He studied her face. “I wish I could believe you.”
“You can. I’m telling the truth.” She clasped her hands together. “You’re forgetting that I was questioning my relationship with Joel for a long time before I ended it. I didn’t make that decision lightly. I know you feel responsible because of what happened between us, but I wish you could let that go. I have.”
Okay, so that was a lie, but in the scheme of things, it wasn’t a very big one. She hadn’t let the kiss go. If anything, she thought about it more than ever, but only because her feelings for Ryan had changed.
The entire time Joel had been talking about Alice, she’d been thinking about Ryan. She’d realized she didn’t have a crush on her boss anymore. She’d fallen in love with him.
Everything Joel had said about what it was like to spend time with Alice had made her wish it was that way for her and Ryan, too. She’d wanted to experience those things with him, she’d wanted him to return her feelings. She wanted them both to fall madly in love, to be swept away by fire and passion, and live happily-ever-after.
She drew in a deep breath. Unfortunately, that wasn’t in the cards for her. Ryan liked her and respected her, but it wasn’t love. The truth didn’t have to be pleasant, but she did have to accept it. There was no point in planning on something she was never going to have. So, despite the ache in her heart, she would be sensible.
She would go out and find a place in which to belong. She would find someone she could love and who wanted to love her back. She would make sure that this time there was passion as well as friendship. And eventually, she would forget Ryan and all that he’d meant to her.
But not just yet. For the next few weeks she would stay here in Bradley, in Ryan’s house, and collect as many memories as possible.
“You’re not even listening,” he complained.
Cassie blinked. “You’re right. I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
He crossed to the chair and grabbed her hand. After pulling her to her feet, he cupped her face.
“I’m more sorry than I can tell you. You’ve been so great and all I’ve done is mess up your life. I didn’t mean to upset everything by kissing you. Now, by inviting Joel over, I’ve only made things worse. I thought that if the two of you spent some time together, everything would work out.”
She loved the feel of his palms against her skin, but instead of savoring the moment, she grabbed his wrists and pulled him away. “You have an incredible ability not to hear what I’m saying. It’s a gift, isn’t it?” She took a deep breath. “I’ll speak slowly so that you can understand. I don’t want Joel. I don’t miss him. I don’t want to be with him anymore.”
His green eyes darkened. “Really?”
Was she actually getting through to him? “Yes, really. I would rather be alone than be with someone I don’t love. I don’t love him.”
“Cassie, I—”
She held up her hand. “If you apologize one more time I’m going to ask you to beat up yourself.”
He grinned. “Okay, I won’t. I’m just concerned.”
“And I’m just fine. I mean that.”
“All right. I’ll let it go, but only after I tell you that Joel is a stupid man. He had a real prize in you.”
His words warmed her. Without thinking, she leaned forward and kissed his mouth. “Thank you. That’s so nice. You really—”
But she couldn’t finish her sentence. Not when she saw the heat flaring in his eyes. Heat that ignited a matching fire in her body. “Ryan?”
He swore under his breath. “I promised I wouldn’t do this again, Cassie, and I meant it. But you do things to me.” His jaw tightened. “Just walk away. Go to bed. Leave the house if it scares you too much.” He swore again. “I didn’t mean for you to ever find out. I’m a real bastard. I’m sorry.”
She stared at him. “You want me,” she said, not quite able to believe the words even as she spoke them. Wonder filled her. Wonder and longing.
“Of course. Who wouldn’t?”
She could probably come up with dozens of names, but right now that didn’t seem important. He didn’t love her, but he wanted her. It shouldn’t be enough, but it was. She would rather have a little bit of magic with Ryan than have a lifetime of almost with someone else.
“I’m not afraid,” she told him. “You’re not a bastard. I’m not leaving the house. In fact, I don’t think I’m going to bed for a long time.”
“One of us has to be strong.”
It took all her courage, but she took a step toward him and placed her hands on his shoulders. He tensed. She leaned a little closer and felt his arousal pressing into her belly.
“I’m not feeling especially strong,” she told him. “Guess it’s up to you.”
They stared at each other. She thought he might back off, or push her away. Instead he sucked in a breath, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THIS KISS WAS better than the one she remembered. Cassie let herself lean into him, absorbing the heat that flared instantly. His mouth was hot and firm against hers, his body hot and hard. Passion swept through her, like a rush of light, filling every pore, every cell. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t imagine ever wanting to stop. All she could do was kiss him back.
Ryan brushed her lower lip with his tongue. She shivered as she parted to admit him. He moved inside, stroking her, circling around, exploring and teasing. He tasted of wine and himself, a potent combination that left her light-headed.
His hands were everywhere. On her back, slipping down to her waist, then cupping her hips. He squeezed her derriere and pulled her against him so that she could feel all of his arousal, then brought his hands up her arms and began the journey again. In turn, she allowed herself to rest her fingertips on his broad shoulders. He was so strong. Every muscle tightened as she traced a pattern down his back. She could feel his rippling tension.
