I laughed, appreciating his good humour. ‘I think I shall want quite a lot,’ I said. ‘There are repairs to be done at the Hall, and putting money into something like that is a very worthwhile cause, don’t you think?’
He nodded ponderously and opened the drawer in front of him, putting his signature to a thick document before looking up at me again.
‘This entitles you to draw up to two hundred pounds from the money held in trust by me. Is that sufficient?’
I nodded. ‘Oh yes, I think so.’
In my mind I was doing a quick calculation. If I offered Mrs Perkins a quarter of the money, there would be enough left for Jonathon to pay off some of his creditors.
Soon the business was transacted, and I said goodbye to Mr Sainsbury, taking a deep breath as I went into the brightness of the mid-morning sun.
The stallion was contentedly chewing the sweet spring grass, and I decided to leave him there and walk the short distance to Mrs Perkins’ house.
She looked at me in surprise, and I wondered with irritation why she was always so vague.
‘May I come in?’ I asked at last, as she stood staring at me in apparent dismay. She moved aside and allowed me to enter, and I walked before her into the small, cramped parlour.
Sarah came and leaned against the door, watching me with a look of amusement on her face.
She examined every detail of my appearance, her dimpled arms folded over her large breasts so that the material of the gown was pulled tight, emphasising her curves.
Mrs Perkins flapped her hands helplessly. ‘Go and get some work done, Sarah, there’s a good girl,’ she said pleadingly, and with a sniff the girl moved away.
‘Now then,’ Mrs Perkins said, ‘what can I do for you?’
I stared at her in astonishment. ‘I thought you wanted help.’ My bewilderment must have been obvious, and she flushed a little, avoiding my eyes.
‘I don’t know what you mean, miss, I’m sure,’ she mumbled. And I noticed her thin hands were trembling.
I sat down in consternation. ‘You wanted a loan,’ I said more bluntly than I’d intended.
She shook her head. ‘No, not me, miss,’ she said. ‘I never asked you for nothing.’
‘But you said it would only be until your daughter became a lady. I distinctly remember.’ I was becoming exasperated, and my voice was rising a little.
Mrs Perkins’ eyes inexplicably filled with tears. My anger evaporated, and I shook my head, completely at a loss.
‘Do I understand that you no longer want any help from me?’ I asked more gently, and she shook her head dumbly. ‘Very well then.’ I got to my feet. ‘We will say no more about it. I must have been mistaken.’
Mrs Perkins seemed unable to pull herself together, and I walked to the window to give her time to compose herself.
My gown lay in a shining, neatly folded bundle, and I picked it up with a gesture of pleasure.
‘How lovely it looks!’ I smiled, and Mrs Perkins dipped her head.
‘It is almost finished,’ she said quickly. ‘Perhaps you had better be going now, Miss Llewellyn.’
She looked around uneasily, and I felt a prickling sensation as if someone unseen were watching me.
‘I must pay you for your work.’ I reached for my reticule, but it was not where I had left it. ‘Where is my bag?’ I said anxiously. ‘There is a great deal of money in it.’ I moved a plump cushion to look behind it.
‘I did not see you bring it in.’ Mrs Perkins’ hands were fluttering in agitation. ‘Please, I don’t want you to pay me for the dress. It’s quite all right.’
‘Oh, but it isn’t as simple as that,’ I said firmly. ‘I know I had my reticule when I came in here. We must find it.’
Sarah was suddenly in the doorway. ‘Is this what you are looking for?’ she said, her eyes unreadable. ‘You should take better care of your belongings, but then, them as has plenty don’t have to worry overmuch, do they?’
I took my bag without a word and pressed some coins into Mrs Perkins’ thin hands.
‘Thank you for sewing my gown so beautifully,’ I said. ‘I’ll stop by and collect it in a week or two.’ There was no response from her, and with a shrug I turned and let myself out into the street.
It was a relief to be heading for home once more. I simply could not understand Mrs Perkins’ attitude. If she had wanted to borrow money from me, why refuse it now? It just didn’t make sense.
