Full Surrender

by Joanne Rock

  Alicia’s brown eyes met hers. Stephanie set her mug back on the counter.

  “Jack said that?” She should believe it. Danny had hinted at as much. But it was different hearing it from Alicia. From knowing that Danny’s concern for her had affected his whole family.

  “Yes. I know how reticent Jack is about sharing his feelings with me, so I can only imagine that Danny might be the same. But it’s commonly acknowledged among the Murphys that you’re ‘the one who got away’ for Danny. You’re the reason he’s hardly dated the last few years. You’re the reason Kyle had a crooked nose for years after Danny’s fist connected with it in an argument over you.”

  Stephanie knew those things peripherally...well, except for the fact that he hadn’t dated much since her. It floored her to think his family all thought she’d played such an important role in his life. Still, was it because she meant so much to him? Or was it merely because she’d had a traumatic experience and he felt...sorry for her?

  The thought caused a knot in her gut.

  And yeah, it also made her question if she really was just pushing him away because she was still scared. Did she want to be the kind of person who would cut and run when things were tough?

  “I don’t know.” She shook her head, more confused than ever.

  “There’s one more thing.” Alicia blew on the surface of the coffee, causing a light ripple. “Jack broke my heart when he first swooped in and purchased the bed-and-breakfast we own in Maine. He knew I wanted to do it on my own. I’d worked out a plan and I’d been saving for years. But sometimes men—especially guys like the ones we care about—are so focused on an outcome, they fail to see the emotional fallout.”

  “Kind of like Danny wading right into my personal business even though I said I wanted to take care of it myself.” She could see the connection. “How did you move forward from that?”

  “I remembered that there was no one else I’d rather be with in the world. Even if we don’t see eye-to-eye sometimes, I love him like crazy.” Alicia smiled and Stephanie could see her affection for her fiancé shine through her eyes.

  “And that was enough?” Stephanie hated to sound like a cranky cynic. But her feelings for Danny were so new and untested. She wasn’t sure she could dive in headfirst with him and expect love to carry her through disagreements like this.

  Disagreements that would only be worsened by time and distance apart.

  “Well, that combined with the fact that Jack means well.” She frowned. “Does that sound lame? I just came to understand that he thinks so differently from me and that sometimes the things that frustrate me the most are the things he’s trying to do because he cares.”

  Alicia’s cell phone buzzed along the granite, lighting up with a photo of her and Jack hugging in front of a sprawling seaside property. The bed-and-breakfast, no doubt.

  Snagging it, Alicia put it in her pocket.

  “That’s Jack.” Standing, she leaned forward to give Stephanie a hug. “I told him to call me when my brother arrived at the main house. He was supposed to drive in from Boston to take me out to lunch and deliver a wedding gift, so I’d better meet him. Do you want to come with us? It’d be better than packing.”

  She looked so genuinely hopeful that Stephanie had to smile despite the heaviness in her heart. Apparently, she wasn’t just losing Danny. She stood to lose a truly wonderful, supportive family that could have been an uplifting counterpoint to the relationship she’d always had with her mom.

  “Thank you, but no. Enjoy your visit with your brother and I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.” As much as she would like to have Alicia’s sunny outlook and assurance that love could carry her through disagreements like this, she had too much baggage to juggle. Maybe her captivity had made her more deeply wary of a relationship than she’d ever suspected.

  With a clipped nod, Alicia was out the door, leaving the blueberry muffins behind. Leaving Stephanie to hope she could find Danny long enough to tell him goodbye without all the drama of their previous parting. She couldn’t just let things end on that note—with her tongue-tied and him walking away.

  Her little bit of packing almost done, she searched for her phone. She needed to talk to him before she called for the cab, after all. He deserved that even if the thought of facing him and saying another goodbye almost tore her in two. She’d barely survived the first one five years ago.

  Besides, Alicia’s words had been an important reminder. No matter that Stephanie couldn’t relinquish control of her life to Danny’s certainty he knew best, she could at least admit that he’d only been looking out for her.

  Digging the phone from her purse, she came across the notepad with the details from Danny’s homecoming on it. She’d taken those notes while talking to Danny’s mom. She’d scribbled the time and date of his ship’s arrival in Norfolk in peacock-blue ink, her handwriting neat and deliberate as if she was taking the most important information of her life. The name of his ship was underlined and for some reason that hard line of ink reminded her how hopeful she’d been when she’d written it down.

  She’d waited for this moment for over a year after deciding she really needed to see him again. But had she been waiting for the reunion far longer than that? Holding the petal-pink notepaper in her hand, she squeezed it tight. What if she was making a terrible mistake to put her need for autonomy above love?

  More importantly, what if she was just using that need as an excuse for a deeper fear of committing?

  The scrawled heart inside the D in Danny’s name sure wasn’t the artwork of a woman prepared to give him up.

  When the phone in her other hand rang, she nearly jumped, dropping the notepad back into her purse.

  Danny.

  Her heart did another flip, hopeful and fearful at the same time.

  “Hello?”

  “We need to talk.” His words were brusque, but this time, Stephanie tried to see beyond that.

