There was a quiet melancholy that hung over dinner like a soft, grey cloud. Kelly had only one day left and then she would fly back to San Francisco and Cole would be alone. The evenings of reading together, or rather Cole reading aloud, gave them a chance to talk on a range of subjects and share their heartfelt concerns and beliefs about the world; their kids, their granddaughter. They talked about the ways their lives inter-twined and what lie ahead for the two of them. It was so natural, and so easy that it felt to Cole that this must be what it would have been like if they were “an old married couple.”
“I think I should read tonight.” Kelly smiled, sitting cross-legged on the couch, back straight, shoulders back.
“You’ve picked a great place to start. The next couple of notebooks are pretty torn up.”
“Let ‘er rip, get it? Rip?” Kelly gave Cole a broad smile. The twinkle in her eye was proof positive of the complete absence of the migraine.
Cole tucked back in the corner of the sofa, reclined and crossed his legs, and put his hands behind his head.
May 28, 1920
The train was a half hour late getting into town. Alma was in a real bitchy temper today and nearly tore my head off when I said I needed to run downtown for a while. She started yelling about how it was too early in the day to start drinking. I truly think she is twice as ugly when she is mad.
As I stood on the platform waiting, several people I knew passed and asked who I was meeting. “An old friend” was the best I could think of. “The woman I love” or “The most beautiful girl in the world” didn’t seem a wise choice.
“He’s kind of a smart aleck like you!” Kelly said looking up. “Some things really do run in the family.”
“No editorializing, just the text please.” Cole beamed at what he took for a great compliment.
When I finally saw the train coming into the station my heart nearly burst with excitement. It was then I knew how much Mattie meant to me really, not just as a fond recollection, but as the promise of something wonderful about to happen.
One person after another got off the train, no Mattie anywhere. I paced back and forth looking in the windows and craning my neck to look around the crowd. Had she missed the train? Had something happened?
The bell clanged and the conductor called “All aboard!” The engine gave a great chug and the train jerked. I was frantic. Then at the far end of the train I saw a silhouette standing in the rut beside the tracks.
I tried to remain composed and I walked slowly toward the figure. Slow at first, but faster as I went. I saw that it was Mattie, suitcase in hand, a broad brimmed straw hat on her head. As I got closer, I could see she was wearing a pale blue dress with a wide dark blue sash about the waist. She didn’t look at all like the girl who left but a woman, full grown!
“Mattie!” I cried.
She waved hesitantly. As I approached she walked away from the train. It was leaving the station and picking up speed.
As I reached her I could see her beautiful smile. She put her hand to her mouth, and I could see tears in her eyes. As I reached her, she dropped her suitcase. I threw my arm around her and she said, “No George, not here!” in a sharp whisper.
“What’s wrong?”
“Someone might see us.”
“I don’t give a hoot about that!” I said.
“You might, now stop.”
I let go of her and stepped back. “What are you doing down here?” I asked.
“Colored car, what you think I was ridin’? First class?” Her tone was bitter.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I was so glad to see you!”
I picked up her suitcase and started toward the station.
“No, this way,” she said softly.
We walked a ways not really having any direction. She reached out and gently touched my arm. “I have missed you, Georgie.”
“I have missed you too. We need to have a talk. A lot has changed around here since you been gone. Not all for the good.”
We finally found ourselves a nice place to sit at a grove of trees not far from the Methodist Church.
“Have some things I need to tell you. Some will hurt. I hope others will please you.” I began. “I love you Mattie, more than anyone I have ever known or loved. But it comes with some great sadness what I have to say.”
“You want me to go away, George?”
“Sweet Jesus no!” I said, fearing she would run away. I took a deep breath and dove in. “You remember my friend Lloyd? He has a sister, Alma.” I could feel hot tears welling up in my eyes. “I got drunk at the Davis Ranch barn dance and she took me out back and,” Mattie put her fingers to my lips.
“You did it with her,” she said in almost a whisper.
“I didn’t want to. I swear to you, I didn’t want to...”
“It’s OK, men folk do those kind of things.” Mattie smiled.
“I wanted you to be the first and only one ever.” I wiped my eyes. “It gets worse.”
“Get it all out.” Mattie smiled but braced for the worst. “I’m ready, but so long as you’re not sending me away, nothin’ else matters.”
“She told me last April she was going to have a baby. She said it was mine. I was a fool and believed her. Lloyd said she’d been poked by half the town. I didn’t know it. Anyways, we got married.” I couldn’t look at Mattie. I just stared at the ground. Then I heard her giggle.
“Georgie, you are such a boy. That’s an old trick to get hitched. An’ you fell for it.”
“I am so sorry. I wanted to marry you. Always.”
Mattie stood straight up and put her hands on her hips. “Are you crazy? Us married? You are a fool, George Sage.” She shot out her arm. “What color am I?”
“Brown.”
