He stood towering over me, and my knees trembled.
‘Catherine, I have come to apologise.’
He moved toward me, and I quickly stepped around to the other side of the bed. His eyes were dark as they studied me, and then he smiled.
‘But I am not apologising for kissing you, I think you were as happy as I with the situation. Perhaps we should repeat the experiment.’
‘Please go!’ I said sharply. He hesitated for a moment and then shrugged.
‘Very well, Cousin, as you wish.’
The door closed behind him, and I sank down weakly on the bed, thinking how drastically my life had changed from the peaceful days I had spent with Grandmother.
Five
I awoke the next morning to find the whole house in a state of upheaval. Lucy, it appeared, had no time to dress my hair, I must manage my own.
‘What is all the excitement about?’ I asked, catching her just as she was about to rush from the room.
She lifted her hands in the air. ‘Mr Garth is going off to sea on the afternoon tide, and he has given us no warning!’ She pushed back a stray piece of hair beneath her mob cap. ‘I do not know if I am coming or going this morning.’
She swept out of the room, and I sat on the bed, staring in consternation at the closed door. How could he leave so suddenly, without even the slightest hint of his intentions?
I must see him. Hurriedly I dressed and, after a fashion, pinned up my hair, caring nothing for the fact that it was already falling from the ribbon.
I met Jonathon on the stairs, and he bade me ‘good morning’ as he hurried past me, dressed in his riding garments.
‘The pony is back,’ he said just before he swung out of the door. ‘I knew the little beast would return.’ Disconsolately I wondered into the sitting room. To my surprise, Garth himself was standing before the fire, a newspaper in his hand.
‘So you are leaving today?’ I said flatly, not meeting his eyes. ‘You might have told me yourself.’
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. ‘Surely you will not miss me, Catherine?’
I looked down at my hands, flustered and unable to explain even to myself why I was hurt by his sudden decision to leave.
‘I just think it odd that you did not see fit to mention it to me, that is all.’
I knew I sounded vinegary, and I half expected the amused smile that touched Garth’s mouth briefly.
He came to where I was standing and took my hands in his. I kept my eyes lowered so that he would not know how much I was affected by his closeness.
‘Well,’ I said carefully, ‘have a pleasant journey.’ I tried to draw away from him, but he held my hands fast.
‘That is no way to make your farewells,’ he said. ‘I may never return. I could be lost at sea, anything.’ He drew me closer, and I held my breath. But he merely kissed me lightly on my forehead and then released me.
The feeling of disappointment made me almost physically ill, and I spun round and left him, tears burning behind my eyes. I would remain in my room until he left, I decided; he would not have the pleasure of seeing how much his departure affected me.
I paced restlessly to and fro, stopping every now and again to look at the waves rushing in across the harbour. It was frightening to think of Garth battling against the elements, so frightening indeed that I longed to run down the great staircase and beg him to postpone his journey until the weather was less cruel.
Somehow I resisted the temptation and sat before the window, telling myself how foolish I was being in giving my affections where they were so obviously unwanted.
I was still sitting at the window some time later when Jonathon called to me from below. I rose to my feet, clutching my fingers together in an effort to stop them from trembling. I felt I could not face the moment of parting and wondered for an instant if I could pretend I had not heard Jonathon’s call. But such an attitude was childish, and I forced myself to assume a calm I did not feel as I resolutely made my way down to the hall.
‘Ah, Catherine, just in time.’ Garth smiled down at me from the saddle of his horse, and I saw with bitterness that he had been on the point of riding away.
‘Goodbye, Garth,’ I said, anger making my voice steady. ‘Be careful; we wouldn’t want you to be drowned.’
Garth swung his horse around. ‘Come along Jonathon. If you mean to ride into town with me, you had better hurry. The tide waits for no man.’
I watched from the doorway as the brothers rode off down the cliff road. There was not a shred of resemblance between them. Garth, broad of shoulder, sat high in the saddle, while Jonathon beside him was like a slim young boy.
