by Melody Anne
“Uh-huh . . . And romance is what you were looking for?”
“Of course,” she spat out. “Who isn’t? Screw it. I’m gonna talk to Gavin. I know how to get what I want.”
“And what you want is him? Seems like you flip-flop on that a lot.”
“Sweetie, who doesn’t want him?”
“Well.” I slipped on my new sunglasses and put the car in gear. “Good luck. I think he’s back with Leila.”
She waved her wrist. “Like the fake ginger can stop me. Let’s go.”
I swallowed the sour taste in my mouth at the thought of Veronica getting back together with Gavin. He’d told me he didn’t want that kind of relationship anymore.
Of course, then he’d gone and sucked face with Leila, so he was capable of anything.
As if he’d called Mother Nature for a personal favor, snow had fallen over Fernbrooke exactly when Stan needed it. It was the Yule episode of Viking Moon, and the wardrobe department was up to their padded shoulders in furs. My boots kicked through the white powder while Veronica, wearing a pair of impractical heels, wobbled in my footprints.
I paused when we got to the set and Veronica held out her hand for my notes about that day’s scene.
This was it. My chance to be honest like Clint wanted.
Leila brushed past me, her hair exuding a sweet mango perfume. She waded through the snow like some sort of ice queen in a green velvet dress and cape. As usual, the sight of her took my breath away. My stomach knotted and I gritted my teeth.
What was the point in telling the truth now? Gavin had found out and it had made everything worse. We’d be done filming in two weeks and then everyone would head back to Hollywood and forget all about the scarred assistant. I bit my lip and held the pages out to Veronica.
As she made her way to Stan, I wandered to the craft services table and plucked a donut covered in sprinkles off the tray. I’d just taken a giant bite when Leila showed up beside me.
“Oh, hey, Elise.”
I chewed the wad of cake in my mouth and attempted to swallow.
“Hey,” I managed. A slew of crumbs flew from my lips and landed on the front of her dress.
She dusted herself off and plucked a celery stick from the vegetable tray. I set my half-eaten donut on the corner of the table.
“I can’t believe we’re almost done with this,” she said. She took a dainty bite of celery and chewed it like she was trying to decide whether or not to swallow it.
“Yeah,” I said. “Guess you and Gavin will be happy to get back to LA?”
“Well, I don’t know about him, but I’m not a fan of this cold. I’m more of a sun-and-sand kind of girl, you know?” She shivered and pulled the cape tighter. “Besides, being long distance with Rodney is killing me.”
“Rodney?”
“My boyfriend. I didn’t tell you about him? He’s an accountant in LA. He’s been out to visit me a couple of times, but I miss him so much. Can’t wait until we’re back in the same time zone.”
The donut sat heavy in my stomach. I massaged my gut. “You’re still together?”
“Of course. In fact . . .” She glanced around her and leaned forward. “Can you keep a secret?”
I clenched my jaw to avoid laughing out loud and nodded.
She pulled a gold chain from the bodice of her dress. A modest diamond ring hung from the links. “He asked me to marry him when I was home, and I said yes! We don’t want a big ceremony or anything, so when I’m done filming, we’re gonna head to Vegas and do it up all tacky-like. You know, fake Elvis and everything.”
My body went numb and I gripped the edge of the table. “But . . . I thought you and Gavin had gotten back together.”
She deposited the ring back in her cleavage and laughed. “What? Oh, God no. What would give you that idea?”
With shaking fingers, I pulled my phone from my pocket and searched for the photo I’d bookmarked. “You kissed him. When you went home for Thanksgiving.”
Leila pursed her lips. “Oh, sweetie. You think because we kissed, we’re back together? That was a peck for the press since we’re playing a couple in the show. They asked us to pose like that. And it literally lasted, like, half a second.”
“It did?”
“Yes. Honestly, after all we’ve been through together, kissing Gavin is kind of like kissing my brother. What we do for the cameras—on the show or off it—that’s just acting. Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s in love with you.”
