Train Wreck

by T Gephart

  “They live in the city?”

  “Connecticut. But they’ve been really good about giving me my space even though I live so close.” She winced, probably feeling guilt from Heather or the call to her parents. “I have a brother that lives in Zurich, and as long we both check in every couple of days, they are usually cool. But I haven’t really spent any time with them since I came to work here.” She looked around the room. “I should really go and see them.”

  It was the second time in the last couple of minutes she had said what she should be doing. Not once had I heard what she wanted.

  “I could go with you,” I offered, not knowing if she even wanted the company or me to meet her parents. “Moral support.”

  “Thanks, but I think it’s better if I go on my own.” She shifted in her chair. “My parents have always been supportive, I’m not worried about them flying off the handle or anything. But I don’t want to turn up on their doorstep after they haven’t seen me in a few weeks with someone in tow they’ve never met. That’s not really fair to either of you.”

  Ouch.

  She could dress it up however she wanted but those weren’t the kind of words that reassured me we were on the same page. Hard to feel like we were even in the same book.

  “Okay, well then you should go see your parents.” Not much else I could say, at least not without looking like a needy fuck.

  “Thanks for understanding.” She got up out of her seat and walked around to me. She was hesitant; her eyes clouded with uncertainty and it felt like there was a wall between us. Worst of all, she hadn’t even attempted to touch me.

  I knew there was more to it. It was written all over her face, the tone of her voice—the formality of it all. A contrast of how she’d been with me literally twenty-four hours before.

  “Josh, I’m thinking of spending the rest of the weekend with them and coming back Monday.” She might have phrased it as a hypothetical but I could see she’d made up her mind. “But I need you to understand that this isn’t about us. I just need to go sort through my head and process.”

  Yeah, kind of sounds like it has a lot to do with us considering you won’t talk to me and you’re running away, was what I wanted to say. But I didn’t. For too many reasons to count. Besides, at this point I wasn’t sure it would accomplish anything anyway. I couldn’t tie her to a chair and force her to stay. And while I wasn’t giving up on her, I knew if I made an issue of this, she wouldn’t come back.

  “If that’s what you want to do, Eve. Then you should do it.” I shrugged, unable to muster up any more enthusiasm. “I’m going to be here when you get back.”

  It was tempting to say if but I forced myself to believe she would be back. That she would go see her parents and come to the conclusion I’d already come to. Me and her, we belonged together.

  “Do you hate me?” She tilted her chin, her light brown eyes catching mine.

  “No. I don’t.”

  And I didn’t. I didn’t have the capacity to hate her even if I didn’t agree with the decision she was making. I hated I couldn’t fix things for her. That she’d come to me looking for answers and all she seemed to have were more questions. I hated she was leaving, even if it was only for a couple of days to see her parents. Because we were unfinished business, and there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do about it.

  “I’ll call you.” She looked like she wanted to reach out, her hands twitching at her side. “Let you know when I’m getting back. Maybe we can have dinner on Monday night, if I don’t get in too late?”

  “Why don’t you give me a call, see where things are at later.”

  I hated saying those words to her, brushing her off like I didn’t give a shit. Of course I wanted to see her Monday. I didn’t want her to leave. And I didn’t give a fuck how late she got back. Even if she crawled into my bed and we just slept together, I wanted her with me. But the last twenty-four hours had obviously changed things. How much they had changed between the two of us was what I couldn’t work out.

  “That’s a good idea.” She nodded, forcing a grin. “You know, you are being really great about this. Thank you.”

  Again with the thanks.

  “That’s me,” sucker, “great about things.” I gave her a smile.

  “Okay, well I’ll go out front.” She pointed toward the door. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  “We could probably manage, if you wanted to go now.” The voice was mine but I don’t remember saying it. “It might take a while in traffic, it’s probably better not to drive in the dark.”

