She looked at him then, and his eyes were full of such longing, such adoration that it stole her breath completely. There was only one thing she could say to such ardency. “You still love me,” she said in wonder.
“I never stopped,” he replied. “Marry me, Susannah.”
She stiffened and tried to turn back to Rosie, but Colin caught her arm with his free hand. “Let me worry about your sister, Colin. We can…”
“We have waited long enough,” he said firmly.
She sighed heavily and looked back at him. “What if I can’t save her?” she asked in a small voice.
He kept his eyes on hers as he shook his head. “Won’t change how I feel.”
She swallowed back tears. “It will,” she insisted.
“No,” he replied. “It won’t.” He sighed and looked at Rosie, still holding her hand. “I love my sister. I don’t want her to die. In fact, I am terrified at the prospect. I want you to do everything you can to save her. I would sell my soul to save her, to trade places with her, anything. But I know there are limits to what we can do. What she can endure.” He swallowed and looked back at Susannah. “And what we can endure. And my limit is going one more day without you. I cannot do that.”
Susannah’s breath caught and she gripped the nearby counterpane for balance.
Colin stared at her as if in agony, shaking his head. “I have been horrible to you, I didn’t know what you had been through, what you had suffered… I never meant that you weren’t good enough for me. Quite the opposite, in fact. I am nowhere near good enough for you. That was what I meant when you came to me. But I need you anyway. No matter what happens, you are mine, Susannah. And I am yours.”
Her tears fell softly down her cheeks, her heart soaring with love and hope, with fear for Rosie, and with regret for what they had lost. But mostly, she was full of a desperate need to tell him something she had never said to him. Something she should have said ages ago, years ago, and had never done.
She reached out and laid her hand alongside his cheek. “I love you,” she told him, her voice breaking a little, but full of feeling.
“Say yes,” he begged softly.
A smile crossed her trembling lips. “Yes.”
He exhaled softly, his relief evident, and turned his head to kiss her palm, then smiled at her with so much emotion her knees shook.
The door to the room opened quietly, and Mary and Mrs. Creighton both entered with the things Susannah had requested. “Both of you?” she asked in surprise.
Mary smiled and came to her with a tight hug. “Many hands, and all that. Put us to work.”
They worked steadily for hours, wiping down Rosie’s burning flesh with cold rags, setting a poultice on her chest for her breathing, and trying to get her to take a sleeping draught or laudanum when she became restless. It was arduous, but eventually, they reached a point where all three felt the only thing they could do would be to wait and see what the rest of the night brought. She was not quite out of danger, but neither were they as fearful as they had been.
Mary and Mrs. Creighton left to sleep in nearby rooms, while Susannah curled up on Colin’s lap. He had dozed as they worked, but was never quite asleep. When the others left, he murmured for her to come to him, insisting she sleep as well, but only in his hold. They both reached hands out to touch Rosie, and fell asleep as such. Though she was fairly insensible, neither could bear that she would ever feel that she was alone.
Sleep was limited and fitful, but it did come.
The earliest glimpse of morning light broke into the room from the open window and Susannah shivered as a cold breeze entered. Colin’s arm around her tightened. “I don’t mind waking up like this,” he murmured in a sleep-roughened voice.
“In a chair?” she asked with an innocent air, craning her neck and sitting up.
“Of course,” he said simply. “That’s exactly what I meant.”
She smiled with a roll of her eyes. She looked towards the bed at Rosie, whose chest rose and fell softly, steadily. Without any hint of a hitch.
“Colin,” Susannah cried, her eyes going wide.
He had seen it as well and in one motion they were both on their feet, their hands on Rosie, checking her pulse and skin temperature.
She was still warm, but so markedly cooler than what she had been all night and the days before it was astonishing. Her pulse was strong and throbbing in her small wrist. Her color was rosier and her eyes fluttered when Susannah laid a hand on her cheek.
“Rosie?” she whispered, pushing back a damp curl. “Rosie, darling, can you hear me?”
Rosie licked her dry and cracked lips, her eyes opening a little. “Susannah?” she sluggishly replied, the words garbled.
Susannah hiccupped a laugh and Colin gripped her shoulder tightly. “Yes, love. It’s me.”
“I think I’ve been hit by a boulder,” Rosie drawled with a wince. “My head pounds something fierce.”