I went over and over the conversation we’d had the previous day and realised she hadn’t once asked me outright for the money.
I sighed. Perhaps there had truly been a misunderstanding, but in that case, why had Mrs Perkins and Sarah come up to the Hall to see me?
The questions turned round and round in my head, refusing to be answered, and I put the horse into a fast gallop to clear my head a little.
Jonathon was working at his desk when I arrived home. He stood up at once and smiled at me.
‘You’ve been out enjoying the morning sun, I see.’ He took my arm and led me to a chair.
I smiled as I anticipated his pleasure. ‘I’ve brought some money for you. You can get on with the repairs you wanted to do.’
He moved away from me. ‘You are sure the money is mine?’ he asked abruptly. ‘You aren’t giving me charity, are you, Catherine?’
I sighed. ‘What is wrong with everyone today? No one seems to want money!’
He looked at me quickly. ‘What on earth do you mean?’ He bent over me, concern on his face. ‘Who has been asking you for money?’ He frowned, and his eyes were clouded.
‘Just a little joke,’ I responded. I put my arm around his shoulder. ‘Jonathon, the money is yours. Grandmother meant for you to have it.’
On an impulse, I brushed my hand through his bright hair, and he caught my fingers, kissing them gently.
‘Won’t you marry me, Catherine?’ His forthrightness took me unawares, and the colour rose in my cheeks.
‘I don’t want to be married to anyone just yet, Jonathon,’ I said firmly. Yet I knew that if Garth wanted to marry me, I’d be the happiest girl in the world.
He sighed and grasped my shoulders, his blue eyes suddenly intense. ‘I’d look after you and be good to you, Catherine. I wouldn’t go chasing off to sea like Garth.’
I tried to wriggle free, but he still held me. He was stronger than I would have given him credit for.
He drew me toward him, and his lips touched mine briefly, gently. I was filled with compassion, because I knew he would never have the power to stir my blood as his brother did.
I put my hands on his face and looked him straight in the eyes. It would be more honest to tell him how I felt.
‘I think very highly of you, Jonathon,’ I said, ‘but I could not marry you. It just would not work. Don’t you see? I would make you a very poor wife.’
‘Let me be the judge of that,’ he said, and there was a sudden coldness in his voice.
I shook my head. ‘It’s no use, Jonathon. I don’t love you.’ He jerked away from me, angry colour rising to his face.
‘Very well, Catherine!’ he said. ‘Be it on your own head, then.’
He left the room, slamming the door shut behind him, and I sank down in the chair, wondering what he had meant by that strange remark. It sounded almost as if, by refusing him, I were going to bring retribution upon myself.
But that was an absurd assumption. He was merely upset, which was natural enough in all conscience. I was allowing myself to become fanciful.
I picked up my reticule and drew out the bag of money Mr Sainsbury had given me. For some reason it did not seem quite so full now. Carefully I began counting and eventually found that there were fifty pounds missing.
I saw again in my mind’s eye Sarah insolently holding my reticule in her hand. There had been every opportunity for her to steal some of the money.
I was becoming heartily sick of the whole business, and I wished for the hundredth time that Grandmother had
left everything to my cousins.
I sighed and went upstairs to change out of my riding habit. There was nothing to be gained by sitting brooding about what couldn’t be changed. I would be better occupied turning out the cupboards in my bedroom.
I slipped out of my clothes and stood for a moment in my shift, looking out over the sea. There was an emptiness inside of me – a longing that was like a pain – and I knew that if I could only see the tall sails of the Sea Witch approaching the harbour, all my melancholy would vanish.
Such thoughts were merely daydreams. Even if Garth did return home tonight, he would still be the same man who had trifled with my feelings and then insulted me. Nothing would change him or make him love me.
I flung myself on the bed, covering my face with my hands. I loved Garth and I wanted to be loved in return. But I might as well wish for the moon for all the good it would do me. Tears burned my eyes, but determinedly I sat up and washed my face in the scented water from the jug on the table. I would be a fool to cry over Garth Llewellyn. I’d do better to remain a spinster.