  “Oh?” She was genuinely surprised, like my words had caught her off guard. She wasn’t the only one. “Are you sure, I could wait . . . stay until after lunch?”

  I had no idea if she wanted to stay or she was just being a good employee. And that I didn’t know was probably what annoyed me the most. Did I beg? Did I play it cool? Did I keep her at the shop for as long as I could in the hopes she’d change her mind? No. This was the one choice I couldn’t make for her. And maybe that was my lesson to learn. I couldn’t fix everything.

  “Nah, we’re good.” I didn’t bother fighting the urge and pulled her in for a hug. She didn’t fight me, wrapping her arms around my chest. “Go see your parents, Eve. Text me to let me know you got there safe, okay?”

  “Thanks, Josh.” She whispered into my chest, her head resting against my pecs. “Thanks for everything.”

  I wasn’t sure if it was a goodbye or a see you later. Didn’t ask. But I gave her a kiss on the forehead and let her walk out my door.

  It was ironic that it had been less than twelve hours since I promised myself I wouldn’t let her walk away. That in my head I’d vowed to fight for her, for us.

  I didn’t know if that made me a hypocrite, or if maybe I’d wised up that perhaps there were things I couldn’t control. I was moody as fuck, time away wasn’t what I wanted, but maybe it was what we needed.

  We had been in a pressure cooker, first avoiding the attraction and then diving head first into it. We’d gone from zero to a hundred so fast we’d barely had time to assimilate. And even though I couldn’t make myself regret it, maybe putting the brakes on for a little while wasn’t the end of the world.

  At least that was what I convinced myself when Dallas waltzed into my room about an hour later.

  “Dude.” He gave me a chin tip, walking in to inspect the infinity symbol I was doing on a college girl’s wrist. “Hey.” I wiped off the excess black ink from the infinity symbol. “I’ll be with you in a second.” I nodded to Dallas before focusing back on my client. I cleaned the area and then let her see.

  “It’s perfect, thank you, Josh.” She cradled her wrist, staring at the curves of the outline. “I love it.”

  “I’m glad.” I got her situated with a bandage. “Don’t forget to take care of it like we spoke about.” I snapped off my gloves. “Eve—” I stopped short, remembering she wasn’t at the front and instead was in a car, driving away from me. “I guess I’ll hook you up with some cream on the way out and give you some more information on aftercare. We can head out to the front.”

  “Great, thanks again,” she squealed. “It’s so cool.” She slid off the chair giving Dallas an appreciative smile before heading out of my room and down the hall.

  Dallas reciprocated, volleying back with a flirty grin of his own, making me roll my eyes as I followed the customer out to the front. I processed her payment, gave her some ointment, and got involved with as little conversation as possible. And then after I waved her goodbye I walked back into my room and closed the door. I had a hunch I knew what he was going to ask.

  “You want to tell me what that was about?” He eyed me as I walked back over to my stool.

  I retook my seat, not in the mood for conversation. “It was an infinity symbol. I’m sure you’ve done a few yourself.”

  “You know that wasn’t what I was talking about.” He hopped onto my chair, the space vacated by the college girl now fu
ll of Dallas. “You were so mechanical with her, almost cold. And don’t tell me it was about the design because you’ve never been like that before. What gives?”

  I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t have it in me, the irony of Dallas questioning me. “Is that what you came in here for, to judge my mood? I’m just having a bit of an off day.”

  “That wouldn’t have anything to do with Eve not being here, would it? Funny how she has been here for three whole weeks and she now has mysteriously disappeared.”

  “She’s gone to see her parents.” Not a lie, that’s where she’d gone. “There was some drama last night at the gallery.”

  “Eve telling her boss to go fuck himself. Yeah, I heard.” He grinned, a little too pleased with himself.

  I wondered if maybe he’d caught her at the door, before she’d left. I hadn’t heard him come in so it was possible they could have crossed paths. “How do you know, did Eve tell you?”

