by Rose Gordon
“Is something wrong?”
Yes, I can’t stop thinking about how you’re too much of a gentleman, and I’ll never know what it’s like to have a man’s hands on me. “No. Why?”
“You keep shifting around. I just wondered.”
“Oh, sorry. I was just trying to get more comfortable.”
His hands loosened their hold on her, but she held them hands in place. “Do what you need to do to get comfortable,” he murmured in her ear.
She made a show of kicking her feet out in front of her and twisting her body around. When she finished, his hands rested just beneath her breasts.
“Better now?” he asked.
Nodding, she whispered, “Much.”
“Good. I’m glad you found a position that makes us both more comfortable.” He moved both his thumbs up to caress the bottoms her breasts.
“Alex,” she squeaked, surprised by his boldness.
“Hmm?” His thumbs made a second sweep of her breasts and came to settle on the outer sides of them, gently pushing into her swollen flesh.
Her fingers pressed into his and she bit her lip so as not to sigh as his thumbs and forefingers kneaded her breasts.
His probing fingers made her breasts swell to the point of straining against her bodice while her nipples hardened and jutted out like twin points beneath the fabric. “Do you like this, Caro?”
She didn’t answer. She couldn’t answer. She did enjoy it. Immensely. And that was the problem. She was enjoying her cousin’s intended. Suddenly, Caroline felt like she was fifteen again and Olivia had just dumped a giant pot full of ice chips, snow, and cold water on her head while she read a book by the fire. Or in other words, cold reality was washing over her. “Alex, please stop.” She grabbed his hands to pull them off.
His fingers immediately left her breasts. “I’m sorry,” he said raggedly. He cleared his throat. “Excuse my behavior. I thought... Never mind what I thought, I was wrong. It won’t happen again.”
“It’s all right, Alex. You didn’t misinterpret anything.” Shame washed over her. “I did.”
He scoffed. “I doubt that. As Marcus so nicely reminded me last week, I am very obtuse. I know that. I always have. I have difficulty reading people’s faces and knowing what their tone or actions really mean.” He snorted. “Isn’t it ironic? I can list off nearly every scientific fact or mathematical formula discovered, but I struggle to know what people are really saying if they don’t just say it.”
She squeezed his hands affectionately. “I promise this wasn’t your fault. It was mine.” She felt like the lightskirt Olivia had always claimed she would grow up to be if not for Uncle Joseph. “Wait. You realized I was jesting earlier.”
“I know,” he said with a sigh, then interlaced his fingers with hers. “As I said before, you were shaking with laughter, and your tone changed. It’s difficult to explain. I don’t always make sense of everything right away, which is why it took me a minute to put it together. But when I remembered that you’d made a comment yesterday that my mother laughed at, your tone was similar to the one you’d just used and your shoulders shook. That’s why I knew to think about your words. After a few seconds, I realized you were just having fun.” He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “It really doesn’t matter. The more time we’re together, the better I’ll get about it. Just give me time.”
“It’s all right, Alex,” she murmured, leaning her head back against his chest. “We all struggle with something.”
“What do you struggle with?” His voice as soft as velvet.
“Just about everything,” she said dryly. Nothing had ever come easy for her. And right now it wasn’t easy for her to feel Alex’s hands wrapped around her midsection, knowing he’d never really be hers. Allowing him those brief minutes to touch her had done nothing to satisfy her hunger for him. But it would have to be enough. He belonged to someone else.
They both sat quiet and her eyes found the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, and finally Lynx. She smiled. How like Alex to pick the one constellation that was so opposite him. He was a mystery.
“Alex?”
“Yes?”
She bit her lip and screwed up her courage to ask the one thing she had to know. “Are you really going to marry Olivia?”
“No.”
She sighed. “I know you say that now, and you told her earlier today you weren’t, but she told me—”
“Shhh.” His soft lips pressed a kiss against her ear. “I’d rather not discuss all the details, but I’ve no plans to marry your cousin. If I did, I wouldn’t be here with you.” His voice was firm, decided, final.
