by Beth Wiseman
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in? I can explain what happened.” Jacob stepped out of the buggy, but Anna was already hurrying toward the porch steps. She spun around.
“Nee, nee. It’ll be fine. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Without waiting for a response, she climbed up the stairs two at a time, then paused and drew in a big gulp of air before she walked into the living room.
“You will never see that boy outside of worship service again. Do you hear me, Anna?” Her grandfather’s face was crimson, his hands clenched at his side. Her grandmother stood nearby, head hanging. Anna was surprised by the anger that swept through her—not at Daadi, but at Mammi. She had the strongest desire to scream at her and say, “Why don’t you tell Daadi what you do down there in the basement, Mammi?” Instead, she stood quietly as her grandfather told her repeatedly how disappointed he was in her. He ended by saying again that she would never again see Jacob.
She walked up the stairs, gritting her teeth. I will too see him. I’ll find a way. She was a grown woman, and Daadi had to stop treating her like a child.
She couldn’t help but wonder if Jacob would think she was worth the trouble. What had started out as a fake date to prove to others that she was dateable had landed her a real date that had been truly wunderbaar . . . until it went horribly wrong.
As tears burned in her throat, she wondered if the train would flatten their dimes.
And if her wish would come true.
9
LUCY TURNER HELPED HER MOTHER INTO THE BATHTUB, not understanding how a woman her age could get so dirty.
“Let go of me. I can do this myself!” Momma shrugged loose of Lucy’s hold and eased her tiny, naked body into the water. Lucy squatted beside the tub and longed for the mother who had raised her. Alice Turner was a cantankerous woman these days, and to Lucy she seemed like a stranger. Since the stroke, each day had become a bitter battle, each moment a fight against the grief that ripped through her. Her mother wasn’t dead, but sometimes it felt that way.
Two months ago Momma had been living at a wonderful skilled nursing facility. But apparently punching another resident in the face wasn’t going to be tolerated, and Momma had been kicked out. Lucy had no choice but to take her in until another nursing home in the area had a room. Hopefully soon.
“Momma, what have you been doing? How’d you get so dirty?” Lucy shook her head as she eyed the black streaks on her mother’s face and hands, then glanced at the old green dress on the floor next to a pair of once-white tennis shoes. Momma insisted on wearing it over and over. “You need to put on some fresh, clean clothes too. You’ve got plenty in your closet.”
“I don’t like those clothes you bought.” Momma shook her head so hard that strands of gray hair fell from the bun on her head.
“Momma, those clothes are fine.” She paused, eyeing her mother’s matted, gray mess. “We need to wash your hair too. I’ll go get you a clean dress, okay?”
“Where is my Benjamin? Did you give him away?” Momma lathered soap onto a rag, then dabbed at her face.
“Of course I didn’t give him away. He’s asleep in his room.” Lucy rubbed her forehead and wondered how bad things were going to get with her mother. It was like having another two-year-old, except this one was able to venture out on her own and roam the neighborhood. Lucy tried hard to keep up with her, but it felt like a lost cause.
“You should have never had a baby. You’re a terrible mother. You’re going straight to hell.”
Lucy blinked a few times, surprised that her mother was still able to shock her. “Whatever, Momma.” She scooped the dirty clothes into her arms and was almost out the door when her mother spoke up again.
“See, you don’t even care. You’re going to burn in the lake of fire for what you’ve done. That’s what happens to whores.”
“That’s enough, Momma!” Lucy spun around. “You cannot talk to me like that in my own house!”
“But that’s what you are. A whore. You slept with a married man, and now you have a bastard baby.”
Tears burned Lucy’s eyes. “Don’t you dare call Benjamin—”
“Oh my! Oh no!”
Lucy sniffled, looking on as her mother put a hand to her neck. “What is it, Momma?” She sighed, the smell of the faded green dress in her arms causing her to crinkle her nose as she sniffled again.
“My Benjamin necklace is gone! It’s gone! It’s gone.”
