Because I want to see you again. I want to hold you and hear you laugh. I want to figure out a way to make this work.
But he didn’t say any of that. She sounded so calm and controlled. Maybe this hadn’t mattered to her as much as he’d hoped. If she really wanted him gone, then he would go. But he made one last attempt. “Are you sure? I would like to see you again.”
“Arizona, I—” Her breath caught and then he knew. She wasn’t calm or unmoved by their conversation. She was clinging to composure by a thread.
“Chloe, don’t make me do this. Let me stay a couple more days.”
“No. It will only hurt more. I need to start getting over you and today is as good a day as any. Just promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“Promise me you won’t read the article until you’re on the island.”
His body felt strange. All tight and hurting. He wanted to beg her to come with him. He wanted… That was the problem, he realized. He didn’t know what he wanted.
“You’re just afraid I’m going to be critical,” he said, hoping his voice sounded at least close to normal.
“That’s it exactly. Promise?”
“I give you my word. I won’t read it until I’m on the island. Of course I’ll have to read it during the day, what with there being no electricity and all.”
She made a noise that sounded more like a strangled sob than a laugh, but he let it go.
“I’m going to miss you,” he said.
“Me, too. So much. You’ve been wonderful. All of it.”
He cleared his throat. “Maybe I could come back. You know, at the end of the summer. Just to say hi and see how you are.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I won’t be over you enough by then.”
“Chloe?”
She exhaled sharply. “Don’t ask me what that means, okay? Just accept it as the truth. I can’t promise very much right now. It’s j-just—” Her voice cracked. “I guess this is harder than I thought.”
“Chloe, I want to see you before I leave.”
“You can’t. I have to go to work. Jerry’s going to read the article this morning and we’ll be editing it all afternoon. Your plane leaves around one, right? So there’s no time.”
“I’ll make time. I’ll keep the original flight.” He wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly had a sense of urgency about seeing her. That if he didn’t, he would lose something very precious and important.
“Why?” she asked. “Nothing is going to change. You’re still going to be leaving and I’m still going to stay here. It would hurt, too much.” She paused. “Tell you what. Call me when you get back from your island. If things have settled down and you still want to see me, maybe we can work that out. Okay? But you don’t have to. I mean, if you’ve met someone else, I’ll understand.”
“There’s not going to be anyone else. You’re the one—” He stumbled verbally. “I really care about you.”
“Thank you for saying that. Look, Arizona, I have to go. Have a safe trip.”
She hung up.
He stared at the phone a long time before replacing the receiver. Something was wrong. He could feel it. This wasn’t right. Usually he was itching to leave, but this time he wanted to stay. What did that mean?
He would call her back, he decided. Then the voice in his head asked, “And say what?”
He didn’t have an answer to that. What would he say? That he cared about her? He did. But that wasn’t enough. He knew that now. Chloe wanted and deserved more than the temporary relationship he could offer her. She deserved a commitment.
He glanced around the hotel room, which was exactly like a hundred others he’d called home over the years. What did he know about commitment? His entire life had been devoted to wanderlust. The only thing he’d ever committed to had been getting his various degrees and those had been acquired at an assortment of universities around the world. Stay in one place? Be with one woman? Whom was he trying to kid?
Determined to put this behind him, Arizona got up, pulled his suitcase from the closet and began to pack.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHLOE WAITED NERVOUSLY while Jerry finished up his phone call. He’d kept her waiting nearly ten minutes, which wasn’t all that long except her nerves were shot. She’d had nearly no sleep the previous night and she didn’t know how she was going to get through the day…let alone the rest of her life. She’d let Arizona go. She glanced at the clock and realized he would already be in San Francisco to catch his flight. It was too late to change her mind, too late to offer to go with him, too late to ask him to stay. Too late to realize she might have made the biggest mistake of her life.
Her editor put down the phone and looked at her. His gaze narrowed. “It’s too long and too emotional,” he said without even a greeting to start the conversation. “You got too close to your subject. Didn’t they teach you anything at college?”
Chloe willed herself to stay calm and keep from flushing. She’d tried so hard to be impersonal as she’d written the piece. Obviously, she’d failed.
Jerry leaned back in his seat and tucked his hands behind his head. “It’s also about the best damn article I’ve read in years. It’s powerful, both in the images you invoke and in the story itself. I’m impressed as hell.”
She felt heat on her cheeks, but she no longer cared. “Really?”
“Yeah, really. You’re a decent writer. Of course, I knew that all along. That’s why I wanted you for this assignment.”
Chloe pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. This was not the time to remind Jerry that he hadn’t chosen her at all. She’d been handed the job after Nancy had turned it down because of her pregnancy.
“You know,” he continued. “You could write a book on this guy. Not that I’m giving you any ideas. I don’t want you to think you can parlay this article into a different career. And don’t even think about leaving Bradley and heading off for New York.”
