“And how is the bond sealed?”
“One of the steps is through sex, which is what escalated the mating bond within me and brought it to the forefront.”
“Oh,” she murmured, unable to keep the blush from her cheeks. “That’s why you reacted like you did afterward.”
“Yes. Not only did I want to feed from you, but I also wanted to change you, right then.”
Kadence gulped at his words and clenched her hands tighter as she realized how close he’d been to hurting her as Joseph had.
“If both mates are vampires, then they will exchange blood during sex. That will finish creating the bond and opening the pathways between their minds, which will allow them to communicate with each other,” Ronan continued. “It will also unify them for as long as they live.”
“What if the mortal doesn’t want to be turned?”
His eyes swung toward her and she found herself staring at the vampire who had been in the library with her last night. The muscles in his arms and chest stood starkly out as his lips skimmed back. In amazement, Kadence watched his fangs descend. She’d seen them before, but she’d never seen the lengthening of his canines in such a way.
“Then the vampire will go mad, turn Savage, and have to be killed.”
“And what happens to the vampire when the bond is completed and the mortal becomes immortal?”
“They regain control of themselves, for the most part, but if their mate is ever threatened, there is no control.”
Kadence imagined he’d be Hell on earth in such a scenario.
“The mating bond also makes both the vampires stronger,” he continued. “Most likely because, not only does at least one of them continue to feed on humans, but also because they are both feeding from another vampire on a consistent basis. Plus, many mates are deeply in love with each other, and I’ve been told there isn’t anything one won’t do for love whether they are vampire or human.”
Love, she thought as she watched him pacing a hole into the rug. She cared for him, deeply, but love? Just get through one thing at a time, she told herself. You can figure that out later.
“What do you mean by at least one of them continues to feed on humans?” she asked.
He stopped pacing and turned to face her. “At least one vampire needs to still have fresh blood from an outside food source, but the other can survive solely off the blood of their mate, if that is what they chose to do.”
“I see. And you truly believe me to be your mate?”
“From the moment I saw you, I wanted you, and believe me, that is not something I’ve experienced in years, and I’ve never experienced it as strongly as I do with you.”
“What?” she blurted. “I’m sure you’ve seen and desired thousands of women over the centuries.”
He had the nerve to chuckle.
“I have,” he confirmed. “And when I was younger, I found a diversion in those women. As I got older and the years wore on me more, my need for death and blood started to outweigh my desire for women. Eventually, all I cared about was killing and sating the demon within me.”
“I’m not really sure what you’re telling me. All you want to do is kill?”
“The demon DNA that lurks within all vampires is stronger in purebreds. We are more closely tied to the demon than a turned vampire is, and we have more of the demon’s traits. When a male purebred becomes fully mature, the demon becomes this insatiable, clawing thing that is only caged through strength of will, or the finding of a mate. Some set it free and let it do as it will and become Savage; others fight it every day of their lives. The females can experience it too, but not on the same level or with the same intensity as the males. I am assuming this was the way of the demons too.
“In each male purebred, the insatiable demon shows itself in different ways. Some seek out pain, others copious amounts of blood, others want death, some can’t have enough sex, some lock themselves away from humans, and others give in and become Savage to make it stop. Turned vampires can experience it too, but not as strongly as purebreds do.
“In all purebred males, maturity means they stop aging, their power increases and continues to do so as they age, and they hunger for things to the point of madness,” he continued. “Many experience a combination of heightened urges, but there is usually one that is more dominant than the others.
“For me, that dominant thing is death and blood. I am a bloodthirsty killer, and I enjoy it. I’ve focused my impulses on hunting Savages, and it has kept the madness at bay for a millennia, but every year it has become increasingly difficult to keep myself in check. Every year, I feel the madness seeping in more and more. And with every year, I stopped wanting women and craved the blood more, until you. I want you a thousand times more than I want to kill, which is something I never believed I’d be able to say.”
Kadence bit on her lip as she tried to understand the battle he’d been waging against himself. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like to live only for death, or how hopeless some days must feel for him. Yet, she brought him some hope.
“You could never be like one of those Savages,” she murmured.
“I could and I will, without you. I’ve been more out of control since we had sex, and that is because the bond isn’t complete, Kadence. The rest of it must be finished, and you will become a vampire when it is done.”
Her hand instinctively flew to her neck when his eyes latched onto it. “No,” she said as memories of the suffering Joseph had inflicted on her burst through her mind.
CHAPTER 33
Ronan didn’t like what he would have to do to her, didn’t want to bring her any pain, but that is all he would bring to her when she went through the change. There would be no stopping that. He would give anything not to have her become a part of his world, but he couldn’t change what had been set into motion, not now that she’d returned here.
“I am sorry, Kadence,” he said. “I would change this if I could.”
The fear in her eyes was nearly his undoing. “It will hurt.”
