by Audrey Dacey
“For whom?” Caitlyn prodded.
“Both of us.” And from that point on the subject was dropped. Alexis moved on to questions about the Bahamas and the adventures that Caitlyn had over the last two weeks. She could see in Caitlyn’s eyes and in her less-than-colorful description of her trip that she still had questions for Alexis, but she didn’t ask. After an hour or so, Alexis left, successfully avoiding further discussion of Ryan.
When she got into the Volvo, Alexis wanted to cry. Every beat of her heart felt sore. It was overwhelming. She hadn’t hurt over a man since Frank. And now she was realizing that what she had felt for Frank was juvenile. Sure, she may have had a naïve love for him, but it was more when, how, and why he left that was significant to her life, not that he left.
The love that she had for Ryan was bone deep. Her whole body ached for him, and it wasn’t just a sexual ache. It was his warmth, his strength, and his big appetite that she craved. She missed just talking to him and listening to his often awkward answers.
Alexis wasn’t great at making friends, but she had made one out of Ryan Webb, and that was the part she missed the most. She could get her rocks off with any guy—though at this point she didn’t even want to do that—but she would never be able to find the same friendship in anyone else.
She rested her head on the steering wheel as she started the car. It was almost noon, and she needed to pick up her sister for lunch.
Ever since Riley returned home, they hadn’t fought. They had every lunch and dinner together, and they had plans to go to the beach house on Saturday for a week. They both figured a little sun and salt water would be good to help de-traumatize them and mend Riley’s broken heart. Alexis didn’t admit to her sister that her heart also needed healing. They had an action movie marathon each evening since Riley returned. No love allowed. They both took pleasure in watching things blow up on the huge TV in the living room. Riley commented that she was glad that Alexis got new furniture and that they could both enjoy the room now.
Riley had asked about Ryan once since he disappeared, so Alexis just told her that he went back to New York. Riley replied, “Oh, I figured he’d stick around for a while.” But Alexis didn’t dare question the comment. She wasn’t quite ready to share everything with her sister.
When they sat down to lunch at Papa Gino’s in Fitchburg, Riley got a really serious look on her face. Her lips twisted as though she wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth. So, Alexis prompted her.
“It’s just that… well, the thing is,” Riley stammered and tried to talk around what she really wanted to say.
“Just spit it out,” Alexis said with a smile on her face. It was the first time that she said something like that to her sister without being incredibly angry with her. In the past, this type of behavior would have driven Alexis to the edge, but at this point she felt like she could tease her about it instead of allowing it to enrage her.
“I don’t want to go back to The Franklin School,” Riley finally admitted, her head down like a puppy that just chewed up her best pair of shoes.
Alexis could feel her expression go sour, but she tried to fix it into a smile and to remain neutral in her tone. “You have to go back to school. You have one more year. I didn’t tell you this before, but if you don’t finish school, you don’t get your trust. That was Dad’s stipulation. He wanted us at least to finish high school. If you drop out after your birthday, the money stops. It goes to some charity in Guatemala. I never had a reason to think that you wouldn’t finish school until recently, but you need to know now.”
Riley shook her head side to side. “That’s not what I meant. I’ll finish school, but I don’t want to go to Franklin. I hate it there.”
Alexis took a deep breath. She really didn’t want to fight. Things had been going so well. “I know, but it’s only one year, and it’s a great school.”
“The girls are awful. I never fit in there.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, but it’s too late to get you into another private school. Most applications were due last winter.”
“I was thinking that I could go to a public school,” Riley said, playing with her thumbnail again, which Alexis figured out was a nervous tick of sorts. She had learned a lot about her sister over the last few days.
The idea was almost as absurd as her dropping out of school. Riley had never been to a public school. If she couldn’t fit in with the girls of Franklin, how was she going to fit in with a population that was very different from her and from what she was used to being around?
“Where would you live? They don’t have dorms at public school,” Alexis pointed out, figuring that this would be a deal breaker.
“I know that.” Riley paused and put on her puppy dog face again. “I was thinking I could live with you.”
“You hate living with me. You’d hate it even more during the school year. I’d make you do all your homework every night. You’d have a curfew.” Getting along for a few days was one thing but living together permanently was something completely different. Alexis watched as the sparkle left her sister’s eyes.
“I knew you wouldn’t understand,” she submitted. Generally, when Riley said that she was being passive-aggressive, but that wasn’t how it felt this time. It felt genuine, and the happy lunch was gone.
Their number was called, and Alexis went up to the counter to get their pizza. A whole year with Riley seemed like a long time, but all of her old excuses to send her away had disappeared since Friday. They were getting along, and Alexis didn’t feel like going home with men on a nightly basis. She didn’t feel like going out at all.
She slid the pizza onto the table. The pools of grease in each little pepperoni cup were the most delicious thing Alexis had seen in a long time.
“You’ll have to get a job,” she said as she pulled a slice from the pie and placed it on her plate.
Riley’s head shot up, and she looked intently at Alexis. “What?”
