“I could care less about the scarecrow’s perch,” he snarled coming over and setting his fists on a table near her. “Why is he here?”
Tibby tilted her lace-capped head to give him an incredulous look. “To teach Freddie, of course. Why else would I hire a tutor? I can assure you, my personal tastes are not so scholarly.”
He slammed an open hand on the table. “Stop making light of this. Why wasn’t I informed of a tutor coming in for my ward?”
She snorted and her eyes turned cold. “Mr. Townsley happens to be one of the leading scholars in London, highly respected and very hard to come by. You should be grateful I was able to snap him up.”
He gawked at her for a moment, his mouth working. “Grateful?” he managed. “That a young and apparently handsome idiot is floating around your house who knows how often and…”
“He is helping Freddie to prepare for when he goes to school,” Tibby overrode, putting out a hand as if to stop his words herself. “Mrs. Creighton has told me that while Freddie is quite brilliant in many respects, the girls outstrip him in some areas. All I am doing is helping, which, by the way, you asked me to do.” Her cold eyes turned less so as she looked him up and down, and a corner of her mouth ticked. “The fact that Mr. Townsley is young and handsome, and remarkably available, not to mention quite perfectly suited for my new companion is merely advantageous.”
His brows snapped together and he curled his fingers into a fist. She was teasing him, playing him, and he knew it. Worst of all, it was working. He was in a rage, jealous beyond expression, and barely reigning in his control. He hissed a breath through clenched teeth. “Tibby, you are meddling.”
She gestured faintly with the spectacles she still held. “Well, of course, I am. That is what I do.”
He would have laughed had he not still been seething. “Stop.”
Tibby actually looked surprised for a moment, and her hands moved to her hips. “Stop? Colin Gerrard, when have you ever known me to take orders from anyone?”
He looked down at his fist and uncurled his fingers one by one as his anger started ebbing into a grumpy irritation. “Never,” he muttered.
She sniffed once. “Exactly. And I do not mean to start now.”
He shook his head and clenched his jaw. “Tibby…”
“What?” she asked with a bit of a bite to her tone. “What exactly do you protest, Colin? And why?”
He felt a muscle tick in his jaw. He stared at Tibby with a surprising amount of hardness, his mind conjuring all sorts of rebuttals for her extraordinary lecture, none of which he could bring himself to verbalize. He could not explain himself to Tibby, not really, and not to the extent he should.
He understood Duncan’s complaints of her all too well now. And the helpless devotion that followed.
“Townsley can tutor Freddie,” Colin said slowly.
“Thank you,” Tibby said drily, her lips quirking.
He ignored that. “But he is to have nothing to do with Susannah. I mean it.”
“They have to interact, Colin.” Tibby had suddenly gained a very suspicious gleam in her eye. “Freddie is her son.”
“Does he know that?”
She nodded once. “He also knows to keep it quiet. I would hardly hire an idiot I could not trust. And I have no plans of setting him with Susannah. I am no matchmaker, she is free to make her own decisions.”
And that was what frightened him. Being with Colin would be a complicated affair for her, given the past and their current situation. Some fresh young scholar who had ties to her son would be a convenient solution, and Colin could not be here constantly to ensure that he was in her thoughts and in her heart. She received his attentions with pleasure, but seldom returned them. She was carefully staying within restrictions that he would have torn aside but for his determination to win her by patience.
The lack of information from the Gent as yet was frustrating, but so long as he minded his time with her and did not press further than she would allow, he would be safe.
Susannah was not about to reveal things to him on her own; she was too proud and stubborn for that. And heaven help him, it was one of the things he loved most about her.
Tibby gave a soft clearing of her throat and smiled genuinely when he met her eyes at last. “There’s a story here…”
He shook his head, exhaling a heavy sigh. “Not yet, Tibby. Not now.”
She lifted one brow. “I have eyes, darling. You don’t have to tell me anything.”
He was afraid of that. He pointed a finger at her. “Keep Susannah away from him.”
“I am not her keeper. I won’t push, but I will not pull either.” And by the firmness of her stance and the determined set of her jaw, he knew the conversation was over.
He shook his head and grudgingly gave her half of a smile. “I love you, Tibby. You know that. But right now, I hate you.”
Her lips twitched and she shrugged. “Love and hate are two lines on the same palm. You’ll thank me later.”
He snorted and moved around the table towards her. “Provided I don’t kill you, right?” He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.
She patted his chest fondly. “That is a risk, yes.”
He smiled in earnest now and turned to leave the room, then looked back over his shoulder. “Gold-rimmed spectacles, Tibby? Really?”
She tittered in her usual manner. “I was not about to let fading eyesight turn me into an old woman. Very fashionable, yes?”
He shook his head with a chuckle and went back to the girls. He wanted to walk with Susannah for a while. He wanted to do a great many things with her, but for now, a walk would suffice.
Thankfully, the girls had already gone off to collect Freddie and play, with Annalise volunteering to mind them for the time being. Susannah took very little convincing to take a stroll, and he was thrilled with that. Her color was heightened, and her figure looked healthier than he had seen her yet. Still too thin for his taste, but it was progress. And she smiled so easily now, each one catching in his chest.
