"He's not. Well, he was, but not...not anymore...Maybe I'm wrong."
Dani warred with herself, amazed that she was defending him, wondering if he'd been true to his words all along. "He avoids relationships, except the ones that only last the night. He's afraid of feeling too deeply, so he hides himself out in the woods and lives like a hermit."
"Hmm," Janna murmured. "This is beginning to make more sense. He's not using you for a no-strings lay. He's terrified of getting attached."
"I know. What I don't know is how to break him of it, or if I even should."
"Do you love him?"
Dani didn't hesitate to answer her friend's question. "Yes."
"Then you should."
"But how? Every time we've gotten close, he's pushed me away right after, like I've scalded him or something. He ignores me for as long as he can, then comes back, and I fall right back into his arms, only to get left behind again when reality returns. It's so frustrating!" Tears sprang up anew and she sobbed into the phone.
"Calm down," Janna soothed her. "Don't cry. Let's be constructive here. We're scientists. Let's analyze the problem rationally. Problem: You want him. He wants you. He's afraid to want you, so he runs away. Solution: You run after him."
Dani laughed through her tears. "Sounds so simple, huh? But what if he rejects me? What if he says I'm wrong, that he never wanted me in the first place? How could I stand that?"
"Will you really feel any worse than you do right now?"
Dani pondered her friend's words. Could she feel worse? Right now it felt like her insides were being torn apart. She felt like half a person, her other half lost in the world without her. She felt alone. "No," she admitted.
"Then go after him," Janna said softly.
"Right."
Dani pushed down her sadness and stood up. She felt better, having decided to take action. Janna was right. It was the only solution. She loved the bastard, and he was worth fighting for. "I'm gonna take a shower, get dressed, and head back into those damn woods."
"The ranger's not in the woods," Janna said. "Brice told me he let him borrow his beach house."
"Oh." Dani was surprised. "Well, then I'll call Masterson and get the address, then drive out there."
"Hang on," Janna said. Her friend covered the phone, but Dani could hear the muffled sound of conversation on the other end. Then she was back. "You got a pen?"
"What?" Dani was dumbfounded. "How'd you get the address?"
"From Brice."
"Is he there with you?"
"Yes," her friend admitted with a sigh. "I told you, we both made mistakes last night. Now grab a pen and something to write on."
Dani copied down the address, amazed that her friend had yielded to Brice Masterson's charms. She never would have guessed it, not after she'd ranted about his excesses within his earshot. Still, stranger things had happened, she supposed. She was the one who broke the dean's nose last night. Talk about unexpected.
"Thank you, Janna," Dani said, at last, staring down at the address scrawled on the back of a used envelope. "And don't think for one minute I'll let you out of giving me all the details of last night's escapade."
"Ditto, Dr. French. Looks like we've got quite an interesting conversation to have over lunch next week. I hope yours has a happy ending."
"Me too," Dani whispered, then ended the call.
It took an hour for her to take a shower, wash and dry her hair, and get dressed. She debated for a while what the appropriate outfit would be. She couldn't decide and finally settled on a white cami under a functional blue sweater with a wide neck and a pair of worn jeans.
She left her hair loose, falling in gentle waves past her shoulders. Dani decided to forgo makeup this time because she hated the way it looked when it smeared beneath tears. She expected the type of conversation she was going to have wouldn't be one that encouraged dry eyes.
Dani climbed into her Subaru Outback and pulled out her trusty Oregon map. She checked the address again, and after looking it up on her phone, she determined its position on the laminated map before her. Finally, she buckled her seatbelt, started the motor, and backed out of her parking lot. With a determined grin, she inhaled deeply, ready to face the handsome ranger and show him that he couldn't live without her.
Chapter 20
Dani headed down the long gravel drive then gasped in awe when the gnarled coastal trees cleared to expose a beautiful Victorian house perched on a small hill overlooking the ocean. This was a beach house? It looked more like the set of one of those gothic horror stories that began on a dark and stormy night and ended with someone plummeting to her death from the cliffs to the sea below.
Dani took a deep breath and quelled the panic her imagination brought on. This was not the frame of mind she needed to confront Caleb. She parked her car beside a familiar forestry truck and turned off the motor, closing her eyes and leaning back against the headrest to collect her thoughts.
Deep breaths, she told herself. You've got to stay calm and reasonable. He's leery of the heat we ignite in one another. I have to show him that I can be rational, that I won't let emotion overpower me. I have to show him that we aren't like his parents and that it won't end in violence. That we can be happy together, that it can be so good between us.
With a few more deep breaths she rose from the car and headed up the steps onto the long porch that wrapped around the entire house.
She stood at the door, steeling herself to knock. Emotions tumbled around her like autumn leaves in a light wind, but she tried to keep up a composed façade. At last, she raised her hand to knock. Dani waited, her heart beating double time. No one came to the door. She knocked again, harder. Still nothing.
It figures, she thought, looking around. His truck was out front, so he must be around here somewhere. Maybe he'd wandered down to the beach. It was unlikely. December on the coast was a cold and windy affair, and the light raindrops that fell around her made a walk on the beach unlikely. Still, she wasn't willing to give up without taking a look.