“Momma, I’ll get you another one.” Lucy closed her eyes as her mother bounced up and down in the bathtub, sloshing water over the sides. Please, Lord, give me strength.
The prayer was utterly sincere, though the irony of the whole thing made her smile a little. Despite her religious ramblings, Momma outright refused to go to church with Lucy. But Lucy went without her. She was trying to spend the second half of her life making up for all the bad things she’d done the first half. First and foremost, she wanted to learn about God and do what her pastor talked about—develop a relationship with Him. Then maybe someday He would forgive her . . . and she could forgive herself.
Maybe.
Right now, she knew that most of what her mother said was true. I am not a good person.
Momma buried her face in her hands and cried, mumbling about how she’d lost the pendant Lucy had given her with a picture of Benjamin in it.
“Don’t cry. I said I’ll get you another one.” Lucy was torn between comforting her and leaving the room. Leaving was a strong temptation. But she was never sure what her mother might do when Lucy wasn’t around. Ever since Momma slipped out of the house this morning, Lucy had worried she’d get a call from someone.
She finally sat down on the commode and began to sing. It was the only thing that calmed Momma sometimes. “Hush, little baby, don’t say a word. Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird. If—”
Momma clapped her wet hands together. “Oh, I like this song.”
Lucy dabbed at one eye and smiled. “I know you do, Momma.”
She swallowed hard and starting singing again.
Noah walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist, kissing her on the back of the neck.
“How many jars of strawberry jam are you going to make?”
Carley shrugged as she tightened the lid on a Mason jar. “I couldn’t stand to see all these strawberries go to waste.” She turned to face him. “No way we can eat them all.” She grinned, leaned up on her toes, and kissed him on the mouth. “Tell your friend we have all the berries we need.”
“I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
Carley turned back around and continued tightening lids. “Didn’t you say you thought she was homeless? Wonder where she got all these strawberries.”
“I have no idea.” Noah slid beside Carley at the counter. “Need some help?”
“Nope. I’m pretty much done.”
They both turned when they heard footsteps coming into the kitchen. As usual, their twelve-year-old daughter had earbuds plugged in, and she headed straight for the pantry. For such a thin girl, she ate a lot. Noah could remember being like that when he was young—eating and eating and never gaining weight. But Jenna didn’t get that from him; they didn’t share the same genes. Noah and Carley had adopted Jenna when she was six, and she was the love of both their lives.
“Hey!” Noah yelled, and Jenna removed one of the earbuds. “What’s on your agenda today?”
“I dunno.” She replaced the earbud and reached for a box of cookies on the shelf.
Noah turned to Carley. “What about you? As much as I hate that people aren’t coming to the clinic, it gives us some extra time to spend together.” He leaned his elbows on the counter and faced her. “I miss having you work at the clinic.”
“I know, honey, but there just wasn’t enough for me to do anymore, and don’t you like coming home to dinner on the table and a clean house?”
Noah stood up and smiled. “Yes, I do.” He narrowed his eyebrows as he
peeked around the corner into the living room. “Are those new curtains?”
“Yeah. I bought them back in December when we thought David and Emily were coming for a visit. But then we found out they couldn’t come, and I just never got around to hanging them until this morning.”
“That David is a good kid. I appreciate that he was coming here to convince Bishop Byler what a great guy I am and that the bishop should let his district members use the clinic.”
“I figured that was why he was coming, even though he said it was just for a visit.” Carley carried two jars of jam to the pantry as Jenna walked away munching on a cookie. “But I can see why the doctor didn’t want them traveling during that pregnancy. Twins make everything a little more complicated.”
Noah reached over and pulled the picture of David and Emily’s infant twins from the refrigerator door. “Cute kids. Hard to believe David is old enough to have children and Lillian and Samuel are grandparents. Hopefully we’ll get to see them all again soon.” He placed the picture back beneath the magnet. “David was only fifteen when I gave him one of my kidneys.” He sighed. “Time flies.”
