“I do not wish to marry.”
He settled his hands on his hips and frowned down at her. “That is absurd.”
Irritation, anger and pain twisted inside of her, but she would not let him see that. She was never going to be vulnerable to a man again, especially this man who could hurt her so easily.
“No, it isn’t. I have my money, my work…why ever would I need a husband?”
“What about the babe you could be carrying?”
She had to keep herself from touching her stomach, wishing it were true, but she shook her head.
“It isn’t likely.”
“How will you explain it if you are?”
“Then we can discuss marriage. But I see no reason to worry about it now, or chain ourselves to each other because of one night.”
The scorching look he sent her would have burned a lesser woman. “If you think that I am not touching you again, you are insane.”
The words sent a hot thrill racing through her. She had hoped he would not turn away from her. She knew there was a chance when she turned down his marriage proposal.
“So, we can carry on an affair.” She smiled at him which seemed to make him even angrier than before.
“Just like that. An affair?”
She nodded, unable to speak past the lump in her throat.
“I do not think so.”
Her heart sank. “You have had affairs before.”
“With women who knew the score. They did not expect a marriage proposal in the morning.”
“Neither did I.”
He blinked. “You are telling me you let me take you to bed last night knowing we would not marry?”
“Yes.”
She heard some shuffling in the hallway and knew he needed to leave. Granted, she did not care about her reputation, but she would not want it to reflect badly on her mother.
“You need to go.”
“We are not finished with this discussion.”
Before she could argue with him, he swooped down and gave her a quick, wet kiss. It was enough to curl her toes and have her heart beat out of control.
“I will accompany your carriage back today.”
Her head was still spinning as he opened the door, stuck his head out to check the hallway. He stepped out, but poked his head back in. “I mean it, Anna. We are not done with this.”
With that, he shut the door. She flopped back onto her pillows and closed her eyes. The scenes from the night before played through her head. Every touch, every sigh, every glorious moment. She held those memories close to her heart, and she would for the rest of her life. Just as she would if he kept his promise of taking her to bed again. It would not last, could not. Affairs rarely did, and she knew before long Daniel would end it. That she would deal with when it happened.
She would live in the moment for once in her life. No planning, no worries. She would not think of what was to become of her later, or how she would feel when Daniel took another woman as a lover.
But even as she promised herself that, she felt the tears streaming down her face. She had wanted to say yes to his proposal…to forget the one vow she had given herself years earlier. Marrying Daniel would be heaven and hell…and she would only hurt herself in the end. He did not love her. He wanted her for now, desired her in a way she had never expected from a man. She would be happy for a time, but the moment he took his first mistress, she would break. She would not let him know of her feelings, keep them locked away. She might not be as worldly or experienced as his former lovers, but she understood the way to conduct an affair. Messy feelings of love were not welcomed. And when it came time to part, it would happen without tears, without recriminations.
Now though, with the first light of the morning peeking through her drapery and the soft sounds of the house waking up, she turned her head into her pillow and cried.
Chapter Seventeen
Daniel stormed around his bedroom and ignored the interesting looks Jack kept tossing his way. He knew he was acting like an ass, but he didn’t care. He had lived for thirty years without ever proposing to a woman. Now he had done it twice in less than three days and she had refused him…even after giving him her virginity. He thought she would jump into his arms with joy, thank him, let him love her again. Instead, she had refused his suit and then proposed they have an affair.
“I take it you did not get enough sleep last night?” Jack’s sardonic tone grated on Daniel’s already raw nerves.
He said nothing as he continued to pace his room. He had too much on his mind right now to be worried about one fickle woman who would take an affair over respectability. What was she thinking? There was no doubt in his mind the woman loved him, or at least cared for him. She would not have given herself to him the way she had the night before if she did not. He stopped in front of the window and stared blindingly out it, not taking in the activity below. Instead, his mind drifted back to the night before, the feel of her flesh against his, the way her sigh sounded in the dark, and the wonderful feeling of waking up beside her. He did not think he would ever be able to sleep without her by his side. He had no idea how he knew it, but he knew it to be true.
“I know you don’t want to marry, my lord, but I think you should just ask the chit and put yourself out of your misery.”
He sighed. He knew that Jack meant well.
“I did.”
Silence filled the room behind him, and he turned to find Jack staring at him. “She turned you down?”
Before he could answer him, there was a slight knock at the door. It definitely sounded female and he rushed to the door, his heart happy that Anna might have changed her mind. The moment he opened it and found Jo standing there, his smile faded.
“What do you want?”
She smiled and stepped over the threshold. “Good to see you this morning.”
He poked his head out in the hallway to make sure no one had seen her come into his room, then shut the door.
“I take it you did not spend the night with your Lady Anna.”
Agitation marched down his spine. His head was already starting to throb. “She is not my Lady Anna.”
