by Eve Rabi
I’m so sorry, baby. Mommy has no choice. If I try to keep you, Wyatt will be hurt. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so terribly sorry.
Alicia hovers around all weekend, bringing me orange juice and food. I don’t accept it or acknowledge her, so she quietly leaves it on the table and exits my room. When I wake up in the morning, she’s still around.
***
It’s Tuesday, my shock has worn off, and I’m feeling … everything. I appear calm, but the only thing that belies my true state of mind is the silent tears coursing down my cheeks.
After Damien leaves for work, Alicia ushers me to the car. She opens the passenger door for me. I ignore it and open the back door of my Mercedes she’s been driving. Without a glance at her, I slide into the back seat.
As we drive, I flirt with the idea of opening the door and running off. I could very well get hit by passing motorists. Suicide is alluring right now. But, I quickly shake my head to clear those thoughts away. I have Wyatt. He’s worth living for, even if I never see him again.
“Everything’s going to be all right,” Alicia says in the same, confusingly gentle voice.
“What will they do to the baby?” I ask. “I mean, the fetus? After the procedure?”
“I … I don’t know, I’m sorry.” A huge frown creases her brow.
“D’ya think … d’ya think they will give it to my mom? My parents? So they … they can bury it?”
She looks at me with such sympathy, I wonder if I’m imagining it. “I –”
“Please? It’s my baby. I beg you.”
She responds by making a sharp U-turn.
“Where are you going?”
She doesn’t answer, but pulls up at an apartment block where she circles for a while, as if she is on the lookout for someone.
I crane my neck. Surely this can’t be the clinic?
Finally, she parks in a secluded corner, switches off the ignition and says, “Come with me, Megan.”
“No!” I say, feeling afraid. “Where are you taking me to? This is not the clinic!”
“You’ll see soon.”
“No, I’m calling the cops,” I say, convinced she has lured me here only to have me bumped off, probably by Damien, who’s waiting inside the apartment for me.
“Don’t!” she says, even though I don’t have a phone to make that call. “Just wait! I have something you should see. Something that will buy your freedom from your prick of a husband!”
“Wha …?” Surprised by her words, I stare at her with an admixture of suspicion and curiosity.
“My apartment.” She points toward the first floor. “Come with me, Megan. You can trust me.”
Trust her? She must be joking.
Undaunted by my suspicious look, she extends her hand to me. “Come with me, Megan.”
Having no choice but to trust her, I eventually shuffle behind her, my trepidation escalating with each step toward her low-rise apartment block.
As we reach the top stair, an apartment door opens and Abi Cormack stands at the entrance and beckons us to enter.
I know Abi and I know her father – he’s Damien’s superior, Police Commissioner Cormack.
Abi and I went to school together, and both of us acted in a school play – Julius Caesar. Because we always got on well, I thought she was my friend. She’s in her late twenties, tall and slender with skin the color of honey. Auburn spirals frame her heart-shaped face, and she has a signature habit of blowing through her full lips, causing the tendrils of her fringe to fly around her face.
Shaking my head at Abi, I mutter, “Et tu, Brute?”
“It’s not like that, Megan,” she says in a voice that reminds me of Halle Berry. “It’s not, really.”
“Get inside!” Alicia says as she glances around.
“Quick!” says Abi.
Their nervousness confuses me. In fact, they seem a lot more jumpy than I am.
Remembering that Alicia called Damien a prick earlier on, I decide to enter the apartment.
Alicia shuts the door and stands with her back against it. She nods to Abi and motions me to take a seat in front of the TV.
I remain standing, my curiosity peaking at the sight of Abi fiddling with the TV remote. What the hell is going on here?
When I see Damien and me on TV, fighting in our living room, I gasp. “This is on camera?”
Slowly, I move toward the TV. Then Reed must be on this footage too.
“Keep watching,” Abi says.