“Actually, I have no intention of leaving,” she told him. “My home is here.”
Now it was Jerry’s turn to look surprised. He straightened and slapped his hands on his desk. “Who would have thought? I figured a smart young writer like yourself would be heading off to the Big Apple at the first chance she got.” He tapped the pages in front of him. “This is your ticket in. You know that don’t you?”
“I know, and there was a time I was interested, but not anymore. I belong here.”
“Great.” He handed her the article. “I’ve made notes in the margins. I want the changes back to me by the end of the week. This will be the cover story, so get yourself a professional publicity photo. We’ll need it for the byline.”
Chloe swallowed hard. While she’d had bylines before, the magazine had never run her photo. The cover story! “Thank you,” she managed.
“Yeah, yeah.” He pointed to the pages she now held. “We can talk about anything you don’t agree with. I doubt you can change my mind, but you’re welcome to try. Now get out of here.”
She clutched the sheets to her chest and made her way to the door. Her head was spinning. So much had happened so quickly. First Arizona leaving, then Jerry telling her she was going to have the cover.
“Oh, and Chloe?”
She glanced at her boss over her shoulder. “Yes?”
“I’m promoting you to the senior writer level. You’ll only be working on features now. The new title comes with a raise and an expense account.” He waved his hand. “Yeah, yeah, you’re so grateful, you’re speechless. Now get out of here, kid. Go home, celebrate the rest of the day and in the morning get your butt in the chair and make those changes.”
“Thank you,” was all she could manage. She stumbled her way back to her desk and collapsed into her chair.
She�
��d been promoted. She was really succeeding here at the magazine. There were only two other feature writers and they had both been working here much longer than she had. She’d impressed her boss.
She laughed out loud. With a little luck, she might even get a bigger cubicle, or maybe even an office of her own. Excitement and happiness bubbled inside of her. Without thinking, she reached for the phone and punched in the number for the hotel where Arizona was staying. When the operator answered, reality hit and with it a gut-twisting pain.
“May I help you?” the woman asked again.
“I’m sorry,” Chloe whispered. “I have the wrong number.”
She hung up. All her excitement and happiness vaporized, leaving her feeling as if she had just swallowed poison. Her body stiffened and her chest tightened. She couldn’t call Arizona and share the news with him. He was gone. She had sent him away and he wasn’t the kind of man who was likely to bother coming back this way again.
* * *
CHLOE WALKED INTO the kitchen and set her briefcase on the table. She’d taken Jerry’s advice and had left early. But she had no plans to celebrate her promotion. She knew that in time she would be thrilled with the opportunity. She was a good writer, and she would excel at her new position. But for now none of that mattered. There was only the pain. How long would it take to forget him? Lord help her if souls really were reincarnated because she had a bad feeling it was going to take more than one lifetime to get over him.
“You let him go.”
Chloe glanced up and saw her aunt standing in the doorway. Charity’s hair was pulled back into its customary French twist. Her tailored slacks and fitted blouse highlighted her attractive figure. She was a familiar anchor in Chloe’s suddenly storm-tossed world.
As the tears formed, she walked to her aunt. The older woman embraced her, holding her close. Chloe cried, hoping the release of tears would ease some of the pain. Sobs racked her body. She felt the physical rending as her heart tore in two.
“I h-had to,” she managed between sobs as she tried to catch her breath. “I couldn’t go with him, and he doesn’t belong here.”
“Foolish girl. Of course he does.”
Chloe sniffed and straightened. “What are you talking about?”
Charity led her to the table, then started the kettle for tea. While the water was heating, she settled in the seat opposite Chloe’s and handed her niece several tissues.
“You dreamed about him, Chloe. He’s your destiny. You should have asked him to stay.”
Hopelessness churned with the pain. “That’s just some stupid old family legend. You know that.”
“Fine. Ignore the dream, but what about everything else? What about the fact that you love him and you let him go without telling him?”
Chloe blew her nose. Her body ached as it did when she had the flu. “I told him. Sort of.”
“He didn’t know it when he called.”
Her head came up and she stared at her aunt. “Arizona called? Here?”
“About an hour ago. He was in San Francisco. His plane was about to take off, and he wanted to talk to you.”
She opened her mouth, but there weren’t any words. She’d missed his call? It was too devastating to consider. “I just—”
“Oh, Chloe. Why didn’t you fight for him?”
“He doesn’t belong here. The world is his home.”
“Home isn’t a place, it’s a state of mind. I think he wanted to stay, but wasn’t sure he would be welcome.”
Chloe turned that thought over in her mind. “He never hinted that he did.” She swallowed. “I’ve been over this a thousand times. The truth is I love him, but I couldn’t ask him to stay. I don’t know if that makes me a coward or not. Everything happened so fast. It’s hard to have him gone, but I believe we need the time. I’m sure of my feelings, but I don’t think he’s sure of his. I think he’s afraid of being abandoned again, so he always does the leaving. And I can’t be with a man who won’t trust me.”
