Against Her Will

by Peter Martin

  Theresa nodded.

  Off camera, Toby turned to Theresa and her family.

  ‘Thanks for your time. Obviously, we have to edit all this footage down to about four to five minutes. I’m sure you’ll captivate the people in this area. I’ve been thinking - it might be an idea to set up a Web Site for you, on which we could make lots of your music available to everybody. Hope you’ll be able to enjoy whatever success comes your way. And I can say without a shadow of doubt that everyone will adore you.’

  The television people left shortly afterwards; Toby told the family Theresa’s story would be shown as an item on the regional news the following Friday. None of them could wait to see it.

  There was great excitement as the day drew nearer; Donna had even persuaded Doctor Reynolds to allow her to go to the Lacey household to watch the television with them.

  When the time came there was total silence in the room when the news programme began. Theresa’s name was mentioned by the announcer almost straight away. Tension mounted as they had to wait right until the end when Theresa’s little segment came on.

  Donna felt for Theresa when the camera showed her deformity, as in reality it was distressing, but as soon as the music began, her talent shone through, putting everything else firmly into the background. The piece only lasted four minutes but anyone watching would have been enthralled even in that short amount of time.

  As the programme finished there were tears of joy and sadness in Mrs Lacey’s eyes, Evan too appeared emotional, and they gathered round Theresa to congratulate her.

  Donna, as always, was inspired by Theresa’s courage, as well as for her God given gift for music. She envied her for being so strong in the face of such an awful illness. And although Donna was responding well to her treatment, she felt guilty and ashamed of the way she’d dealt with her problems, and was truly humbled in Theresa’s company.

  ‘What did you think Donna? Were you happy with the way I was portrayed?’

  ‘Sure, it was tastefully done, and it did concentrate on your music.’

  ‘I’m a little worried about what people thought when they saw me. Would they have viewed me as a freak in a horror show?’

  ‘Of course they wouldn’t.’ Donna put her arm around Theresa’s shoulders. ‘They’ll see you as an incredibly talented musician who’s tragically been stricken with a terrible illness. But remember whatever success you get will be through your talent and not because people feel sorry for you.’

  Theresa smiled, moving across to kiss her on the cheek. ‘Am I doing the right thing?’

  Donna looked her straight in the eye, finding herself glad to have met Theresa and to have had the privilege of getting to know her. ‘Most definitely.’

  Theresa seemed happier than ever. The joy seemed to glow out of her.

  However, on the way back to the hospital, Donna began to have doubts over what had gone on. Suddenly she felt responsible and feared if it went wrong she’d be blamed. Evan glanced across at her while he drove and realised she had something on her mind.

  ‘All right babe?’

  ‘Yes...’ She scratched her brow. ‘But...I’m just not sure we’ve done the right thing by Theresa. Just how would she cope in front of an audience if it came to it? And what if they reacted adversely to her?’

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ve had the same thoughts myself, but I’ve put them out of my head. It’s only natural for people to be a little dismayed when they first see her. Although we’re assuming someone will promote her and offer to present her to the public via a concert. But that hasn’t happened yet and if it does I’m sure any audience are bound to realise there’s much more to her - she’s such a brilliant musician and composer. I’m positive the music will take over completely.’

  ‘Hope you’re right.’

  ‘I am, believe me.’

  <><><>

  A week later Donna was in the doctor’s office for their usual meeting, but for once she didn’t mind talking to her. Doctor Reynolds seemed to pick up on it and commented ‘You seem in a much brighter mood than normal.’

  ‘I’m not too bad.’ She tried not to appear too positive.

  ‘Very glad to hear it. No thoughts of self-harm or suicide lately then?’

  ‘None at all. I’ve quite surprised myself.’

  ‘Wonderful. That couldn’t be down to a certain young male nurse, could it?’