Never in his life had he felt this helpless and inadequate. “The taking of blood isn’t painful, if you’re willing. It will be nothing like what you experienced with Joseph if you don’t fight me. It’s extremely pleasurable to those who are willing.”
“Have you ever allowed another to do it to you?” she demanded, not at all liking the idea that another had known him in such a way.
“I’ve never allowed another to feed from me, but I do know that those I’ve fed from have never been harmed by it. Some enjoyed it nearly as much as sex, some more so. You will be the first and only vampire who will ever take my blood.”
She recoiled from him. “Me? Drink blood?”
“That is what vampires do.”
“I know that’s what you’ve meant this entire time, but I never really thought about what being a vampire completely entailed.”
She had no idea how to react to anything he was telling her. A vampire, her? Tied to him for an eternity? What if he annoyed her or treated her badly?
He was abrasive, demanding, and used to getting his way. She was certain he would annoy her numerous times over an eternity, but he would never treat her badly. That she knew with absolute certainty. But to drink blood? The idea made her stomach turn. However, when she looked at him again, she had to admit that it didn’t seem as repulsive if it was his blood. She found herself curious to know what it would actually taste like.
She found herself licking her lips before she shook her head to clear it of the absurd notion. “This is all so much,” she muttered.
“I should have told you this before you left here. You might have stayed away if you had known the consequences of your returning, but I didn’t want you to have this knowledge hanging over your head. I wanted you to truly know freedom.”
He would have sacrificed himself for her; he had, in a way. Her heart swelled with emotion as she gazed at him. Love, she loved this man. She didn’t know when it had happened
, but it had, and it didn’t matter if she hadn’t known him for long or not. She loved him, but was she ready to give up everything she’d ever known for him?
She contemplated Declan’s promise to change her if she didn’t allow Ronan to do it. He knew Ronan would kill him if he did it, but Declan cared enough for Ronan to die for him; everyone in this place did. That said more about him than anything else, she knew.
“If there wasn’t some kind of mate connection between us, would you even like me?” she asked.
She didn’t know why she required the answer to that, but she did. She respected and admired him, and she wanted the same from him.
His mouth pursed, the lines etching the corners of his lips revealing his strain. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if I had been a normal woman who you met, would you like my personality? Would you like who I am and want to get to know me better, or would you find me annoying?”
For the briefest of seconds, brown swirled within his eyes again as he strode across the room and cupped her cheek. She turned into his hand, nuzzling his palm and the slice in his flesh from another wound he’d sustained last night.
“Yes, Kadence, even without the mate bond I’d want to get to know you better. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met before. You have more courage than most of the men and women I’ve come across in my lifetime. Though there have been times when you’ve annoyed me.”
His lips quirked at these last words and she smiled back at him. “The feeling is mutual.”
“I’m sure it is. You must know, I will protect you and our children with everything I am.”
She couldn’t breathe as she lifted her hand to clasp his against her cheek. “It is difficult for a hunter to conceive. Whether it’s on the male’s part, the female’s part, or perhaps both, we can often go a lifetime without children.”
“Then I will protect you with all that I am for every day of our lives together. I am the only purebred who has five generations of purebreds as ancestors before me. None of them were mated, they simply bred to create a stronger line. At one point, such a thing was expected of me, but that was centuries ago. Over the years, it has become an expectation that I never planned to fulfill.”
“What changed?” she asked. “Why have you not fathered children?”
“After the Savage attack that killed my parents, I was more focused on revenge, on trying to protect the vampires who remained and slowly rebuilding the Defenders, than on trying to have children. I never took the king title, so I didn’t see it as necessary to have an heir. Then, as time went on, I had no interest in women or having a child, until now.”
“But—”
“It doesn’t matter if we don’t have children, Kadence. All I want is you; a child would only be a bonus.”
“I’m scared of this.”
“I know, and you have every right to be. My bite will not hurt if you don’t fight it. The transition will though. It’s excruciating for a mortal to become immortal, but you will never have to experience it again once it’s over. It may also be different for you, given what you are. You already have some demon DNA in you, the transition could be worse.”
“Or it could be easier.”
“It could.”
“What would become of me if we are mated and you turn Savage?” she asked.
“I will not turn Savage, not while I have you. The bond between us will keep me grounded; it will be the thing I want most in this world. Not blood, not death, you.”
She sucked in a breath and bit her lip at this revelation. Then, she recalled Declan’s words from before. “Fate is a fickle bitch, and sometimes she takes even the best of us down, but sometimes she also intervenes to save us.” It suddenly made sense to her now, as did his reason for not intervening when she decided she wouldn’t return to the stronghold.
Declan was hoping to save Ronan from becoming a Savage, and he believed she was the key to keeping him sane.
Her fingers fiddled with the edges of her sleeves as she tried to process everything. She’d never feel the sun’s warmth again, she’d have to feed on blood for the rest of her life, and the hunters may all turn against her forever. No matter what Ronan said, she thought he might let her walk away again if she asked him to let her go.
