The One That Got Away

by S J Crabb

  Chapter 18

  Ben and I have had the most fantastic day. We got ready and went for a long walk. We must have looked like any young carefree couple in love and spent hours talking about our lives, our past and our future. We never mentioned Nathan and Melissa; it was as though they were gone from our lives forever. We found a lovely pub and sat in the corner by a roaring fire and had the most amazing meal and drank far too much wine.

  We got back to the Lodge feeling very happy and Ben lit the fire and I made us some drinks and we just sat together in front of the fire kissing and cuddling and just enjoying each others company.

  As it gets later and night draws in Ben says, “What about tomorrow Bella? Do you want to stay another day, or are you feeling that you want to get back?” I wait for the feeling of dread to come over me at the thought of returning but realise happily that it has gone. “I really just want to stay here forever Ben but no, I should get back and so should you. I have kept you away from work which I know must be driving you mad. I mean you haven’t even opened your laptop today and you must be feeling desperate.” He laughs at me and strokes my hair. “I am only desperate for you Bella. I can’t get enough of you. But now you come to mention it maybe I should just take a peek at my e mails.”

  Looking at him I can see that he is joking and I playfully punch him on the arm. “Well Ben, maybe I can give you something else to peek at instead.” I pull him down onto the floor in front of the fire and kiss him as passionately as he kisses me. He groans and flips me onto my back and holding me down firmly kisses me with urgency and passion.

  Soon we are making hot passionate love on the floor in front of the fire, the flames warming us and adding to the intensity. I just can’t get enough of him and he brings out a side to me that I never knew existed. I can cope with anything as long as he is with me.

  The next morning we decide reluctantly to pack up and head home. We return the keys to the site office and stand embracing each other by our relevant cars.

  “Will you be alright driving home?” Ben says kissing me on the lips. I smile happily. “I’ll be fine. I never mind driving and the solitude will give me time to collect my thoughts.” He looks worried. “I’m sorry Bella, I haven’t given you much time to think have I?” I shake my head happily, “Yes you have Ben, thank you. You being here has meant so much to me.” I kiss him gently on the lips and he responds by crushing me to him and kissing me deeply. We finally break away and he says huskily, “I will pick you up from your flat tomorrow evening. Don’t go to work just spend the day relaxing and you and I will spend the evening together.”

  I smile at the way he just tells me what to do, he hasn’t even asked me and I like the fact that he is taking charge. It doesn’t matter as I only want to be with him anyway. I nod and after one last kiss we go our separate ways.

  As I drive home I think about what comes next. I will have to see Nathan and resolve things with him. I stop to grab a coffee at the next service station and decide to text him on the number that he is using. I text saying that I will meet him later at 6.30pm at his flat. Almost immediately he texts back saying that he is glad that we are meeting up and will be waiting. As I drive home I think about the situation. It is not going to be easy seeing him and I am not looking forward to it.

  Once I get home I unpack and I see my little canvas picture on the side and smile to myself. It’s funny how life works out. This should be my darkest hour but instead it feels my brightest. Feeling quite upbeat I tidy around and anything that I find of Nathan’s I put to one side. I have decided to take it all back with me later and I hope that my feelings don’t change when I see him.

  I do feel a wrench when I put his engagement ring back into the box ready to return to him. We had been so happy that day. Our lives were mapped out for us and we were so in love. Tears come into my eyes at the memory and a feeling of regret comes over me. This all started when Ben came back into my life. If he hadn’t we would be ok and planning our wedding. Nothing prepared me for the feelings that I obviously still had for him when I saw him again. Something inside me changed that day and whatever Nathan did was not that different from my feelings of betrayal. Just that I hadn’t acted on them didn’t mean that I was blameless. I can’t be too hard on him, after all everything happens for a reason and perhaps his affair was a blessing in disguise.

  I head off to his flat armed with all of his things. It feels so final and I hope that we can part as friends. After all we still have to work in the same place and it could be really awkward. I reach his flat and carry the box of his belongings up the stairs with me. As I knock on the door I have butterflies floating around in my stomach and I feel extremely nervous.

  The door opens and I can see Nathan standing there and he doesn’t look good. His face is pale and drawn and he looks tired. He manages a weak smile and invites me in. I notice that he sees the box and a hurt expression crosses his face.

  Putting the box down I turn to face him. He looks so worried and for some reason I want to make it better for him. Taking his hand I lead him over to the settee. He looks surprised and almost hopeful. We sit down and I let go of his hand. He goes to speak but I hold up my hand. I need to control this situation and say what I need to before he does.

  “Nathan, please just listen to me first.” I say looking at him firmly. He nods and looks at me with a worried expression. “Firstly, I just want to say that I know when and how it started with Melissa and strangely I understand why it happened. I don’t hate you or her and it’s taken me this time out to put everything into perspective.” He looks quite shocked, he probably was expecting me to shout and scream at him emotionally.

