Searching For Who I Am: Book 1 (The Searching Trilogy)

by Paige Orr

  “I’m sorry babygirl. I didn't mean to make you sharing your experiences with me, all about me. That was unfair and I shouldn't have done it. I just got lost in how angry I felt about everything and I'm truly sorry for that. I didn't mean to make you feel as if you're anything less than the amazing women that you've shown us all you are. Your experiences made you who you are today and I appreciate you being trusting enough to share them with me to understand you better. Yes, it makes me angry but it isn’t my feelings that matter, and if me being angry upsets you then my anger isn’t important. Look at me, ruining our first date before the first course.”

  I giggle at this, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “You haven’t ruined anything. I tend to get lost in my head, but everyone does silly things without meaning to upset the other person. The main thing is you've acknowledged it and apologised, that means the world to me.”

  We smile at each other and with that one apology, I know that these guys are different from the other judgy arseholes I’ve been with.

  Lilith

  After a while, Adrian returns with our starter and we get stuck in and as soon as the first spoonful touches my tongue I let out a moan, this is the best potato and chorizo soup I've ever tasted. I look to Gale to see what he thinks, to find him staring at my lips. I feel heat spreading over my cheeks as he slowly reaches out wiping the edge of my bottom lip, then bringing his thumb to his mouth sucking the small drop of soup from it. I let out another moan, though this one has nothing to do with the food. That shit was fucking hot, with a small smirk he turns back to his food and acts like nothing happened. I swear these boys are fucking dangerous to my libido, yet no matter what I do I can’t seem to fluster them. Well that’s about to change, with a plan forming in my mind I finish my soup with a mischievous smile.

  Once we have our main dishes in front of us, I wait until Gale has started then glancing around to make sure no one's paying attention to us, I slip my foot from my shoe and begin to slowly ease it up the inside of his calf. Hearing his breath catch, I smirk down at my food acting as innocent as possible. As I begin making my way past his knee, his breathing begins to speed up and I can’t help the triumphant feeling growing inside of me. If he really thought that I wouldn’t retaliate, then he’s got another thing coming. Finally, as my foot reaches the apex of his thighs, stroking my bare foot along his impressive length, I feel him twitching at my touch. He lets out a startled moan, and I feel a shit eating grin spreading over my face as I continue to rub his manhood while I finish my food.

  We finish our main course in silence apart from Gale practically panting across from me. Adrian approaches to clear our plates, and he gives Gale a knowing smirk. I giggle at Gale's abashed expression, as Adrian leaves to get our desserts. Once he's gone, I continue my exploration of the front of Gales pants and he gives me a look of mock indignation. It’s really fun to wind him up and I can tell that he's really enjoying my ministrations.

  He’s a guy, of course he would enjoy some action. I wouldn’t be doing this if he seemed to be uncomfortable in any way, men deserve respect just as much as women. Finally giving up the battle, he comes around to my side of the booth sliding into the seat, caging me in against the wall. My breathing picks up and I can feel the wetness building between my thighs at his heady scent enveloping me. Squeezing my thighs together, I look at him through my lashes and find so much heat in his gaze that my breath catches. Looks like it’s time for him to get his pay back, as he moves as close to me as he can.

  Leaning over he begins to whisper into my ear. “You've been a naughty, naughty girl. Haven’t you? But now it’s my turn. Don't worry though babygirl, I can assure you that you'll enjoy what I'm about to do to you.” He reaches one hand under the table and begins to slowly push the hem of my dress up, so he has better access to what’s between my thighs. Once he's satisfied with how far up my dress is sitting, he starts to stroke my inner thigh moving maddeningly slow toward my pussy.

  Once he reaches the apex of my thighs, all breath whooshes from him as he finds me bare to his touch. Groaning in approval, he feathers his fingers along my sensitive lips and it’s my turn to moan. He’s barely touched me and I'm already desperate for more, wanting everything he’s ready to give me. I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t plan to draw this out too much, he's just as excited by the prospect of what we're doing as I am. I’ve never really been into exhibitionism before but this boy could make me enjoy anything.

