“I don’t understand,” Cassie said. “What does the nightgown have to do with anything? Did you take it with you and wear it?”
“No.” Chloe sniffed. “I lied. The night of my birthday, when I wore the nightgown, I did have a dream. I dreamed about Arizona. It was so incredibly real and passionate. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t really believe the family legend was anything but a joke. I was embarrassed and I thought it was stupid. That’s why I didn’t tell you. Then when I saw him on the television, I was so stunned, I didn’t know what to say. Since then, everything has been out of control. I’m confused and scared and I’m really, really sorry.”
Cassie glanced down at her mug. “I see. You didn’t trust me.”
Her words and her stiff posture screamed her hurt. The knot in Chloe’s gut doubled in size. “I knew you’d be upset. You have every right to be mad at me, Cass. I can’t explain what I was thinking except I was stunned by what had happened.”
Cassie didn’t look at her. She shook her head back and forth, making the gold heart earrings catch the light.
Chloe stretched her hand across the table and touched her sister’s fingers. “I never meant to hurt you. You are my closest friend in life. I was very upset by what had happened and I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it.”
At last Cassie looked at her. “Besides, I was the one so excited about the legend. If I’d known you’d dreamed about Arizona, I wouldn’t have been able to keep the information to myself.” A smile tugged at her lips. “Imagine if I’d blurted it out that first night he was here for dinner.”
“It would have given us something to talk about.”
Cassie nodded. “I understand, Chloe. I’m a little hurt, but I’ll get over it. Let’s talk about you and what happened. You dreamed about him, and then you met him. Was that like the dream?”
“Not the meeting.” She quickly explained about going into work that morning and finding out that Arizona was her new assignment. Everywhere she went, pictures of the man stared back at her. She described seeing the scar on his arm in her dream, then finding out he had the same scar.
“How did you know about the scar?” Cassie asked. “What was he wearing in the dream?”
Chloe cleared her throat. She could feel herself blushing. “Nothing. We made love, several times. It was amazing.”
Cassie laughed. “No wonder you were stunned the next morning. There’s nothing like finding out your fantasy lover is a real person to get your day started.”
“Exactly. It was so spooky. You know I don’t believe in the legend. I’m a reporter. I want to be able to prove my facts. I couldn’t figure out what was going on and it frightened me.”
“Plus you wouldn’t want Arizona to know too much,” Cassie said. “After all, he spends his life exploring the mystic. You couldn’t be sure what he would make of the whole nightgown legend once he found out he’d been the subject of your dream.”
“Exactly.”
Cassie took a drink of her cocoa, then placed the mug on the table and cupped it with her hands. Her eyebrows drew together. “I still don’t see the problem. You and Arizona get along well. I think you like him. I know he likes you. You made love and I’m guessing it was lovely. So why are you so upset?”
“Because it’s all too strange. Yes, we get along and have fun together. The sex was amazing.” She didn’t want to think about that, about how she’d felt when he touched her. “That’s not the point. It’s more complicated. I refuse to fall in love with anyone ever. I won’t let myself feel that kind of pain again. Arizona might believe in myths and stories, but he doesn’t believe in love, romantic or otherwise. He’s the kind of man who wants to spend his life roaming the world. While I want to travel, I do also want to settle down and make a home. Eventually.”
“You already have a home.” Cassie waved to encompass the kitchen and the entire house beyond. “You have roots. You’re from Bradley.”
Cassie’s tone was light, but Chloe heard the envy in her sister’s voice. She never knew what to say about that—about the fact that she’d inherited the house.
Cassie shrugged. “Where you settle isn’t important. So he wants to travel, possibly more than you do. Compromise. Couples have been doing that for generations. How do you think marriages last?”
“No one is talking about getting married. That’s the last thing I want to do.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I refuse to love him. I don’t want to get involved with anyone. We’re friends and we had a great time together.”
“Then why are you crying?”
Chloe couldn’t answer the question. Nothing made sense. She wanted to explain about the helicopter and feeling tricked, but she’d had time to think and she didn’t believe Arizona had deliberately set out to deceive her. She’d overreacted. Probably because she was feeling a little overwhelmed by her reaction to him.
“I don’t know what to think. Maybe if we hadn’t made love things would be more clear.” She rested her elbows on the table and cupped her head in her hands. “I feel like I’m caught up inside a tornado. Every time it sets me down, I have to get my bearings all over again. Just when I get that all figured out, I’m caught up again, with no control over my destiny.”
“Sounds to me like you’re falling in love with him.”
Chloe sucked in a breath. “No,” she said firmly. “That’s not possible.”
Cassie ignored her. “Of course it is. You’ve cut yourself off from your heart for so long, you can’t recognize the symptoms. Why else would any of this matter?”
“It’s not that.”
“What else could it be? You’re worried about what the man does for a living and how much he travels. If this was just a fling you would be grateful that he was leaving and that you would never have to see him again. Instead it bothers you. You want to find a way to blend your lives. That’s what loving someone is all about.”
