by P.C. Cast
The pain told me Erik had been right, except he'd underestimated Loren. He'd thought Loren was just using me for sex. The truth was that Loren hadn't even wanted me. He'd only used me because the woman he did want had put him up to it. I wasn't even a sex object to him. I was an inconvenience. He'd only touched me and told me all those things… all those beautiful things because he'd been playing a part given to him by Neferet. To him I meant less than nothing.
Stifling a sob, I reached up, yanked the diamond posts from my earlobes, and with a cry hurled them away from me.
"Damn, Zoey. If you were tired of those diamonds, you could have said something. I have some drop pearls that would go great with that dorky snowman necklace Erik gave you for your birthday, and I would have traded them for the rocks."
I turned around slowly, like my body might shatter if I moved too fast. Aphrodite was just coming out of the sidewalk that led to the dining hall. She was carrying a weird fruit in one hand and a bottle of Corona in the other.
"What? I like mangos," she said. "The dorm never has them, but the vamps' kitchen fruit fridge always does. Like they'll miss a mango here and there?" When I didn't say anything, she continued, "Okay, okay, I know beer's common and kinda tacky, but I like it, too. Hey, do me a favor and don't ever tell my mom. She'd totally freak." Then I saw her eyes widen as she got a good look at me. "Holy shit, Zoey! You look awful. What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing. Leave me alone," I said, barely recognizing my own voice.
"Okay, whatever. Go on about your business and I'll mind mine," she said, and then almost bolted away from me.
I was alone. Just like Neferet had said, they were all leaving me. And I deserved it. I'd caused Heath terrible pain. I'd hurt Erik. I'd given away my virginity for lies. How had Loren put it? I'd sacrificed true love and a popped cherry to the god of deception and hormones. No wonder he was Poet Laureate. He definitely had a way with words.
And suddenly I had to run. I didn't know where I was going. I only knew that I had to move and move fast or my mind was going to explode. I didn't stop until I couldn't breathe anymore, and then I leaned against the bark of an old oak and gasped.
"Zoey? Is that you?"
I looked up, blinking through the fog of my misery to see Darius, the young, hot, warrior mountain. He was actually standing on top of the wide wall that surrounded our school, and he was studying me curiously.
"Is all well with you?" he asked in the weird, kinda archaic way the warriors all seemed to talk.
"Yes," I managed between breaths. "I just wanted to take a walk."
"You were not walking," he said logically.
"It's just a figure of speech." I met his eyes and decided I was sick and tired of lying. "I felt like my head was going to explode, so I ran as hard and as long as I could. This is where I ended up."
Darius nodded slowly. "It is a place of power. I am not surprised you were drawn here."
"Here?" I blinked and looked around. And then—ohmygod— realized exactly where I was. "This is the east wall near the trapdoor."
"Yes, Priestess, it is. Even the barbaric humans sensed its power enough so that they left Professor Nolan's body here." He motioned over his shoulder just outside the wall to the place Aphrodite and I had found Professor Nolan. It was also where I'd found Nala (or rather, where she'd found me), where I'd cast my first circle, had my first glimpse of what would turn out to be the undead dead kids, and where I'd called on the elements and Nyx to break through the memory block Neferet had placed on my mind.
It really was a place of power. I couldn't believe I hadn't realized it before now. Of course I'd been awfully busy with Heath and Erik and especially Loren. Neferet had been right, I thought with disgust. I was ridiculously easy to lead astray.
"Darius, do you think you could leave me alone here for a while? I'd—I'd like to pray, and I'm hoping Nyx will give me an answer if I listen hard enough."
"And that would be easier to do were you alone," he said.
I nodded, not sure if I could continue to make my voice mind.
"I will allow you privacy, Priestess. But do not stray far from here. Remember that Neferet has bespelled the perimeter, so if you use the trapdoor and cross the line of her spell, in moments you would be surrounded by Sons of Erebus." His smile was grim, but kind. "And that would not help you concentrate on your prayers, my lady."
"I'll remember." I tried not to flinch when he called me Priestess and my lady. No dang way I deserved either title.