  Carrying on I say, “I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t shocked and hurt, hearing that you had been seeing Melissa. The fact that she is pregnant just made it all the more worse. I feel betrayed by you and can’t forgive the fact that you did everything behind my back whilst maintaining a loving relationship with me at the same time. For goodness sake we were even planning our wedding and looking to the future. How on earth could you be doing that with me whilst sleeping with another woman?”

  The hurt that I felt is coming back to me as I see him looking at me uncomfortably. I take a deep breath and say, “However, during this last couple of days I can see that it wasn’t right between us. Why would I let my friend plan our wedding? Surely it should be the most important thing for me to do myself. And you, you weren’t even bothered by it. You just said that you would turn up and to let you know when and where.”

  He goes to speak but I silence him by holding my hand up and saying, “I don’t want to hear it. Let me say what I have to say first.” He nods and looks down as I say, “It is obvious that we weren’t ready for the commitment. I don’t want to part on bad terms and lets just leave it that we had a lucky escape. I am not going to cause you any trouble and will be civil when we meet. But that is it. I will leave you to tell your family and friends and I will tell mine.”

  I see how dejected he looks and once again take his hand. “The fact that I can let you go this easily says it all doesn’t it? I loved being in a relationship with you. You made me so happy and I could never hate you. You will find love with the person that is meant for you and so I will I. It’s time to move on.” I wipe the tears from my eyes as despite how I feel I do love him. I will miss him so much and I feel as if a part of me has died. He looks at me with a stricken expression and starts to speak in a husky emotional voice. “Bella, I don’t want to lose you. I know what I did is unforgivable but I was hoping that we could work it out.” I am shocked and it must shows on my face because he quickly carries on.

  “I don’t love Melissa, I never did. I suppose the first time I was drunk but then I was flattered by the attention. She came to watch me at football and we used to hang out afterwards. I never thought of anyone other than my own ego and I am truly sorry for the hurt that it has caused.” I can’t look at him anymore. I expected him to say he was sorry, but I can’t
believe what he is saying. Does he really think that we can let it all go and carry on as before? What about Melissa and the baby, and what about the fact that he let it happen in the first place? I feel sick.

  He turns to look at me remorse all over his face. “Please give me another chance Bella? I promise that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I love you and I can’t let you go.” He grabs hold of my hand and looks at me pleadingly. I snatch my hand away.

  “Haven’t you forgotten the small fact that Melissa is having your baby?” I shout at him, suddenly very angry. “You don’t have a choice Nathan. You have to be with her and even if she doesn’t want you, neither do I.” I stand up; I have to get out of here before I totally lose my cool. Alarm registers on his face and he grabs hold of me. “Please Bella, don’t leave. We can work it out, I will find a way to support Melissa and the baby but I can’t lose you.” Pulling away I say, “You already have. Goodbye Nathan.” I race over to the door and fling it open. I run down the stairs and keep on running; trying to put as much space between as I can. Tears roll down my face and I realise that they are angry tears at what he has become. He doesn’t deserve my understanding and at this moment in time I don’t care if I never see him again. I reach my car and in no time at all I am driving away. I never thought of Nathan as weak but at this moment I despise him for his lack of responsibility and desire to have everything his own way.

  When I get home I can see that Phoebe is home from work. She sees the state I am in and with a cry races over and hugs me. “Bella, whatever is the matter? Please come and sit down and tell me everything.” Crying I follow her to the settee and she hands me some tissues. Through my tears I tell her everything. I start at the beginning when I met Ben again and don’t stop until what has just happened. Tears are now running down both our cheeks and she shakes her head in bewilderment. “I never knew, oh Bella, you poor thing. I can’t take it all in.” I sniff and blow my nose and we sit there together just hugging each other, both taking in the events of the last few days in our own way.

  The rest of the evening is spent going over everything in more detail. We order a takeaway and open a bottle of wine and talk for hours and hours. By the time it is bedtime we are both emotionally drained. Phoebe eventually says, “Bella, go and have a nice bath and get to bed. You need to try and get some sleep and we can think about it again in the morning. If you like I will stay off work and we can do something to take your mind off it all.” I smile and shake my head. “Thanks Phoebs but I had better go to my parents and tell them. I just want to get it over with and move on with my life.” Phoebe looks thoughtful and says, “What about Ben, is he a part of your future or is it too soon?” Thinking of Ben makes me smile and I say, “I really hope so. It’s not an ideal situation but I really need him.” Looking thoughtful she smiles thinly at me and then hugs me. “Goodnight Bella, I hope you sleep well.”

  Chapter 19

  I tell my parents the next day. They are now in total shock and I feel for them as they loved Nathan like a son. I also told them about Ben, saying that he was helping me and that he had been there when I needed him most. I didn’t want them to totally blame Nathan as although he had behaved atrociously I also have to shoulder some of the blame myself. My mother hugs me tears coursing down her cheeks. My father looks choked up and I feel bad for them.

