by Bianca Vix
He drinks some of his coffee before he continues. “But I think you should.”
I frown. “What? Why?”
“Because it’s you. You need to get out there and find someone. You work too damn much, Jay.”
I roll my eyes at him. He’s said this before. This is the one thing I won’t take his advice on.
He ignores me. He’s used to my response on that subject, I don’t even need to say it out loud.
“And it’s not just that. If you’re even debating this, you must be really into her. That’s not something that happens everyday, especially not for you. So I’m saying go for it. If only for tonight.”
It’s my instinct to resist. “Why are you so insistent on me settling down? I don’t exactly see you sending out wedding invitations.”
“No, but I’m out there. In fact, I went out with someone new just last night.”
“Yeah? And are you going to see her again?”
Matt shrugs. “No. She’s not the one for me. But I’m making an effort. That’s way more than you can say.”
“My efforts are where they need to be. I didn’t make billions of dollars at the age of twenty five without making an effort. So, what was it you wanted to talk about today?”
A smirk crosses Matt’s face. He knows I’m deliberately avoiding his meaning. And he’s going along with me changing the subject. He launches into an issue that’s come up for his own company recently. I’m especially interested, as it’s going to be an issue for Avoca in the near future too.
We bounce ideas off each other for our usual forty five minutes. We always keep a strict limit on our time. If we don’t, we could sit around doing this all day. By the time we’re done, Matt’s got the beginnings of a plan he can use.
Matt and I walk back to the office tower together. Each of our companies takes up about a third of the building, and we share the mail room. The elevator stops on his floor and he turns back to face me before he gets off, holding the door open. “I want to meet this woman who’s turned your head. She must really be something.”
I give him a blank stare. “I didn’t tell you what I’m going to do about that yet.”
He cocks his eyebrow at me. “You don’t have to. See ya.”
I snort as the doors close between us. He does know me too well. Mostly.
Even for as long as we’ve been friends, Matt doesn’t know absolutely everything about me. Most of the time I’m used to it. Sometimes I feel bad about keeping a part of my life hidden from my best friend. The man who’s been there for me through everything.
Reaching my office, I check the time. Day’s almost over. I pull out my phone, and start typing out a text to Rachel.
Chapter 6
Matt
I head straight to my office when I get back to my floor. My assistant’s on the phone when I walk by her. I give her the signal that I don’t want to be disturbed and she nods smoothly.
Jay and I came up with some good ideas, and I need to run with them now. I bury my head in making some quick notes, and then get up from my desk to go over to the big picture window.
It’s a breathtaking view I have of Manhattan. Jay has the same one. His office is identical to mine, just a few floors up. It’s funny. You work so hard for something, you can forget to enjoy it once it’s yours.
Having the corner office, the great view and all the perks along with it was a dream of mine for a long time. Now that I have it all, I make a point of stopping and appreciating everything I’ve worked hard for. It’s why I bug Jay about doing it too. Neither one of us takes enough time to stop and look at what’s around us.
I try not to take anything for granted. It’s easy to get caught up in things, but when I do stop, I’m a lot happier. I want Jay to do the same. I’m afraid if he doesn’t, it’ll work against him. We’re both driven to succeed, but he goes too hard and too much sometimes. He reminds me of his father in more than a few ways. I don’t want to see Jay end up like he did.
It’s weird seeing Jay being so enthusiastic about a woman. He hasn’t acted like this since we were back in college and he met someone that he told me was the one for him. They were hot and heavy for a short time, then they crashed and burned. It was the only time I’d seen Jay with his heart broken. Not that he’d ever admit to it. Ever since then, he’s been closed off to certain possibilities in life. He’s a good guy, and I hate to see him not getting what he deserves.
Almost as much as I hate it for myself. Now that my older sister’s gotten married recently, my mother’s taken it upon herself to let me know she thinks I’m behind in that area myself. Her good-natured comments are getting more serious lately. I can brush them off for now. But most of my guy friends are settling down too. That kind of thing is getting harder to ignore than it used to be.
I stare down at the traffic moving through the streets below. I like to watch the ordered flow of it. Especially at times like this, when some unwanted emotions are rising up in me and I just can’t seem to tamp them down.
I’m happy for Jay, that maybe he’s met someone he’s into. It’s hard to believe, but there it is. If he’s this knocked off his game just from meeting his mystery woman, then I have to think there’s really something there for him. He never gets like this. Distracted. Not entirely certain of what to do. That’s who he is at all.
But alongside my happiness for him, there’s something else. A few things, actually. All warring with each other. I though I was past this. Since I’m standing here staring out the window and not accomplishing anything myself, I can say for sure than Jay’s dilemma has thrown me off my game too.
I don’t do jealousy. Neither does Jay. We compete with each other sometimes, but not to the point that we’d ever get in each other’s way. It’s not jealousy that’s running through my veins right now.
At least, not completely.
Jay and I have been friends forever, or that’s what it seems like. Our mothers met when we were babies, born less than a month apart. They’re still friends too, just as close as Jay and I are.