Alexis took a bite of her slice. It was as good as she had hoped, and she was actually kind of hungry at this meal. “If you’re going to live with me, you have to get a job. I recommend that you pick up an application while we’re here. I wouldn’t mind a discount on pizza.”
“Why do I need a job? I’ll have enough money with my allowance.” Riley pointed out.
“You need to learn about responsibility. If you want to go to school here and live with me, you’re getting a job. You can drive the Volvo, but you have to pay the insurance, registration, and gas.”
Riley bit into her pizza, and Alexis could see her thinking as she chewed. “Okay. I’ll get a job.”
Alexis smiled. “I was serious about homework and curfew. And I’m going to charge you ten bucks for every piece of clothing you leave in the living room or on your bedroom floor. I’ll take it out of your allowance monthly.”
Her sister laughed a little, “Okay.”
“Oh, one more thing: if you have sex on my couch again, you’re paying for the replacement,” she paused as she watched the mortified look cross her sister’s face. “But,” she continued, failing to contain the smile creeping across her face, “I’d prefer it if you didn’t have sex on my couch at all.”
Riley raised her right hand up and swore she’d never do such a thing again.
Chapter 19
Scanning the wall of books in Eleanor Lehrer’s office took away any nervousness that Alexis may have felt while the older woman looked over the work Alexis had produced in the short period of time.
Her professor was probably in her fifties and had the sophisticated air that age and academia produced. Her hair was always pinned smoothly to the back of her head. She never had a stray hair, either. If it wasn’t completely petty, Alexis might hate her for it. Dr. Lehrer always wore a blazer or sweater set, even in the middle of the humid summer. Despite this, she never seemed to break a sweat, even when she had just walked across campus to teach a class. Today was a beige sw
eater set. Alexis smiled when she thought that from a distance, from behind, she probably looked topless.
Alexis turned her gaze over to Dr. Lehrer’s friend, Regina Carson, who was sitting in the cushioned wooden chair next to her, reading the second copy of the work she had brought. While Dr. Lehrer could be brutal in her feedback, the opinion of the woman next to her was far more significant because of what she could actually do for Alexis.
She didn’t want to stare at them while they read, partly because it was rude, partly because she didn’t want to see their reactions to her writing. So she concentrated on her hands that were folded gently in her lap. She worked hard to twiddle her thumbs. It wasn’t the mindless twiddling that most people did, which was downright lazy; it was the kind where you tried to rotate your thumbs in opposite directions. Infinitely more difficult. She had a lot on her mind recently that she didn’t want to think about, so she looked up things to distract her. This was the only thing that worked and wasn’t entirely stupid or illegal.
After Dr. Lehrer had read the last page, she looked up at Alexis over the thin frame of her glasses. “Is this it?”
There wasn’t a lot there. Alexis knew it, but she wasn’t about to give the woman behind the oak desk any excuses, at least any more. Alexis was proud of what she had written in the amount of time she had and under the circumstances. Quality over quantity, she thought, but just nodded in reply to her former professor’s question.
Quality over quantity had been her motto for the last couple of days for her writing and for her time with Ryan. At least the time they spent together was good, better than good, even if it wasn’t long. Alexis was sure that the length of a relationship was overrated anyway. Love was ephemeral.
“Can you produce more?”
“Absolutely.” Since Ryan went back to New York she had spent a lot of time writing. They were all tragic, but occasionally, when he popped into her head as she was finishing a story, she’d write in a little hope. Just a little.
“Regina, what do you think?”
The petite redhead stared intensely at the papers. “There has to be more. I can’t print a 30-page book. Can you connect them in some way? A frame story or something?”
“I’m certainly willing to try. I’ve recently had an influx of ideas.”
Regina reached into her alligator skin attaché and pulled out a blue and white business card. “Email a proposal by the end of the week. I can’t guarantee anything, but I’d like to see more.”
Alexis’s heart pounded against her chest, threatening to break out. “Not a problem.”
“I need ideas, timelines, everything. If it’s half-assed, I won’t even consider it. Last time you got lucky with one short story. I’m not going to spend a ton of money on a one hit wonder. You need to be committed.”
She wanted to kiss the woman full on the mouth and promise her that she would work hard. “I have a novel outline and two chapters. Would you like me to send them as well?”
“No,” she said curtly.
Alexis’s heart sank.
“But, if I like your proposal for the short stories, I’ll want to look at it. Don’t forget a letter that tells me exactly why I should publish you.” Regina rose from her chair and grabbed her bag. “One week. And get a proper agent. Stop using Eleanor, she’s got enough on her plate.” She turned and walked out of the small office, closing the door behind her.
Alexis turned back to Dr. Lehrer, who broke the silence. “That wasn’t bad news. Regina is very good at saying no.”
“Apparently.” Alexis took a deep breath. “I’m going to be busy this week.”
The professor pointed a finger at her disciple, “You should have done more work last week.” She picked up the small stack of paper on her desk. “This wasn’t much to go on. She’s taking a leap of faith. Prove her right.”
“I wish I could have had more. There just wasn’t time. I have time this week.”
“Then what are you waiting for? Get the hell out of my office and start writing.” Dr. Lehrer gave her a grin.