Obviously it’s edited, but it shows a series of events, unfortunate ones at that. I watch Damien chase me up the stairs to my bedroom where he handcuffs me to the bed rail and slaps duct tape on my mouth.
When I watch Reed enter and argue with Damien, I suddenly feel a panic attack coming on and I hang my head, unsure of what I’m going to see, and unsure if I can handle it. Slowly, I sink into a chair, realizing I will get the answers to the questions I was too afraid to ask.
Alicia hits the pause button and gives me a sympathetic look. “Megan, I know this must be hard for you and I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, but ...”
“Yes, Megan,” Abi says, “you’ve been through a lot in Iraq and you didn’t deserve this. But here’s a chance for you to get your freedom back. It’s important that you watch.”
Really? I look at Abi. “How …?”
“Someone tipped off Damien that you were leaving, fleeing the country. Since my job is surveillance, Damien ordered me to put you and Reed under surveillance. Recorded. On the day of the shooting, he asked me to end monitoring. I pretended to. You see, he appeared so mad that I knew something bad was going to happen, so I kept rolling and … I caught everything on tape. Everything!” She gives me a meaningful look and hits the play button.
I watch Reed argue with Damien with his hands in the air. Damien makes a call to the police and says that there’s an intruder in our house and that his wife is inside. “Hurry, come quick. I’m going inside. I have to save her.”
We watch Reed pleading with Damien to release me, but Damien scoffs at him. Appearing desperate, Reed challenges Damien in what looks like a ploy to distract him, but all Damien does is laugh and raise the gun in my direction, where I lie unconscious.
I watch Reed hurl himself at Damien and knock the gun out of Damien’s hands. Both Reed and Damien scramble frantically for the gun.
Reed gets to it first, grabs the 9mm, and points it at Damien. “On your stomach!” he snarls.
Damien appears shocked to see the gun in Reed’s hands.
“On your fucking stomach!” Reed yells.
Damien quickly gets on the ground and rolls onto his stomach.
The firearm firmly in his grasp, Reed roughly pats Damien for a second firearm, but appears to find nothing. “Where’s the gun?” Reed demands.
Damien doesn’t answer.
Reed kicks Damien in the head and the ribs several times. Finally, he steps back, panting, his gun still trained on Damien.
“Please … please … don’t kill me,” Damien whimpers. The camera shows Damien’s hand moving slowly toward his hidden firearm.
“Oh my God!” I yell. “No!”
“Drop it!” Reed says.
I sigh with relief when Damien quickly drops it.
Reed snatches up the second firearm. “I’m going to kill you, you bastard!” he says, cocking the gun.
“Please, man … I beg you, man,” Damien snivels.
For a while, it looks like Reed is going to shoot. But he slowly lowers the gun, all the while stealing glances at me. “I can kill you, and I should. Your death would bring joy to so many people, especially Megan, after what you’ve put her through.”
“Please, man, have a heart. I’m begging you.”
When next Reed glances at me, he spots the huge pool of blood around my legs.
“Megan!” he says and rushes over to me, at the same time trying to cover Damien.
Frantically, Reed searches for a pulse and seems to locate on
e. Quickly, he scans the room, finds a phone, and with bloodied hands, dials 911.
Damien gets up, quietly tiptoes behind Reed, and shoots him in the back of the head.
I scream hysterically when I witness Reed being shot, and both Abi and Alicia battle to calm me down.
After about fifteen minutes, Alicia hits play again.
Damien turns and raises the gun at me. To my astonishment, even though he’s shot, Reed gets up and rushes Damien, but they don’t fall – they struggle. Reed won’t allow Damien to shoot me.
With an evil smile, Damien fires twice more. Reed’s body buckles, but he hangs on to Damien, preventing him from shooting me.
In the background, we hear the police. Damien appears agitated that Reed won’t fall again.
“Police!” We hear someone shout. “Open up!”
Damien rifles through Reed’s pocket, finds his wallet, and pockets it. Only then does Reed let go of Damien and slide to the ground.
