by Eve Rabi
“Megan, I asked myself those same questions when you left. I loved you. I needed you. We needed you, and you could so callously leave like that? Without a solid reason? Everything you said to me in the past – I doubted it after you left. Now, I’m moving on and you come back and you get upset when I find someone who took all you threw away? What is wrong with you?”
“I love you, Reed,” I sob. “I love you!”
“Don’t say that!” he yells.
“I do! I do! I do!”
“Reedwan!” Abeeda appears behind him with Wyatt on her hip. “Come inside.”
I take in her long, modest, almost traditional Muslim dress, her scarf around her face that draws back her hair, the righteous indignation she has on her face and I wonder: is this the same girl I used to down tequilas with?
Reed glances at Abeeda, then at me. “Go home, Megan, and please … stay away.”
“But you love me, Reed.”
He stiffens, and in a cold voice says, “I don’t. Sorry. I don’t love you. I don’t want you.”
Those words cut so deep, I want to die. Curl up on the pavement and die right now.
“Reedwan, leave her alone,” Abeeda says in a calm and collected voice. “She’s a big girl. She’ll work it out. Let’s go.”
I expect him to listen to her and go, but he remains where he is and looks at me, a blubbering mess.
“Reedwan!” she calls again.
Still, he remains where he is.
I finally get up, run to my car, and speed off.
Chapter Twenty
Unable to sleep a wink and close to my breaking point, I’m once again outside Reed’s apartment, waiting for him to leave so I can talk to Abeeda. The moment he drives off, I rush up to the apartment and let myself in with my key, which I still have.
“Megan! What are you doing here?” Abeeda asks, surprise all over her perfectly made-up face.
With tears streaming down my face, I say, “Abeeda, please, please don’t take him.”
“It’s too late, Megan,” she says in a voice that sounds like a telephone operator, looking calm, collected, and condescending. “You’re too late.”
“Don’t, please don’t! Don’t! Don’t! I love him so much. We fought so hard to be together and I … I don’t want to live without him, please. Please, please!”
Her smile is patronizing. “You have a husband, Megan. Go back to him. Make it work.”
How can she be so composed when I’m sniveling and almost groveling – a mess in a dress?
“No, no, no. I don’t love him, Abeeda. He doesn’t love me. He hasn’t loved me for such a long time. You know this. I told you, he just wants me for the money. I love Reed so, so much. We have a baby. Please, I’m begging you.”
“He’s not for you, Megan. Stop forcing yourself onto him. Just stay away and leave us alone now. You’re complicating things.”
“Abeeda, I can’t eat and I can’t sleep, thinking about the two of you together. I don’t want to lose him. Not now. Not after all we’ve been through. Please!”
“You’re making a fool of yourself, Megan. It’s not very ladylike.”
“I don’t care. Love makes you do that. I love him. Please, just step back and give us a chance to work it out.”
“I’m going to call Damien,” she threatens quietly.
Her words jolt me. “No!”
“Then, leave and never come back. Or I will call him.”
I stare at her in silence. Her tone is so icy, I absolutely believe her.
“I’m serious. I will do it.”
Without another word, I drag my weary body out of the apartment. How the hell do I live without him? What a fool I was to trust Abeeda. How could I have misread her? It’s all my fault. I was a fool, and I only have myself to blame.
***
Jake shakes his head and hands me more Kleenex as I quietly cry in his office.
“I don’t know why he’s doing this. I mean, I know why – he really wants to sever ties with you and this is probably a way to do it, Megan.”
“But, how can I let him go, Jake? I love him. I’ll die without him! My baby … I gave up so much to have them close, only to have them snatched away.”
“Megan, I do believe he loves you too. Still. I mean, why did he follow you outside? Why didn’t he just stay where he was and savor his victory? I think he was upset when he saw you falling apart. That means there are feelings.”
“You think so?” A flicker of hope ignites in me.
“She followed him outside and tried to take him back? Why? Maybe she knew what I suspect – you’re a threat.”