  My mum pulls back and looks at me symplathetically. “My little girl. What a terrible ordeal you have gone through. Stay here with us until you recover and we will look after you.” I smile gratefully. I am so lucky to have the support of my family and best friend. “Thanks Mum, Dad. I have had a couple of days to adjust to it all whereas you have only just found out. I am fine, really, and I just want to get on with things. I am going back to work next week and then I am just going to concentrate on my career.”

  My mum sniffs. “Where does Ben fit into all this?” The question takes me by surprise and I just shrug. “I don’t know. All I do know is that he has been amazing through it all and I was lucky that he was around.”

  I stay for a few more hours and help them come to terms with it all. They have many questions and I try to answer them but I am soon exhausted. I drive home and decide to have a shower and get ready because Ben is picking me up at 7.30pm. I haven’t heard from him since except for a text this morning. He said to pack an overnight bag which sent excitement shooting through me. Despite the emotional few days I am still very much looking forward to seeing him again.

  At 7.30pm on the dot he rings the doorbell. Phoebe gets to it first and I notice her eyes widen as she sees him standing in the doorway. I can see why as he is looking totally gorgeous in his dark navy suit, very much the successful business man. I realise that he must have come straight from work and he looks tired.

  He smiles at Phoebe and says, “Hi, You must be Phoebe, Bella’s friend. I am very pleased to meet you.” He holds out his hand and she shakes it smiling. As he looks over to me his face softens. “Hi Bella, are you ready?” My knees feel weak just looking at him and I blush as though this is our first date. I hug Phoebe who is looking at us in amazement and we head towards his car.

  He takes my bag and places it in the boot as I take a seat. He gets in and then leans over and fastens the seatbelt for me. He kisses me on the lips and stares into my eyes and says, “There’s no escaping now.” I feel a shiver of anticipation run through me and I long to touch him and pull him towards me, but he laughs and turns on the engine and we set off.

  “Where are we going Ben?” I ask him dying to know. He laughs. “We are going home Bella.” I am surprised at his answer and he glances at me sideways and I see his lips twitch in amusement. He then says softly, “I have missed you.” Looking at him I smile and say softly, “I’ve missed you too.” He places his hand on mine and squeezes it gently. There is an atmosphere in the car of intensity and anticipation. We don’t speak and I can’t help but feel myself getting weaker and weaker with longing.

  He drives to a village outside Guildford and is soon pulling into the driveway of a large house, through security gates and stopping outside a huge wooden front door. Even in the darkness I can see that the house is impressive.

  He grabs my bag from the boot and opens the front door. The place is in darkness and he turns on a light in the hallway. It is a large hallway with a magnificent staircase dominating it. The house looks very modern and is an Interior designers dream. He grins. “Come, I will show you around. You can make yourself at home whilst I then cook you dinner.” He takes my hand and proudly shows me around this impressive house. It is very open plan and modern in its interior. The rooms are large and tastefully decorated.

  We stop in a huge kitchen which appears to have every conceivable gadget and he grabs a bottle of wine from the wine store built in to the kitchen. He says, “Why don’t you pour us some wine whilst I go and get changed? “ I do as he says and in no time at all he returns having changed into jeans and a T shirt. It is taking all of my self control not to just jump on him as he is looking so gorgeous.

  He starts to prepare us a meal and I say, “Can I do anything?” Gesturing to a drawer he says, “You set the table. It won’t take long. I have to prepare quick meals for one normally, so I am quite an expert at it now.” As I busy myself I feel quite sorry at the thought of him living here in the middle of nowhere all alone. It must be a lonely existence. Soon he has whipped up a stir fry and we sit down to eat. It is amazing and I look impressed. “Are you sure that you didn’t train as a chef? You certainly know how to cook.” He laughs. “I like to do things properly. I did take some classes once, which taught me a lot. I don’t like to leave anything to chance and make sure that if I have to do something I learn to do it well.”

  I laugh and indicating around me say, “You obviously do most things very well.” He smiles wickedly at me. “I hope that you will find out that there are more talents of mine to discover.” I blush again furiously hating the fact that he makes me feel so embarrassed all the tim
e. He laughs at my embarrassment. “Come on, let’s go and relax for a bit. I have had a hell of a day and I want to hear all about yours.”

  We take our wine and go to the sitting room and flop down onto his large L shaped settee. I am feeling quite dizzy with the wine and seeing him looking so gorgeous isn’t helping as I just want him to take me to bed.

  “So,” he says looking at me intently, “What happened since we left, have you seen Nathan?” I find myself telling him everything that has happened since and the more I say the darker his eyes go. He looks extremely angry by the time that I have finished and says, “I knew he was no good. Thank goodness you found out.” I nod in agreement and he says angrily, “I can move him to another store you know. You don’t have to see him again if you don’t want to.” I shake my head and squeeze his hand, “There is no need. My feelings for him have gone, if anything they have been replaced by pity. He is going to need this job and I don’t wish him any more trouble.” His eyes soften and he pulls me to him, “You are a special person Bella. Not everybody would be so forgiving.” I smile and say, “Well I can afford to be. I feel bad that I am feeling so happy when I should be broken hearted, and that is all down to you Ben.”