Alexis grabbed her stuff and stood from her chair, smiling back at her mentor. “Thanks. I appreciate what you’ve done for me.”
“You’re welcome.”
Alexis turned to leave the familiar space. A space that once reminded her of the past, but now only gave her hope for the future.
“And Alexis,” Dr. Lehrer stopped her before she left the office, “if you ever stop sending me your work first, I’ll hunt you down and...”
Alexis stopped her with a laugh. “I wouldn’t dare.”
Alexis walked down the hallway quickly, almost skipping. She wanted to go out and celebrate, but she was four hours from everyone she cared about.
Well, not everyone.
She pulled her black Gucci tote bag closer to her shoulder. If there was one person that she really wanted to share this with, it was Ryan. She knew the name of his company. She could just…
No.
She stopped in the middle of the hallway and folded her hands together and attempted to twiddle her thumbs. She stood there for several minutes collecting weird looks from passersby, trying to push him out of her mind. What if Caitlyn was right? What if she just told him she was wrong? What if she told him she loved him?
Twiddle, damn it, she thought. Eventually she threw her hands into the air and started walking out of the building. The best thing she could do at this point was get out of the city as quickly as possible before she made a colossal mistake.
Alexis opened the front doors of Philosophy Hall to a very warm, bright day. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, and she was only able to fully adjust when she put her big sunglasses on her face. She looked out toward the Buell Center, took a deep breath, clenched her fists, and let out a loud scream. It was the kind of congratulations to herself and release of energy that she needed.
She had to call someone and tell them, or she would burst on the four hour drive home. She dug her hand into her purse. Her fingers ran over the surface of something smooth and thin. Curious, she pulled it out and looked it at it. The business card that Daniel had given her stared back at her, but it didn’t have Daniel’s contact information on it. She read the card, “Webb and Montgomery Designs; Ryan Webb, Lead Architect.”
“This doesn’t make sense. Ryan works for Pontus in New York,” she said to no one in particular as she stared at the Framingham address.
This is ridiculous, she thought. I want to call him; I should just call him.
She dug back into her purse and extracted her phone. She dialed the cell phone number on the card with the 212 area code. She figured that was her best bet because as far as she knew this business didn’t exist. She hesitated before she hit the call button, and her palms began to sweat when she heard the first ring. Maybe they could just meet for coffee.
The phone rang several times, and it wasn’t until Ryan’s voice gave a standard voicemail message that her heart sank to her stomach in disappointment and sickness.
It figures, she thought. He’s too much of a workaholic to pick up his phone at work. Alexis couldn’t let this go. If nothing else, she just had to know from him that what they had was over. That it didn’t mean anything. Then maybe she could cry it out like a girl, and then get some sleep.
§
Ryan sat in front of a drafting table in his office. For the first time all week, his phone had stopped ringing, and he could focus on the designs in front of him. He had this feeling, one that he had felt all week, that something was amiss, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.
The Taggart project was big and time consuming. He had slept in the office for a couple of hours the night before, so that he could work late and be there early. The project manager job was not all that he hoped it would be. It was more people managing than project managing, and this was the first time that he was able to look at the plans with the intent of designing something. All the other times that he looked at the plans it was to approve something that anoth
er architect did.
Sure, his office was nicer, but Ryan was realizing that it was because he spent every waking hour there, and some of the sleeping ones too. The big window that overlooked the city and the comfortable couch were there to make it feel better than a prison cell, but it was really no different. Ryan hadn’t felt the warmth of the sun on his skin since he left Maple Field.
The thought of that small town made his head pound with regret. He missed Alexis more than he could have imagined. He wasn’t able to go back to the city and immerse himself in work to forget her. Life was never that simple. It didn’t help that Daniel called about once an hour to let him know there was still a job for him in Massachusetts if he wanted it. Ryan finally had to turn off his cell phone and tell his assistant to give Daniel the run-around if he called the office. If he wasn’t calling to offer his services on the Taggart project, Ryan had no reason and no time to talk to him.
Focus, he demanded himself, but it hadn’t worked for the past four days. Even when he managed to get his mind off of the last two weeks, someone would inevitably call him about something or burst into his office with a “major issue.” He dealt with people too much in this job and was questioning why he even wanted it in the first place.
A knock sounded on the thick wooden door, and Ryan’s assistant entered. She was a tall, large-framed woman with long blonde hair that was always in a bun at the top of her head. She looked mean but was probably the sweetest person in the office.
“There’s a woman here to see you.”
Ryan sighed; drafting would have to wait again. “Send her in.” Ryan stood and walked over to his desk. He sat in his tall back leather executive chair and leaned back to prepare for the next disaster to walk through his door.
When Alexis Conner walked in, he sat up straight and tried to keep his mouth from falling open.
“I have a bone to pick with you,” she said as she stormed in and sat in the chair across from him. Her gray dress clung tightly to her curves, and her chestnut hair was pulled back in a knot at the nape of her neck. She was dressed for business and the look on her face, an exasperated scowl, matched. Ryan remained silent because it was the only thing that he knew to do.