The flicker of hope flames and I stop crying. “Okay, say you’re right – what do I do now? I want him back.”
“Then take him back. Fight for him.”
I stop wiping my eyes and look at him. “How? He doesn’t want me. I will only humiliate myself.”
“Find a way. If he is that important to you, put aside your pride and humiliate yourself, but don’t give up. He loved you once. Remind him about it. Just be more visible. You cannot sever ties because you have a baby together. You will always be tripping over each other.
I stare at Jake. He’s right. I mean, Reed’s worth fighting for, worth the effort, but just how do I win him back?
“Don’t let her stand in the way if he’s what you want. Just because he’s with her does not mean it’s over.”
When I leave Jake’s office, I’m no longer steaming, I’m scheming.
***
My makeup is fresh, and my hair is bouncy and just the right bit unstructured. My skirt is short and reveals flashes of thigh when I move. My blouse is snug, and thanks to my push-up bra, my cleavage cannot be missed. Sexy, but not porn-starish. Feeling fairly confident and deliciously sly, I drive to catch Reed outside his place of work with Wyatt on my arm.
“Hi, Reed.”
A look of alarm crosses his face when he sees me. “Megan! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, nothing!” I say and flash what I hope is a dazzling smile. “I just … look, Reed, I’ve been thinking … the other day …” I look down and shake my head from side to side.
“What is it, Megan?”
“Reed, look, I came here to tell you … I mean, I just want to apologize for my behavior the other day. I was out of line.”
“What?” He squints at me as he takes Wyatt from my arms.
“Seriously, I had no right to be that way – cry and … and be hurt and … I mean, you’re right about everything.” Babbling allows me time with him. Time for him to really look at me and notice me.
“Oh.” He glances around, an uncomfortable look on his face.
“I made some choices because I was forced to, and I hate that I had to, but in spite of what you think, I do love you and …”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I reach up and quickly put my fingers on his lips. That’s a really bold move, but …
“I need to say this. You are my life, but I have to move on without you and I will do that. All I ask is that you don’t try to replace me in Wyatt’s life. Please.” I remove my hand from his mouth so he can speak.
He blinks hard and stares at me in silence. Something to do with a loss for words. After a while, he shrugs and mumbles, “Okay.”
“Congratulations, by the way.” To utter those words is like swallowing broken glass, but I do it anyway. “On you and Abeeda.”
Now he looks at the ground, his face turning red. Good.
“I had no idea you were into Abeeda, but hey, if that’s who you want, I will respect it.”
Scratching the back of his neck, he shifts in his shoes, his embarrassment mounting, to my delight.
“Well, is it okay to hand Wyatt over to you here?”
“Um … yes, yes, yes.”
“Okay, thanks again for the Fridays, Reed. I really look forward to Fridays these days. One day, I’m hoping and wishing and even praying …” I throw in a light chuckle, “that you will allow me to se
e Wyatt every day. But I know that’s not fair to ask you that right now, so I won’t.”
“Um …” More shifting, more shrugging.
Giving Wyatt a kiss, I turn and head to my car. As I drive off, I feel like a devil in a push-up bra and heels.
I smile to myself.
***
I’m excited – Reed has called and asked me to pick up Wyatt from the park. The park, not from Abeeda.
The change of venue has me hopeful – will Abeeda be with them, or will it be just my two boys? I smile when I see Reed pushing Wyatt in a baby swing. Abeeda is nowhere around.
“Hey!” I say as I gather my only begotten and smother him with kisses. He squeals and squirms when I tickle him.
“Thanks, Reed. I appreciate you taking the time to bring him here.”
All I get is a nod but … there is no scowl attached to it today. Now that’s progress.
“See you guys,” he says and walks away. Then he stops, turns, and looks at me.
“What?” I ask.
“You want to see him tomorrow?”
“Wha …?” Tomorrow is not Friday.
“You can, if you want to.”
Oh my God! Is he serious?
“That’ll be so nice, thanks. Really appreciate it.”
He shrugs. “Any day, every day.”
My heart jumps around in my chest. I cast him a demure smile and push my luck. “From the apartment?” A girl can try, right?