  I don’t even have the time to really think about it as he slides a finger between my folds, teasing my opening before moving his now slick fingers towards my throbbing clit. He begins to circle my bud torturously slow, my chest is heaving from how fast I’m breathing, forcing my heavy, sensitive breasts into his face. Finally, he moves back to my opening, slipping one finger inside, using his thumb to rub circles around my clit. While pumping in and out slow as can be, he slowly inserts another finger before curling them, to hit that spot inside that drives me crazy.

  By now I'm biting on my hand trying to hold back my moans, as I reach over unbuttoning his trousers and easing his zipper down slowly. I can assure you I won’t be the only one getting pleasure from this. I ease my hand inside his pants, to find that like me he has gone commando, sending a shiver of pleasure through me as I grasp his thick cock. My fingers barely touch with how thick it is and feeling him throbbing in my hand sends liquid heat to my core. I begin to stroke his shaft, keeping pace with his fingers as they begin to speed up inside me, the pleasure filling me is almost too much for me to concentrate on the task at hand.

  I can feel the orgasm building inside me, and I grip Gale’s wrist with my free hand. The feelings he's bringing out in me are almost mind blowing and I know that I won't last much longer. With us being in a public place and his skilled fingers working me over so well, I can tell that this is going to be one of the best orgasms I've ever had.

  Sensing how close I am, Gale picks up the pace and an earth shattering orgasm rushes through me, completely surprising me. I feel it rushing from my head to my toes, making my body turn pliant and loose, as I continue to stroke his length absentmindedly. Once I come down from up in the clouds. I can feel him throbbing and swelling in my hand so I begin to stroking him faster. I know that he’s close and the thought of his cum coating my hand, causes shivers to wrack my body. I watch as he grips the edge of the seat, and begins discreetly thrusting into my hand, chasing his own completion.

  I’m shocked when he reaches out, turning my face towards him and claiming my lips. While I feel his cock swelling till it's almost too what feels like twice it’s size, just before he cums. He groans into my mouth as he kisses me almost violently. Once he lets me go I sit back in a daze, I didn't know I would be so into playing around in a public place. But I definitely don't regret what I started. In fact, I'm glad that I did. Gale fixes himself and me then tucks me into his side as we notice Adrian approaching with a bottle of red wine and a goofy grin on his face.

  I can feel my face heating up knowing that he had a front row seat to what we were doing but even that has my blood heating again. After placing the bottle and two glasses down on our table, he goes back to serving other patrons and Gale pours us both a drink. We toast to an amazing date and start to get to know each other a little bit better.

  We must sit there, chatting about the littlest of things, for about an hour as we finish the bottle of wine. When Gale is over paying the bill, I feel as though eyes are on me. So I turn to where I sense them and notice a man sitting in a booth diagonally across from us. I feel so little under his gaze and as his eyes bore into me, I begin to feel a sense of dread washing over me as he continues to watch.

  Gale returns a moment later and notices how stiff I am, he rushes to my side looking around for the threat. Unfortunately, as I look back to the booth where the man was sitting, he's already gone!

  Lilith

  As I look around frantically for the strange figure, Gale wraps his arms around me pulling me from
the restaurant to the waiting town car. Once we're safely sitting in the backseat and pulling away from the curb, I turn to Gale. “Can we go home please, there was a strange man watching me from one of the other booths. I got this really bad feeling about him, he didn’t look like a nice man at all. The way he looked at me was almost murderous. I know you can keep me safe but I would feel better surrounded by all of my men.”

  I don't miss the strange look that I receive from the driver, but I'm past the point of caring what people think of my relationship. I know I'm safe around my men and that's the important thing. Fuck him and his judgy looks. Gale pulls me into his side, telling the driver where to take us, while he begins to stroke my hair. As the adrenaline that was pumping through me, finally leaves my body, I feel my whole body beginning to shake. But just knowing that I'm going to be ok with my guys, is enough to quickly calm the shaking down.