“Black,” she said reverently, as she sat back down. “We could never marry. I can’t even ride in the same train car as white folks. That’s you! You are as precious to me as life itself, but it could never be.” Tears were now streaming down her face.
I drew her to me and kissed her with all my soul. She felt right in my arms. Not just a female, like Alma, but an angel of hope and love.
“I am yours. However you want me. Just no marryin’.”
“I will take care of you Mattie. I have a house that belonged to my father. You can stay there as long as you like. Forever, I hope. I will be with you every second I can. I may be married to Alma on paper but you are all I have ever wanted.”
May 30
I drove out to see Mattie. She has already cleaned out a lot of the rubbish left in the house. She said some of Mary Seifert’s clothes could be taken in and would fit her. She used the burn barrel out back to get rid of a lot of personal things in the house. She said the first night she felt the “dead folks.” I think it was probably just the wind.
I took two big boxes of fresh food, some bacon, flour and a chicken. We ate the chicken with mashed potatoes for dinner. Mattie even made biscuits! Mattie says the cupboards are well stocked and the cellar has a good supply of vegetables and even some apples.
For a while this evening I just pretended it was Mattie I was married to. I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want another lecture. It was nice just to sit and talk. It hurt to kiss her good-bye. Alma thought I was in town playing cards.
Kelly turned the page. “What!” she nearly shouted. “The pages are torn out! What happened?” She flipped forward. “These are torn in two.” She held the open notebook out.
The load...extra money will help. Needs something...to two houses to...
She read sketches of several pages. Nothing made much sense. Cole scooted over beside her and together they tried to make something of the scattered entries and fragments of words. Finally Kelly turned to the full pages toward the back of the notebook.
July 16
Lloyd and I have made two runs this week. It is hard to believe that people drink that much liquor. Another week like this one and we will pay off the truck. I think we should buy a
nother one. Mattie says to not be too conspicuous. She is very wise for someone who can’t read. I gave her a copy of David Copperfield and promised I would read it to her each time I come to visit. I have been teaching her the alphabet. She can now write her name. It is strange how something I take for granted is so foreign to the one I love most.
She has made the farm a real home. She has chickens, a cow and has planted a garden. It worries me though. People have come up and asked if the Sages know she is living there. She had a scare one night last week when a man tried to get in the house. I gave her one of Papa’s old shotguns and she chased the fellow off with it.
I have to stop writing AGAIN. Alma is calling from downstairs. She is getting so big she won’t climb the stairs except when she has to. She says when the time comes closer for the baby to come she will go stay with her mother. Thank God.
August 3
Alma had the baby. It is a girl. She named it Paula. She is mad that I wasn’t there. Luckily, I was making a run with her brother. I don’t know what I would have told her if I had been with Mattie.
The baby looks nothing like anyone I have ever seen.
August 19
Alma came home today. She was surprised to see how clean the house was. No surprise to me since I spend most of my nights with Mattie. I brought Mattie here once while Alma was gone and she helped me clean and straighten things up. We made love in Effie’s old room and after, she lay in my arms and I told her stories of Effie and how I missed her.
I took her home just before dawn. I get very tired of sneaking around to see her. I saw Tom Wilkerson loading a truck but I don’t think he saw us.
September 22, 1920
The baby screamed all night long again last night. The doctor said the poor little thing has some kind of stomach ailment or something. She screams until she just goes limp and falls asleep, from exhaustion I suppose.
The lack of sleep has not helped Alma’s disposition much. She is as short tempered as a rattlesnake. I am lucky I get to leave.
We have six stops now on our route. The truck is paid off and we are making good money. I have been saving some. There is plenty enough to provide for Mattie and keep the house going. Alma has a way of overspending unless I keep a tight rein on her.
“That’s the last page. Next.” Kelly stretched her long legs in front of her.
“Here you are. Do you want me to read for a while?” Cole said, returning with another notebook.
“No, I’m enjoying it. He has very nice handwriting don’t you think? Are you sure this is the next one? It says 1927,” Kelly asked.
“I told you there was a big gap in the books. This is it.”
“Seven years though? Think of what we must have missed.”
“I was thinking. Could you call and postpone your meeting?” Cole asked, not looking at Kelly.
“Where did that come from?” Kelly said brightly, a bit surprised at Cole’s unexpected request.
“I was just dreading you leaving tomorrow.”
“You’re sweet, but I have commitments that won’t wait. You know that. I don’t want to go either.”
“Just a thought,” Cole said, in resignation.
Kelly did not respond, just began reading again.
May 15, 1927
Paula burned her hand on the stove today. We rushed her over to the doctor. I swear I could see the bone in her little finger. She was trying to peek at the biscuits and the oven door shut on her hand. By the time Alma got it open she was burned severely.
Josie’s birthday is day after tomorrow and I bought a rocking horse for her. She loves horses, and giggles and laughs like crazy whenever she sees one. Hard to believe she’s four already.