It was back when we started college that it turned into something else for me. It just happened and I don’t know how or why. But that’s when everything changed for me. Jay became more than a friend for me. I started to want him. In every possible way that you can want someone, that’s how I want Jay.
He’s not gay. Neither am I. He’s the only man that does this to me. Makes me ache and burn in ways that I can’t even describe.
I know for sure it’s only Jay because just like everything else I do, I tested it out. Back in our last year of college, Jay went off to some sort of conference. It took him out of town for a week. It was then that I took my chance. Did some things that I hadn’t ever done before.
I admit, I went a little crazy. He and I went to a big university, the kind of place filled with thousands of people. Not the kind of environment where everyone knows everyone. Far from it. I took full advantage of that, and of being in Manhattan. Big cities can have their drawbacks. Not for me. Especially not back then.
I dove head first, full-on into the gay club scene. Both on campus and off. I barely even went to class or did any work. Every waking moment I spent fucking guys, or working on getting guys to fuck. I went pretty far, and it hurt my grades. It took awhile to catch up, and it did more damage than I thought it would. Final year is supposed to be serious, especially that close to the end. But at the time, nothing else mattered to me. I had to find out who I was, and why I could hardly stand to be around my best friend without wanting to jump him.
Once I started, I didn’t stop. I even picked a guy up and barely got him out of the place I shared with Jay by the time he arrived back from his trip. It’s a good thing Jay got back when he did, or I might not have been able to pull myself back. The whole thing ended up really messing with my head.
I took some chances that I’d never take now. Got into some situations that were more than sketchy that I barely got out of without some real consequences. I
went too far. I’d never, ever behave the way I did back then. Never again.
And yet in spite of all that, it was one hell of a lot of fun. Sex with men opened up my eyes in a lot of ways that I never expected. And what I figured out was that I’m not gay. Never was. Never will be. I want to be with a woman.
The main reason I did what I did was to get it all out of my system. Either go full-on gay, or stop thinking about Jay like that.
Neither one happened.
But it got easier to understand that Jay and I were never going to get together like that. I knew it when I found that I couldn’t tell him what I’d done. Not because he’d judge me. We don’t do that with each other. But because I was afraid that he’d figure out the reason why I did it. And I’d lose him as a friend over it. Because really, how could you be friends with someone you know has a crush on you when you don’t feel the same way? It’s been hard enough being on my side of that situation. And I’d never do anything to risk my friendship with Jay.
Even if it’s torture for me sometimes. I learned to live with it. Even as I still hold out hope that one day, Jay will realize he feels the same way about me and I can finally have what I’ve only fantasized about.
That’ll never happen. I know it. I thought I’d gotten rid of those feelings for him already, back when he last had a girlfriend. Everything started to feel better. I didn’t have the ache I’d get sometimes, an overwhelming pressure on my heart. It happens when I can’t escape knowing that he’d never feel for me the way I just can’t help feeling for him.
Why the fuck this is all bubbling up again now, I don’t fucking know. It just seems like things are about to change somehow. And for once, I don’t know if I’m going to come out on top of it. Or if I’ll get completely destroyed in whatever’s about to happen.
Chapter 7
Rachel
Instead of arriving at the restaurant all excited and happy, I’m a nervous wreck. Jayden didn’t cancel our dinner date. He actually texted me earlier to confirm the time and place.
I’m waiting in the short line to give the host my name and see if Jayden’s here yet, and I want to laugh at how absurd this situation is. When he chose this restaurant, I was the one who suggested we meet here. Because it’s close to my new office. Little did I know Jayden and I could’ve walked over together.
The host is startled at the snort of laughter that escapes me. I try to collect myself as he checks his book. “Yes. Mr. Stevens is here. Follow me.”
Mr. Stevens. Jayden. My boss. The boss. Owner and CEO of Avoca.
Of all the companies in Manhattan, why did I have to get hired by the one he runs?
I like him. I want to go out with him. At least I did before I found out just how out of my league he is. Now that’s all I can think about, at least when I’m not reminding myself of just how bad of an idea it is to go out with my boss. If it’s even allowed at all. These days, so many places have rules in place against this sort of thing.
I can see the point. I’m super-stressed already, and the host is only just taking me to Jayden’s table.
“Rachel.” He stands up when he sees me. The host disappears silently as I try to call up a smile. It was nice of Jayden not to cancel on me. Though maybe he just wants the chance to talk to me outside of the office. Let me down gently, or whatever. My mind’s spinning. I have to stop and just let this happen.
“You look great, Rachel.” He kisses me lightly on the cheek and I breathe in his masculine scent. Black pepper and something else. Tarragon? I think so. My pulse races.
I can’t do this. How can I go out with him when I already know there’s no chance of a future with us?
He even pulls out my chair for me. Why does he have to be so polite?
“I ordered a bottle of wine already.” Jayden gestures at the table. “I wanted it to be ready when you got here. If you don’t like it, we can get something else.”