“Are you all right?” she asked softly as they left the house, still tying her bonnet ribbons.
He shook his head and fought for calm. “No. But I am better than I was.” He looked over at her and felt the tightness in his chest loosen. “I am much better now.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but then only smiled and took his arm. “Bitty tells me you’ve finally procured a pianoforte for them.”
He shook his head. “Yes, and the monstrosity has taken over the whole of the house. It will never be a quiet place again.”
Susannah laughed softly and squeezed his arm. “You have three little girls living there, Colin. It was never going to be a quiet place again regardless.”
He smiled at that. “Very true. Bitty is delighted by it. I think she will be our musical one, though I fear she has a long way to go.”
“She was telling me about it, how pretty it is and the carvings on it…” Susannah hesitated, and Colin watched her, transfixed by the play of emotions on her face. “Colin, why did you spend so much on it? You could have easily purchased a simple one. I know they have shops in the city for it. There was no need to be extravagant.”
He gave her a searching look when her eyes met his. “I wanted a quality instrument for them, one that would last for ages and that they would want to perform on one day. That sort of thing costs more, and I have the funds for it, so why shouldn’t I have given them the best?”
She gave a short sigh and shook her head. “Forgive me, I am in no position to judge.”
“You’re forgiven, of course,” he assured her, reaching into his pocket. “In fact…”
He pulled out the locket he’d purchased for her and dangled it in front of her face.
She gasped and looked up at him, curiously upset. “What? Why would you do that?”
He reared back a bit in surprise. “Do what? Buy you a pretty trinket?”
“Yes!” she screeched, pullin
g away from him. “Colin, you can’t just keep buying me things! You spend too much money! You buy expensive pianofortes for your sisters, you buy me dresses, you bribe shopkeepers to interview me, you buy my son clothes…”
“Kit did that,” he interrupted hastily, though he had no defense for the others, as they were true.
“…and you are constantly buying me things I don’t need!” she rambled, throwing her hands up. “I can’t see how you can afford any of this and maintain your usual lifestyle. Colin, tell me the truth: are you a spendthrift?”
He widened his eyes as he saw the real concern and fear in her eyes. “A spendthrift?” he echoed faintly. “Why should you…?” He trailed off as realization dawned. “Your husband mismanaged money.”
She folded her arms grumpily. “He didn’t manage money at all. It went out faster than it came in. He threw it away and he was constantly buying things we didn’t need with money we didn’t have. He gambled all the time, badly and recklessly, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. He ruined us, Colin. Beyond any hope of repair. So I need you to tell me if you are going to go the same way.”
He considered her words carefully and took a moment. Then he took a measured step towards her. “I am not a spendthrift. I do not spend money recklessly, though I do spend it. I know exactly where every farthing is going at all times. Kit and I learned a lot from our father, not the least of which were mistakes to avoid. We have each made some very lucrative investments and have several estates in the country that we manage in Loughton’s absence. I have far more money than anybody thinks and I do that intentionally so no one will suspect. I am careful with my money, Susannah. And I never gamble. Well,” he amended with a small smile, “almost never. But I’m smart there, and very good at it.”
She did not return his smile as she searched his eyes with a slight sense of panic.
He put his free hand on her upper arm. “I do not waste money. Ever. Everything has a point, place, and purpose. Including my gifts to you. So please, will you take the locket now?” He held it up for her to examine again, swinging it just a little.
She bit her lip, her eyes finally darting to it. One side of her mouth began a slow, almost imperceptible curve, and he almost grinned. She wanted it. Despite her argument, she wanted the pretty little trinket.
He chuckled and turned her around, draping the locket around her neck and fastening it for her. Too tempted by her skin, he stroked two fingers along her nape and she shivered, then turned to face him, her eyes scolding.
He grinned and shrugged unrepentantly. He would not apologize for wanting her.
Susannah took his arm once more and tucked a pleased smile into her cheeks as they commenced their walk once more. She inhaled the brisk air and looked around at the trees, now changing color with the fading temperatures. She leaned against him slightly with a sigh. “Don’t you just love London in autumn?”
He smiled down at her. “Not particularly.”
She pulled back and looked up at him, laughing. “What? Why not?”
He shrugged and made a face. “I hate London.”
Her step slowed and her brow puckered adorably. “You love London. You live here. You’ve always lived here, you said so yourself.”
He hadn’t intended to reveal this yet, or perhaps ever, but now it was upon him, he’d see it through. He held her gaze steady. “We always said we’d meet again in London.”
She stopped completely, her eyebrows nearly to her hairline. “Wait…” she said slowly. “You… you’re not saying…”
He smiled softly and turned to face her completely. “I love autumn. In the country. I have not really seen an autumn in the country in almost fifteen years. I have spent those fifteen years in London, or travelling from place to place, but mostly, I was in London. Waiting. Hoping. Wishing that we would truly meet again in London.”
“But…” she stammered, shaking a bit, “but you couldn’t know…”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t care. I loved you.” He stepped forward and cupped her face in his hands, despite their being in public. “I love you. And right now, you are in London in the autumn. I love you in London in the autumn. But I would love winter, spring, or summer in London so long as you were there.”