She closed her eyes and let her head fall to the side a bit. Alex’s body was big and warm. He smelled of sandalwood. So intoxicating. So masculine. She inhaled deeper, not able to get enough of his spicy scent.
Right next to her ear, the strong, steady beat of his heart held her captive—its rhythm as mesmerizing as his scent. She turned her face to rest her cheek against it.
Normally bigger, stronger men scared her. But not Alex. He wasn’t a giant that towered over her and had muscles so big his clothes ripped at the seams every time he walked. But he wasn’t weak or lanky like she’d originally thought him to be, either. A few days ago, he’d said he had an interest in swords and pistols. She imagined slinging swords around had a lot to do with why he was so firm and well-formed under his clothes.
In the past when she’d encountered gentlemen who were tall or strong, a numb feeling would take her as memories of her father would flood her mind. Thankfully, that was not the reaction she had when she was with Alex. With him, it was the opposite. She felt safe. Cared for. Protected.
She really should open her eyes and watch the sky. That’s what he’d brought her out to do. She just couldn’t. Not yet. For now, she just wanted to lie in his arms and pretend he was hers. In a minute she’d open her eyes. Just a minute longer to enjoy the moment.
“Caro, wake up,” Alex whispered, giving her shoulder a gentle shake.
Caroline’s eyes snapped open and she blushed. She was literally lying on top of Alex. Without a hint of grace, she rolled off and looked up at the sky. “Has it started yet?”
“Yes.” He pushed himself to a sitting position. “It’s ended, too.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry, there’ll be another one in a few months.”
She did an exaggerated eye roll at his dry remark. “Thank you for the reassurance. And just why is it you let me sleep through it, Mr. Banks?”
“I didn’t,” he said, catching her hand and pulling her toward him. “My fate was the same as yours, I’m afraid.”
“Well, now I feel a little better. At least I’m not the only one who slept through it.”
“I daresay most of the world did, darling Caro,” he remarked. “But that’s not important just now. I need to get you home before sunrise.”
She nodded and her free hand flew to her hair.
“It’s fine,” he said, pulling her hand away. “Nothing you’re able to do to it just now could possibly improve it.”
“That bad?”
“Yes.”
He let go of her hands and they stood up. She folded the blankets while he went to get his stallion. He came back and helped her onto his lap.
“Thank you for letting me use your telescope for three minutes,” she said primly as they trotted down the lane.
“You’re welcome, Caro.”
She twisted the wrinkled fabric of her yellow skirt with her fingers. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Do you promise not to laugh?”
“No.”
She sighed. “Last night, when I fell asleep, did I do anything?”
“Yes. You slept.”
She shook her head. “No. I meant did I snore or drool or talk in my sleep, or anything embarrassing like that?”
He pulled his horse to a stop and nearly doubled over with laughter. “Caro, my
girl, you are something else.”
Crossing her arms, she pursed her lips. “What is that to mean, Mr. Banks?”
Laughter continued to wrack his body. “Nothing,” he said in between howls.
“Yes, it did. Now, tell me.”
A minute later when his laughter stopped, his warm brown eyes met hers. “Most young, unmarried ladies would be more concerned about their reputation. They’d want to know if I’d touched them inappropriately or taken their virtue. But not you. You want to know if you made an unladylike noise or drooled.”
“That’s because I knew you wouldn’t do any of those things.” She smirked when his smile vanished.
“And what makes you so certain?” His voice was hard and his face rigid.
She laughed. “Alex, relax. I just meant you’re too honorable to do something like that. No need to get defensive. I wasn’t insulting you.”
“You’re rather trusting,” he muttered, nudging his horse to go.
“And you’re darling when you get angry.”
“Don’t say that, Caro,” he warned through clenched teeth.
“What?” she asked innocently.