  He was hurting, too.

  “I know. I was just going to call you.” She paced the floor of the living room, walking in circles with nervous energy.

  “Are you still at the gatehouse?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why don’t you meet me down by the dock? We can talk there.”

  “Okay.” She slipped her toes into a pair of flip-flops by the front door—the blue ones with the big flowers on the thong. Weren’t those the shoes of an optimist? A woman who could see the positive side of things? Oddly, they gave her courage. “Good idea. I think I need some fresh air and a fresh perspective.”

  Already, she was out the screen door, letting it bang softly behind her.

  “The sea is great for that.” Was it her imagination, or had his tone lost some of its defensiveness?

  “I can be there in five,” she assured him, her fears turning to hope. Or at very least, determination.

  She wasn’t going to give up on her Murphy man easily. Clicking off the phone, she picked up her speed and jogged toward the beach.

  14

  SETTING ASIDE HIS cell phone on the wooden deck lounger at the end of the pier, Danny breathed in the sea air. It helped him calm down more than the Russian vodka or the support of his brothers. Maybe that was one reason he couldn’t give up the navy. He felt a balance out on the water that he never experienced on dry land.

  Although, he had to admit, he’d glimpsed moments of possibility with Stephanie over the past few days. When things were going smoothly between them, he felt more grounded with her than he ever had anywhere else. She charmed him. Amused him. Humbled him with her giving spirit when he saw the pictures of the shelter animals she photographed.

  He’d accused her of running scared this morning, and while he still believed that was true, he also remembered she was entitled to a few hang-ups. Hell, he’d been so quick to join the navy to help the war effort and keep people like her safe abroad. Over the years, he’d told himself he’d do anything to be with her again. Yet, the first time she’d pulle
d away, he’d gotten mad instead of trying to understand where she was coming from.

  Some hero.

  Footsteps on the dock surprised him. Turning, he saw her jog down the dance floor, then slow her pace as she hit the narrow pier closer to the chairs where he sat. He rose to his feet, needing to confront the mess he’d made head-on.

  Her turquoise-colored dress swirled around her knees as she stopped a few feet away. She was so beautiful she stole his breath with her vivid blue eyes and hair so dark it was blue-black. Her ponytail drooped to one side after her jog, the hair-tie hanging limply near her shoulder. He could have just stared at her forever, taking in the details that he’d missed or forgotten in the years apart.

  “You want to have a seat?” He gestured to the chairs at the end of the pier.

  Her lips twisted in indecision and she pointed toward the planked wood beneath their shoes. “Can we just sit here? With our feet in the water?”

  “Sure.” He toed off a pair of tennis shoes he’d worn over bare feet while she slipped out of her flip-flops. “Thanks for coming.”

  “I was anxious to see you.” Tugging the elastic band from her hair, she let the silky strands fall before she took a seat. Then, edging her skirt to her knees, she tucked the cotton knit under one thigh so the fabric didn’t get wet.

  “That surprises me after the way I walked out.” He’d let his emotions get the best of him. “I’m sorry about that.”

  “I probably needed time to let what you said sink in anyway.” She flexed her legs, bringing her pink-painted toenails to the surface for a minute before sinking them back under water. “When I didn’t deny the accusation about using my independence as a smoke screen, it wasn’t that I couldn’t deny it. I was just sort of...shocked.”

  “It wasn’t my place to back you in a corner like that.” He’d waited quietly for her for years, always half hoping she’d seek him out one day. But when she had, he’d been quick to let things derail.

  For all he knew, he was the one too scared to commit.

  “Actually, I keep wondering if there’s something to what you said.”

  “You’re kidding.” Now he was the one who was shocked. “Steph, I’m no psychologist. I was just spouting off because I hated to think we’d been back together for all of a few days and I’d hurt you already.”

  She swished her legs in the water, first sending each in the same direction, then twirling them in opposite ways. He watched her, curious where this conversation was going but unwilling to push for answers she might not have yet.

  “We always hate the chick in the horror movie that refuses help, don’t we?” she observed lightly, reminding him of yet another accusation.

  Yeah, he’d really been on his A-game this morning.

  “We don’t hate her. Think how many movies wouldn’t get made without her. But yeah, I guess we wonder why she doesn’t call the cops or—”

  “—take better care of herself,” she interjected. “It makes sense for you to help and I can understand why you would, so thank you. I’m sensitive about that stuff because my mother is super pushy about knowing what’s best for me.”

  “I just couldn’t see myself backing off an issue like that.” He nudged her foot with his under the water. Gently. Briefly. But damn, it felt good to touch her any way he could. “You’re too important to me.”

  She nudged his foot back. Gently. Briefly.

  But just the same, the contact was there and it soothed the raw edges on his mood far more than looking out over the water.

  “That’s what Alicia said I needed to remember.”

  “Alicia?”

  “She came by this morning to see how I was doing. And she—very tactfully—helped me understand that you had probably only acted out of concern for me.”

  “That was nice of her.” He made a mental note to send his future sister-in-law a kick-ass Christmas present. “I’m sure you appreciated the tact after I went storming away like a bat out of hell.”