I choked on a sprinkle still lodged in my throat. “What . . . What makes you say that?”
“I’ve known him a long time, and I’ve seen him with his fair share of women. None of whom he spoke of outside of interviews. When we were on the plane home, he wouldn’t shut up about you.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Not in the slightest.” She shifted from one foot to the other. “It was ‘Elise this’ and ‘Elise that.’ He started out all angry at you about something. He wouldn’t tell me what. And he never said you’d been together, but I knew. He looked like a damaged puppy. So I finally asked him if the reason he was mad was because of whatever you’d done or because his ego was getting in the way of fixing it.”
I grabbed a bottle of water from the table and took a gulp to force the stupid sprinkle down my throat. “And?”
“And he agreed it was his ego. It always is.”
“I’m such an idiot.” I held the cool bottle to my flaming cheeks. “He apologized and I wouldn’t listen. I thought he’d gotten back together with you. I couldn’t believe he’d gotten over me so quickly.”
“Well, now’s your chance to fix it. I’m sure he’s lounging in his trailer. He’s not called for another hour or so. As for me, I’m ready for my close-up now.”
She left me at the table, hair flying behind her like wildfire.
Her words played over and over in my head. I’m pretty sure he’s in love with you.
I glanced around to make sure no one was watching, and shoved the remainder of the donut in my mouth before gulping the rest of the water. I wiped my lips with a napkin and combed my fingers through my hair.
My stomach roiled with a mix of nerves and excitement as I trudged through the snow to Gavin’s trailer. A member of the crew who must’ve drawn the short straw huffed out white clouds as he shoveled paths between the set and the trailers. His breath surrounded his head, lit eerily by the silvery lights propped around us. I nodded at him and mumbled an apology as I stepped over the spot he’d shoveled and accidentally kicked over a pile of his neatened snow. I didn’t turn to see what obscenity he probably muttered at my back.
The snow worked faster than he did, filling in the spaces he’d already cleared, and my boots sank and slipped as I fought to stay upright. I walked most of the way with my arms out, like a tightrope walker on a much colder and icier rope.
I neared Gavin’s trailer and my breath caught in my throat as I spotted a pair of heels tracked in the snow leading to the door.
Veronica.
She’d beaten me there.
I halted in front of Gavin’s trailer. My breath came out in smoky puffs as I scanned for movement through the blinds. I tugged my scarf tighter and kicked at the snow, wavering between hurling the door open and simply backing away.
Two shadows flickered in the window, and I inhaled deeply. When one silhouette reached for the other and the space between them closed, I turned and ran.
I skidded along the makeshift path, wincing when I fell onto my knee and soaked my jeans. Pushing myself up with a numb hand, I continued till I made it to my car, once again pissing off the poor shoveling guy as I passed him. This time, I didn’t bother apologizing.
I covered my mouth with my scarf to mute the sobs erupting from my gut. Leila’s words twisted around my skull, and I slammed my fist into my side at my stupidity in the hospital the other day.
I hadn’t even given him a chance to explain.
• • •
The drive back
to my dorm barely registered until I collapsed on my bed, coat and boots still on.
Reggie stood from the desk and sat on the edge of my mattress. She cupped my cheek. “Hey, what happened? You wanna talk about it?”
“I’m an idiot,” I moaned.
“Is this about Gavin?”
I nodded and Reggie grabbed my arm and pulled me into a sitting position.
“Okay, well, first let’s get your boots off. You’re soaking your bed and you’re shivering. You’re going to make yourself sick.” I kicked off the footwear and tossed my coat and scarf on the floor.
“Okay. Now, tell me what happened.”
Reggie and I hadn’t really talked much since Clint’s accident. And when we did, it was usually to discuss his progress. I’d never spoken to her about Gavin and our relationship. Now, I spilled everything to her as she heated me a cup of hot chocolate in the microwave her parents had given her over break. With the scent of overly sweetened cocoa flooding my nasal passages, I explained about our date at the island, my confession about the accident, the night we’d spent together, and my inevitable fuckup at seeing him with Leila.