“No. I don’t love him. I don’t want to love him. I don’t want to love anyone.”
Now it was Cassie’s turn to reach across the table and touch her hand. “Yes, you do. Chloe, it’s time to let go of the past. You tend to hang on to things for too long. I miss Mom and Dad, too, but I’ve let it go. I have the memories. What I learned is that you never know how long you’re going to have, so love fully. You learned not to trust them. You probably would have gotten over that if Billy hadn’t died and you can’t forgive him for being wrong. He was your first love. I remember you told me he’d promised you he would get well, and you believed him. Then he died. It’s been nearly eight years and you’re still mad at Aunt Charity. It’s not her fault that she wasn’t in the country when her brother was killed. Was she supposed to live next door all those years, just in case?”
“Of course not.” Chloe knew her voice was stiff, but she was having trouble speaking past the tightness in her throat. “I’m not a closed, unforgiving person.”
Cassie’s fingers squeezed her own. “That’s not what I meant. You’re a wonderful person and I love you very much. But sometimes, you’re so stubborn I just want to shake some sense into you. Let the past go. Look forward for once. Don’t lose this wonderful opportunity with Arizona. When are you going to meet someone like him again?”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It can be, if you let it.”
Chloe looked at her sister. She wanted to believe her, but she couldn’t. Cassie was right—after nearly eight years, she was still angry at Aunt Charity. The woman should have known that her brother had died. There was no excuse for staying out of contact for more than three years. If not for her, Chloe and Cassie wouldn’t have been sent to foster homes. They wouldn’t have been separated. She wouldn’t have met Billy.
Chloe stiffened. She wouldn’t have met Billy. Was that what she wanted? To nev
er have known him?
She turned the thought over in her mind. She regretted his death. It had hurt to love him. But even knowing he was going to die, she wasn’t sure she would have wished him out of her life. She’d learned a lot from him. She’d learned about courage and dignity. She’d learned about giving her whole heart and she’d learned about pain.
“What are you thinking?” Cassie asked.
“That this is all so complicated. I should have been more like you and gotten involved with someone like Joel.”
“He could never make you happy.”
Chloe wanted to ask if he made her happy, but this wasn’t the time.
“What are you going to do now?” Cassie asked.
“I don’t know.” Chloe gave her a smile, squeezed her hand once, then rose to her feet. “I can’t make any decisions until I’ve thought this through. I’m not going to call him or anything. I’ll let him make the next move.”
“You need to distract yourself.” Cassie glanced at her watch. “It’s not that late. Do you want to go to a movie or something?”
“Not tonight. I think I’ll try to work on my article. I won’t be able to get Arizona out of my mind, so I might as well take advantage of that.”
She headed for the stairs, then paused and faced her sister. “Thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it.”
“That’s part of the job.” Cassie grinned. “At least there’s good news about the situation.”
“What’s that?”
“Now that you’ve slept with him, you really will be able to write an ‘intimate’ portrait of the man.”
* * *
ARIZONA LEFT THE hotel bar and headed up to his room. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but one beer didn’t go very far to help him forget his troubles.
As he left the elevator and started toward his room, he wondered again what had gone wrong with Chloe. Okay, he should have told her about the helicopter, but he really didn’t think it was that big a deal. If she hadn’t been receptive, he wouldn’t have tried anything. It wasn’t as if he’d had to talk her into making love with him.
He hated feeling like this—knowing that she was upset and not being able to understand why. It made him crazy that even though they could both agree on the facts and the blame, he still couldn’t understand why she was so hurt by everything. It was, he decided as he used the card to unlock the door, a chick thing. Men and women were incredibly different creatures. It was amazing that the species hadn’t died out several millennia ago.
The first thing he noticed when he walked into the room was the blinking message light on his phone. Chloe. She’d called! He cursed himself for not coming directly to his room. What if she wanted to see him? What if she was on her way over? She could be sitting by the phone right this minute, assuming his silence meant he was angry with her.
After tossing his backpack on the floor, he picked up the receiver and punched the numbers so that he could listen to her message.
But the voice he heard after the computer instructed him to punch “1” to hear his messages wasn’t Chloe’s but his father’s.
“Hello, Arizona. I’ve been reading about the gem find and your lecture series in the paper. I wondered how you were doing. I thought I might come out to California to sit in on a couple of your talks. Please give me a call when you have a moment.”
Arizona angrily hit “3” to erase the message, then sank onto the blue sofa. He swore under his breath. As if he didn’t already have enough trouble in his life.
He didn’t want to call back. For several minutes he thought about ignoring the message and all it implied. But he couldn’t. However, he could tell the old man to get off his back.
He dialed the area code for Chicago, then the number he’d known all his life. His father answered on the first ring.
“Yes?”
“It’s Arizona.”
“Son, thanks for calling.”
