, but I’d known it was coming. I knew he would put two and two together. I was still alive, but those children who deserved so much more, they were dead.