When they were out of sight, I returned to the warmth of the house and wandered into the library, choosing a book at random and attempting to interest myself in the story of other people’s lives. The printed words became nonsense before my eyes, and after a while I gave up any pretence of reading and just sat still, thinking of Garth.
Feeling I could bear the inactivity no longer, I pulled on a warm cloak. Perhaps a brisk walk along the cliff top would rid me of my restlessness.
I met Lucy in the hall, and her face furrowed in concern when she saw it was my intention to go out.
‘Oh, miss, you’ll catch your death on those cliff roads; I’m sure it would be unwise of you to walk in this wind.’
‘I’ll be all right, Lucy.’ I tried to sound reassuring, but she wasn’t convinced.
I smiled warmly at her. ‘I promise I will be back long before Jonathon returns, and he will never know that I have been wandering around alone.’
She shook her head, but I ignored the gesture and went out, closing the door firmly behind me.
I walked along the stony roadway, feeling the bite of the easterly wind, and came suddenly to the top of the headland. It jutted out to sea like a long curved arm, and from it I had a clear view of the ships in the bay, dipping and rising like live birds waiting to be released from captivity.
Somewhere down at the harbour, Garth would be making preparations to sail. The thought was like a stone inside me, and suddenly, almost without realising what I was doing, I began to run. My feet slipped on the frosty grass, and my cloak billowed behind me, holding me back.
I had no notion what I would say to Garth. In fact, I was not thinking at all; merely obeying some instinct too deep for me to fathom.
It was a foolish and useless venture. Before I was halfway down the road into town, I saw the ships move gracefully out of the harbour before the driving wind.
I leaned against the cliff face, my breath ragged and my eyes burning. The fleet of ships seemed to be poised for a moment, and then they were gone over the horizon, and I had never felt more alone.
I do not remember making the journey home, but I know that Lucy met me in the doorway, clucking her tongue at my dishevelled appearance and bringing me a cup of hot, fragrant tea.
I must have slept a little then, because when I opened my eyes I was aware of Jonathon bending over his desk, writing figures in a long book.
He glanced up and smiled when he saw that I was awake. ‘Hello, Catherine. Lucy told me you were not well. I hope you feel better now.’
I nodded my head, trying to clear the cobwebs from my mind.
We sat in companionable silence, with no sound except for the scratch of Jonathon’s pen against the paper and the sound of a cinder falling into the hearth.
I wondered if this was a good time to tell Jonathon of Grandmother’s gift. I knew I would have to broach the subject carefully. I did not want him to reject the gift the way Garth had done.
I went and stood near him, and he lifted his head inquiringly.
‘Jonathon,’ I said slowly, ‘there is something I should have told you as soon as I arrived.’ I paused for a moment, trying to read his expression, but his blue eyes held interest, nothing more.
‘It was Grandmother’s wish that we share her estate between the three of us, since we were all the family she ha
d left.’
He nodded, still not speaking, and with difficulty I continued.
‘There is a drawback, however. I have to administer the money. But you have only to tell me which way you want it spent, and I will see to it.’
He smiled. ‘I will not pretend I do not need the money, Catherine.’ He gestured around the room. ‘The Hall eats up the money, and yet I have no wish to see it pass into other hands.’
I looked at him in surprise. ‘Is there any danger of the Hall being sold, then?’
He hesitated for a moment. ‘No, not in the immediate future anyway.’ He brushed back his bright hair. ‘Yet it is true that I do owe a great deal of money for various repairs that simply had to be carried out.’ I put my hand on his shoulder. ‘Well then, Grandmother’s money will be put to good use. I’m sure she would have been happy to see it spent on such a worth-while cause.’
He frowned for a moment, and then his brow cleared. ‘I will be grateful to you for your help, Catherine.’ He caught my hand and, to my embarrassment, kissed the tips of my fingers. Gently I disengaged myself.
‘Don’t be silly, Jonathon. The money is yours by right; that is the way Grandmother intended it to be. So please don’t feel you owe me anything.’ I smiled at him warmly. ‘In any event, you welcomed me into your home. I’ll never forget your kindness to me when I arrived.’