Dani followed the covered porch around the side of the house, admiring the clever landscaping as she went. The house was surrounded by wild, windblown trees and bushes but revealed the gentle touch of an expert gardener. The porch was long, and interspersed along its length were small tables and comfortable chairs. She pictured herself and Caleb relaxing at the end of a long day, enjoying the ocean smell and the sound of waves crashing against the sand.
Shaking her head to clear it of premature wishful thinking she turned the corner and walked around to the back of the house. And there he stood, gazing out over the cliffs and onto the blue gray waters below them.
She stopped for a moment, arrested by the sight of him. It made her body come alive again as if it would respond only to his touch for the rest of her life.
It was as if he realized she was there without having seen her. He couldn't have heard her, not over the sound of the waves and the scream of seabirds. Nevertheless, he turned his head to stare right at her.
She flushed, unable to look away from his bright and burning eyes.
Finally able to walk again, she moved to stand beside him. He looked down into her face, his eyes asking a million questions but his mouth saying nothing.
She'd spent the whole drive here planning what she would say to win him over, but just the sight of his beautiful face drove all thoughts out of her mind. She stared at him, letting her eyes tell him what her mouth couldn't.
* * *
She was here. That was the only thing he could think about. He barely remembered to breathe.
She'd followed him, and here she was in front of him, and how in hell was he supposed to come up with the strength to walk away again? The wind blew her hair around her head in a dark cloud and caused goose bumps to break out along the little portion of a shoulder that was exposed by her wide-necked sweater.
His eyes searched her face, trying to determine her emotion. It was impossible. She'd plastered a
cool, detached mask over her face. Caleb could see the feelings at war beneath it, however. Once again, she was a living, breathing contradiction.
He pulled his gaze away from her face although it felt like it was wedged in cement and looked back out over the crashing surf. "What are you doing here, Professor Greenhorn?" he asked, his voice flat and emotionless. He was amazed at his ability to keep his feelings out of his voice. Inside he was churning like the waves in front of him.
"I came because you're here," she said, turning his own words of last night around on him to devastating effect.
His heart leapt in his chest, excitement rushing through every nerve ending at her words. But he forced his head to take control.
"And what do you want from me?"
He wasn't going to look at her face. He must be cold like ice, and his heart must stay frozen like tundra. One look from her warm eyes and he'd start to melt.
"Didn't you get enough last night?" He hated himself for saying it, but it was the only way to drive her away, to keep her safe.
"Apparently not." She sighed.
Caleb didn't know how to respond. He expected anger at his words, not this gentle patience. What was she playing at?
"Well maybe I did," he said, turning his back on the sea and leaning against the porch railing, his arms crossed, his face staring off into the distance.
"Are you sure?" she asked, taking a step closer. "I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work, so you might as well just stop it now."
"What do you think I'm doing?" He finally met her eyes. He hated himself. But he was afraid of her words even more.
"You think you can't let your guard down, that you can't open yourself up. But you can. You already have. And I'm still here. You're trying to push me away again. But it won't work. So stop trying."
Caleb exhaled heavily, no longer willing, or perhaps even able, to continue his charade. "It has to work," he said, gripping her arms tightly and staring down into her exquisite face. "It's too risky."
He squeezed lightly to accentuate his point. "Together, we're dangerous."
"You keep saying that, but I don't understand."
Caleb growled, releasing her and beginning to pace in front of her. "Isn't it obvious? I've got something dark inside of me, something powerful, and being with you brings it out. Somehow our tempers collide, and it becomes overwhelming. And if it's not you, then it's someone trying to hurt you. The rage claws its way out of me and I hurt people. I'm terrified that one of the people I hurt will be you."
"No."
She shook her head and moved to stand in front of him, stopping his angry pacing. "You'd never hurt me. I know it. And you only hurt others to protect me, because they were going to kill me, kill us both. You're not an animal, Caleb. You can learn to control your anger, and I can try to control mine."
"How do you know?" he groaned. "How can you be so sure of anything you say? We've only known each other for a short time, really. How do you know we'll even be compatible?"
"Well I know we're definitely compatible in one way," she said, her voice lowering purposefully.
"Oh yeah?" He felt the scowl ease from his face. "And what way is that?" he asked huskily, expecting a certain answer.
"We both love the outdoors," she replied with a cheeky smile.
"Smart ass." Caleb pulled her into his arms, his lips descending to capture hers in a passionate kiss. Her lips burned his, and he felt his flesh ignite.
There was no denying their sexual chemistry. She made him feel like no one ever had before. With her he could envision a life of contentment, a fantasy in which they spent each day facing the world together, and each night entwined, making love until dawn.
But the other side of that dream was the nightmare that always lurked within.
He pulled away again.
"It's too great a risk," he whispered against her soft lips. "I'd give almost anything to be with you, but not if it means hurting you. I won't risk you!"
