“Yeah,” Allie agreed. “We just want to look like our normal selves.”
Laura kept silent, but I could guess what she was thinking.
Beanie stood there for a moment, arms folded across her front, studying us. “Hey, I’m all for urban. It’s comfy, it’s cool. But I still have some thoughts. I don’t want to be pushy though.”
Now, I have to admit that I’ve always admired Beanie’s style. She is not a bit preppy, and I can tell her clothes have no designer labels, but she always looks very cool. “I want to know what you’re thinking,” I said.
“Me too,” said Allie.
Laura nodded.
Beanie looked from me to Allie. “Well, I think that you could clean up your act a little.”
Everyone laughed.
And I had to smile. “So what did you have in mind? Matching sequined dresses? Maybe something in pink?”
Beanie studied us for another long moment, this time rubbing her chin as if in deep contemplation. “I could see you girls in something vintage. Sort of urban cleaned up. And definitely not all alike. It’s like you’ll all need something that fits your various personalities, For instance, I think Allie might look good in something with a little lace.”
“Lace?” Allie giggled.
“And I could see Laura in something colorful and fun, kind of artsy to go with her hair.”
Laura smiled. “I could get into that.”
Now Beanie was looking at me and frowning. Then it’s like a light went on. “Leather. Chloe, you’d look cool in something leather.”
“Yeah, that’s easy for you to say.” The skeptic in me came out. “But how do we go about this? We sure don’t have much time.”
Beanie grinned. “I’ll help.”
“You guys better take her up on that offer,” said Caitlin quickly.
“Yeah,” agreed Jenny. “No one can shop retro like our Beanie.”
“And she knows how to sew and alter things too,” added Caitlin.
“Really?” Allie was getting excited now. “You’d really help us?”
“We only have four days,” said Laura. “Is that enough time?”
Beanie nodded. “If we start first thing tomorrow.”
And so it’s set. We’re going to practice smiling and moving and acting like we’re in a real concert. And Beanie’s going to be our fashion expert. Worst case scenario is we won’t like Beanie’s choices and we’ll just go with plan A and be ourselves. Still, I’m curious about what Beanie can do.
Allie stayed after everyone else left, and we hung out in my room dreaming about what we’re going to do when we make it big.
“We could, you know.” Allie stared at her image in my mirror, as if she was imagining herself as some big rock star.
“Or not.” I flopped down on my bed and sighed. “It’s in God’s hands.”
She came and sat beside me. “But God could do this, if He wants, you know.”
“I know. But sometimes it makes my brain tired to think about it too much.”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “Sometimes it scares me a little. I mean, for the most part I really, really want it more than anything else. But there’s this other little part of me that just wants to be a normal girl—you know? Have a normal family and a normal home and maybe even a normal boyfriend—and be in clubs at school and go on double dates and go to the prom. Of course, that’s all impossible.” She leaned over and peered at me. “Do you think I’m totally stupid and hopelessly shallow now?”
I laughed. “No.” Then I sat up. “In fact, I feel the exact same way sometimes.”
She looked stunned. “No way. Not you. Not Chloe Killer, tough chick extraordinaire. You’re the rebel, the one who wants to be different and to learn everything the hard way.”
I shook my head. “Not always.” And then for some reason I told her about Cesar and the bike ride.
“I knew it.” She punched my pillow with her fist and then groaned as if she were in serious pain.
“You’re mad at me?”
“No. But it just figures. First Laura and Ryan hook up. And now you and Cesar.” She buried her face in the pillow and pretended to wail. “I’m going to end up the old maid—the only one without a boyfriend!”
“Hang on, Al.” I shook her shoulder. “Cesar is NOT my boyfriend.”
She looked up at me, then rolled her eyes. “So you say, now.”
“I mean it. We’re only friends. He has absolutely no interest in anything more—”
“Ha! That’s where you’re totally wrong, Chloe. Cesar has always had a crush on you.”
“No way!”
“Way!”
“How do you know?”
She looked pretty smug now. “He’s told me enough times.”
“You’re nuts.”
“No, you’re nuts. Especially if you don’t like him back. Man, Cesar is the coolest guy. Marissa will be seriously jealous though.”
“Have you heard from her lately?”
“No, but she knows we’re pretty busy this week. I told her we’d get together with her after Nashville.” Allie flopped across on my bed. “Ah, ‘Nashville,’” she sighed. “I just love the sound of that word.”
After I drove Allie home tonight, I thought about what she’d said about Cesar having a crush on me. All right, I’ll admit I used to think he liked me, and he hinted at going out once. Back before he became a Christian. But something seems to have changed since then. And not in a bad way. It’s just that he doesn’t seem so flirty, and he’s more serious. And really, I think he just wants to be friends now. But I guess I could be wrong.
JUST FRIENDS
just friends
it begins
how it ends
no pretense
why more?
close the door
to amour
evermore
i’ll adjust
if i must
no more lust
simply trust
what will be
endlessly
i can see
God loves me
cm
Fifteen
Saturday, June 14
This morning when Beanie dropped off the clothes she’d altered for us, I told her that she should think about becoming a fashion designer, and she said she’s actually considering it.