“So what happens now?” her aunt asked.
“Now I wait. You’re wrong. I did tell Arizona how I felt. I told him if he wanted to come back to me, I would be waiting. So it’s up to him. I’m giving him time to figure out what he wants. He has to come to me freely, Aunt Charity. He has to believe.”
Her aunt studied her face. “You’ve become a wise, mature woman, Chloe. Your parents would be very proud of you. I’m very proud to have you as a part of my life.”
“I don’t feel very wise. I feel broken and empty.”
“I understand.” She squeezed her fingers, then stood up to make the tea. “What are you going to do?”
Chloe had figured that one out on the drive home. “I’m going to spend the rest of the day in bed feeling sorry for myself. Tomorrow, to quote my editor, I’m going to get my butt in the chair and make the changes he wants on my article.”
“He liked it?”
“Yeah.” Chloe brushed away the tears that continued to fall. In a couple of days she would share the news of her promotion with her family, but she couldn’t talk about it now.
Charity looked at her. “Honey, go on up to bed. I’ll bring you the tea.”
Chloe nodded, then did as her aunt bade. As she headed for her room, she reminded herself she was doing the right thing. She and Arizona needed time. It was the old cliché about setting something free. If he came back to her, then they would be together. If he didn’t, he had never really wanted to be a part of her life. Unfortunately, the cliché didn’t give any advice about getting through the waiting period or knowing when it was time to give up hope.
* * *
THE AIR ON the island was thick and humid with a sensual lushness that never failed to make Arizona feel like a nonbeliever entering a sacred temple. This small paradise off to one corner of the Pacific Ocean had always been one of his favorite places. Yet as he stepped off the boat onto the soft sand, he couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was wrong.
For the first time in his life, he didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be anywhere but back in Bradley. What was the point of seeing the world if he couldn’t also see Chloe’s face, hear her laugh, touch her?
He shook off the thoughts, telling himself it was little more than jet lag. Something that was to be expected after traveling nearly forty-eight hours straight. He would get over being tired and slightly off balance, just like he would get over missing Chloe.
Several women waited for him. He waved. Nada, the high priestess and ruler of the island, came toward him. Some of his pain eased as he felt genuine gladness at seeing her.
“Welcome back, Arizona,” she said in her oddly accented voice. Nada had grown up on the island, but in her late teens, she’d been sent to England. She’d stayed there nearly fifteen years, studying and learning customs of the West. Some women whispered she’d even taken an Englishman as a husband. If that were true, Arizona had never seen any sign of him. When he’d asked about that he’d been told that her husband had wanted to rule her head as well as her heart so she’d cut out his heart and eaten it for dinner.
“That showed him,” Arizona had replied before pointing out that the people of the island weren’t the least bit cannibalistic, and Nada had always frowned on violence of any kind.
True, he’d been told, but it made for a great story.
Nada walked toward him. She was tall and regal. He didn’t know her age, but guessed she had to be close to seventy or eighty. She wore her hair long—to her waist—and there was little gray in the shining black strands.
He bowed to the island princess and offered her a thin gold bracelet as a sign of affection and respect.
“Thank you,” she said. “But did you bring books?”
He grinned. “Two suitcases full. Romances and mysteries.”
Nada smiled at him. “We do like a good bit of death to mix with our love stories,” she admitted. “Come, everyone is waiting.”
He left his luggage by the boat, knowing that it would be placed in his hut for him. As usual, when he walked through the village, only the women came out to greet him. The men were too busy with their chores. Besides, it wasn’t correct for them to speak with strangers. On this island, men were to be seen and not heard. Which reminded him of something.
“I might have a visitor,” he said.
“No, you won’t.” Nada spoke with the confidence of one who often viewed the future and was rarely wrong. She wore a sarong-style garment that trailed onto the ground. Her stride was long and sure.
She glanced at him. “Who did you think might come out to the island?”
“If you know I’m not going to have a visitor, then you should be able to figure that out on your own.”
Her silence was a clear indication of her displeasure at his impertinence.
“I’m sorry,” Arizona said quickly. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I—” What was his excuse? He knew better. “I have a lot on my mind.”
The night moved in quickly as it always did in the tropics. Torches had been lit to illuminate the path. The lush plants crowded around so that he had to push against them as he followed Nada to the ceremonial grounds.
“My father,” he said at last when they stopped in the center of the open area. “We talked before I left California, and he said he would like to visit me.”
“I would make your father welcome,” the high priestess promised.
Arizona bit back a groan. He knew exactly what that meant. “He’s pretty old and he doesn’t get out much.”
Nada flashed him a smile. “I would be very good for him. I would help him forget. When you go back, tell him to come without you.”
Arizona knew better than to ask how she knew his father had anything to forget. Nothing about Nada surprised him. She probably would help his father to forget…if the excitement of the event didn’t kill him first.
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