I moved away from him, rubbing my eyes wearily. ‘I think I’ll go to bed; I feel very tired tonight.’
He held the door open for me, and I paused for a moment. ‘Do not sit over those books for the rest of the night; you will ruin your eyesight.’
There was an unmistakable twinkle in his eyes, but solemnly he agreed that he would have to stop work soon.
‘In any event, you have lifted a load of worry from my mind, Catherine.’ He smiled down at me. ‘I will sleep easier tonight, knowing that I can meet my commitments.’
On the landing I saw Lucy, who was holding her candle high to light the way more clearly for me.
‘I have made a good fire in your room for you, miss,’ she said, smiling cheerfully. ‘And there is a warmer in your bed. You will need one tonight; it’s very cold in the bedrooms.’
‘Thank you, Lucy.’ I said gratefully. ‘That was very thoughtful of you.’
In spite of the turmoil in my mind as I thought of Garth out in the bitter cold on the high seas, I quickly drifted off to sleep, soothed by the warmth of the bed and the friendly crackle of the fire.
It must have been some hours later when I awoke again, uncertain what had disturbed me. I sat up and saw that the fire had burned down to a few embers. Even as I watched, a cinder shifted, falling against the bars of the grate with a faint rattle.
I lay back against the pillows and stared wide-eyed at the darkened ceiling, wondering if Garth would be on watch in the icy coldness of the night.
I heard a voice then, a man’s voice, rough with anger. I slipped out of bed, my heart beating fast. With trembling hands I opened the door and silently made my way to the top of the stairs.
In the dim candlelight gleam from the hall, I could see Jonathon, his face white as he looked up at the burly man standing next to him. The man spoke again so suddenly that I jumped.
‘You may find that you are in better circumstances now, but don’t think you are getting out of your share of our bargain.’
I recognised the voice immediately; it was that of Daniel Perkins. I had sat with him too long in the confines of the coach to be mistaken. There was something threatening about the way he leaned toward Jonathon, and I held my breath, thinking for a moment that the two men would come to blows.
‘I need the money, I tell you.’ Perkins spoke again. ‘And what is more, I need your cooperation. So don’t try to wriggle out of anything, or you are likely to find yourself having a nasty accident.’
Jonathon’s reply was too low for me to hear, but I could tell by his attitude that he was frightened.
The men moved to the door. Perkins turned for a moment, and his eyes seemed to penetrate the gloom. I drew back in fear, wondering if he had seen me.
The door opened and closed, and shortly afterward I heard the ring of a horse’s hooves on the cobbles outside. I wondered for a moment if I should go down to Jonathon and offer my help. But I heard him go into the sitting room, there was the clink of a glass, and I knew he was pouring himself a drink.
Silently I returned to my room, trying to work out in my mind what Perkins could be up to. It sounded as if he were threatening Jonathon with violence. But why? That was something I could not possibly know unless Jonathon chose to tell me.
I crept back between the sheets, but it was a long time before I could forget the anger and downright viciousness that had been in Perkins’ voice, and somehow the thought of it brought a feeling of horror that would not be dispelled until the light of dawn spread fingers of light into my room.
Six
The days seemed to drag, and though Jonathon spent a great deal of his time with me, I felt edgy and strangely lonely, unwilling to admit even to myself that I missed Garth.
The weather had taken a turn for the worse. Driving winds howled around the east wing of the Hall, and sleet tapped icy fingers against the windows.
Prevented thus from walking or riding, I was forced to sit indoors, containing the restlessness within me with great difficulty.
‘Is there anything wrong, Catherine?’ Jonathon asked at last, and I realised that my constant pacing must be getting on his nerves.
‘I hate to be shut indoors,’ I said apologetically. ‘If the weather improves tomorrow, perhaps we could ride into town and sort out a few things with the banker.’
Jonathon gave me a quick look. ‘We will see,’ he said, ‘but I would not pin any hopes on it. These gales usually last a long time, sometimes for a whole week.’