“It’s funny,” she said when we went up to my room. “At first I thought maybe that wasn’t such a great career for a Christian. But then I really prayed about it, and you know what suddenly hit me?”
“What?”
“Well, if Christians don’t get involved in the design world, then who’s going be in control of what’s going on in fashion?”
I nodded, then pulled the top that she’d taken in for me over my head. “Yeah, that’s a good point. I know that I, for one, am getting a little sick and tired of lingerie companies constantly shoving their stupid push-up bras in my face.”
“And the same thing goes with movies and music and, well, you name it. If we don’t get involved in these things, then we have no right to complain about our limited options.”
“Right on,” I said as I pulled up the leather skirt she’d insisted was perfect for me yesterday. “That’s why I’m changing my major next fall.”
“Cool.”
“Speaking of cool.” Beanie stepped back and surveyed my outfit. “You look really hot.”
I turned around and studied myself in the mirror. “It’s kind of weird seeing my legs though. I usually wear long pants.”
“Well, you have great legs, Chloe. Why not enjoy them?”
I laughed. “Actually I do. They work pretty well for me.”
“I think you should wear tights with this outfit.” She got a thoughtful look. “Maybe something in eggplant.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it’d look great next to the brown leather. And I think your Doc Martens are perfect. Keeps the urban thing going.”
“Good. And I really like this
top; it fits great now.”
“Yeah, aren’t those laces groovy?”
I nodded. “It’s amazing. I don’t know how you could figure all this out.”
She grinned. “Maybe Caitlin’s right. Maybe it is a gift.”
“Oh yeah, it’s definitely a gift.” And I really believe that’s true. The way Beanie helped the three of us pull outfits together—really cool outfits—was nothing short of amazingly miraculous. And each outfit suits our different personalities, and yet they all look good together too. Even my mom seemed suitably impressed. Oh, sure, it’s not what she would’ve chosen, but I know she felt it was an improvement.
“And who knows,” I told Beanie as I carefully set my new threads aside. “Maybe I’ll start dressing like this more often. It does feel more creative.”
She smiled. “Yeah, that’s how clothes should be—creative—an expression of who you really are.”
“But I plan to keep my hair like this, and I’m not touching my piercings. And I don’t really think I can give up the urban thing, not completely.”
Beanie agreed. “It’s who you are,” she said. “It’s not as if you need to go out and lose or even alter your total identity. You just need to go with your instincts and bring it to the surface more.”
Allie and Laura were as pleased as I was when they came to practice today and picked up their clothes.
“If we get a contract, we should hire Beanie as our fashion consultant,” said Laura.
“Yeah,” agreed Allie in a deep businesslike voice. “Sign her up. Put her on the payroll.”
I laughed. “Yeah, then we’d better get to work here, make sure we do everything possible to get that contract.”
“Watch out, Chloe’s getting out her whip now.” Allie got a sly look. “You know, when Beanie said she could see you in leather, I thought for sure she meant like black leather with big silver studs and probably a big whip just so you could beat us into shape.”
Laura laughed.
But I felt slightly hurt. “You really think of me like that?”
Allie shrugged. “Just lately.”
“It’s okay,” said Laura as she strapped on her bass. “Sometimes we need a hard taskmaster to keep us on track.”
“And that’s why I’m here,” called Willy as he came up the stairs. “Aren’t you girls even warmed up yet?”
“Just getting started.” I began tuning my guitar.
Then, as if to prove that he could be a far worse taskmaster than me, Willy had us work all afternoon, plus we had to do a couple of songs over and over until all three of us were getting totally sick of them.
“Maybe we’re just tired,” I finally suggested.
“Yeah, we’ve been working really hard every single day,” added Laura. “My fingers are sore.”
“And I’ve got to be at the Paradiso in half an hour,” said Allie.
“You girls quitting on me?” He looked slightly irked.
“Just for the night.” I sighed and set down my guitar.
“And I was going to give you girls the day off tomorrow,” he said.
“Well, it is Sunday.” Laura reminded him.
He nodded with a look of realization. “Yeah, maybe I am getting a little too obsessed here. Sorry ‘bout that, ladies. I just want to see you at your best.”
I walked over and patted him on the back. “It’s okay, Willy. We know it’s only because you believe in us.”
He brightened. “Yeah. And before I forget, you girls were looking pretty good earlier anyway-looking like you were really happy—”
“We were happy then.” Allie picked up her pack. “But now we’re tired.”
“I know.” He looked at his watch. “Guess I lost track of the time.”
“Anyone wanna give me a ride to the Paradiso?” asked Allie.
“Sure.” Laura snapped her bass case shut. “If you’re ready to go right now. I’ve got to get home in time to change—I’ve got a date with Ryan at seven tonight.”
Allie rolled her eyes at Laura. “Hey, don’t rub it in.” Then she turned to me. “Why don’t you stop by the Paradiso tonight, Chloe? Cesar’s probably going to be there.”
Of course, I could hear Laura questioning Allie about Cesar as the two of them headed down the stairs before us. I wanted to strangle Allie.
“Got a boyfriend?” asked Willy.