With one fluid, unhurried movement, he vaulted from the top of the twenty-foot wall, landing neatly on his feet. Then he saluted me with his fist over his heart, bowed slightly, and disappeared soundlessly into the night.
It was then that my legs decided they wouldn't support me anymore. I sat heavily in the grass at the base of the familiar old oak, pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them, and began to cry, silently and steadily.
I was unbelievably sorry. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have fallen for Loren's lies? I really had believed him. And now I'd not only given the jerk my virginity, but I'd Imprinted with him, which made me a double idiot.
I wanted my grandma. With a little choking sob, I reached into the pocket of my dress for my cell phone. I was going to tell Grandma everything. It'd be awful and embarrassing, but I knew she wouldn't leave me or judge me. Grandma wouldn't stop loving me.
But my dang cell phone wasn't there. Then I remembered it had fallen out of my pocket when I'd gotten naked with Loren. I must have forgotten to pick it up. Didn't that just figure? I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the rough bark of the tree.
"Mee-uf-ow!"
Nala's warm wet nose poked against my cheek. Without opening my eyes I spread my arms so that she could hop up into my lap. She put her little front paws on my shoulder and pressed her face into the crook of my neck, purring furiously, as if the sound could force me to feel better.
"Oh, Nala, I've messed up so bad." I held my cat and let the sobs shake my shoulders.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
When I heard the sound of footsteps approaching I figured it must be Darius coming back to check on me. I tried to get myself under control, wiping my face with my sleeve and attempting to stop crying.
"Well, crap, Aphrodite, you were right. She does look majorly like shit," Shaunee said.
I looked up to see the Twins descending on me with Aphrodite and Damien close behind them.
"Z, you have snot on your face," Erin said to me, then she shook her head and told Shaunee, "Sadly, I, too, must say Aphrodite was right."
"Told you so," Aphrodite said smugly.
"I do not think it's particularly appropriate to give accolades to Aphrodite for her being right that something is seriously wrong with Zoey."
"Damien, I really wish," Erin began.
"You'd stop with the damn Sylvan Learning Center vocab bullshit," Shaunee finished for her.
"Would you two cease and desist, and perhaps get a dictionary?" Damien said primly.
I know it's weird, but their bickering sounded wonderful.
"You guys make a pathetic rescue squad," Aphrodite said. "Here." She handed me a ball of (hopefully) clean Kleenex. "I'm more nurturing than the three of you, and that's a damn shame."
Damien huffed and moved the Twins out of the way so he could crouch beside me. I blew my nose and wiped my face before I looked at him.
"Something bad's happened, hasn't it?" he said.
I nodded.
"Well, shit. Is someone else dead?" Erin said.
"No." My voice broke and I cleared my throat to try again. This time I sounded stuffy, but more like myself. "No, no one's dead. It's nothing like that."
"Go ahead and tell us," Damien said, patting my shoulder lightly.
"Yeah, you know there's not much we can't handle together," Shaunee said.
"Ditto, Twin," Erin said.
"I may puke at the nerd herdishness of this," Aphrodite s
aid.
"Shut up!" the Twins said.
I looked at each of my friends. As much as I didn't want to, I had to tell them about Loren. I also had to tell them about Stevie Rae. And I had to do it before what Neferet said came true— before my lies and my secrets pissed them off so much that I lost them.
"It's messed up and complicated, and not very pretty," I said.
"Oh, you mean like Aphrodite," Erin said.
"No problem. We're getting used to that," Shaunee said.
"Die Dorkamese Twins," Aphrodite said.
"If you three would shut up, Zoey might be able to explain what's wrong," Damien said with exaggerated patience.
"Sorry," the Twins muttered.
Aphrodite just rolled her eyes.
I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to start the whole horrible story when Jack's perky voice interrupted me.
"Okay! I found him!"
Jack scampered up. His cute grin fading a little when he caught sight of me, proving that I really must look as bad as I felt. Then he hurried over to sit beside Damien, leaving Erik standing alone staring down at me.
"Go ahead, honey," Damien said, patting my shoulder again. "We're all here now. Tell us what's wrong."