Susannah stared at him for what seemed an age, not moving save for the slight tremor coursing through her. Then suddenly, she took one of his hands and pulled him quickly from the street to the side of a building, beyond where wandering eyes would see. She went up on tiptoe and laced her fingers behind his head, and pulled him down for a kiss that was slow, long, and maddeningly delicious. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, wondering faintly when he would get used to this thrilling rush of pleasure he found in her, the effect she had on him, the growing need he felt for her.
Never, he decided as her hold tightened on him, her fingers curling into his hair just enough. He would never get used to it.
And there was nothing at all wrong with that.
Chapter Fifteen
A musical evening? But she’s not at all musical, she said so herself.”
Colin chuckled and leaned back on his hands in the grass. He looked so easy out here behind Tibby’s house in the garden, jacket off, cravat loosened, hair tousled. It might have been his house instead of Tibby’s. In fact, if it weren’t for the fact that Mr. Townsley was chatting with Mrs. Creighton on the terrace, they might well have been at Colin’s.
Susannah smiled faintly and was tempted to push a lock of his hair out of his face. But the children were playing not far away, and Mrs. Creighton was directly facing them.
“Tibby loves music, despite her lack of ability,” Colin said on a sigh, bringing her back to the conversation at hand. “She hosts one or two of these soirées a year and they are a favorite for all. Except for the year she invited Isabelle Compton to sing.” He shuddered dramatically. “My ears have never been the same.”
Susannah still felt a faint clutch of nerves in the pit of her stomach. “But… why would she want me there? I’m just her companion, I’m not supposed to associate with society.”
Colin gave her an incredulous look, half of his mouth curved up. “Do you think Tibby actually pays attention to conventions, Susannah? She defies them with flare. And she wants you there because she likes you, sweetheart.”
As always, the endearment from his lips caused a warm tingle somewhere in the base of her spine. She fingered her locket with one hand, the cold metal on her skin a constant reminder of Colin’s warmth. She had not removed it even once since he gave it to her three days ago, and she didn’t think she ever would. She had long given up the idea of distance between them. How could she distance herself from the man she loved more than life? He was everything to her, always had been and now and forevermore would be. She might never have him, her past was too muddled and murky for him to become involved in; and knowing his penchant for heroism, he would fully invest himself in solving every one of her problems, and that she absolutely could not allow.
So long as he never proposed again, she would always have him.
But he would propose again.
And it would all be over when he did.
She glanced over at Mrs. Creighton and Mr. Townsley, completely absorbed in conversation and not minding them at all. Slowly, she moved the hand on the grass towards Colin, not stopping until their hands were touching, little fingers overlapping.
His skin was hot to the touch, and his sudden change in breath told her everything she needed to know.
“I like Tibby, too,” she said, pretending as though there was not a fire building between their hands, “but I hardly think I need to be there.”
Colin swallowed and curved his finger enough to interlock with hers. “No one refuses Tibby, especially not an invitation. And she is not making a grand spectacle of it, just a few friends. Nathan and Moira, Derek and Kate, Geoff and Mary, Duncan and Annalise, Marianne, me, Kit… Perhaps Miss Arden, Miss Templeton, Lord Blackmoor,
Thomas Granger, maybe even the Beckhams, if she’s feeling adventurous.”
Susannah gave him a wry look. “And that’s just a few friends?”
Colin snorted. “You should see the spring musicale at the beginning of the Season. Packed in so tightly you can’t breathe unless you’re fortunate enough to have an end seat.”
Susannah shook her head slowly, wondering what it would be like to enjoy such a plethora of friends.
“Maybe even Lady Cavendish and that rather charming nephew of hers will be invited,” Colin said with a grin, his little finger sliding along hers in a faint caress.
Susannah rolled her eyes and laughed. “After what you went through about poor Mr. Townsley? I had better write to Lady Cavendish to warn him off.”
Colin glowered just a bit as he looked back at the man in question.
“You probably should apologize to Tibby,” she prodded gently.
He shook his head at once. “No, absolutely not. I have never apologized to anyone and I will not start with Tibby.”
“You apologized to me,” she murmured softly.
He froze and a soft smile appeared on his face. “True,” he murmured, caressing her finger again, “but I love you. That’s the difference.”
She swallowed the lump that had formed and had to look up at the sky to blink back her tears. “You’re not supposed to say things like that to me.”
“Well, who else should I say them to?” he asked with a warm chuckle. “I’ve loved you since I was fifteen years old, and that’s not something I take lightly.”
She swallowed and exhaled slowly. “You said before that you accept that I did what I had to do when I… that day I left.”
“So I did, and I still do.”
Susannah opened her eyes and looked at him, his face taut, but his eyes warm. She fought for control and removed her hand from under his. She couldn’t touch him when she talked about this. She angrily swiped at the remaining tears and murmured, “I couldn’t even cry that day. My parents found out about us, you see, and… They knew your family’s reputation as it stood in those days. And they…”
The Burdens of a Bachelor (Arrangements, Book 5) Page 18