I shook my head. “Only in Allie’s imagination.”
He grinned. “Well, I imagine you girls are going to have all kinds of boys wanting to be your boyfriends before too long. Success can really mess with your head, you know. You girls will have to learn to watch out for who’s for real and who’s not.”
I laughed. “Hey, you’re our manager, Willy. Aren’t you supposed to deal with that when the time comes?”
“No problem. I’ll just start packing my baseball bat whenever you girls are out in public.”
“You’d really-?”
“No, I’m just pulling your leg.”
But Willy did get me to thinking again. Not about my relationship with Cesar, because in all fairness, he’s been my good friend long before our band became a reality—and besides, we’re not really dating. Well, not yet anyway. But some other things happened tonight at the Paradiso that got me a little worried. It’s as though I was watching something unfold that could become a problem. But I hope, I really hope, I’m wrong.
It was pretty busy when I arrived at the Paradiso, and so I decided to help out a little. I do this from time to time, and Mike always appreciates it, plus it kind of makes me feel more like I belong there. And I have to admit I was a little jealous when Allie started working there this week, and I was thinking, “Why didn’t I take that job?” But on the other hand, I think it was right for me to stay focused on my music, and I’m sure I’ve written about six new songs just this week alone. Okay, they might not be good songs, but at least I took the time to actually write them down.
A lot of my songs begin really simply. Many of them start out as these poems, right here in this very diary. Hey, if I ever become famous this diary could become valuable. Or not. But so many of the songs just spring out of my life and how I feel about things. Then I take the lyrics to the next level, putting them to music. Some words just seem to want to sing—it’s like they can’t help themselves. I’m not sure how else to explain it. To me it’s all very simple. I realize that most people think it must be so difficult, but for me it’s almost as easy as breathing. I guess that’s what makes this whole thing a gift.
But back to the Paradiso tonight. Anyway, I’m making myself useful by taking the orders out to tables while Allie works the counter, and I notice Taylor Russell and a couple of his buddies waiting to place their orders. Nothing strange about that. But unless I’m imagining it, it looks as if Taylor is actually flirting with Allie.
To appreciate this, you need to understand that Allie is really in her element working at the Paradiso. It’s like she totally fits in. And tonight she’s wearing this new blouse that she found when we went shopping with Beanie. It’s peach-colored and lacy and looks pretty spectacular with her beaded earrings. And I can tell that she’s just eating up Taylor’s attention. I’m sure he can tell too. And I’m making a mental note to tell Allie not to act so eager. It sends, I’m sure, the wrong message. But really, what do I know about such things?
Finally, the place settles down a little and I spot Cesar, Jake, and Marissa sitting down at a table by the window. I notice an empty chair and go over and ask to join them, still keeping an eye on Taylor and Allie.
“Sit down.” Cesar smiles and actually pulls out the chair for me. He’s such a gentleman.
“You mean you actually want to sit with the riffraff?” Marissa speaks in what seems a slightly aggravated tone. And I remember her ongoing crush on Cesar. Does she suspect something’s going on between the two of us? Not that there’s anything to suspect.
“Real funny.” I give her a look as I sit down, then suddenly remember I forgot to orde
r a cappuccino for myself.
“Do you work here too?” asks Jake.
“Nah, just helping out.” I study him closely. I know something’s different about him but can’t quite put my finger on it. Finally I ask, “What’d you do, Jake, change your hair or-something?”
He sort of smiles, then rubs his lower lip. “My rings…they’re gone.”
“Oh yeah. But why’d you do that?”
Cesar laughs. “They were freaking out my mom. She thought Jake looked like a vampire. She was calling him Varapiro Roho—the redheaded vampire.”
“Did you mind taking them out?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Not really. It’ll help me to get a job too.”
Just then Allie comes up and plops a big cappuccino in front of me. “On the house, from Mike.” Then she leans over and whispers, “Did you see him?”
“Huh?” I look at her. “You mean Mike?”
She shakes her head then bends down again. “I mean Taylor,” she whispers.
I glance over to where Taylor and his buddies are sitting then nod. “Yeah, I saw him.”
“What’s up, Al?” asks Cesar curiously.
Then she giggles—something she should never do in public. It makes her look like a total airhead. She shrugs. “Not much. Better get back to work.”
“What’s with her?” asks Marissa, still seeming to be irritated.
And suddenly I want to ask, “What’s with you?” Instead I say, “I think Al’s just getting excited about Nashville.” Not entirely untrue.
“When do you guys leave anyway?” asks Jake.
“Monday.” I sip my cappuccino and keep a discreet eye on Taylor. He is most definitely flirting with Allie. And she is flirting right back. And the whole thing makes me feel very uneasy.
“See, it’s happening already,” I hear Marissa saying.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“You.” She points at me. “Already you have your head in the clouds. It’s like you’re so caught up in this whole music thing that you don’t even know we’re here.”
I look directly at her now. “That’s not true. I was just thinking about something else.”
“Yeah, like becoming a superstar snob.”
I glance at Cesar, hoping for some moral support. And thankfully he comes through. “Chloe has a lot on her mind right now.”
Sold Out Page 12