I couldn't speak. All I could do was stare at Erik. His face was a handsome, unreadable mask. Or at least it was unreadable until he started speaking, then his blank expression changed to disgust. His deep, expressive voice was a sneer.
"You want to tell them, honey, or should I?"
I wanted to say something. I wanted to yell at him to stop—to please forgive me—that he'd been right and I'd been so damn wrong that it was making me sick. But the only thing that came out of my mouth was a whispered no, so soft that I don't think Damien even heard me. Soon I realized it wouldn't have mattered if I'd shouted. Erik had come there to get back at me, and nothing was going to stop him.
"Fine. I'll tell them." Erik looked at each of my friends. "Our Z's been fucking Loren Blake."
"What!" the Twins said together.
"Impossible," Damien said.
"Nu-uh," Jack sputtered.
Aphrodite didn't say anything.
"It's true. I saw them. Today. In the rec hall. You know, when all of you thought she was oh-so-upset because I'd Changed? Yeah, Zoey, I saw how upset you were. So upset you had to suck Blake's blood and ride him like a horse."
"Loren Blake?" Shaunee said, sounding utterly stunned.
"Mr. Luscious? The guy we've been talking about eating like he was a Dove chocolate bar all semester?" Mirroring her twin's tone, Erin gave me a shocked, horrified look. "You must have thought we were completely pathetic."
"Yeah, why didn't you say something?" Shaunee said.
" 'Cause if Zoey'd told you how in love they were, you might not have been cool with her using me and pretending like we were together so she could sneak around and be with Blake. And anyway, she probably liked laughing at you two," Erik said cruelly.
"I wasn't using you." I said to Erik, surprising myself with how strong my voice suddenly sounded. "And I never laughed at you two, I promise," I told the Twins.
"Yeah, and your word is something they can really trust," Erik said. "She's a lying slut. She used all of you just like she used me."
"All right, time for you to shut up now," Aphrodite said.
Erik laughed, "Oh, that's perfect. One slut standing up for another."
Aphrodite's eyes narrowed and she lifted her right hand. The branches of the oak closest to Erik's head swayed down toward him and I heard the warning sounding cracking of wood. "You do not want to piss me off anymore," she said. "You claim to care so much for Zoey, but you've turned on her like a mangy-ass dog because she hurt your little ego. And I can verify for the masses that it is little. You did what you came here for, and now it's time for you to leave."
Erik's brilliant blue eyes flicked back to me, and for a second I thought I saw the old Erik in them—the great guy who had been falling in love with me—but then the pain in his expression drowned out the last of his gentleness. "Fine with me. I'm outta here," he said before walking off.
I looked at Aphrodite. "Thanks," I said.
"No problem. I know what it's like to fuck up big time and have people hold it against you forever."
"You've really been with Professor Blake?" Damien asked.
I nodded.
"Holy," Shaunee said.
"Shit," Erin said.
"He's really, really handsome," Jack said.
I took another deep breath and blurted, "Loren Blake is the biggest fucking asshole I've ever known."
"Wow. You cussed," Aphrodite said.
"So he was just using you for sex?" Damien said. He was back to patting my shoulder again.
"Not exactly." I paused and wiped a hand across my face like I could make myself magically say the right thing. It was time to tell them about Stevie Rae. I wished I'd had a chance to practice what I was going to say. I glanced up to see Aphrodite watching me, and felt ridiculously glad she was there. At least she could back me up and maybe help Damien and the Twins understand.
Then a weird sound came from somewhere on the wall behind me. I wasn't sure I'd actually heard anything at all until Damien looked over my shoulder and said, "What was that?"
"It's the trapdoor," Aphrodite said. "It's opening."
A terrible premonition shivered down my spine. I was standing up, making Nala complain loudly and the Twins give me crinkled-forehead looks of confusion when Stevie Rae's voice came from the other side of the opening door.
"Zoey? It's me."
I sprinted for the trapdoor, yelling, "No, Stevie Rae! Stay on—"
And, frowning at me, Stevie Rae walked through the trapdoor in the wall that surrounded the school. "Zoey? I—" she started to say, then she noticed everyone who was standing behind me, and she froze.