“I’m sure it’ll be perfect.” I watch miserably as he fills our glasses. In less than a minute, he’s made me want him so much more than I already did.
Of course, the wine’s perfect. Just like he is. “This is really nice, Jayden. Like nothing I’ve ever had before.”
“I’m glad you like it. And please. Call me Jay.” He takes a long sip before setting his glass down on the table. “I have to say, I wasn’t expecting to see you at my meeting today. It was quite a shock to find out that you work for Avoca.”
I swallow hard. “I wasn’t expecting you either. I’m surprised you didn’t cancel out tonight.”
Jay exhales slowly and I brace myself for what’s about to come. This is for the best. We can finish our wine and I can get home to have my dinner of last night’s leftovers alone. Yeah. That’s what I want. Not to have a great meal out in a beautiful restaurant with an incredible guy. No way.
“It’s not an ideal situation, is it.” He pauses to take a sip of wine. I shake my head dejectedly, not trusting myself to speak.
“I’ve never gotten involved with someone who works for Avoca. That type of situation never tends to lead anywhere good.”
“That’s true.” I learned that lesson with Dennis. And Dakota. Not that Jay would ever behave that way. I’m certain of that. He’s already treated me far better in the last few minutes than Dennis did for practically our entire relationship.
But having to be anywhere near either one of them after I caught them out was terrible. Getting involved with a coworker was a huge mistake on my part. A boss would be even worse. I can’t do it. No matter how great Jay is, I can’t do it.
And I can’t quit either, even though I have to admit the thought actually crossed my mind. Jay’s just that appealing to me. I’ve never even met a guy like him before. Let alone have a man like him be interested in someone like me.
Jay breaks into my thoughts. “Although I am technically your boss, you don’t report to me. I didn’t hire you. I don’t generally fire people either. And since we did meet outside of work, I do believe that us seeing each other won’t be a problem.”
“I understand,” I begin. Wait. What did he just say? “Hold on. Are you saying you think it’s okay for us to go out? Even under these circumstances?”
“Yes, I am. Like I said, it’s not ideal. I’m a firm believer in keeping work and personal life completely separate.” His eyes are shining in the candle light. I stifle a longing sigh. “But in this case, I’m going to make an exception.”
Jay leans forward, intense and serious all of a sudden. “If you’re interested as well. Whatever you say right now, whatever might happen or not between us in the future. I want you to know that it won’t affect your job in any way. You have my word on that.”
He’s saying he’ll go out with me anyway. Even knowing that I only work in admin for the company that he runs. And owns.
I don’t know what to say. Fortunately a waiter appears to take our order, but he only buys me an extra few seconds. Jay sends him away, since neither one of us have even cracked open the menu to have a look.
All of my common sense is screaming. I shouldn’t go out with him. It’s a very bad idea. Once burned, twice shy.
But then it hits me. I’m letting my awful experience with Dennis affect my future. And my present, with Jay. I can’t do that. My ex can’t have any influence on me now, I can’t let him.
And besides. If Jay’s okay with things being the way they are, then who am I to argue? He’s the boss.
He’s holding his wine glass by its stem, turning it slowly around between his fingers. “What do you think, Rachel?”
Chapter 8
Jay
I set my hand on Rachel’s lower back as we leave the restaurant. I’m not entirely convinced that I should move anything forward with her. I get the sense that she’s holding back too. Going out with an employee isn’t the smartest idea I’ve ever had. I can appreciate her hesitation before she said yes, let’s give it a try.
But I can’t resist her. There’s something about her that I s
till can’t explain. I’m drawn to her. I want her.
And she feels it too. In spite of her initial hesitation, she responds to everything I say and do just as if she’s as into me as I’m into her.
That’s the sole reason we’re heading back to my place. I made the suggestion the moment we were ready to leave. For a moment I thought she was going to turn me down.
But she didn’t.
Once the valet brings my car around, we’re off. I don’t live too far from here, and traffic’s surprisingly good. I concentrate on the road, holding back from groping at her while driving.
Once we’re in the elevator up to my penthouse, I can’t keep my hands off Rachel for another moment.
Gathering her into my arms, I hold her close and lower my head to kiss her. She presses into me and we don’t break apart until we reach my floor.
The moment we’re inside my place, I’m getting her naked. Peeling her dress off and tossing it aside, I stop. It’s impossible not to take a moment to drink in her sexy body. Rachel smiles as I rake my eyes over her, and I give her a matching grin. “You’re even more beautiful without that dress on.”
“Now you have too many clothes on.” She tugs at my shirt. I help her out and soon enough we’re both undressed.
I take Rachel to my bedroom and straight over to the bed, pulling her on top of me after we climb in. My cock slides against her lips and her hips rock back and forth as she enjoys the sensations.
Leaning down, Rachel plants her lips on mine. My tongue slips into her mouth and I work my fingers through her hair. She wants this as much as I do. I groan out my approval and she grinds her clit over my hard shaft.
“Fuck. Rachel. I want you. I can’t tell you how much I’ve been wanting this.” I nip at her neck.