by S. M. West
“Sorry. Yes, I should have responded, but I haven’t opened Hitch in weeks. In fact, not since our last message.”
“Oh, you poor thing. You must be swamped.” She brushes her hand along my arm, keeping it there. “Well, I’m here to take care of you. It’s Saturday night. You can’t be working, and you have to eat. I thought I’d surprise you.”
Her fingers curl around my bicep and squeeze. Ernie awkwardly clears his throat, surreptitiously glancing up from whatever it is he’s doing. We make eye contact, and his gaze flits to the elevator where a couple of the residents are listening to every word of our conversation.
Taking her by the elbow, I carefully guide Felicity to a corner of the lobby, where people are less likely to hear us.
“That was kind of you, but…um…I’m seeing someone.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders snap back, and now she’s ramrod straight. “You didn’t say anything to me.”
I don’t like her tone, as if I owe her an explanation. We went on one date, that’s it. Sure, I could have messaged her to end things, but there wasn’t anything to end.
“We aren’t seeing each other.” I’m not sugarcoating anything, and her direct gaze wavers, but her disappointment is clear. “I made a mistake and shouldn’t have left things open between us. I’m sorry about that.”
“You were keeping your options open.” It’s a statement, and she isn’t looking for confirmation and yet she wavers again and adds, “That’s it, isn’t it?” Now her tone is cool, and I feel her chilly disdain in my bones.
“Yeah, I suppose I was.” There’s no point in denying it even if I hadn’t realized that was what I’d been doing.
Pru had just shown up at the studio. We have an insane attraction, definite lust, and I wanted to explore whatever it was between us.
“I made a mess of this.” My fingers thread through my hair, and Felicity gives me a small smile.
“That’s all right, I suppose.” She looks to the doors of the building and then back at me. “Well, you have a good night, Eli, and I wish you all the best.”
“You too, Felicity.”
She’s quick to grab the food and make a hasty exit. I’m a dick and didn’t intend to play both women. Heck, I don’t feel like I did, but from Felicity’s standpoint, I did leave the door open to the possibility of more.
Now to explain all this to Pru. Great.
At my place, Pru and Crystal are waiting for their nails to dry, laughing and having a good time. The tension in my shoulders fades at the sight but quickly returns when Pru stiffens at my entrance.
“Hey, sorry about that.” I stroll to the dining table, taking in their bright colored nails. “Are they almost dry?”
“Yup. Just another five. Dinner is ready and on the kitchen table. We were waiting for you.” Pru stands and starts to place her things back into the carry case to her right.
“Daddy, aren’t my nails pretty?” Crystal dangles her fingers like icicles, and I grin down at her, running a hand over her blonde head.
“They sure are. Why don’t you go to the kitchen, and we’ll be there in a minute? Daddy needs to talk to Pru.”
Begrudgingly, my daughter gets up and leaves the room. Pru moves toward the front door where she places the case on the floor.
“Hey, about that woman…” I stall, searching for the words, a way to make me not sound like as much of a dick as I feel.
“Felicity.” She twirls to face me, hands on her hips. “Yes, what about her?”
“I went on a date with her before we started seeing each other.”
“Okay. Was this after The Salon, but before I came to work on the movie, or during?” Her tone is easy, casual even, but her gaze keen.
I can guess at what she’s figuring out, and my stomach turns. I did nothing wrong—for all I know, she went on dates or had sex with other guys during that window of time too.
Acid eats at me imagining Pru with another man. Jealousy physically burns my gut, and my fists curl, fighting the urge to hit something.
“Eli?” The enthralling blue of her eyes draws me away from the cloying weight of my bitter thoughts.
“The date was the night of your first day on the set. I’m on this dating app.” The words tumble from me, and Pru arches a brow, suddenly more than interested in what I have to say. “Meeting women is hard because of who I am, and I want a long-term relationship.”