And then what? She couldn’t return to the stronghold, she wouldn’t have Marta and Baldric to help her go somewhere else this time, and she would destroy Ronan if she left. She cared too much for him to inflict that on him. But was she ready to die and be reborn as the one thing she’d been raised to hate? Was she ready to give up the sun and drink blood?
Her gaze went to the shuttered window. No matter what she decided, she had to feel the rays of the sun on her one more time.
“I can give you time to process this,” he said.
She tore her eyes away from the window and back to him. “I would really like that.”
He hesitated for a minute before caressing her cheek with his thumb. She caught his hand when he went to pull it away.
“If we had been a normal man and woman, I would have chosen you,” she told him.
His hand enclosed on hers. “Take the time you need,” he murmured, and before she could reply, he was gone.
***
Kadence moved swiftly down the hall. She glanced behind her at Ronan’s closed door, but she knew he wasn’t in there. He hadn’t entered his room when he left hers. She didn’t know where he’d gone. She descended the stairs and hurried to the front door. The gate wasn’t blocking it this time.
She glanced up at the cameras on either side of the door, but no one emerged to stop her when she continued toward it. Grasping the knob, she turned it and pulled it open. Sunlight spilled across her as she walked outside and lifted her face to absorb its warmth.
A few birds sang in the barren trees lining the drive. Their melodious songs floated across the vast expanse of snow-covered lawn. The lawn rolled forth as far as she could see. Trees were spaced throughout, and though they had no leaves, she’d spent enough time wandering the stronghold and studying nature books to know that they were maples, pears, cherries, apples, and oaks. The leaves and flowers on them would be breathtaking in the spring.
If she didn’t look at the house, it was actually beautiful here.
A large garden was set around a giant fountain in the center of the yard. The plants within were all bare or buried beneath the snow, and the fountain was off, but she was drawn toward it. She stopped at the edge of the fountain and slid her hands into the sleeves of her coat as a breeze blew over the land, lifting snow and swirling it around her. She smiled as she studied the marble cupid in the middle of the fountain. She’d bet anything Ronan hated it.
She looked at the sky again, her head falling back as she threw her arms wide and closed her eyes. Over the years, the sun had never failed to make her feel better if she was sad or lost, and this may be her very last day experiencing its rays.
Tears brimmed in her eyes and slid down her cheeks.
***
“What is she doing?” Declan asked as he unwrapped a lollipop and stuck it in his mouth. Ronan had no idea why he’d started sucking on the candy a couple months ago, but it had become his new thing.
Declan plopped his feet on the desk and leaned back in the desk chair. “I’m not sure,” Ronan replied as he focused on Kadence making her way toward that hideous fountain.
“Perhaps the mortal simply needed fresh air,” Saxon suggested.
“Or perhaps she’s going to make a run for it,” Lucien drawled.
“Probably straight into the enemy’s arms,” Killean said.
“She’s not going to make a run for it,” Declan replied and bit down. “Ugh.” Grabbing the trashcan, he pulled it forward and spit the remains of the lollipop into it.
“What is it with you and those human things?” Lucien demanded.
Declan set the can down and leaned back in his chair again. “I’m trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the c
enter, but I keep biting into it before I get there.”
“Why on earth are you doing that?” Saxon asked.
“Might as well solve the mysteries I can in this world,” Declan said.
Ronan sensed more behind the man’s words and his newfound obsession with human snacks than Declan was saying, but he let it go.
Tears streaked Kadence’s face as the sun glistened upon her.
“Why is she crying?” Lucien asked.
“Shit,” Ronan hissed as realization sank in.
“What is it?” Declan inquired.
“She doesn’t know,” he murmured. “I didn’t tell her.”
“Tell her what?” Saxon asked.
“That we are able to go out in the sun.”
Declan’s feet hit the floor as he spun to face Ronan. “How could you not tell her that?”
Ronan scowled at him. “I wasn’t going to reveal everything to her, and then I just… forgot.”
“You should go tell her before she decides she likes the sun more than you. Which, she might,” Lucien said.
Turning on his heel, Ronan stalked out of the security office where he’d been meeting with the others about their next step in trying to locate Joseph. He cursed himself with every step he took to the front door. The sun’s rays hit him as soon as he opened the door, and the cool air brushed over his skin as he strode forward.
Kadence no longer stood by the fountain, but he followed her scent down a trail leading through the privet hedges lining the seashell walkway. At the end of the privet was a far larger garden. It covered at least three acres of land, though there was little to see now except for some heather, lavender, and fountain grasses.
He stopped short when he found her at the end of the walkway, gazing at the remains of the gardens. Seeming to sense him, she turned and her face lit with a smile. Her hand was stretching toward him when it fell back to her side and her mouth dropped open. Her gaze ran over him as if she expected him to burst into flames at any second, and she most likely did.
“Ronan?” she squeaked.
Eternally Bound (The Alliance, Book 1) Page 23