My roommate sat on her bed, back against the unadorned wall, index finger tapping against her chin.
“Hmmm . . . Can I ask you something without you getting mad?”
A damp chill coursed through me, and I pulled the blankets over my legs and wrapped my fingers around the mug of hot yumminess. “Go for it.”
“Were you really upset about the kiss with Leila, or was it just one more way for you to make sure you didn’t end up with him?”
“Why wouldn’t I want to end up with him? I really like him. I like being with him. I feel comfortable when I’m with him. Like I can be myself, no questions asked.”
“Right.” Reggie tugged at the corner of her pillowcase. “When you two are alone. But some part of you had to know if you stayed with him, you’d inevitably be thrust into the spotlight. You saw those pictures when he dated Veronica. And the one with Leila was just another reminder.
“Elise, you’ve spent most of your life hiding from almost everyone, me included. Why would you suddenly be okay with subjecting yourself to the scrutiny of the entire world?”
I took too large a gulp of hot chocolate and winced as it singed my tongue. Setting the mug on the desk beside me, I studied my roommate.
“I think you’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
“I’ve sabotaged everything in my life out of fear.”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
Pulling the blankets up to my neck, I buried my face in the down and sniffed the lavender detergent still lingering there. “It doesn’t matter now. I basically threw Veronica right back at him. I told her to go for it and she did. And if he’s willing to go back and forth between us like a Ping-Pong ball, he’s not the guy for me. So much for Leila thinking he was in love with me.”
Reggie stole over to my side of the room and wrapped me in a side hug. “Oh, hon. It’s his loss. You deserve better than someone who pulls crap like that.”
“What if no one better will have me?”
She pushed the hair off my face. “Then there’s no hope for any of us.”
• • •
Sleep eluded me that night, so I banged away on my laptop as Reggie conked out on her bed. Thora and Dag kept me busy until shards of sunlight slipped through the blinds, striping my screen with yellow. I’d given the draft a quick final edit and was officially prepared to send it off to my agent.
I’d just hit the Send button and was so engrossed with watching my work fly off into cyberspace, I didn’t notice something was wrong until Reggie practically jumped in my lap.
She was in her favorite nightshirt. The one with the picture of a sleepy-looking cat holding a mug of coffee and the words I DON’T DO MORNINGS written across her chest. Reggie’s hair frizzed around her face, making her look similar to the feline on her pajamas. “What the hell is that?”
“What’s what?”
“Someone is seriously pounding on the door. Can’t you see it rattling? They’re gonna wake the whole campus.”
I looked toward the entrance. She was right. The door banged against its hinges, jarring the frame. I tossed my laptop onto the bed and tiptoed across the room. Reggie stood behind me, clutching my shoulders, her nails digging in with sharp stings. I reached for the closest thing I could use as a weapon, which turned out to be my boot, still damp from the night before.
The sole dripped on my head as I held it up, and I shuddered as dirty water snaked down my arm. I reached for the lock on the back of the door and flicked it. Taking a deep breath, I threw open the door.
Veronica stood before us, her face crimson, her feet shoeless, holes in her panty hose, and murder in her eyes.
“Where the hell were you last night? You took off early and left me on the set all by myself! Not only did I have to answer Stan’s questions without you, I had to walk here! In the snow! Doesn’t this town have any cabs?”
“We have a few—”
“I don’t give a shit about the cabs. Where were you? You’re the worst assistant ever!”
I dropped the boot and rubbed my shoulders after Reggie unclasped herself from me. “I figured you’d get a ride with Gavin.”
“Why would you think that?”
“When I went to his trailer, you two seemed . . . cozy . . . so I assumed you’d stay with him.”
“Hah.” She barged past me and plopped onto my bed. She started tugging off her panty hose. “He didn’t want anything to do with me. I tried to kiss him and the asshole actually pushed me away. Can you believe it?”