What was that old line? “If this is madness, then let me live with the insane.” Or something like that. It didn’t matter. The concept captured her feelings perfectly. She wanted to be crazy, if it meant sharing this incredible moment with Ryan. Her breasts ached and swelled until she wanted to beg him to touch her there. Her legs trembled. Between her thighs, that most private part of her dampened. She could feel a heaviness low in her stomach and it took all her strength not to rock her hips against him.
Ryan cupped her face. He trailed kisses across her cheeks and nose, along her jaw to her ear. There he nibbled on her earlobe. Her breath caught as the impact of his teasing made her softly cry out. It was too delicious, too incredible, too unlike anything she’d ever experienced.
“Ryan,” she breathed, wanting to say his name again and again so that she could know this was really happening.
He pulled back and stared at her. The fire she’d seen before had exploded into a raging storm. If she hadn’t known better, she would have sworn that his hands trembled as he held her face. She noticed that his mouth was damp…from her kisses! She had done that to him. Somehow, despite her inexperience, she’d managed to arouse him and his passions.
“I want you,” he said, his voice low and husky. “I want you, Cassie. In my bed. I want you naked, underneath me. I want to touch you and taste you everywhere, then I want to bury myself inside you and make you mine.”
His words created an image that took her breath away. She couldn’t do anything but stare at him. She’d never been naked in front of a man before, nor had a man touched her intimately. She waited for a feeling of nervousness or a voice to whisper that what they were doing was wrong, but there was only the silence of expectation.
“I want you, too,” she murmured, then ducked her head as she blushed. Had she really said that?
He touched her chin and forced her to look at h
im. “No regrets?” he asked. “I can stop now, if you want me to.” He gave her a crooked smile. “I’ll want to die, but I can stop. I need you to be sure.”
She knew what he was trying to say. That he wanted to make love with her, but nothing else about their relationship was going to change. He hadn’t suddenly fallen in love with her. He wasn’t promising her anything more than a night in his bed.
Cassie stared at his face, at the handsome lines and the need tightening his mouth, at the light in his eyes. For her it was a question of regret. Which would she regret more? Turning him away or being with him, knowing that it would never be more than a physical relationship.
She waited for the debate to begin, but there was only silence in her head. She loved Ryan. She knew him to be a good man. Despite his attempts to keep their relationship completely professional, he had stolen her heart and there was no way for her to get it back.
She’d already felt the passion of their kisses. Now she wanted to know the rest of it. She wanted to be with him in the way women had been with men since the beginning of time. As he didn’t want a romantic relationship, she had to remember that this wasn’t going to mean the same to him as it did to her. Eventually, she would have to get over him and find someone else. He wasn’t going to be the last one…was she willing to let him be the first?
“No regrets,” she said.
He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles, then he led her to the stairs and up to his bedroom.
The room they entered was large and dark. “Stay here,” he said.
He moved through the shadows. A lamp clicked on by the king-size bed, casting dim light in all directions. Cassie stared at the bed, then at Ryan. They were really going to make love. She and Ryan. She wasn’t sure she believed this was happening.
“Why do you want me?” she blurted out. “I’m nothing like the women in your life.”
He returned to her side. “What do you know about the women in my world?”
“Just that they’re nothing like me. They’re in business, or computers. They travel, wear sophisticated clothes, go to the theater and understand about wine. That’s not me.”
He took her hand again and pressed his mouth to her palm. “Maybe that’s what I like about you,” he told her. “That you’re not in competition with me, that you care more about making Sasha happy than being seen in the right kind of restaurant. Maybe I like that you’re honest and good, and that you don’t even know there’s a game, let alone understand the rules.”
Game? “What game?” she asked.
He licked her palm. A shiver rippled through her and she thought she might have to sit down.
“My point exactly. I’m not claiming to understand you completely, but all the surprises have been positive ones. You’re a good person. I enjoy your company, and you’re sexy as hell.”
She grinned. “Really?”
“I swear.”
Sexy, huh? She’d never thought of herself that way. She was just plain Cassie Wright. Nothing special. Except now, with Ryan nibbling on the inside of her wrist and her whole body threatening to go up in flames, she felt very sexy and alive.
He dropped her hand and hauled her hard against him. Before she could catch her breath, his mouth was on hers, his tongue plunging inside. She met him and gave back all that he offered. When his hands slipped under the bottom of her sweater and started moving up, she didn’t think about being shy or afraid. All she could do was hold herself away a little so that he could slide up to her breasts.
She’d waited for this for so long, she thought as his fingers stroked her skin. She felt him trace her ribs, then the band of her bra. At last his right hand moved up and cupped her breast.
The contact was different from what she’d expected. Firm, yet gentle, and certainly better in every way. He squeezed, then took her tight nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He rolled the beaded tip and sent jolts of pleasure through her. Her knees threatened to buckle, her thighs were on fire. She had to hold on to him to stay upright.