“Don’t call me darling. No gentleman likes to be called darling. Ever.”
“Even if he is?”
He shuddered. “Even then. It’s unmanly.”
She ran her finger along the ridge of his jaw. “Unmanly?”
“Yes, unmanly. Handsome and dashing are much better adjectives to describe a man.”
“I’ll try to remember that.” She pushed a lock of his brown hair off his brow.
“See that you do,” he said before turning his head and pressing a warm kiss into her palm.
She leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes again. She liked being this close to him. Did all ladies feel this way when they were with the one they loved? Last night he’d given her a little glimmer of hope when he’d denounced his engagement to Olivia. But she knew better than to hope he’d fall in love and marry her. Such things were reserved for daydreaming girls and fairy tales.
“We’re here,” Alex said, nudging her lightly. He slowed his horse about a hundred yards in front of her house. “I had better let you off here so we don’t wake everyone.”
She nodded and allowed him to help her down. “Thank you again, Alex. Sorry I fell asleep.”
He jumped down off his horse next to her. “It’s fine,” he said dismissively. He took her hands in his. “I was wondering what you’re doing Sunday.”
“Sunday?”
He nodded.
“I don’t think I have any plans.”
His thumbs moved back and forth across the points of her knuckles. “Would you be willing to spend part of the day with me?”
“Yes,” she chirped excitedly, blushing. “I mean, of course.”
“How about if I pick you up—in my carriage this time—at noon? We’ll spend the afternoon together.”
She willed herself not to do or say anything as embarrassing as before. “That would be lovely. I look forward to it,” she said in as light of a tone as she could force.
“I’ll see you then.” He dropped a quick kiss on her cheek, let go of her hands, and mounted his horse.
For some reason she wasn’t ready for him to leave yet. “Alex?”
“Yes, Caro?”
“What are we going to do?”
He smiled down at her. “You’ll see.”
“Will I like it?”
He nodded. “Yes. And I will, too.”
“Ah, then we’ll not be playing pall mall again, I gather,” she teased, grinning.
He scowled. “Definitely not. I’d best go before someone sees me and your reputation suffers.”
Hang her reputation. “Are you sure you don’t wish to stay for breakfast.”
“No.” He shook his head and pulled on the reins. “I must be off, Caro. I’ll see you on Sunday.” Without waiting for a response, he snapped the reins and galloped down the drive.
“Sunday can’t come soon enough,” she whispered to herself.
“Yes, it can,” Marcus said from behind, scaring her half to death.
She turned to face him. “How long have you been there?”
“Long enough to know you planned an outing for Sunday without seeking the permission of your guardian first.” His lips curved upwards and she rolled her eyes at him.
“I didn’t realize you’d care.”
“I don’t,” he said easily, putting an arm around her shoulder. “Cheer up. He’ll come back on Sunday like he promised.”
Caroline squinted to see Alex and his horse as he rode away. “Marcus, he says he’s not going to marry Olivia.” She didn’t really know why she was telling him this. Probably because she wanted to hear the words again, even if she was the one who spoke them.
“He’s not,” Marcus agreed, startling her. “I would never allow it.”
She stared at him. “What about me, Marcus? Would you allow me to marry him?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
She frowned. “Why?” Not that she really expected Alex to ask her. But if he did, she wanted to know why Marcus would approve of a marriage between her and Alex but not Olivia and Alex.
Marcus shrugged and squeezed her shoulder. “You’re different.”
In less than a second, all the happiness she’d had from thinking of her time with Alex was replaced with bitter sadness. In the past thirteen years, almost fourteen, Marcus had not so much as even alluded the differences of their birth. But now she knew his true feelings. He did view her as lower. He’d just told her he’d let her marry someone who he considered unworthy of his sister. Tears stung the back of her eyes. She stiffly pulled away from Marcus’ touch and walked straight up to her room.