Arizona flinched. He hated being called “son” almost as much as he hated the pleasure in the older man’s voice. Grant Smith had finally decided to recognize his only child’s existence about thirty years too late for Arizona’s taste.
“How are you?” his father asked.
“Fine.”
“The series going well?”
“It starts day after tomorrow, but I’m sure it will be fine.” He knew his voice sounded stiff, as if he were talking to someone he didn’t really like. In a way he was. His father was a stranger. The fact that he now wanted a relationship with his son didn’t change the fact that he’d abandoned his son the day he’d been born.
“I’ve been reading about it here. There’s quite a bit of coverage. You know the sort of thing. Hometown boy does good and all that. I’m very proud of you.”
Arizona made a noncommittal sound low in his throat. “How’s the weather in Chicago?” he asked.
“Still chilly. Listen, son. I was thinking of flying out for a few days. I would like to listen to your series.”
“That’s not a great idea. I’m only in town until the lectures are finished. The next day I leave for the South Pacific.”
“One of those small islands with no electricity or phones?”
“Exactly. I’ll be there for three months. Besides, you know you hate to travel. Why put yourself out?”
“Because I want to see you. It’s been nearly a year.”
“Compared to the first twenty or thirty years I was around, we’re doing much better,” he said dryly.
There was a moment of silence. His father exhaled into the phone. “Is that why you’re making this so difficult? I just want us to spend time together.”
“Why? We don’t have a whole lot to talk about.”
“We’re the only family we have left, Arizona. You’re my son. You matter.”
“You know, Grant, you waited too long to figure that out. I needed you when I was growing up.”
“My father took excellent care of you,” the older man said stiffly.
“He did the best he could, which is more than we can say for you. But you know what he was like. I can’t tell you how many times he forgot I was along and left me behind in some village somewhere. But you never cared about that. You were too busy trying to forget I was alive. Just because you’ve finally remembered doesn’t mean I have to give a damn.”
“We’re family,” his father repeated. “I’m not going to give up on you.”
“That’s your choice. But I’m not going to change my mind.”
“I can be as stubborn as you. Perhaps that’s where you get it from. Have a good trip, Arizona. I’ll be in touch when you get back in the fall. I love you, son.”
Arizona hung up without saying goodbye.
He stared at the phone, hating both his father for wanting back into his life after all this time, and himself for being such a bastard. If only he could just turn his back and have it not matter. Unfortunately it did matter. Too much. To add insult to injury, he almost understood the old man.
Grant Smith had loved his wife with a passion that lasted more than thirty years past her death. Arizona didn’t understand that kind of devotion, but he respected it. If only his father had been able to turn a little of that devotion toward his son. But he hadn’t. Instead Grant had hired a series of nannies to take care of the boy. He’d left the infant and the staff in the large house by the lake and had moved into a small apartment on his own.
Once his grandfather had shown up and claimed him, he’d traveled with the old man from then on. Arizona had been twenty-five the first time he’d met his father.
He leaned back on the sofa and groaned. He couldn’t do this tonight—he couldn’t deal with these demons, too. He didn’t want to be alone. But he was in a strange city and he didn’t have many friends here. The truth was there was only o
ne person he wanted to see right now.
He glanced at the clock. It was nearly ten. Too late to be calling her. Besides, she was still furious with him. Even so, he picked up the receiver and dialed.
She answered the phone on the first ring. “Hello?”
“It’s Arizona. I—” What was he going to say? In the end, there was only the truth. “I need you. It’s not what you think,” he added quickly. “My father called. He wants… Hell, that doesn’t matter. It’s just I never know what to say to him. I was a complete idiot. I’m stuck in this hotel room, I’m alone and lonely and I didn’t know who else to call. I just want to be with you. I want to see you and hear your voice. We’re friends, right? Or did I mess that up, too?”
She didn’t answer. If he hadn’t heard her faint breathing, he might have thought she’d hung up on him.
“It’s not about sex,” he told her. “I swear.”
“Oh, Arizona, you make it so hard to stay mad at you. Yes, we’re still friends. Yes, I’ll come over. I want to talk, but I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I want it to be about sex, too.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
ARIZONA LEANED BACK against the sofa and sighed with contentment. The remnants of their room service meal had been put out into the hallway. There was still wine in the bottle sitting in the ice bucket and two servings of chocolate mousse waiting for them. This, he thought, was how it was supposed to be. These were the moments that made up a good life.
It wasn’t all about the food either, he reminded himself as he glanced to his left and saw Chloe curled up on the sofa next to him. Before coming over she’d showered and changed into a pale green sleeveless dress. The filmy fabric flowed over her body. She’d tucked her bare legs under her and left her long curls loose around her shoulders. She looked different from the sensibly dressed companion he’d had the previous day on their hike. He liked how she changed to fit the circumstances. He’d thought she was as beautiful yesterday as today and he still believed that.
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