He shrugs.
I take that as a yes, and my smile widens. “Awesome! Thanks.”
Without another word, he turns and leaves.
Thrilled, I grab Wyatt and swing him around the park, eliciting squeals of delight from him and inward ones from me.
When I stop, Reed is watching me from a distance, a hint of a smile on his face.
***
Seeing Wyatt every day is wonderful, and I can’t believe my luck. It’s easy to catch up when you have so much time together. Thankfully, Damien has allowed me some leave to rejuvenate so that I don’t become a complete fruit cake.
Wyatt’s going to be one year old soon, and I plan to do something special with him. How I wish I had my family and lots of friends right now to join in our celebration, but nevertheless, I’m going to make that day really special for us somehow.
When Abeeda sees me in the lounge handing Wyatt to Reed, she spins around to look at Reed, her eyes like saucers.
“It’s okay,” he mutters.
“What do you mean?” she demands.
I don’t hear his reply, but as I gather my bags to leave, I hear them arguing in hushed tones and I allow myself a smirk.
Instead of just picking up Wyatt and dropping him off at the apartment, I take liberties and linger for a while. It’s home, and I still love it.
I love the smell, the décor, the warmth, and most of all, the wonderful memories. To my dismay, every one of our photos has disappeared and been replaced with new pictures. Pictures of Abeeda with Reed and Wyatt, like one small happy family.
My blood boils at the sight of this, and I have to restrain myself from throwing them all in the bin.
However, Abeeda’s cool, composed air and smugness slowly starts to fade as I appear more and more at the apartment.
Today, she stands at the door, a look of horror on her face, her jaw slack. “What is going on here?” she demands. “This place is a mess!”
My smile is saccharine. “Hi, Abeeda. Come inside. I’m just fixing dinner.” Heating baby food is not “fixing dinner,” but why rob her of a perfect opportunity for an anxiety attack?
“Why are you here? Does Reedwan know that you’re here? Huh?”
“Yeah, of course. He called me a short while ago to say he’s on his way.” Okay, so he didn’t call me, I called him, but what’s a teeny, tiny white lie if it’s going to be hugely entertaining?
I cock my head to one side and peer at her. “You look tired, Abeeda. You sleeping okay? Mmm?”
Abeeda’s nostrils flare as her eyes travel down my denim shorts that show my ass and my low-cut top that strains across my thrusting breasts. Her lips curl with disgust. “This music – it’s so loud and it’s … it’s rap! And how can you bring up a baby like this? In such a mess?”
“Mess?” I look around. My heels are in the middle of the lounge, the music is indeed loud but not blaring, and the place is strewn with toys. She’s right – compared to how she keeps the place, neat and in showroom condition, it is indeed a mess.
Just then, Reed rolls in.
“Daddy’s home!” I say as I scoop up Wyatt and rush to the door to greet Reed, as if I’m still in his life. “Say, ‘Hey, Daddy, how was your day?’”
Reed smiles and takes Wyatt from me. “Has he been good?” He has not noticed Abeeda, to my delight and to her chagrin.
“Oh, no, no, no!” I laugh.
Abeeda steps forward and holds her cheek for a kiss, her face like thunder.
Plowing ahead, I say, “Okay, now you stay with Daddy while I clear up your toys.” Strategically, I bend to pick up toys, exposing my G-string over my shorts and giving Reed an eyeful.
“Reedwan!” Abeeda hisses when she sees Reed eyeballing me. The thing about Abeeda – she never yells or raises her voice. Always the lady and always in control. Unlike me – I’m feisty and can let it rip, and I don’t give a fuck as to how I come across.
From the corner of my eye, I notice Reed tear his eyes away from my ass and turn to his future wife.
“Why is she here, Reedwan? It’s not Friday, it’s Tuesday.”
So, he hasn’t told her yet. Before he can answer, Abeeda grabs him by the arm, leads him to the bedroom, and shuts the door. Minutes later, a sour-faced Abeeda emerges with Reed in tow.