Carley was carrying more jars to the pantry when a knock sounded at the front door. “I’ll get it,” Noah said. He walked to the door in his socks, shorts, and gray T-shirt and was surprised to see Bishop Byler’s granddaughter on the step.
“Hi, Anna. What brings you here?” Noah didn’t care for the girl’s grandfather, but Anna had always seemed like a sweet girl. He stepped back. “Do you want to come in?”
“Nee, nee, I won’t be staying. I just wanted to ask you something.” She reached into the pocket of her black apron and pulled out a chain and what looked to be a pendant. “Is this a picture of your nephew?”
Noah took the chain and flipped the pendant over. As he studied the baby in the picture, he thought about his nieces and nephews. Samuel and his wife, Lillian, had David, Anna, and Elizabeth—plus David’s wife, Emily, and their twins. Katie Ann had Jonas. They all lived in Colorado. Here in Paradise, Mary Ellen had Linda, Luke, and Matthew. Rebecca had Miriam, Elam, Ben, and John. All of Noah’s nieces and nephews were older than the baby in this picture. Some of them were adults.
“I guess it could be one of them, but that seems unlikely since all my siblings are Amish, and Amish folks don’t pose for pictures.” Noah handed the necklace back to her.
Anna bit her bottom lip, squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, then looked back up at him. “I think this is a picture of Benjamin Turner. He would be your nephew, right?”
Noah stiffened. His brother, Ivan, had died, but not before he impregnated two women—his wife, Katie Ann, and his mistress, Lucy Turner. Noah knew that Lucy lived nearby. One of his sisters—Mary Ellen—had even made an attempt to see Benjamin soon after he was born, but Lucy had made up some excuse. She rarely showed her face around town. Noah had often wondered if he should attempt to see his brother’s child, no matter the circumstances, but he never had.
“I honestly don’t know if that’s my nephew,” he finally said. “Why do you think it’s Benjamin?”
Anna fumbled with the necklace. “Because Lucy Turner asked me to watch her boppli one time. She got my name from another Englisch woman I used to babysit for. Lucy just showed up at our house one day and asked me to keep Benjamin one afternoon. So I did.” She paused, her cheeks red. “But mei daadi found out, and he didn’t want me sitting for her anymore.”
Noah wasn’t surprised. In the Amish community, Lucy Turner wore a big scarlet A. Before Noah could say anything, Anna went on.
“Anyway, I found this in my garden. I think an old woman dropped it when she was stealing my strawberries.” Anna grinned. “Odd. But I guess she was hungry. I think she may have taken some stuff from the Lapps’ too.”
Within seconds Noah had put two and two together. Alice Turner was related to Lucy Turner somehow. Mother, maybe?
Anna looked down at the necklace, then back at Noah. “Since Lucy brought Benjamin to me that day, I don’t even know where she lives.” She paused, pointing to the small picture in the pendant. “I remember him having the biggest dimples. See. He’s just extra cute. I guess that’s why I remember him.”
Noah held out his hand. “I know where she lives, and I think I know who the owner of the necklace is too. I’ll return it if you want me to.”
Anna dropped the chain and pendant in Noah’s hand. “That would be gut. Danki.”
Noah said “you’re welcome” in his native dialect—Pennsylvania Deitsch. He smiled when she raised her eyebrows. “Ya, I still remember it.”
Anna’s cheeks reddened again, then she gave a small wave and turned to leave. But before Noah closed the door, she turned back. “Dr. Noah?”
He eased onto the porch. “Yeah?”
Anna gripped the sides of her dress. “I’m sorry about Daadi. I know everyone is hoping he’ll change his mind about letting our people visit your clinic.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Anna. You’re not responsible for your grandfather’s decisions.”
“I know.” She paused, staring at him. “He really is a gut man. He’s just scared of the outside world.”
Noah forced a smile. It was sweet of her to defend her grandfather, but Noah wasn’t sure Bishop Byler’s rules were really fueled by fear. He’d heard too many stories from other districts about bishops on power trips. “Take care, Anna. And thank you for bringing the necklace.”