Mattie has not been feeling well. She has been acting very strangely. She says she has another three or four weeks until the baby is due. She keeps talking about the one she lost last year and how it might jinx this child. Crazy talk like that is always so strange coming from her. She is so smart and has been reading so much it is hard to understand how she holds on to the old superstitions of her grandmother.
June 2, 1927
Yesterday afternoon at 3:30 I received word that Mattie was at the doctor’s. She was ready to have the baby. I ran straight away to be with her. The doctor said she was in serious condition. I was there for sixteen hours. Around two in the morning the doctor said he didn’t think she would make it, her heart was slowing and she was getting weaker.
I had not prayed in many years but last night I called upon God to spare the life of the one I love. For once he answered my prayers.
At about dawn Alma showed up at the doctor’s office with baby Connie on her hip. It is still not clear to me how she knew where I was. An awful row took place and the doctor ordered her out of his office. He said he would not let her endanger his patient.
“You have no right to bring that mulatto bastard into this world! You’re a white doctor and you should only be carin’ for white people!” Alma screamed as she was pushed outside.
I told her to go home and mind her own business.
“My husband sires a nigger’s bastard child it is my business!” she screamed.
“We are only married because you fooled me into thinking your bastard child was mine! I have provided for you and that child. So don’t speak to me of bastards. I have treated Paula as my own. Even though only God Almighty knows who the real father is.
“You are my wife by law, but Mattie is my wife in my heart.” I said these words as a confession of my love for Mattie. “I assume that Josie and Connie are mine but with your history you can’t be too sure.” I spoke calmly but with conviction.
“How dare you!” Alma fairly spit with rage.
“It is time for you to go home.” I kept my voice calm but forceful.
“You better stay far from that nigger whore or there will be hell to pay.”
“You cannot frighten me with hell, Alma. I’ve lived with you for six years. Now go home.”
“Don’t come climbin’ into my bed either!” Alma said, spinning about with a flurry of swearing and cursing.
At 8:30 this morning Mattie gave birth to Effie Louise Sage. Mattie said that she was sure she was conceived in Effie’s bed. We talked often of Effie, and since I loved her so, Mattie said it was only fitting our daughter should have her name. Louise was for her grandmother. I think it is a wonderful name.
I took Mattie home and hired a colored woman that the doctor recommended to come and stay with her until she was up and about. She is very weak. She is so thin.
When I arrived home, Alma and the girls were not here. I found a note on the kitchen table saying they would be staying at Alma’s mother’s house for a couple of days.
I will go check on Mattie later.
June 9
I have a rotten summer cold. I got a bit too drunk to get home and woke up in an alley behind the courthouse. I have no idea how I got there. I have a chest full of green.
Alma is still at her mother’s house. It is very quiet. I miss the girls. I am too sick to visit Mattie. I wish the telephone lines ran out to the farm.
June 10
Lloyd is in jail. He got stopped yesterday just across the county line. He met Bud Slaughter and Pete Tallmadge outside of Pawnee Flats. Tallmadge wanted a bigger cut. Lloyd tryin’ to be the big shot, told him to go to hell. Tallmadge arrested him five miles inside his county.
I have been sick in bed with what the doctor called lung fever. I was too sick to get up to go see about his bail. I sent Alma. She cursed me for involving her baby brother in “my damn fool schemes”. As I remember, it was Lloyd who got the job from old Davis, not me.
They would not let him out on bail. An odd thing happened. Tom Wilkerson drove Alma back home. Seems to me he must have drove her there first. I am too muddled with fever to think straight. I will figure out what to do later on.
June 25, 1927
Lloyd was charged with violation of the Volstead Act and distribution of liquor. Th
ey had Federal agents and lawyers at his trial. The trial took less than an hour and he got five years. Tomorrow they will take him to Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. I don’t think that his Orvin lawyer knew what to do with the Federal boys. They tied a can to the old man’s tail and he spent most of his time chasing it. Lloyd was cooked.
I was allowed to see him late this afternoon. It was a sad meeting. We were only allowed five minutes.
“Don’t you worry about me none.” He said, “I won’t say nothin’ about you. You got my sister and the girls to take care of. Can’t have us both locked up.”
“What about Tallmadge?”
“What’s he gonna say, “I been takin’ money from bootleggers”? The truck’s gone. We’re out of business. You be smart and stay out. What’s done is done.” Lloyd shrugged and lit a cigarette.
“I am sorry about this. I should have been there. Might not have happened.” My words sounded hollow even as I spoke them.
“What is to be will be. Ain’t that what they say? Look George, you need to know. My sister...”
“I know all about her by now,” I said, with a forced smile to make Lloyd more at ease.
“No, no I think she’s been catin’ around with Wilkerson. He drove her up to try and pay my bail. You watch out for him George, he’s Klan. Lord knows what he might do about you and Mattie if he gets a mind to. He hates you fiery bad. Always has.”
“Don’t you worry about that.”
“I’m sorry I messed things up.” Lloyd’s voice cracked and I think I saw his eyes water up.
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