Dammit, why’d I say that? It’s the opposite of what we agreed to. She nods but offers no words or questions. I have the rope, and she’s just letting me hang myself.
I ramble more about the app, the beta testing, and how I agreed to create a profile and go on dates.
“You thought you’d find someone, let’s say a wife, with this dating app?” There’s something wrong with her tone, a hint of condescension or disbelief.
“Well, not necessarily a wife, but I haven’t had a relationship in years. Like too many years to even admit.” Heat colors my cheeks, but she doesn’t smile.
“And with Felicity? How did you end things?”
And there it is. The noose tightens around my neck. I swallow hard and clear my throat. “I, um, I told her things were kind of busy right now, and I’d be in touch.”
“And did you contact her?”
“No.”
“But you kept her on the hook, so to speak. Keeping your options open.”
Those were Felicity’s exact words, and regret weaves its barbed fingers around my spine. “I’m an idiot and a jackass. I’m sor—”
“Don’t apologize,” she’s quick to say. “This was before we were anything, but it’s interesting.”
“What do you mean?”
“This dating app—are you still using it?”
“No. No. I’m going to remove my profile.”
“Eli, I’m not telling or asking you to do that. You clearly want a serious relationship, and I’m not that person. We agreed to casual.”
“Yeah, but this is only the beginning.” I grasp her hands, prying them away from her body and bringing her closer. “We click. We have a good time together.”
“That’s true, but we want different things. You have a daughter, and you haven’t said it, but one day you want a wife. I don’t want that.”
“Maybe not now. You’re still young, but you could change your mind.”
“No.” She pulls back, expression solemn. “I need you to hear me. I don’t want marriage or kids.”
Her words slam into my chest, and the barbs sink into my bones. She’s told me this before, in not so many words, but now it’s hard to ignore.
Her hands clasp my face, and she softens her voice. “That’s what you want, and I care about you. I want you to get what you most desire.”
She’s what I most desire.
“Daddy, Pru, are you coming?” Crystal asks from the other room.
“Coming.” I only need a few more minutes, and my hands slide around Pru’s waist, bringing her to me. “I don’t want this to end. Us. It’s too soon to say what this is, and who knows, we may not be forever but—”
“I don’t do forever.”
“Okay, but let us have right now.” I hate how I sound as if I’m begging. But I am.
Today felt like a step in the right direction, to something more permanent. She let me in on the situation with Ross. I told her I’m here for her and yet she still isn’t all in.
“Okay. Should I go? And you two can watch the movie?”
“No. No. Stay.” I’m talking about the movie, but my plea encompasses so much more.
We want the complete opposite. How is it possible to be drawn to someone, feel as if you need them to breathe, and yet completely disagree on something as fundamental as this?
We can’t ignore this, but things change. People can change, right?
She could realize what she’s missing out on. I’ve seen her with Crystal. I see the way she looks at me.
This isn’t the end of us. No, this can’t be the end.
/> 21
Pru
Family is the one thing I fear
The movie is a blur. I’m facing the screen and laughing or smiling at the appropriate moments, following Crystal’s cues—since she is thoroughly enjoying the film—on autopilot.
Even Eli is glued to the story unfolding in front of us, gently squeezing my knee at sweet moments or shoving me playfully at something funny.
I may be staring straight ahead, but my mind is elsewhere, replaying the past few hours of the evening and dwelling on the conversation with Eli about relationships.
The eager, friendly woman in the lobby had an expression on her face when she first saw him like he was the answer to everything. I know this because I feel the same way.
Yet no matter how hard I try, I can’t quiet the nagging voice in my head. The one pointing out all the reasons why Felicity is more his type than I am. Perfect for him and exactly what he needs.
She’d be the perfect wife and mother. Nothing I aspire to be nor ever will be.
When confronted with the sad and undeniable truth, I couldn’t lie to Eli. I couldn’t lie to myself. Marriage and motherhood aren’t in my future.