  “Nah, Kitty. I may or may not have been with her at the time Lana called.” He lifted his eyebrows a couple of times. I didn’t even bother asking when the two of them decided to get together. “Those girls sure know how to call the fuck out of a phone tree. At one point they had a four-way conference call happening. And while you know I don’t mind sharing my attention with other ladies, the conversation was fucking depressing.”

  “Well, you probably know more about it than I do.” God, I wished I was kidding, but at that point I wasn’t sure what I knew anymore.

  “What are you talking about, weren’t you there?” Dallas narrowed his eyes confused why Eve’s date and boyfriend was apparently in the dark. Yeah, that made two of us, buddy.

  My eyes shot to the closed door, the one she’d walked out of over an hour ago. “Yeah, I was. Not that it did me any good. It’s like there is a fucking wall or something.”

  “Are you sure you’re not imagining this shit, dude.” He again looked at me confused. “She was fine with me yesterday.”

  “Yeah, she’s fine with everyone else except me, and I don’t fucking get it.”

  If Eve and I hadn’t shared personal stuff before, then I would have totally understood. But that hadn’t been the case, and I knew she was intentionally holding back now. Why she was doing it, I had no fucking clue.

  “Do you think she was nervous to tell you about the other gallery?” Dallas shrugged.

  “What other gallery?” My head snapped up, my ass lifting out of my stool “What the fuck do you know?”

  “Calm down dude, the girls were talking about it on the phone last night. One chick—I think her name was Heather? I don’t fucking know—anyway she said she had a connection or something. At another gallery. She was going to call Eve about it.”

  Was that why she was at the shop this morning? To convince Eve she needed to go work somewhere fucking else? Another place she hated, who would treat her like shit? Yeah, that was fucking smart. And why didn’t she tell me? Instead she decided to take off. Was she even coming back Monday? Or was she going to take the job Heather hooked her up with and say goodbye to the shop.

  “Guess a lot was covered on those phone calls then.” I tried not to sound bitter. “Well, I’m sure she’ll be happy at the new place.”

  “What do you mean, she’s leaving us?” For the first time since we started the conversation, Dallas looked shocked. Like it hadn’t occurred to him she would eventually leave. Funnily enough, I don’t think it had occurred to me either.

  Sure, she had been originally temporary, but I just assumed something would happen and she’d stay.

  “What do you want me to do? Tell her not to go work at whatever shithole her friend as set up and stay with us?” Stay with me?

  “Well, fuck if I know, Josh.” Dallas ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He wasn’t exactly a beacon of wisdom when it came to women, and was even worse with conflict. “You’re the one who knows how to fix shit.”

  Man, did I wish he were right. “Not always.”

  “Well, that fucking blows.”

  Great. Now both of us were depressed. I only had enough energy to pull one of us from a mood, I couldn’t deal with Dallas moping around too.

  “Look, she’s gone to spend some time with her parents. Let’s go have a few drinks or something, blow off some steam. Maybe I’m just overthinking this thing. Who knows?”

  While I didn’t believe for a second I was overthinking, it didn’t seem like giving it any more mental space would solve anything in the short term. Shelving it for now would probably do me some good, it sure as shit couldn’t hurt. If nothing else, maybe the distance might give me some perspective and hopefully do the same for her.

  “Sure, whatever you want.”

  I knew Dallas would take little convincing, it was one of the things that was great about him. If you ever needed a dude to hang and drink with, all you had to do was name the time and the place.

  “Cool, I’ve got my next client coming in soon so I’ll catch you later.”

  “No probs. I’ll see if any of the boys want to join.” He seemed to perk up, the promise of beers later giving Eve’s departure a silver lining.

  “Yeah, whatever. No juggling this time.” I eyed him hard. “If you end up in the emergency room it will be because I put you there.”

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Dallas laughed. “It got you results with your girl though, didn’t it? You should act more appreciative.”

  And that was part of the problem. I wasn’t sure for how much longer she was going to be my girl.