On the ground beside me Nala yowled, and with a wickedly arched back she started to hurl herself at Stevie Rae, hissing and spitting like psycho cat. Thankfully, my fledgling reflexes allowed me to grab her before she got past me. "Nala, no! It's just Stevie Rae," I said, struggling with the freaked-out cat and trying not to get scratched or bit. Stevie Rae had lunged back and was crouching defensively in the shadow of the wall. All I could clearly see of her was the glowing red of her eyes.
"Stevie Rae?" Damien sounded strangled.
With a command to "Be good, Nala!" I tossed my cat away so I could focus on my friends, but before I turned to face them I walked over to Stevie Rae. She didn't run away from me, but she definitely looked like she could bolt at any second. And she looked like crap, too. Her face was too thin and pale. She hadn't combed her curly blond hair and it looked matted and dull. Actually, the only thing shiny and healthy about her was her creepily glowing red eyes—and I already knew that wasn't a good sign.
"How are you?" I asked in a calm, quiet voice.
"Not good," she said. Her eyes darted over my shoulder, and she cringed. "It's hard to see them again, especially when I feel like I'm losing it."
"You're not going to lose it," I said firmly. "Brace yourself. They don't know about you."
"You didn't tell them?" Stevie Rae looked like I'd just slapped her.
"Long story," I said quickly. "Hey, why are you here?"
Her brow wrinkled. " 'Cause you texted me and told me to meet you here."
I closed my eyes against a new wave of pain. Loren. He'd taken my phone. He'd text messaged Stevie Rae. Or more accurately, Neferet had probably done the actual texting. She hadn't known I'd be out here, but she had known—thanks to Loren—that I hadn't told my friends about Stevie Rae. She'd also known that Loren had no intention of making sure Erik didn't tell anyone about us. She knew he would freak and tell the world (or at least my friends) about Loren and me, and that secret would be out. Stevie Rae being discovered on campus would be yet another secret of mine discovered. I could almost hear my friends' thinking: How can we ever trust Zoey again? And feel them pulling farther an
d farther away from me.
Two points for Neferet. Zero points for Zoey.
I took Stevie Rae's unyielding hand, and even though I had to pull hard, I started walking with her back to where Damien, the Twins, Jack, and Aphrodite were standing—four of the five of them staring at Stevie Rae with their mouths open. Might as well get this over with before we were overrun with vamp warriors and the whole damn school found out everything and my life came crashing down around me.
"Stevie Rae isn't dead," I told them.
"Yeah, I am," Stevie Rae said.
I sighed. "Stevie Rae. We are so not going to have this argument again. You're walking and talking. And you're solid flesh." I held up our joined hands in demonstration. "So you're not dead."
Somewhere in the middle of my argument with Stevie Rae the sound of sobs registered. It was the Twins. They were still staring at Stevie Rae, but had clutched on to each other and were bawling like babies. I started to say something to them, but Damien interrupted me.
"How?" His face was stark white, completely drained of color. He took one hesitant step forward. "How can this be?"
"I died," Stevie Rae's voice was as pale and lifeless as Damien's face. "Then I woke up like this, which, in case you can't already tell, isn't like I used to be."
"You smell funny," Jack said.
Stevie Rae turned her glowing eyes on him. "And you smell like dinner."
"Stop it!" I jerked on Stevie Rae's hand. "They're your friends. You shouldn't be scaring them."
She yanked her hand from my grip. "That's what I've been trying to tell you all this time, Zoey. They're not my friends. You're not my friend. Not now. Not after what happened to me. I know you think you can fix this, but the only reason I came here tonight is to tell you that this has to end now. So, once and for all, either fix me, or leave me alone and let me finish becoming whatever bad thing it is I'm really supposed to be."
"We don't have time for this. Neferet put a spell on the perimeter of the school to let her know when any human, vamp, or fledgling comes or goes from here. You crossed the perimeter, so any second the Sons of Erebus are going to show up. I think you should go. I'll come to you as soon as I can, and we can finish this then."