“She turned him down.” The whispered comment came from Jack.
Joanna’s eyes widened. “She turned you away from her bed? I am surprised.”
“No, she did not do that. That she had no problem with. It was my proposal of marriage this morning that she flung back in my face.”
Utter silence filled the room again and he had a sneaking suspicion that they were trying not to laugh at him.
“I am surprised,” Joanna said.
“You are not the only one. When I told her I would talk to her mother and her brother—”
“You told her?” Joanna asked.
“Yes.”
The laughter that bubbled up out of her had him narrowing his eyes.
“You told her? Daniel, I am assuming that she was a virgin and had never taken a man to bed.”
He nodded, once.
“And the night after she accepts you, you told her you were going to marry her?”
“Yes, and she flung it back in my face. Said there was no reason to get married, that we could just have an affair. When I pointed out that our night together could result in a babe, she said we could wait and see.”
And the pain of it still left his heart raw. It hurt him in places he did not know he possessed, and he hated it. Every bit of his control had vanished and he did not know if he would ever get it back.
“I would expect that much from her.”
He cut Jo a nasty look and walked to the window again. He did not know what to do, where to look. The Viper was out there plotting his demise, probably had a man stalking Anna, and he was standing here contemplating why she would not marry him. It was foolish, but he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it.
“I will never understand her. When she came to town, the only thing she talked about was getting married.”
“Oh, Dan
iel. The one woman you moon over and you keep messing it up. When are you going to learn she is not who you think she is? That girl that she was several years ago is no longer. This is a woman, one who has been hurt deeply. Dewhurst did not only take her pride, but I am sure he hurt her heart.”
He glanced over his shoulder at his aunt. The rumors of their affair had worked well for them, allowing them to meet for work. But from the moment he’d met her years earlier, he had thought of her as his sister. There was a camaraderie there similar to what he felt for Sebastian. But at the moment, he wanted her to go away. He did not want to think about what that bastard had done to Anna, or that she might still be in love with him.
“It has been several years. She needs to get over it.”
She laughed. “You are such a man. You told her you would marry her, and she should get over the humiliation and pain of what Dewhurst did to her.”
“Yes.” Although said like that, it sounded…wrong.
She glanced at Jack who bowed his head. “Gots to check on the horses.”
After he slipped out of the room, she turned her attention to Daniel. “I do not think you understand just what Anna went through. She not only fell in love with another man, but could have caused her cousin’s death.”
He hated hearing that she had even contemplated love with another man. The ache inside his chest deepened. He knew for a fact she would have said yes to Dewhurst if he had asked for her hand at the time.
And that was the most painful cut of all. He had been a bounder, a user and a traitor and she would have married him.
“Daniel, did you ask her?”
He cut her a sharp glance.
“I did. I just told you I did.”
“No, you told me that you told her.”
“Of course I asked her. I didn’t get down on bended knee or recite poetry, but I distinctly remember…”
It was then that he remembered he did not. He had argued, ordered and then left in so much anger that he did not realize the proposal he had planned had never materialized.
“Ah.” She nodded in understanding. “And did you tell her you love her?”
He refused to answer that, could not. He knew that he loved her, had for so long he could not remember when it started. It was different now, no so much an infatuation, but an obsession. A bone-deep understanding that she was the only one for him. Telling her was not acceptable. The moment he spoke the words out loud he would be at her mercy, and that was something he could not accept.
“I see that you did not.” She sighed. “Take it from me, waiting to tell someone you love them can haunt you. Especially if you wait too long.”
He knew she spoke of his uncle, a man most people would never describe as loveable, or even likeable, but Jo had loved him. Daniel had seen it whenever they were together.
“Just promise me you will not let what you do, what you feel you must do, keep you from finding happiness.”
He nodded, not knowing what else to say. There was such sadness, such pain in her voice that it humbled him.
She drew in a deep breath, bringing herself back under control. “Now, I am here because I am not going to London. Simon has information about the poisoner, and I am going to meet up with him at the estate.”
“Jo, you should not obsess.”
“If it were Anna, what would you do?”
The thought of her being hurt was almost too much to bear. A flash of pain cut into his heart so deeply, the viciousness of it left him amazed.
“That is what I thought. Also, I want to talk to Simon about this Viper issue. He said he would talk to some of their old retainers. He thinks that it has to be someone in the ton.”
Daniel wanted to refute that, but he mulled the idea over in his mind. It made sense. Only someone with access to the house party would know he was here. Oh, the servants did, but who else would be able to walk about unnoticed around the estate?
“Of course it is.” Hadn’t he even thought that earlier? “Why did I forget?”
“You are too close to it. He murdered your father so you have no objectivity.”
“Not unlike you and this poisoner.”
Her lips twisted into a wry smile. “Touché. I’ll stop if you do.”
“Not a chance.”