Some hobgoblin of mirth came alive in me then, and I sat on the edge of the bed, laughing like a child. Somehow, in the days since Grandmother had died, I had lost my sense of fun. I was becoming old before my time, dry as dust, taking life and myself too seriously.
Garth had the right idea. Live only for today, and let tomorrow take care of itself.
I combed my hair and put on my prettiest dress. Even if I could not feel gay and carefree, at least I could try to look it.
I went to the cupboard and began to empty the contents onto the floor. If my hands were busy, perhaps my thoughts would give me some peace.
Eleven
Dusty and tired, I surveyed the pristine cupboard with some pride. It had taken me several hours to clean away all the accumulated dust and cobwebs and the stack of papers that had been strewn untidily on the shelves, but the effort had been worth it.
Carefully I stacked the papers into a pile and put them in a drawer. I had no time to go through them at the moment, and I doubted they were of any consequence anyway.
At the very back of the cupboard I found a portrait of a mother and child. Black eyes stared up at me, and the slightly arrogant mould of the mouth was unmistakable. The small boy was Garth, without a doubt.
The woman was something of a surprise. She had a fine high forehead, and a mane of thick black hair cascaded to her shoulders. She looked foreign, Spanish perhaps. It was obvious she was Garth’s mother.
Gently I rubbed away the dust and placed the portrait on a table near my bed. The colours glowed with life, and it seemed strange to me that such a magnificent painting should have been hidden away.
There was a sudden knock on my door and, startled, I spun around to see Jonathon smiling at me.
‘Tea is ready, Catherine.’ He smiled. ‘You’ve been working away like a mouse for so long I wondered if you had fallen asleep!’
Laughing a little, I drew him into the room. ‘Look what I have unearthed, Jonathon,’ I said proudly, and pointed to the portrait.
He uttered an oath beneath his breath. ‘I thought that had been disposed of a long time ago,’ he said sharply. ‘Come along downstairs, Catherine; you must be thirsty after all your work.’
He looked back at the portrait, and I felt he wanted to destroy it.
‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, and he shook his head.
‘Nothing you need concern yourself with,’ he said rather harshly. ‘Don’t look so alarmed; you may keep the painting if you wish.’
It was good to sit before the fire, drinking the hot, fragrant tea. I closed my eyes for a moment, and Jonathon leaned forward and took my hand.
‘There, I knew you would over-tire yourself,’ he said reprovingly. ‘Why did you not tell Lucy to clear out the cupboard for you?’
‘I am not tired,’ I protested. ‘On the contrary, I was just thinking of going for a short walk to refresh myself.’
I expected him to make an attempt to stop me, or at least suggest that he come with me, but he merely handed me my cloak and warned me to keep away from the cliff edge.
‘Don’t go into the mountains,’ he added. ‘You can’t trust the mists at this time of year.’
A sharp wind had risen. It whipped my cloak around my shoulders and tore the ribbons from my hair, and I walked briskly in an effort to warm myself.
The moonlight was silvering the sea, and silver foam lay like a bracelet along the line of the shore. I strained my eyes, hoping for a sight of a ship, but there was nothing but the sea and the sky and the wind.
I retraced my steps after a while, and when I neared the Hall I saw that candles had been placed at the windows. It was a welcome sight, and I realised suddenly that I had grown to love the mellow building in the short time I had lived there.
I let myself into the warmth, brushing back my tangled hair. Of Jonathon there was no sign, and I surmised he must have retired to his room shortly after I’d gone out,
Lucy popped her head around the door. ‘You’re back then, Miss Catherine,’ she said brightly. ‘Would you like a toddy to warm you? You look fair frozen?’
‘That would be very nice, Lucy.’ I smiled at her, ‘It’s kind of you to think of it.’
She blushed with pleasure. ‘It was Cook’s idea, I must confess,’ she said. ‘She’s taken a real fancy to you, she has, and that’s not usual for her.
‘Tell Cook I’m flattered.’ I stretched my hand out to the warmth of the fire. ‘And I would be very grateful for a hot drink.’