Anna smiled, then left in her buggy.
Noah walked back into the kitchen holding the necklace.
“What’s that?” Carley leaned closer and peered at the pendant.
“Well . . .” Noah sighed. “I think I know where all the strawberries are coming from. And I think that is a picture of Benjamin Turner. Ivan’s son.”
“And your nephew.” Carley smiled, but Noah had mixed emotions. He had promised to return the necklace. And part of him wanted to see his brother’s son. But would that mean letting Lucy Turner into their lives?
10
IT WAS A FEW DAYS LATER WHEN ANNA WALKED INTO the main entrance of the lumberyard. She was nervous about facing the girl at the cash register—Glenda—again, but she had something for Jacob.
“He’s on the clock.” Glenda slung her hair over her shoulders in an exaggerated motion and stood up. “But I’ll go find him.”
Anna shook her head. “Nee, that’s all right. Can you just give this to him when you see him?” She pushed a letter-size white envelope toward the girl.
“Sure.” Glenda put it to the side on top of a pile of papers, and Anna couldn’t help but wonder if Jacob would ever get it.
“Danki. Thank you.”
Glenda just smiled and gave a little wave, so Anna left, looking all around her to make sure she hadn’t been seen. So far she’d abided by her grandfather’s wishes to stay away from Jacob, but she felt like there was something between them, and she needed to know if he felt the same way.
By the time she got home, she was dripping with sweat. She loved the summertime, the feel of the dewy grass between her toes in the morning, the smell of honeysuckle in full bloom and freshly cut hay, but this summer seemed unusually warm. When she walked into the living room, all was quiet. She opened the basement door and walked down a few steps.
“Mammi, are you down there?” She stopped and waited, not sure if her grandmother could hear her. “Mammi?”
She walked down a few more steps, yelled again, then decided her grandmother must be somewhere else in the house. One of these days she was going to make Mammi show her what she was hiding down there, but every time she thought about it, she supposed she wouldn’t want her grandmother snooping around in her room. There were probably quite a few things she wouldn’t approve of—a couple of Englisch magazines and a tube or two of lip gloss, for starters. She’d never worn the lipstick anywhere except in her room, but she’d still be hard-pressed to explain it to her grandparents.
She walked from room to
room, calling her grandmother’s name. Finally, she heard the basement door open and walked back in that direction. Cora Hostetler came out of the basement first, followed by Anna’s grandmother, who closed the door behind them. Anna wished she had known that Jacob’s mother would be here. She could have given Jacob’s envelope to her. But then her grandmother would have seen, so maybe it was best she delivered it to his work.
“Uh, Anna . . . wie bischt?” Cora was holding a small box wrapped in pink paper. “I must go.” She gave a quick wave and scurried past Anna, turning to add, “Gut to see you.”
Anna turned to face her grandmother—a grown woman who looked like she’d just been caught doing something naughty. Those two were up to something. And even though she knew she was taking advantage of her grandmother’s secret, Anna decided this would be a good time to talk to Mammi about Jacob.
“Have you been able to convince Daadi to let me spend time with Jacob?”
“I’m working on it, dear.” Mammi slid past her toward the kitchen, and Anna followed her.
“What were you and Cora doing in the basement?” Anna picked up a banana from the fruit bowl on the table and started peeling it.
Mammi opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out her cleaning bucket. “Ach, nothing really. Just chatting.”
“In the basement?” Anna took a bite of the banana and waited.
“Uh . . . ya.”
“Did you tell Cora that Daadi has forbidden me to see Jacob?” Anna sat down at the table and took another bite of the fruit as her grandmother took inventory of the items in the bucket.
“Ya. Jacob told her what happened, and they both assumed there would be a problem with your grandfather.” Mammi picked up the bucket and shook her head. “You should have known better than to not be truthful with him, Anna. I’m trying to talk to him, but I suspect it will be awhile before he agrees to let you spend time with Jacob.”