“Ryan,” she whispered against his mouth. “Oh, Ryan.”
“Tell me about it.” His voice was thick. “I can’t believe what you’re doing to me. I want you so much, I’m about to explode.”
He stepped back and with one quick, practiced movement pulled her sweater up over her head. The night air was cool on her bare skin. Cassie didn’t even think about covering herself, despite the fact that Ryan was obviously staring.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said and stroked the valley between her breasts. “I thought you’d be perfect and I was right.”
He’d thought about her? Naked? She felt a shiver in her tummy.
He took her hand and drew her to the bed. Once she was seated, he crouched down and removed her shoes and socks. He quickly did the same to himself, then settled next to her. As he kissed her, he lowered her to the mattress.
Her left arm was trapped between them, so she reached around with her right one. She explored his cheek and his ear, then ran her fingers through his hair. All the while they kissed as if they couldn’t get enough of each other.
Cassie felt his hand on her belly. His splayed fingers moved in a lazy circle. He moved up and stroked her breasts with long, slow movements that had her arching like a cat. The need grew inside of her. She wanted…only she wasn’t sure what. Every time he brushed against her tight nipples, she gasped. Between her legs a steady ache pounded in time with her heartbeat. She wanted him to touch her there but she was also a little scared, so she didn’t say anything.
He continued to brush her skin, from her shoulder to her waist, pausing at her breasts with each trip. On one of the journeys, he unfastened the hook at the front of her bra. The lace fabric fell open.
He trailed kisses down her chin to her throat, then lower, toward her breasts. Her breath caught. Was he really going to kiss her nipples? Apparently he was, she thought as he nudged aside her bra and licked the hollow. The damp trail moved up the curve, then he took the peak in his mouth.
The pleasure was so intense, she made a soft whimpering sound and gripped his upper arm. It was too wonderful; she would never survive. But she didn’t want him to stop. She wanted the moment to go on forever.
“Oh, Ryan, please,” she begged, not sure what she asked for.
He raised his head and blew on the damp skin. The quick chill made her shiver, but before she could register discomfort, he took her in his mouth again and sucked.
A ribbon of need wove its way between her breasts and her feminine place. When his hand slid down her belly toward that spot, she didn’t protest. She trusted him. Equally important, she wanted him. All that he had to offer.
His fingers pressed against the seam of her jeans. He rubbed back and forth. She shifted slightly, enjoying the pressure. It was nicer than she would have thought, even though— A jolt ripped through her. She half sat up. “What was that?”
“The promised land,” he said and grinned a very satisfied male smile.
Before she could ask any questions, he began tugging off her jeans. He peeled away her panties, too, and she was naked.
Any nervousness quickly disappeared as he returned his attentions to her breasts. He kissed her curves, loving her until she nearly forgot to breathe. His hand was once again on her stomach, but this time she could feel the faint roughness of his skin, along with his warmth. His fingers followed the same trail they had before, but it felt very different on bare flesh. She quivered and jumped, but didn’t protest as he made his way down to the dark curls. He slipped through them slowly, almost tickling her. Almost. There was too much anticipation for her to laugh. She wanted…so much.
He raised his head. “Cassie, look at me.”
She opened her eyes, not actually remembering closing them, and stared into his face.
“I
want to see you,” he said. “I want to know I’m getting it right.”
She couldn’t imagine him doing anything wrong, but for some reason she couldn’t speak right now. Not with his fingers actually sliding down from the curls into her waiting woman’s place.
He stroked her lightly. “You’re so wet and ready,” he said with a groan. “I want you so much. But first I want you to want me.”
She started to tell him that she did. But it was hard to think of anything except the feel of him as he discovered her. He slipped inside. She felt herself clamp tightly around him.
“Oh, I…” She trailed off, not sure what she apologized for, but sure she’d done something wrong.
“No!” he said as he stared at her intensely. “I love that you want me. Don’t hold back. I want to hear you.”
Cassie nodded, even though she didn’t have any great plans to be chatty during the event. It was going to be difficult enough pretending this wasn’t her first time. She was hoping that Ryan wouldn’t figure that out. He’d felt so responsible just for kissing her, she could only imagine what he would put himself through if he found out she was a virgin.
His finger moved in and out of her, creating an irresistible rhythm and tension. She found her attention focusing on what he was doing and all other thoughts faded. Her hips moved of their own accord, pulsing slightly to meet his every thrust. When he withdrew, she wanted to protest, but he brought his fingers a little higher, probing gently until he found a spot that made her want to cry out.
Instead she tensed and made a grab for his wrist as her eyes fluttered closed.
“There?” he asked.
She wasn’t sure of the question, but she knew he had to keep touching her. If he didn’t, she was going to die. “I don’t know,” she gasped.
He chuckled in her ear. “I do. How do you like it?”
He circled her slowly, occasionally brushing over the sensitive spot. Then he pressed a little more, went a little faster. She found herself caught in a process she didn’t understand. “Like…that,” she managed.
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