By now, I’m sobbing, and so are Alicia and Abi.
For a long time, I lie on Alicia’s white couch, curled up in fetal position and crying.
Abi puts her arms around me and I weep some more.
“He saved us,” I sob, holding my stomach. “He wouldn’t let go. He saved us.”
“I know, I know, I know,” Abi says. For a long time she holds me, and when my sobs subside, she says, “There’s more. You need to see it if you want your freedom.”
Freedom? I nod slowly and gesture for her to hit play.
As Abi hits play, my fear and anxiousness about these two women vanish. Now I wonder just how Damien can have such power over them.
On TV, Damien staggers back and surveys the room. He takes in the blood on the carpet, the walls, on him, and on me. With a nod of approval, he turns Reed over, and after a cursory glance at the door, he places his firearm in Reed’s hand, points it at me, and fires.
Probably due to the angle of Reed’s hand and the lack of time to be exact, the bullet misses me and smashes into the wall above me.
“Fuck!” Damien curses just as the police burst into the room. “Help us!” he says as he slides to the ground in a dramatic manner.
While some of the armed police officers cover Reed, the others rush over to me.
“Is she dead?” Damien asks. “Did he kill her?”
“We’ve got no pulse,” a policeman says.
“I tried so hard to save her!” Damien says and holds his head in a gesture of despair. “I tried! I tried! Oh, God, I tried!”
A policewoman leads the seemingly distraught Damien away. “My wife … my wife …”
“We’ve got a pulse!” A medic cries.
“Pulse here, too!” another medic at Reed’s side shouts.
Damien freezes. It’s so clear on tape, I actually smile.
“Cancel the wagon and make that two ambulances!” someone shouts.
The policewoman takes Damien’s arm. “Sir, you need to come with …”
Damien shrugs her off and walks back to the room. He stands over the medics and glares at the crime scene, his lips a thin line.
We are interrupted by Alicia’s phone going off. Abi immediately hits pause, runs to the window, and peeps through the closed blinds.
“Him!” Alicia whispers and puts her finger to her lips.
“I’m inside the clinic, Damien. Call you later.” She cuts the call and turns to me. “Let’s go!
Let’s go! Hurry!”
Abi whips out the tape from the recorder, slips it into her bag, and rushes to the door.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
“Why are you doing this?” I ask as Alicia and I hurry to the car. “You’re having an affair with Damien, and Abi …?” I shake my head. “I don’t under –”
“I’m not having an affair with Damien, Megan,” she says as we get into the car.
“You’re not?”
As we drive, she explains. “Long story short – five years ago, I was assigned to work under the command of your husband. One week into the job, we all went to a bar to celebrate. One of the guys’ birthday … promotion – I don’t remember. Damien was coming on to me all night, but I was not interested. I had just gotten married and I was very happy. I went to dance and when I returned, my drink was waiting for me. Damien had bought us all a round. After I drank it, I couldn’t remember anything. Damien drove me home, or was supposed to, but instead, he took me to his place and … and raped me. Several times.”
I paste both my hands on my mouth.
“When I came to, I was in his bed, naked. When things became clearer, I was horrified to know that we had sex, and confronted him about it. But he just laughed and insisted that I wanted him to. He said, ‘You had too much to drink and boy, did you want it! You wanted it so baaaad.’” She swallows hard and continues. “That wasn’t me. I don’t do stuff like that. Really, I don’t.”
“I believe you.”
“To make matters worse, Damien recorded us having sex. In the video, I looked like I was smiling. It was horrible. I wanted to report the matter, but he threatened to show the tape to my husband and the entire police force if I did. All my life, I wanted to be a policewoman, so I could kiss my career goodbye if I went ahead with my threats. More importantly, it would have destroyed my marriage and career in one step. So, I did nothing and he … he began to blackmail me. Mainly sex. I did as he asked for years, but I became depressed and even attempted …” Alicia’s voice breaks as she hitches up her jacket sleeves and shows me the angry scars on her wrists.