“That is what I thought.” She walked to him and gave him a quick bus on the cheek. “Make sure you tell her soon.”
He nodded and she left him alone to his thoughts. It wasn’t a new idea, but it was asinine he hadn’t kept it in mind while he’d been at the house party. It had taken him long enough to come up with the theory. Of course, when it had happened, he had been lost in a river of grief, his own, his mother’s, his sisters’. They were a close-knit family and losing his father had devastated all of them. He made a mental note to talk to his mother as soon as possible about the idea of who was close enough to kill his father.
With that idea tucked away, he turned his mind toward the problem of Anna. He knew he needed to tell Anna, but would she believe him? There was a chance she would, and there was a chance she would throw it back in his face. He knew men used the word to seduce, but he had never used it with a woman. He had been careful to keep himself separate, whole. With Anna, he had no choice.
Who was this woman he knew now? He knew he loved her. It was odd, because although she was not the woman she had been several years ago, he knew without a doubt he still loved her. Because beneath the new bravado, the self-reliant tenacity, lurked the girl he had known. She was kind to a fault and would do everything in her power to keep from hurting someone. Her beauty had only deepened over the last few years, giving curves to her slender form, leaving her breathtaking.
He would have to devise some plan to show her his love. If he told her, Daniel knew that she would not believe him, would think he was just using it to gain her acceptance. He could press, go to Sebastian, tell him what happened. His friend would insist on marriage, but he wasn’t too sure that Anna would agree. In fact, he had a nasty feeling she would turn him down, even in the face of her brother’s anger.
No, he would have to show her. He would go along with the idea of an affair and he would make sure that she accepted him and soon. If she resisted, he would somehow get her brother involved.
And if it didn’t work, he might just kidnap her and make a dash for the Scottish border. Once in Gretna Green, she would have no choice in the matter. One way or another, Anna would be his wife.
Chapter Eighteen
Anna spent most of her time thinking about the situation on the way home. Daniel did accompany them, but the weather was rather nice for the time of year so he rode outside of the carriage. She knew there were things that Daniel would never tell her, could never tell her. Still, she felt there was more to this story than he was letting on. He kept doling out pieces of information as if she was too simpleminded to handle it all at once.
“What has you frowning, Anna?”
She looked up as her mother studied her.
“Do men always think they know everything?”
Her mother chuckled. “Indubitably.”
Anna sighed. “That is what I was afraid of.”
“Is there something you need to tell me?”
At first, panic pricked her heart, had her tummy doing somersaults. Had her mother realized she had slept with Daniel? Careful study told her that her mother had not figured it out—yet.
“No. It is just, I thought after all this time people would take me more seriously.”
“Do you truly believe people do not? Why, I know that you are thought of highly with the society matrons for your work with the orphanage.”
Anna shrugged. “It seems that most men do not take my intelligence seriously.”
“Take it from me, most men don’t.”
“It is silly. Why, most of them can do no more than place bets in gaming halls. Why is hard work with the poor or such things any less?”
Her mother sighed. “Do you really want to tell me what
is bothering you?”
Anna wanted to, wanted to tell her mother everything. About the night she had spent in Daniel’s arms, the fact that someone was trying to kill him, that she might just be in love with the only man too dense to actually understand her.
Instead she shook her head. “No. I was just annoyed by some of Lord Seaton’s comments last night.”
“Lord Seaton is an idiot.”
Anna laughed. “That he is. Do not worry, I would never marry him.”
“Of course not. I don’t want you to marry just to say that you are married. I want you to find someone to love.”
She looked out the window and caught sight of Daniel riding a little away from their carriage. “That would be nice.”
But she knew that it would not happen. He was not interested in love. Oh, making love he was ready for, but he would not ever admit love…because he did not. He would be like most of the men in the ton, happily married with a mistress on the side. He would never treat her badly, and he would be discreet. But she would know…and she would die a little inside each time he left her for someone else.
There was one thing she could do though. She needed to know more of his world, know just exactly what was going on. Daniel would just have to come to terms with the fact that she was definitely going to help.
“You want what?” Daniel asked as he started at Anna across the expanse of his study. It was enough that she had shown up unannounced. That had gotten his hopes up, made him think she might be bending in her refusal of his suit.
“I said I need to know more about this thing that you do.”
“I have told you everything.”
He told that lie easily. When you had been telling it for years, it was easy to do. Apparently, Anna was not satisfied. Her eyes narrowed. “I am not trying to pry, but I think I need to know exactly what is going on.”
“And why would you?”
She frowned. “Because if I know what is happening around me, I might be more alert. You cannot expect me to stand idly by.”
He had, and he knew he should not have. Anna had never been the type of person who would allow things to happen to her. Or she hadn’t been. The last three years he had mistaken her good works and absence in society as a change in character.
The Spy Who Loved Her: Once Upon an Accident, Book 3 Page 16