If Alex asked her to marry him, she’d say yes, with or without Marcus’ approval. As far as she was concerned, Marcus could go to the devil. Olivia might have treated her poorly for years, but at least she’d been forthcoming about her feelings. Marcus hadn’t. He’d let her believe he cared for her only to find out he didn’t, and that hurt worse than anything Olivia had ever done to her.
Chapter 12
Sunday could not get here fast enough for Alex’s taste. Not only was he ready to be engaged to Caroline and have his future secure, he wanted to see her again. Several times he talked himself out of going to see her early. His fear of ruining everything with one little slip kept him safely tucked away at Watson Estate.
But today was the day—the day he’d make his grand gesture, win her heart, and ask her to marry him. He’d planned everything to a T and hadn’t slept the night before in anticipation. The only part of his plan that wasn’t in his control was the company they’d keep today. To make his plan work, he’d had to depend on one of his cousins to help him. Unfortunately, Brooke was one of those sorts who always wanted to be involved, and she’d withheld her help until he allowed her to be a part. Not surprisingly, once she was included in his plan, she’d invited her sisters to also join. Therefore, the end result was Caroline would meet all of his cousins and their spouses today. He sighed. Oh well, she’d have to meet them eventually.
His carriage came to a stop. He descended and told his coachman he’d be back in a few minutes.
“Afternoon, Marcus,” he called, climbing the stairs to the house.
Marcus was seated in a lounge chair under the covered porch. “Alex,” he said, rubbing his jaw and looking everywhere but in Alex’s’ eyes. “I don’t know how to say this, and I doubt you do, either, so I’m just going to say it. I don’t think Caroline’s going to be good company today.”
Alex stiffened. “What do you mean? What’s happened?”
“Not what you think. It’s just that Caroline has been crying a lot these past few days.” He paused long enough for Alex take his meaning. “I know you have a sister and mother, so you’ll know to be careful while she’s having her...” He dropped his gaze to the ground and cleared his throat. “I just tho
ught I’d warn you.”
“Thank you,” Alex said tightly. He really didn’t think it was his business to point out to Marcus that it was neither of their business what was going on with Caroline’s body at present. And yet, it was a good thing Marcus had said something. He’d just make sure to allow her plenty of time to sit and try not to say anything she might find upsetting.
“You’re welcome,” Marcus stared down at his boots. “By the bye, I’m sending along a chaperone today. She’s as much for your protection as she is for Caroline’s.”
Alex snorted. “I suppose daylight demands a chaperone.”
“Even darkness demands one; she just doesn’t have one. More’s the pity,” Marcus said with what Alex interpreted as Marcus’ best attempt at a snarl. “She’s inside. Best of luck.”
Alex walked up to the door. “Are you coming?”
“Hell no.”
Chuckling, Alex walked inside and ignored the butler who was trying to attend him. He found Caroline in the blue salon. “Are you ready?”
“Yes!” She smiled at him in a way that sent a jolt of lightening straight to his groin.
He offered her his arm and escorted to the carriage, throwing Marcus a triumphant smile as they walked by.
Marcus just shook his head.
Inside the carriage was a slim woman dressed as a maid. Alex stared at her.
“Alex, this is my maid, Nettie. She’s acting as my chaperone today. Nettie, this is Mr. Banks.”
Alex nodded once to her and she did the same. He was glad she hadn’t attempted a curtsy in the carriage. That would have been awkward for all three of them.
“Where are we going?” Caroline asked as the carriage traveled down the drive.
He clucked her on the chin. “You’ll see when we get there.”
She scowled. “Oh, I brought my notes for our project.”
“Pardon?”
Sighing, she grabbed her reticule and dug out a stack of papers. “You know, our campaign.”
“Of course.” He’d nearly forgotten all about that confounded thing.
“I know you wanted to call it a campaign, but I think that’s too boring. And I wanted to call it an experiment, but as you said, it’s not. I thought we could both compromise and call it a project. What do you think?”