  She blushed; an awkward look came on her face, and she said, ‘No, not totally, although he has helped. It’s the whole family really. They’ve been through so much together. But it’s Theresa who I really admire. When you first look at her face, you want to cry, and then when you hear her play music, you want to cry your eyes out even more. And now through one television appearance it’s amazing just how many people want to listen to her music. The number of hits she’d had on her website – and the phone hasn’t stopped ringing – it’s unbelievable. And from that she’s been invited to appear in front of an audience for the first time. In a few weeks she’ll be performing at Dexford Town Hall on her own with only a few musicians for support. I’ve a great admiration for her – she’s so brave and nothing seems to faze her.’ She stopped there and then added, ‘There are times when I wish I could be like her, anything rather than like me, a poor excuse for a human being.’

  Looking at her gravely, and shaking her head as if she didn’t agree with how bitter Donna felt, the doctor said, ‘It’s wonderful how Theresa’s music has taken off, but I guess she’d trade it all in to be cured of cancer. Theresa is a special person, but don’t be so hard on yourself. You are special too, if only you’d realise it.’

  ‘Oh sure I am – ’Donna said screwing up her face in misery.

  ‘You can be anything you want, Donna. If Theresa can do it with what she’s got, then so should you. You think about it. Oh and by the way, I’ve been monitoring your progress. Maybe it’s about time we reduced your medication. Think you could handle that?’

  Donna was quite taken aback, and the thought of it frightened her. Did she want to? That was the question. Maybe this time she did.

  ‘All right...I’ll try my best, so long as I have your support to go back on a higher dose if it doesn’t work.’

  ‘Of course. Any ill effects, come and see me at once. Now then, since you’ve done so well recently, in return I’m willing to relax certain rules for you. From now on, although you’ll remain at the Hospital for the time being, I’ll allow you a limited amount of freedom. You can come and go as you please, and as long as you return here by six o’clock every evening, that privilege will continue. And you’ll be allowed to visit your parents, or anyone else for that matter. All being well, we’ll soon have you back living with mum and dad again - although that will be a gradual process. But it’s certainly something to work towards – isn’t it?’

  Donna shuddered uncontrollably, as if someone had just told her she was going to die. ‘I won’t go back to them. Never ever – I don’t care what you say.’

  Doctor Reynolds didn’t look surprised at this. ‘I was half expecting as much. I told your parents the same thing, but they would insist you’d want to live with them. They’ll be very disappointed. Isn’t there any way you could patch it up with them? They love you dearly if only you’d give them a chance.’

  Donna shook her head vigorously; annoyed that Doctor Reynolds should even suggest such a thing. ‘They’ve had more chances than they deserve already. I can’t face being in the same room as them let alone in their house.’

  ‘But – ’

  She got up from her seat, as her face filled with anguish. Doctor Reynolds lifted a hand for her to stop.

  ‘All right, no one’s forcing you to go back to them. But you have to live somewhere. Any suggestions? A place of your own perhaps?’

  ‘Haven’t given it much thought – I never imagined I’d ever leave here. But I’d rather stay here than live with my folks.’

  Doctor Reynolds raised her eyebrows, dropping her eyelids slightly.
For a moment, she seemed to ponder over it, and stroked her chin. ‘Actually, I do have an idea. I’ve already spoken to the person concerned, and she’s all for it. You can stay with her family until you get back on your feet again, since you’re so friendly with her son and daughter. I imagine you know who I’m talking about?’

  Donna nodded but felt embarrassed. ‘Mrs Lacey?’

  ‘Exactly.’ The doctor grinned. ‘Apparently, although you may not be aware of it, they have a spare bedroom available. It used to be Cole’s, her eldest son’s room, but he’s in the army and abroad a lot. The room is empty right now because he’s on duty in Afghanistan. If you continue to improve, you’re more than welcome to the room, for as long as Cole is away. How do you feel about that?’

  She couldn’t believe this was happening, was unsure at first; a lump came in her throat. Then a huge smile filled her face, which she tried to hide by looking to the floor. Although she hadn’t considered it, it seemed the obvious solution. ‘I don’t know. I get on great with them all; but are you sure they won’t mind? I wouldn’t want to get under their feet.’