Disconsolately I walked across to the window yet again and stared out to sea. Had I been born a man, I would have been like Garth, free as the air, sailing away whenever the mood struck me. I sighed. I was a woman, and my role was to stay at home at the hearth, content with gentler pastimes.
The morning brought with it a surprise. I awoke to a loud knocking on my door, and before I could gather my wits, Garth was standing at my bedside, a huge smile on his dark face.
He caught a lock of my tangled hair between his fingers, and I stared up at him stupidly.
‘It shines like copper and feels like silk,’ he said softly. Then he seated himself at my side, leaning back in the chair as if he intended to stay.
Lucy came smilingly into the room, a tray balancing on her arm. ‘Your tea, miss.’ She glanced at Garth impishly from under her lashes. ‘You did say it would be all right for me to serve it here, didn’t you, sir?’ He grinned. ‘Yes, I did. And don’t worry; I was not going to let my cousin blame you.’
I sat up, brushing my hair away from my eyes. ‘I thought you were still at sea,’ I said foolishly. ‘I did not expect to see you for several months.’
‘Well then, I am sorry if you are disappointed,’ he replied. ‘Perhaps you will forgive me when I tell you I’ve brought you a present from Bristol.’ He finished his tea and rose to his feet.
‘Do not take too long dressing,’ he warned, ‘or I might change my mind and not give you the gift after all.’
Lucy giggled as she pinned up my hair. ‘Mr Garth loves to play tricks on others,’ she said. ‘Don’t be surprised if he brought you a brace of pheasants or some stone off the beach.’
She patted a curl into place. ‘You have to take him with a great pinch of salt.’
I returned her smile. ‘Thank you for the warning, Lucy. It is just as well to be prepared.’ I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. ‘There, I think I will do.’
‘You look very pretty this morning, miss, if I might be allowed to say so.’ Lucy chuckled. ‘Mr Garth thinks so, too; I can tell by his eyes.’
I did not pursue the conversation any further. I was sure Lucy was being roma
ntic, pairing me off with my cousin, but I knew that he had no intention of becoming attached to me or anyone else that I knew of.
In the sitting room, my cousins were standing together before the bright fire, and I could not help contrasting Garth’s swarthy good looks with Jonathon’s fairness.
‘Ah, Catherine, come and enjoy the warmth of the fire.’
Jonathon took my arm with a proprietary air that was a little irritating, and I saw Garth’s eyes flicker over me with a strange expression in them.
‘You should have a fine gown from this,’ he said, holding out a bolt of shimmering silk. It was a soft muted blue, deepening almost to purple where it fell in folds to the floor, and with an exclamation I caught it between my fingers.
Garth moved suddenly, flinging the silk over my shoulder, where it fell as if molded to my breasts.
‘It’s lovely!’ I said, and in that moment I saw desire for me naked in Garth’s eyes. I think I made a slight move toward him, and then Jonathon spoke.
‘Very pretty,’ he said in a surly tone, and I looked at him sharply, wondering if he was referring to the silk or to my foolishness. In any event, the spell was broken, and I wrapped away the silk.
Jonathon put his hand over mine. ‘Catherine, you do not need plundered silks to make you beautiful.’ he said, and I glanced fearfully at Garth. His lips were pressed together, and I knew he was very angry.
‘Since when have you become the guardian of law and order, brother?’ His voice was like a whiplash, and suddenly the room seemed to be charged with emotions that seethed beneath the surface, threatening to break out into violence at any moment.
‘I cannot wear it until I have someone make it into a dress for me,’ I said quickly. ‘Perhaps Lucy knows of someone in the town.’
Jonathon smiled a little, and the tension eased. He turned away from Garth and spoke directly to me.
‘We did promise ourselves a little trip into town. Perhaps we could make it sometime this afternoon, if the weather improves.’
Garth frowned and walked over to the window, staring moodily over the bay. I felt somehow as if I’d taken Jonathon’s side against him.
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