  When we arrive at the house, Gale doesn't mess around and gets me straight indoors. He sits me down in the living room, then goes off in search of the others. While he's gone I feel the paranoia washing over me again and I hop up rushing to the window to shut the curtains. When I get to them, something makes me look outside, and right there at my gate is the same man from the restaurant. I close the curtains with a scream as tears begin to fill my eyes and the guys come rushing into the room.

  “H-He’s out t-there! How does he know where I live? Guys, I'm seriously freaking out right now. I've never seen this guy before in my life, and now he's following me about like a demented fucking serial killer! What the fuck am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to just never leave the house again, and let yet another fucking person ruin my life!”

  While I was ranting, Demetrius had disappeared and by the time I finished, he was walking back into the room with another man on his heels. They're arguing quietly about something and that just pisses me off more. This is my fucking safety that’s in jeopardy, how can they stand there chatting away like I'm just some hysterical woman. Talking about my fucking life, like I don't need to know what’s being said.

  Noticing the fire in my eyes, the guys stop and turn to me sheepishly. With a hand on my hip, I begin tapping my foot in frustration. How dare they act like my involvement in this isn't important! Shouldn't they be telling me what I've got to do so that I can stay safe? Looking between each of the guys my eyes finally settle on Demetrius. “Well, are you going to clue me in on the private conversation you just had about my safety? Maybe tell me what is going on, or are you just going to stand there, looking at me like I'm fucking crazy?”

  He looks to the others but none of them will meet his eyes. Turning back to me with a huff, he finally begins to explain himself. “After you said there was someone out there I went out to see if I could catch them. By the time that I got outside though, he was already gone, so I went to get the head of security to find out what he and his team may have seen. But unfortunately, no one saw anything.”

  I look at him stunned. “You mean to tell me there's a full fucking team of security and not one of them saw anything!? What are you going to tell me next? That I'm just paranoid!? First I find this guy watching me at Adrian's restaurant, then we come home because I'm scared shitless, which cuts Gale and I’s first date short. Only to then feel uneasy in my own home, so I get up to close the curtains to find the creep standing outside our fucking house! But you’re telling me no one saw anything!? What will it take for you to believe me? What about when he fucking hurts me, because I can assure you that he wasn't looking at me, like he wanted to be my best fucking friend. No! He was looking at me like he wanted to claw my fucking eyes out!”

  The guys look extremely uncomfortable, but I won't apologise for telling it like it is. Here's me thinking that they'll keep me safe and that I'll always have people looking out for me while they’re around. When really they're just acting like everyone else I ever tried to tell about the things that happened to me. This is a fucking joke!

  I storm passed them all, not even waiting to hear what they have to say and head straight up to my room. Once inside I lock the door and sink to the floor. I feel the tears threatening to fall again, but I refuse to let them. I'm not some weak little girl, and if they won't take this seriously, then I’ll have to! It wouldn't be the first time I've had to defend myself. Yeah, I'm not very good at it, but maybe with the boost from my powers, if I'm ever cornered I can do enough to get away.

  I walk into my closet to get changed for the evening, I'm shocked when I find that all the clothes that were to be delivered are already here and put away. I pick out the most comfortable pair of pajamas that I bought today, while changing, I hear a knock on my door but I'm determined to ignore those arseholes. So I finish up and head back into my room and laying down, I'm startled when I hear the knock coming again. Like seriously can't these guys take a hint? If I wanted to talk I would have fucking answered the first time!

  I try to snuggle into my covers, until I hear Sam’s voice through the door. “Lilith, please answer the door, you were right. My brothers and I handled the situation the wrong way. We're fools, who’re so used to only having to look out for the four of us, that we didn't think before we acted. I'm so sorry that we hurt you, it definitely wasn't my intention and even though my brothers are too pigheaded to come and apologise. I'm sure it wasn't their intention either, so please love. Let me in.”