  ‘Don’t worry, you wouldn’t be. I’ve spoken to Evan about you as well, and he says you’ve come on in leaps and bounds recently. He thinks it’ll help you with your recovery, and was going to talk to you about it, but he felt nervous about you taking it the wrong way. Anyway we agreed, if you didn’t want to move back in with your parents, I’d run the idea past you. You could leave, in say a fortnight’s time. How does that sound?’

  ‘Sounds fine.’ There was a wide smile all over her face, once again. They were like a second family to her. But she’d have it out with Evan when she saw him next - about why he’d been so frightened she’d take it the wrong way.

  When Evan came for her the following morning, she noticed a glint in his eye, he looked pleased with himself for some reason. They walked through the Hospital grounds together, talking about Theresa and her forthcoming concert. Finally, they sat on a bench, set in a small alcove at the front of the building. Donna shivered as although it was sunny, the wind was strong cooling down the temperature.

  Before long, he surprised her by bringing up the subject that was uppermost in their minds himself.

  ‘Er, I gather ‘the doc’ has talked you into coming to live with us,’ he coughed apprehensively.

  ‘Yes, she has Evan.’

  ‘I’d have asked you myself, but I - ’

  ‘Doctor Reynolds told me. I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do – not if I’ve got to see your ugly mush at the breakfast table every morning.’

  ‘Oh, I never thought of that. Well, I admit I’m not at my best when I get up in the morning, that’s for sure. But you’ll get used to me. In fact, you won’t see that much of me, I have to leave for work at seven, and then I’m not back home until about six. So I’ll be out of your hair for most of the time.’

  ‘That’s a relief. Thank goodness Theresa will be there, or I might not come at all.’

  ‘Oh really.’

  ‘Mind you, your mum’s nice too. Such a good cook, which always helps.’

  He scratched the top of his head and seemed put out about it. Surely he realised she was joking. He was quiet for a few seconds, obviously not knowing what to say.

  Suddenly she burst out laughing, but then when he saw what she was up to, he joined in. They were both giggling, tears of laughter rolled down her cheeks.

  ‘Got you going, then.’

  ‘You think so? Well, just for that I might ask mum if I can cook for you. Then you’d definitely have something to complain about. So there.’ He bobbed out his tongue at her.

  She did the same back to him.

  ‘You’ll come then?’

  ‘Yes, as long as you’re sure I won’t be in the way.’

  ‘Course you won’t – silly. I’ll tell you what will irritate you the most, and that’s Theresa practising on her keyboard, day and night. I know she’s brilliant, but when it’s six to eight hours at a time - it’ll drive you mad. And she’s worse than normal at the moment, with that concert coming up. I can’t imagine where she gets the energy from.’

  ‘It’s in her blood, she wants it so much. You can’t blame her for that. This concert will be so special.’

  ‘You could be right.’

  ‘Sure your mum doesn’t mind me staying with you, Evan. I feel so guilty about it. I should be standing on my own two feet, getting a place of my own - I’ve got a degree in Mathematics for God’s sake.’ She lowered her head as if in shame.

  ‘Don’t be silly. You’ve been ill and now you need help to get yourself well again. We’re your friends, and that’s what we’re here for, so I don’t want to hear any more about it. Mum said you’re moving in a week on Friday - so we might get to spend the weekend together.’

  She nodded. ‘You’ll come and fetch me, then?’

  ‘I suppose I’ll have to – and don’t keep me waiting, or else.’

  ‘Yes sir.’ She gave him a mock salute. ‘I’ll look forward to that.’

  However, the more she thought about it the more she worried it could be the wrong move. She’d hate to fall out with any of them after how good they’d been to her. In her present state, that might have devastating consequences for her. Only time would tell.

  Chapter 19

  STANDING BY THE BED WITH A SUITCASE BESIDE HER, DONNA WAITED IMPATIENTLY FOR EVAN TO COME AND PICK HER UP.

  When he came, Doctor Reynolds was with him, all smiles.

  ‘Well then Donna, I see you’re ready.’

  ‘Yes, doctor.’