  Eve

  THE LAST THING I WANTED TO DO was leave Josh in limbo.

  It wasn’t fair.

  And I had been prepared to stay the rest of the day, and then take the drive to see my parents. It wasn’t a trip I necessarily wanted to make but the more I thought about, the more it seemed I had to.

  Heather had mentioned another gallery that was interested in taking me. Who, despite the bullshit they’d read, didn’t care and wanted me to work for them. She meant well, but I told her it would be a cold day in hell before I went from one gallery job I hated to another.

  I couldn’t go back to what I was doing before because I had changed.

  It wasn’t a lightning bolt realization, more an ah-huh, well isn’t that interesting. But between my chat with Heather and the drive out to Connecticut, I’d gained some incredible perspective.

  I was happy away from the gallery. And it wasn’t just about working at the tattoo studio. Sure, it helped to be around people who seemed genuinely happy—I couldn’t remember a time where Mr. Ashton had ever seemed pleased even when we made him a truckload of money—it was more than that.

  No, it had been me. I had been the one who changed.

  And while I was contemplating, working on what made the new Eve tick, that it occurred to me. I needed to resign for a second time.

  I was going to have to say goodbye to Ink Addiction.

  It pained my heart to have to think it, let alone say it, but I knew it was the right call and it was time.

  In the three weeks it had become my safe haven, and not only that, but I would actually miss the shop. Josh’s offer of staying on had been more than a little tempting. The customers were great, the work was fun and my co-workers were amazing. Of course, getting to see my boyfriend everyday was a huge sweetener. I loved working beside him and seeing the work he produced—it was inspiring.

  But all of that had been a safety net of another kind. And while it had cradled me when I needed it, if I was going to pick myself up and get my shit together I needed to do it on my own two feet. Not because I had something to prove to anyone else, but because I needed to prove it to myself.

  No one could do it for me, not even Josh.

  I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted him to look at what I had achieved and for our relationship to be on equal footing. He was either my boyfriend or he was my savior; he couldn’t be both. And if I needed a hero, then I better find one in the mirror.

  I pu
lled up to my parents’ house just after noon; the three-hour drive—the pit stop in Manhattan to pack a bag had slowed me down slightly—had been cathartic. But as much as I liked the time to think, I was glad when the big brick house my parents had recently moved into came into view.

  Oh, they still had our family home in Greenwich, but rather than downsize when both myself and my brother had left home, they up-scaled. Because unlike me, they didn’t do apartment living.

  A massive manor house, situated on a huge property with so many rooms I doubted either of my parents had even counted. Because two people needed that much space. Sarcasm totally intended.

  “Eve.” My mother greeted me at the door, wrapping her arms around me like it had been months not weeks since she saw me. Honestly, we’d had longer periods of not seeing each other. I could only assume she was so emotional because of everything that had been going on.

  “I’m fine, Mom. Seriously, I am fine.” I reassured her, knowing the things that had been said about me had probably hurt them too. And had I been less consumed with revenge and proving everyone wrong, I might have seen that.

  Dad was right behind her and gave me a hug of his own. “I’m glad you came to see us.”

  While so many men of my dad’s vintage were afraid of showing their feelings, he was too self-confident to give a shit what other people thought. Therefore he hugged tight, and often.

  “Are we going to keep hugging on the doorstep or are you guys going to let me in?” I laughed, not at all annoyed I was being loved on by my parents.

  “Of course, of course.” My mom discreetly wiped a tear she probably didn’t think I’d seen and ushered me into the living room while my dad got my overnight bag out of the car.

  “You repainted.” The walls had graduated from white to a light mocha. “It looks good.”

  “You didn’t come here to talk about our redecorating, young lady.” I heard my dad from the front door. “So, take a seat and let’s hear it.”

  “You’re not even going to give me time to settle in?” The soft cushions of the couch hugged my body as my butt lowered onto it.