And even with this belief ingrained in my soul, something disturbing and all too hard to ignore courses through me, burrowing under my skin. The chill of it, the inevitable end, digs into my bones as I stick here, numbly watching a movie.
Family is foreign to me. I never had a mother who doled out unconditional love like it’s the air you need to breathe. Nor a father, or brothers, or sisters. Harley is the only exception, since Ross betrayed me, and I’d considered him family.
Family unsettles me. Family is as imaginary and unattainable as a unicorn. So many people have it, and so many hold on to it with all their might.
Me? I don’t want it. I can’t hold onto something I’ve never had—and when I thought I’d had it, I lost it.
Family is something I fear.
While I care for Eli and Crystal—we have fun together—does it make sense to drag this out just for the sake of a few more days or weeks or months with him? No matter how much fun we’re having.
And like him, I can’t deny I don’t want things to end.
Not yet.
But let’s face it, the ugly truth is scrawled on the wall.
There is an end to us.
But not now. Right now, selfishly, we’re still in the beginning stages of whatever this is, despite the expiration date. Our horizon is filled with hope, the end nowhere in sight, and I selfishly want all that I can have, if only for a while.
I lift my hand to wipe at my face. Wet. A tear slides down my jaw and onto my chest, and I mash my lips together, sniffling. Dammit.
Eli curls an arm around me, his gaze soft and filled with compassion. He thinks I’m crying because of the sappy moment on the screen. I offer a watery smile and look away.
By the time the movie is over, it’s late—well past Crystal’s bedtime. I say good night to her, and while Eli puts her to bed, I straighten the room, ready to leave.
When Eli returns, he tries to coax me to his room. “Don’t leave.”
His warm body presses into my back, hot breath skittering across the nape of my neck, causing me to shudder.
“Stay,” is his whisper, so soft and so low I almost miss it.
There’s that word again.
Stay.
If only it were that simple.
“I can’t.” I tense at the truth of it all. “Crystal.”
“She’s asleep. Just come to my room for a bit.” He peppers the back of my neck, then the column of my throat and side of my face with warm, tender kisses.
My toes curl and insides blossom as desire unfurls. I nestle my face into the crook of his neck, and the rasp of his daily scruff scrapes my cheek.
Eli wraps a hand around my throat and kisses me hard. Hands, heat, and his defined body cover me. He’s all around me, and I lean in to him, not able to bear the thought of leaving.
It doesn’t matter anyway. My feet won’t budge. They resist my brain’s command to walk to the door.
Silently, I relent and follow him to his room, and as soon as the door is shut, I selfishly push into him, intent on taking all I can get as I crash my mouth onto his.
He tastes of a mixture of butter and salt, and I can’t get enough of him. An animalistic groan slips past his lips and hungrily, I swallow it whole.
My hands slide under his shirt, tugging him closer, and all I want is him. For how long? Who knows? I have him now and that’s all I care about.
Frantically, we tug and pull at each other’s clothes, working to undo buttons, shoving at my bra, discarding shorts and underwear. Neither wants anything between us except for skin on skin. Everything must go, and we don’t stop until we’re both naked.
His mouth takes a nipple between his teeth, and I grind my hips into his stomach, seeking friction, release at the aching juncture of my thighs. I gasp at the harsh sting, skating along the edge of both pain and pleasure.
Large hands massage my breasts, then dig at my hips, and he nips at my breast again, this time carefully watching my reaction. Dark brown eyes smolder as one hand cups my sex and slips a finger between my wet folds.
“Pru,” he growls, and I tip my head back, lips parted, and exhale a long, satisfied breath.
Without words, it’s clear this isn’t going to be slow, leisurely, or tender. It feels like we’re both clinging to the here and now, determined to steal every moment of this that we can.
Neither of us want our hopes or fears to get in the way of what we have. We can’t keep it at bay forever, but we have now. And it has to be enough.
His hands slide behind my knees, and in one sweep, I’m in his arms. Two long strides and he’s at the bed, tossing me down. Like a mountain lion pouncing on its prey, he’s on me.