  “It’s okay. Really.” She turned toward him, fixing him with those bright blue eyes. “I just want to know, where do we go from here?”

  It was a question he’d thought he had the answer to a few days ago. Hell, he’d known since he’d seen her waiting for him at the naval station in Norfolk that he wanted more from her. Much, much more. He’d also known his career might not allow him to offer her the kind of everyday love she deserved.

  Of course, given the argument they’d had this morning, he knew he ought to let her weigh in on the question. Something she couldn’t do until she had all the facts.

  “Remember the letter I sent you a few years ago?” He figured he’d start there since he’d laid it all out neatly in a note he’d put a lot of thought into. “The one your admirer at the PR agency never passed along to you?”

  She nodded.

  “I renewed my bid for that Vegas wedding we talked about.” He’d laid it all on the line back then when she’d never even known about it. Why not give it a shot now? “I had no luck reaching you on the phone, so I declared my undying love in a note I thought might find you through the publishing house.”

  “My God, Danny. You realize I had no idea...” She paled and he didn’t think that was a good sign.

  When would he learn not to be Mr. Intense around her?

  “I’m sure the guy you dated was already crushing on you and didn’t care for the competition. Who knows what happened? Either way, I just figured you ought to know that my feelings for you haven’t changed since we met. And I didn’t totally fall off the map for five years. I did try. I should have tried harder. I see that now. But I need to make sure you realize, I wanted you then and I want you even more now.”

  Stephanie guessed she looked like a blowfish, her mouth working even though no words were coming out. But she’d been tongue-tied earlier and regretted not pulling her head together sooner to say what she felt. No way was she going to rob them of this moment, too.

  So she blurted the first thing that came to mind.

  “I love you.” She cupped his face in her hands, her heart full to overflowing. “I suspected it when I didn’t really connect with anyone else I dated. I mean, I blamed it on the abduction thing and went to counseling, but I always ended up talking about you.”

  It had been embarrassing, actually. She’d felt like a teenager with a crush she couldn’t forget.

  “Why didn’t you look me up sooner?” He combed a strand of windblown hair from her face. His green eyes so serious.

  Intent.

  “Because I was confused about what I felt. I thought maybe I just sort of idealized what we had since it was so fun and it was the last real happy memory I had before I was thrust into a war zone. And since we never made any promises, I pictured you going on to big things and being really successful without me.” She swallowed hard and smoothed a hand over his jaw. “I tried to write my way to a happier place with the book, but that sort of pushed me in an even darker direction. I think I just needed to be in a better place emotionally before I tried my luck with you again.”

  She’d let so much time go by. And even after she’d found him, she’d put up barriers without realizing it. How could she have feared giving him her heart when it had already belonged to him?

  He let out a shuddering sigh and pulled her hard against his chest. Squeezed her tight.

  Without a single word, she understood how much she meant to him. She felt his love for her in the way he held her, as if he’d never let her go.

  He kissed her just above the temple, his lips soft on her sun-warmed hair. Then he kissed her a few more times, his hands stroking over her back.

  When he pulled back, he gripped her shoulders and studied her, his expression still serious.

  “You don’t know how much that means to me. You just have no...idea.” His hands roamed up and down her arms. “I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make sure we’re rock-solid. I’m just so glad you’re talking to me. Confiding in me. It might not be e
asy being apart, but I’m willing to work at this.”

  Her chest tightened at the concern in his voice and she vowed silently to bring some laughter and lightness back into his life. He needed her for that and for the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel even remotely like damaged goods. She felt like a woman with something very tangible to offer the man who she’d once imagined had everything.

  “Not easy, maybe. But compared to pouring our hearts out just now, I think it’s going to get easier from here.” She couldn’t hold back a smile and he traced the corner of her lips with his fingertip. “We can figure this out.”

  “We only have two and a half more weeks together,” he reminded her, his brows lifting.

  Did he doubt they could pull it off?

  “We fell in love in five days and were ready to hop a plane to Vegas to hit a drive-in chapel,” she reminded him. “I can’t even imagine what we can accomplish with weeks together. Gosh, it feels like a lifetime.” She winked and finally teased a smile from him.

  “True enough. But six months apart is a long time. After that, I should have a solid chunk of time at home, though. It should balance out. Down the road, who knows? Maybe I could take a job on shore—”

  Pressing a finger gently to his lips, she wouldn’t even let him continue with talk like that.

  “Don’t even think about that yet.” She slid away her finger and kissed him where she’d touched him. “I know how much you enjoy your work and I’m so proud that you do it.”

  She watched some of the tension slide from his shoulders, confirmation that he was right where he wanted to be in his job. While it would be hard to be without him while he was away, she did have a career she was passionate about, too. Plus, she’d spouted off so much about her independence. At least that would come in handy when she was on her own.

  “Thank you. But I don’t want you in D.C.” His green eyes went a shade darker and she guessed he was probably expecting some resistance.

  However, after glimpsing the payoff of compromise, she didn’t have any problem conceding this one. They were edging their way closer to a solution. She could feel it with new certainty.