His voice grew harsh, and he ravished her lips again, his kiss desperate. He pulled her swollen bottom lip between his teeth and bit it gently. She moaned, and his tongue dove between her lips and into her mouth, seeking out her own and stroking against it in wild abandon.
"Life is full of risks," she told him when he pulled away for air. "Sometimes you have to take a great risk for the chance of an even greater reward. And there's no greater reward for me than you."
He looked down into her eyes and saw the truth painted there in strong dark strokes. She loved him, unconditionally.
He knew that love could set him free.
Dani wouldn't abandon or neglect him. She would love him, nurture him, give him the affection that had been missing his entire life. She'd cared enough about him to risk her own life. Even now, when he'd pushed her away, over and over again, she was here, proving that she loved him, proving that she wouldn't be put off by his past or his inner demons.
She was his, and he was hers, forever, and it was time he claimed her.
"I love you," he said simply, gripping her small face in his hands and pulling her lips to his again. "I love you, and I always will. I've never met a woman as fascinating or as frustrating as you, and I realize now that I could never spend the rest of my life without you."
"You scared me," he whispered. "You shoved your way into my life when I thought I was doing fine alone and you showed me exactly what was missing. I needed someone to argue with, someone to make up with, someone who makes me harder than stone any time she's in the vicinity."
She laughed then, and he smiled down at her. "Someone to keep me warm at night. Someone to listen." He kept praising her while raining kisses down upon her face, her neck, and her shoulder. "Someone to come after me when I disappear. Someone like you."
Dani's eyes filled with tears. Caleb couldn't stand the separation anymore, even though they were mere inches apart. He picked her up and cradled her against his chest, carrying her through the door and into the beach house. He finally set her down on a soft rug before the roaring fire.
Caleb slid down beside her, pulling her back into his arms and cradling her face in his large hands. "Don't cry," he whispered, his thumbs gently brushing away her teardrops.
"What can I do? What do you want me to do?"
"Just be here when I wake up," she said, and Caleb crushed her to him.
"I will be," he said solemnly. "From now on, I will always be here when you wake." With those words, he claimed her lips in the softest and most sensual kiss either of them had ever experienced.
Slowly he pulled her sweater over her head then unbuttoned her jeans. She helped him push them down her legs, then pulled the little undershirt over her head and tossed it away. She sat before him, a vision in a white satin bra and matching panties.
With a moan of pure lust, he pressed himself against her, at last willing to take a chance on love. This woman was worth the risk.
* * *
"I love you," he said again as he kissed his way down her body and she moaned in pleasure, more at the words than his touch. She'd worn down his defenses, shown him that she wouldn't be pushed away, that she loved him too much to let him go, and he'd finally accepted that love.
Her heart felt ready to explode with the joy she felt. This rugged man, so tall and handsome, so strong and protective, this wonderful man loved her, and he was finally able to allow himself to feel loved and give love in return. It was a miracle and one that she would thank God for every damn day.
Her breath caught as she felt him slide her panties down her legs and cup her mound. She unfastened her bra and sat naked before him, the firelight coloring her body in oranges and yellows.
"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he told her, his voice ragged with longing. Suddenly he was tearing his own clothes off and pushing her down to the soft rug to cover her with his body.
She kissed him, sucking his tongue into her mouth and hearing him groan in passion. She tore her lips from his an
d worked her way down to nibble his jaw.
Caleb took hold of her breasts and squeezed them together, attempting to lick both nipples at the same time with thick swipes of his hot tongue. Dani held him tight, clutching him to her like she couldn't get enough of him. He gently pulled away, seemingly afraid of crushing her small form, and moved to the side of her.
Caleb pulled her back against him, half turning her so that he could continue to fondle her breasts. He positioned her left leg so that it was bent at the knee and above the right one. She then felt him rubbing his engorged cock against her most intimate parts. She was so wet, so willing, that he easily slid inside of her, pulling her tight against him as he plunged all the way to her core.
"Oh Caleb!" she cried, and he rejoiced at his name on her lips.
"Say it again," he growled into her ear as he picked up the pace. "Say my name again."
"Caleb." She moaned, tightening her inner muscles to squeeze his shaft mercilessly.
"Oh God!" he groaned. "You feel so good around my cock. Don't stop."
She smiled, squeezing him as he entered her, making them both moan with passion.
"I'll never leave you again," he promised as he thrust into her. "This is home. You're my home."
She wanted to weep at his words, and at the sensations he was causing inside of her. It had always been good between them, spectacular, in fact, but never like this. It was as if they were no longer two separate people, but they were one unit, one soul.
He was buried so deeply inside her that he felt like a part of her. She wished the feeling could last forever, but already she felt her climax barreling toward her.
"I love you!" she whispered fiercely as he licked and sucked her ear. Her words drove him to a more frantic pace and he began thrusting madly inside of her. Harder. Deeper. Faster. It was insanity to resist the orgasm that was seconds away from overtaking her. She surrendered to it, and intense pleasure washed over her in wave after wave.
Worth the Risk: (A Contemporary Bad Boy Romance) Page 23