  ‘It’s been a long hard journey for you – and no one is more pleased than me that you’ve managed to come through your problems. I did have my doubts about you at one time, but I’m so glad you’ve proved me wrong.’

  ‘So long as I don’t have a relapse.’ There were tears in her eyes.

  ‘Why should you? You’re staying with a wonderful family. If you don’t make it with them, there’s no justice.’

  Donna gave the tiny doctor a big hug, and when they parted saw ‘the doc’ was close to tears herself.

  ‘Don’t forget you still have to come and see me every Friday at three o’clock. In the meantime whatever you do don’t reduce your tablets any further without reference to me, even if you continue to feel better. And if you’re not well just call me straightaway.’

  ‘Ok I will.’

  ‘And remember your parents will want you to keep in touch too. I’ve informed them of the arrangements at Mrs Lacey’s house and given them the telephone number, with Evan’s mum’s permission. I’d advise you to visit them as soon as you can.’

  Donna shrugged her shoulders in reply saying, ‘Well I don’t know about that. I’ll see you on Friday. Thanks for everything.’

  Evan picked up the suitcase and looked to her for the go ahead to leave. She nodded, had a quick glance at the room that had been her home for so long, and then was on her way. She’d never been so glad to get out of a place, apart from when she lived with her parents.

  ‘So how are you Donna?’ he asked as they walked together down the corridor.

  ‘Ok, a bit jittery – that’s all.’

  ‘That’s to be expected. It’ll go once you’ve settled down with us.’

  She smiled and hoped this was the case, but realised that this arrangement wouldn’t last forever. At some stage she’d have to go back to her parents or find a flat of her own.

  Evan drove them the short distance to his house. After parking the car they took the luggage from the boot and turning round saw the front door open. Mrs Lacey and Theresa came rushing out to greet them.

  ‘Donna!’ Theresa exclaimed, a warm smile coming across her disfigured face. She held out her arms for Donna to go into. They hugged and then it was Mrs Lacey’s turn. Donna was touched by this show of affection. Treating her almost like a long lost daughter.

  Inside, Evan took the luggage upstairs to Cole’s bedroom, placing it on the bed. Theresa was righ
t behind Donna, having volunteered to help Donna unpack.

  ‘All right girls, I’ll leave you to it, shall I?’ Evan said, walking to the door.

  But the ‘girls’ were too engrossed to see him leave.

  Theresa looked admiringly at the expensive dresses and tops as they were hung up, obviously wishing she could try some of them on.

  ‘I’m so pleased you’re staying with us Donna. You’re my very best friend – you know that?’

  ‘I do. And you’re my very best friend as well.’ She laughed.

  ‘So what are you up to afterwards? If you’re doing nothing special, I’d love to play for you. I want to go over what I intend playing at the concert, if that’s all right.’

  ‘Theresa, I’d be so honoured if you would. I like listening to all kinds of stuff, although I can’t say I have much of an idea about proper music or the mechanics of it.’

  ‘You don’t need to. Who in the audience will know anything about how I’m playing the notes. And it’s the public at large that counts – not highbrow critics writing for their posh magazines.’ Said in such a convincing tone of voice she seemed almost unfazed by the forthcoming concert.

  ‘In that case, I’m just the type of person you’re looking for.’

  Donna knew Theresa held her in high regard, but would she still think the same if she found out about the suicide attempts? The family were aware Donna was a patient at the hospital, and therefore had psychological problems, but Evan wouldn’t be allowed to tell them the full extent of her troubles. Did he know what had happened to her previously when she’d been raped? She doubted it, or he’d have said something.

  The two girls came downstairs shortly afterwards. They sat around the television watching an old film. Evan yawned, turning to Donna who was talking to his mother about what she was making for tea.

  ‘Hey Donna, want to go to the cinema tonight after tea?’ he asked tapping her on the shoulder.

  ‘What, oh er…’ she said, not wanting to turn him down, yet remembering what she’d already told Theresa. Then she glanced at Theresa, who seemed aware of her dilemma.