“Well, I’ll be off then,” I sing as I slip on my heels. “See you boys later.”
Satisfied with my progress, and knowing that I am slowly embedding myself in Reed and Wyatt’s lives, and taking comfort in the fact that Abeeda is now the unhappy one, I leave feeling victorious.
I skip to my car.
Chapter Twenty-One
My victory is short-lived. I open the medicine cabinet in Reed’s apartment and balk. Nestled among medications is an unopened pregnancy kit. As if it’s a live rat-trap that will snap off my fingers, I rear back. For a while, I stare at the box that shows a smiling couple, the woman sporting a swollen belly, my mind a jumble of thoughts. Is she trying to get pregnant? What will happen to me if she does? Does Reed know about this? Is the box really sealed?
Taking a deep breath, I slowly reach for the box and turn it around.
It’s sealed.
Guess I should take some comfort in that. I mean, it’s not like it’s lying in the waste basket with two blue lines. Oh my God! Imagine if I saw that? Just the thought of that freaks me out.
As the hours pass by, I rationalize, perhaps to save my sanity; she deliberately left it there to fuck with my brain, obviously aware that it would spoil my day and maybe even deter me from pursuing Reed. I resolve not to let it bother me and to never look at it again. I’m strong; I can do this.
Easier said than done. It becomes an obsession with me. Every day, the moment I enter the apartment, I race to the bathroom to see if the box is still there, if it is still sealed, if it is lying in the waste basket.
When I see the box in its place, still intact, I exhale and scold myself. “Silly you, worrying for nothing. Stop torturing yourself like this. It’s cruel and unnecessary. If she gets pregnant, there’s nothing you can do.”
But again, I fail to listen to my sense of reasoning and again, I’m insecure and anxious. Abeeda wins again. Smart girl. A lot smarter than me, it seems.
***
It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m returning Wyatt. I turn the key to the apartment and enter. Everything is unusually quiet.
“Reed?”
No answer.
I knock lightly and enter his bedroom and gasp at the sight of Reed and Abeeda in bed, naked. Wel
l, Reed is asleep, but Abeeda is awake, a smug look on her face.
Matinee sex – that was our thing. How dare he share it with her? As I stand and look at the two of them, I suddenly get what a crime of passion is. I could so easily murder them both right now. Grab a kitchen knife and plunge it into both their hearts.
Abeeda’s smirk tells me that she may have staged this for my benefit, perhaps to keep me insecure. Bitch succeeded.
Furious and blinded by tears, I storm out of the apartment. I should get a hitman to take her out. Take her and Damien out, then Reed and I can live happily ever after. All I have to do is stop at a bar and ask around. Just like in the movies. I have money, so I can afford to pay to remove hurdles in my life.
But, I don’t go to a bar. I go to bed instead, wounded and miserable, fantasizing about ways to dispose of a body.
Bodies.
***
I need to talk to Reed about Wyatt’s upcoming birthday. He’s going to be one, and because I have no one I can celebrate with, I toy with the idea of asking Reed to be present when I cut a cake with Wyatt. We could sing happy birthday and take photos.
Excited about this tiny event, I bring it up with Reed the moment I arrive at the apartment. “Maybe a cake and a candle, take some photos …”
Abeeda pops her head around the kitchen and says, “I’ve already got that covered.”
I didn’t even know Abeeda was here.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
With a generic smile, she hands me an invitation. “I’ve invited about ten of my friends’ kids to celebrate with us. We’re having it at the local Cheeze Mee. Jumping castle, catering, party entertainer ...”
I stare at her in disbelief, then I look at Reed. “What … How …?”
“Well, you didn’t plan anything, so I did,” Abeeda says before he can respond.
“This is my child, Abeeda. You do not plan a birthday party for my child.”
“You weren’t here when I planned it,” she argues. “You left to be with Damien, remember?”
“I’ve been here for almost three months now, Abeeda!”
“Megan, keep your voice down,” Reed says.
“The fuck I will!”
He runs his hands through his hair, appearing flustered with the situation.