  Sighing I get up to let him in, I know he's right, that doesn't make it easier to deal with though. All I'm asking for is the same respect I would show them. Once the door is opened, I wave him inside and lock it again after him. Turning to him, I see the relief on his face, so I give him a look to let him know he isn't completely off the hook just yet.

  “Look, I get that you all probably didn't mean to treat me the way that you did, but that doesn't fix the way that you all completely ignored my worries any easier to handle. I'm not making this up! I swear that there was a guy at the restaurant, and it was the same guy who was standing by the gate when I looked out the window. I don't understand how none of the security saw him and I can't tell if he was human or a supe, but what I can tell you is that I'm fucking scared. I just wanted you guys to be there for me, how is this relationship ever going to work if I feel like I can't talk to you all and be taken seriously? What if I do end up being hurt by this man? It isn't the first time I've felt like I was being watched, it's just the first time I've actually seen anyone!”

  By the end of my spiel, I'm panting and the tears I was holding back are streaming down my face. Sam rushes forward, wrapping his arms around me as I collapse to my knees. He follows me down, making sure I don't hurt myself when I land. Why do they have to be so good at times, yet so fucking bad at others? This is what I needed someone to do, just hold me and make me feel better, not act like I don't exist.

  Demetrius

  I feel like such a dick for upsetting Lilith, I really didn't mean too, fucking hell it’s the last thing I wanted to do. I'm not exactly one for showing my emotions and I was way too freaked out about the situation to notice how scared she was. I'm such a fucking idiot! I’m supposed to make her feel safe, and instead I’m making her feel like she isn’t good enough to talk about this shit. Now all I want to do is hold her, but the only person she's allowing to see her is Sam. I know that he's more sensitive and probably the right guy to make her feel better. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to be the one up there with her, holding her in my arms, soothing her.

  Instead, I take my frustrations out on the fucking useless security team that royally screwed up. Screaming at them to get my point across. I hand picked the best of them, only for them to let me down at the first hurdle. I can't even fathom how this guy was able to stand out there without any of them noticing him. How the fuck is it even possible, they get paid more than enough to do a thorough job! Like seriously, are these guys just sitting about on their arses doing fuck all. Never mind that, the guys we had following Gale and Lilith haven't returned yet and I'm beginning to get seriously fucking w
orried. I've got no idea how one person could possibly hurt the two best members of our employ and Gale said that she only saw one person. Those two are strong as fuck, I trained them myself so I know that they have the skills to do the job right. There’s no way that they would’ve taken their eyes off them, unless something bad had happened.

  So why the fuck can't I get a hold of them? In frustration, I storm away to the room that I took over for myself in the house and slam the door. Spinning I find the punching bag I brought over when Lilith was struggling with the influx of information and begin to lay into it. I imagine every jab as being directed at whatever sick fuck scared our girl. After around thirty minutes of nothing but working out, there's a knock on my door. I tell whoever it is to come in and I'm not surprised to find it's Sam. With a huff, I continue to take my anger out on the bag waiting for my lecture, I know that’s what he’s here to do, the guys are probably fucking pissed at me! They can’t be as angry as I am at myself though.

  He stands there for a few moments, shuffling from foot to foot, before he straightens his shoulders in determination and begins to speak. “D man, only earlier today, we all agreed to trust Lilith’s feelings. I've just had to sit with her as she cried herself to sleep, and that's on us for not showing her that we believed her, you know she would never make that kind of shit up. I know we're used to working within our unit, but now she's a part of that and you have to get used to it, or we risk losing her. On top of that she's also our Princess, undermining her in front of her subjects wasn't a smart move dude. Would you bow to someone whose own mates can’t even involve her in talks of her own safety? You know what some demons can be like! I know that she's strong but there's only so much anyone can handle before they snap, don’t be the one who pushes her that far.”