My mouth went dry. “He did?”
“Yeah. Jackass. Can’t see true class when it’s right in front of him.” She tossed her hose onto my floor and pulled her frizzed hair back with one of Reggie’s elastics she’d plucked off the desk. “He actually said there was someone else. I mean, who the hell could be a better choice than me?”
“Me.” The word flew out of my mouth before I could stop it. I hitched in a breath as Veronica’s head snapped up from dusting off her skirt.
“You? Yeah right. Keep dreaming, Scarface.”
“Whoa.” Reggie stomped over to Veronica. “I know you’re cold and pissed off, but I want you to take that back.”
I placed a hand on my friend’s shoulder. “No, Reg, it’s fine. Because she’s wrong. She can call me whatever she likes. Gavin did choose me over her.” I turned to Veronica. “We’ve been seeing each other for a month now behind your back. I’m the one who convinced him to break up with you in the first place. I’m the reason he dismissed you. Both times.”
Veronica rose from the bed. Even without her heels, she still stood taller than me. “You’re lying. There’s no way.”
“It’s true,” I said. “Gavin thinks I’m beautiful, and when I compare the two of us, I know he’s right. I may have scars on my body, but you’re ugly on the inside.”
Veronica’s mouth opened and closed. Confusion creased her brows. She’d probably never had anyone call her ugly before. I bit back my anger, knowing all too well how much that word hurt.
“Honestly,” I continued, softening my stance, “I feel sorry for you. The first day I met you, I noticed your empty house. There was nothing in it that was personal. And you’ve never mentioned parents, or siblings, or friends. You go from one man to the other like they are the only thing keeping you afloat. And when a stranger put your face on the back of a book you’d never heard of, you never thought to question it. You just jumped into pretending to be her.”
I laid a hand on her silky shoulder. “Why did you want to be someone else so bad, Veronica? What’s wrong with being you?”
She took a step back, nudging my fingers off her skin. “You just called me Veronica. In front of your roommate.”
“Reggie knows the truth,” I said. “So does Gavin. And soon my agent and publicist will, too. I’m done hiding. But you didn’t
answer my question.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Veronica squared her shoulders. “I did this for the money. I’m not running from anything.”
“You were pretending to be me long before I showed up and offered you money to do it.”
She backed into the door. “I don’t need to tell you anything. We aren’t friends, you know. This was all a business transaction.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” I said. “Now that my secret is out, we can be ourselves. And as awful as you’ve been to me, I’m willing to look past it and try to be your friend. I think there’s more to you than fancy clothes and perfect hair. Just like there’s more to me than my scars. If you think about it, we’re the same—both of us have spent years hiding who we really are from everyone. I mean, we went about it a bit differently. I withdrew and you got kinda mean, but despite that, if anyone understands you, it’s me.”
Veronica glanced between me and Reggie. She gripped the doorknob so tightly, her knuckles turned white.
Without another word, she wrenched the door open and stumbled through it, slamming it so hard behind her, the floor vibrated.
I stared at Reggie’s purple robe swinging from a hook on the back of the door and tried to figure out what had just happened.
“Wow,” I said after a full minute, glancing at my roommate. “I guess she really wasn’t looking for any friends.”
“Should we go after her?”
“I don’t think so. I think this has less to do with us and more to do with her. I guess she’s not ready to face whatever it is that’s keeping her from reaching out to people. I can understand. I avoided reality for years.”
“Do you think she’ll tell your secret?”
“It’s not much of a secret anymore,” I said. “I wrote an e-mail to my agent and publicist explaining the situation, and I sent it off to them along with the first draft of the latest Viking Moon this morning. So there’s nothing left for her to tell. Guess that renders our deal useless. Mind you, I don’t think she’ll be contacting me for the rest of the money, the way she ran away just now. I don’t like her much, but I hope she’s okay.”
“Me too.” Reggie plopped down on her bed and pulled her legs under her. “And what about Gavin? Have you guys talked at all?”