I read for a while, trying to lose myself in the adventures of the fictitious heroine. The trouble was that she could immediately sum up a situation and then act on her intuition. My own intuition seemed to have deserted me.
At last I gave up in despair and went to bed. My last thought before I went to sleep was of Garth. I hoped with everything that was in me that he would soon return from his voyage.
The next day I felt so ill that, when Lucy came to bring me breakfast, I could hardly lift my head from the pillow.
‘Why, Miss Catherine!’ she said in surprise. ‘You are as red as a lobster; you need something to cool you down.’
She soaked a cloth in the scented water in the bowl on the dressing table and placed it on my head.
‘I’ll mix you up some medicine that will bring your temperature down,’ she said briskly. ‘I’m a great hand with herbs.’
I was too weak to argue with her and somehow managed to force down the evil-smelling liquid that she brought me.
Jonathon came to see me, an expression of concern on his face.
‘Lucy told me you were not feeling well,’ he said softly. ‘I knew you weren’t up to walking about in the chill night air, especially as you’d been turning out the cupboard like a servant girl.’
He sat down beside me and took my hand in his. ‘Promise you won’t act so foolishly again?’
I nodded. I would have promised anything so that I could be left in peace.
There was a noise in the doorway, and the colour drained from my face as I saw Garth leaning against the wall, a strange expression on his face. I knew how the situation must look, with Jonathon at my bedside wearing his robe.
Jonathon was apparently unmoved by his brother’s abrupt return. He rose to his feet and welcomed Garth with a great deal of calm and very little enthusiasm.
‘So you are home again?’ he said. ‘Have you had good pickings, or were there no sinking ships to plunder?’
He might as well have saved his breath, because Garth ignored him and spoke directly to me.
‘It did not take you long to become on intimate terms with my dear brother, did it? Well, I think you deserve each other.’
He turned on his heel, and I could hear the sharp tap of his boots as he went away along the corridor.
Jonathon shrugged. ‘Don’t let him upset you,’ he said. ‘Garth makes it almost impossible for anyone to like him.’
I wante
d to protest that I loved Garth and would have done anything to prevent his believing that Jonathon and I were on intimate terms.
‘I’m very tired,’ I said instead. ‘If you will excuse me, Jonathon, I will rest for a while.’
He nodded immediately. ‘Of course, Catherine. It was thoughtless of me to stay so long when you are not feeling well.’
He took my hand, turning it over, and with a flourish, kissed my fingertips. ‘Try to sleep now, and don’t worry about a thing.’
I sighed with relief when the door closed behind him. Jonathon was very sweet, but at the moment I could not cope with his advances.
Later Garth came to my room, seeming to fill it with his rugged masculinity. His dark hair was crisp and shining, and his very skin seemed to radiate good health.
‘I’m sorry for my ill conceived remarks,’ he said at once. ‘Lucy has told me that you are feeling ill. Shall I send for a doctor?’
I shook my head. ‘No, it’s nothing; just a chill. I’ll be up and about again in a few days. Don’t worry.’
He sat beside me, and my heartbeat quickened. I looked away again quickly, in case he sensed my thoughts.
He placed his hand on my brow. ‘You are very hot, Catherine. I think it would be just as well to ask Dr Millar to call.’ He moved to the door, and I could see his mind was made up.
When he had gone, I lay back and closed my eyes, and it seemed that I was floating away above the Hall, soaring like a seagull over the creamy breakers.
I was faintly aware of a cup being held to my lips, and then I drifted off again to my own private dream world.
The candles were flickering above me when I opened my eyes again, and a strange man was leaning over me, a bland expression on his face.
He took my wrist in capable fingers and smiled down at me.
‘You young ladies do not wear enough clothes to keep out the chill wind,’ he said reprovingly. ‘But a few days in bed will do you a world of good, and you’ll soon be on your feet again.’
He moved away from the bed, and I saw his grey head bent close to Garth’s as they discussed me in whispers. The doctor lifted his hand in farewell. ‘Good day and obey orders, young lady.’
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