I relish his muscled frame towering over me and widen my legs. “Condoms?”
“Shit.” His features tighten, and he lowers his head to mine. “I don’t have any. I need to buy some. It’s been so long.”
A small smile pulls at my lips. His admission of not having sex in a long while, even though I’ve heard it before, does something to me. My chest cracks open, and I throw all caution to the wind.
“I’m on birth control and clean.” I’ve never uttered those words before to any man. A condom isn’t optional. Ever. Am I an idiot? But this is Eli.
He lifts his head. “I’m clean too. Never been bare with anyone, not even when Crystal…she said the condom broke.” He bites his bottom lip. “Fuck, the thought of being inside you with nothing between us is scrambling my brain. I shouldn’t be talking about another time I had sex.”
I laugh, not able to hold it in. He’s nervous and somehow that lessens my nerves. “Yeah, not a good idea. Shut up and kiss me.”
He licks his lips and stares at my mouth. “That I can do.”
“On second thought, I’ve got a better idea.” I slide out from under him and push him back onto the bed. He goes willingly, thoroughly interested to see what I have in mind.
My fingers curl around his length, and I stare up at him as my tongue glides across his head.
“Christ.” His gaze is lust-filled, and his defined stomach muscles bunch and ripple, tightening as I run my hand up and down his hard shaft.
Eli sucks in a sharp breath and closes his eyes. My tongue licks at his tip, and he groans as I open wide and wrap my lips around him, sliding him farther into my mouth. I stroke him with my tongue, licking and sucking up and down, and his hand guides me at the pace he wants.
Hands thread my hair, gripping the sides of my head harder each time I take him deeper. My core is drenched, and I’m turned on like never before with what I’m doing to him. I’m addicted to how he’s coming undone because of me.
His throbbing cock hardens, if that’s even possible, swelling with each stroke as he gets closer to climax. I groan as he twitches in my mouth, and his eyes fly open.
“Fuck, sweetheart. I want to come inside you.” The muscles in his neck tense, and he pulls out.
He slides his hands under my arms and brings me up to him, covering my mouth with his. One hand guides his erection to my opening and with a hard upward thrust, he slides into me.
I shudder, breaking our kiss to glance down where we’re joined. The angle is intense, and Eli’s hands grip my hips, setting the pace. He flexes his hips up to meet my downward thrusts.
Then he flips me onto my back without warning and picks up the pace. The sex is hard and fast, and at times, the pounding into me and the weight of him are almost unbearable.
But the tiny flickers of pain are welcomed, nothing compared to the pleasure, and when done, the raw tenderness between my legs reminds me of Eli. That he and I were one if only for a moment.
Afterward, we lie tangled together on the bed, the sheets wrapped around his middle and my torso. He props himself up on an elbow, leaning in to plant his lips on my shoulder.
“Gray’s getting married July Fourth weekend in LA, come with us?”
“What?” I can hardly process his question. Why is he asking me this now when we’re naked and in his bed? “No.”
“Come on.” He kisses his way from my shoulder to breast. “It’ll be fun.” His lips continue a path down to my stomach and across to my hip.
“I don’t know.” Black Fox comes to mind and the men who could be my father. I have been thinking about going to Los Angeles.
Eli’s mouth slides down to my thigh, planting open-mouth kisses before he shifts me to get at the back of my leg. “Pretty please.”
“I’ll think about it.”
His lips linger on my upper thigh and then his fingers lightly tickle a spot. “Hey, what’s this?”
Thoughts of LA vanish. For now I twist awkwardly, trying to catch a glimpse of the familiar spot that I don’t need to see to know it’s there, nor can I see without a mirror. “It’s a birthmark. My hummingbird.”
“Hummingbird?” He cocks his head to one side, studying the small dark image on my skin. “Yeah, it does look like one. I have a hummingbird tattoo.”