“God, no! You did that?”
She nods slowly. “About a year after the incident, I was reading an article on GHB, commonly known as –”
“Date rape drug!” I look at her in horror. “You can’t be serious?!”
She nods. “The salty taste of the drink, the way I looked in the video – it all added up. It was too late to take action. Who would have believed me? Damien had this sword over my head and used that to his advantage. Anything he wanted, he got from me. I dared not say no to him. The blackmail continued all these years. Sometimes, if Damien touches me, I want to scream. I cry a lot since then.” She sniffs hard.
“Often, I thought about telling, but I’m too old to embark on another career and I would have to start at the bottom again. My husband, Frank – I don’t know if he can weather this kind of degradation and humiliation. He’s such a loving and caring guy, but he’s soft.” Talking about her beloved husband brings fresh tears to Alicia’s eyes. She quickly wipes them away with the Kleenex I hand her.
“I am so sorry, Alicia. I’m … I’m horrified and I, like, I don’t know what to say.”
“I loathe him! He destroyed my life. He destroyed Abi’s life in pretty much the same way. I think both of us survived this long only because we had each other.”
“Really?”
“Not a day goes by when I don’t fantasize about killing him or hearing that he died or thinking about a hitman …”
I sit back. “I can relate to that,” I mutter. “I’ve done it all the time.”
“Because of his hold over me, he knew I wouldn’t tell, I couldn’t tell, so he figured that I had shut up for so long, I could be trusted to place your house under surveillance. Illegally, that is. You see, he instructed me to install cameras in your house and Reed’s apartment about a week before the shooting. That is how he knew exactly when you were leaving him, who you were in contact with, etc.”
“Wow.”
“He was livid when he learned of your plans to leave the U.S. Mad as hell. I thought he might confront you at home, and I knew he would hurt you. That’s why I continued surveillance, and I’m really glad I did. I didn’t think it was going to be that bad, I must say.”
“What …what do you plan …?”
She looks at me. “I’m giving the original to you. Use it to escape. Save your baby and the little one inside of you.”
I start to cry at her kindness and help.
“I’ll take ca
re of the clinic. I’ll tell them your boyfriend is forcing you to abort and they will know how to handle it. You’re booked under the name Wendy Harmer. When Damien asks, I’ll tell him it’s done. He will check, of course. He trusts no one.” She turns and smiles at me. “You have to act like you’re doped.”
“Sure, I can.” Feeling like I’ve been given a stay, I’m suddenly energized.
“Good.” She pulls up at a drug store. “Painkillers and sanitary towels for show,” she says, and she runs up to the store.
When she returns to the car, she pops out a few pills from a blister pack and throws them out of the window.
Then she rips the bag of sanitary towels and removes a few, which she gives to me. “Put that in your bag.”
I do as she instructs, thankful that she thought of just about everything.
“He’s pretty sharp, you know.”
“I know, I know. But I wouldn’t have thought of all this.”
“Ah, but Damien’s taught me well over the years. Together, we’ve done some terrible things to some good people.” Her eyes get watery and she blows her nose into a Kleenex.
“I too have done some terrible things,” I mutter as I think of poor Mahmood.
“Alicia, what do you get out of this?”
“You help us find the tapes? Abi’s and mine.”
“What? That’s all?”
“Yeah.”
“Sure. Anything you need. Deal.”
“I’m to watch over you and make sure you don’t talk to anyone, so I figure we have time to get up to our own mischief.”
I smile. “Yeah, of course.”
What a turn of events. Watching Reed fight to save me and my baby overwhelms me with sadness.
He truly was my hero.
As if reading my mind, Alicia glances at me. “He saved your life, Megan,” she says quietly.
I nod and swallow the lump in my throat.
“Be patient, Megan. You’ve got your get-out-of-jail card. Be nice to Damien – not too nice, just enough to make him relax. Get it?”
“Got it.”
She drives on.