“You just sleep a while, pet,” Colin told her, his voice clogged. “We’ll sort it out later.”
“Colin,” she said with a smile as she nodded, her eyes closing again. “I dreamed of a pony. Can I have one?”
He laughed and kissed her hand. “You can have twelve, Rose, so long as you never get sick again.”
She snored softly in response, asleep again.
Colin laughed loudly and seized Susannah in a fierce hug, his tears flowing freely as hers did. She clung to him, laughing and crying all at once.
The door to the room was suddenly flung open, breaking them apart.
Kit was in the doorway, looking haggard and rough, Ginny in his arm, fully awake, and Bitty clutching his hand tightly. Mary, Geoff, and Mrs. Creighton suddenly appeared behind them, staring into the room.
Colin smiled and waved them all in. “It’s all right,” he said, still laughing even as tears leaked from his eyes. “She’s all right. Her fever has broken and she just told me she wants a pony.”
“God save us,” Kit said with a look to the ceiling, his cheeks wet. He set Ginny down on the bed and the little girl crawled to her sister and snuggled up against her, popping her thumb in her mouth. Bitty clambered onto the bed and did the same on her sister’s other side.
Kit bent to kiss Susannah’s cheek and then pulled Colin into his arms for a tight hug that did not break for a long time.
Mrs. Creighton and Mary were crying and hugged Susannah in turn, then sat and watched the girls with their sister. Geoff grinned with his relief, clapped Colin and Kit on their backs, and took up position behind his wife, his hand firmly on her shoulder.
Kit thanked Susannah profusely, then went and took Colin’s seat by Rosie’s bed, stroking her hand with a smile.
Colin linked his fingers with Susannah’s and pulled her from the room without a word. She wordlessly followed, her heart picking up speed the further away from the room they went. He led her down the stairs, moving faster with each step.
When they reached the sitting room, he turned and cupped Susannah’s cheek, his eyes free of tears, but full of heat and love. “I love you,” he said in an uneven voice.
She slid her hands up his chest and around his neck. “I love you, too,” she whispered.
He barely let her finish before his lips were on hers, hungry and insistent, and reminiscent of that day in the gazebo. He pouring longing and need and the anguish of separation into his kiss, melting and searing every part of her so completely that she groaned against him. He moaned softly as she pulled him closer, going up on her toes. A fever threatened to rise within her, within them both, and something began to uncurl in the pit of her stomach.
A faint clearing of the throat gave them pause, their lips barely touching as they panted together.
“So…” Kit drawled in a surprisingly Colin-esque voice. “I take it a wedding is in our immediate future?”
Colin chuckled and kissed Susannah quickly. “Yes,” he answered, turning Susannah a little so they could see his twin leaning casually against the
doorframe.
Kit grinned mischievously. “Finally get to use that special license, eh, Colin?”
Susannah jerked and looked up at Colin. “What?” she cried.
He looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “I, erm, got a special license.”
She leaned back, startled. “When, exactly?”
“Before I asked you to marry me the first time.”
Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. “That was almost six weeks ago!”
He shrugged, grinning now. “You took some convincing.”
Susannah stared at the man she adored in awe, wonder filling every part of her. “You really do want to marry me, don’t you?”
He took her hand and pressed a hot, fervent kiss to it. “From the very beginning.”
Well. There was only one thing to do about that.
She cleared her throat and turned to face Kit fully. “In that case… Kit, would you fetch our friends? I must rush home.”
Colin jerked and stepped back into her view. “What? Why?”
“I need my son and my things. Do you think Tibby would take us in until then? It won’t be for long, obviously,” she told him as she moved to the door. “I am to be married, after all. As soon as Rosie is well enough.”
Kit coughed a surprised laugh, while Colin merely looked thunderstruck. “What? Susannah…”
She turned and gave him a serious look. “Colin, earlier you spoke of limits and what yours are. Mine is this: I have spent too many years and months and weeks away from you, and one more minute of loving you and not having you is more than I can bear. So your brother will get our friends, I will fetch Freddie, and you will fetch the doctor. The moment your sister is recovered, we will be wed. Prepare yourself, my love. Your boring bachelorhood is at an end. But I promise you, the rest of your life will be quite exciting.”
“Exciting?” he repeated, still bewildered.
She quirked her brows. “Quite.” Then, using her best Tibby impersonation, she swept boldly from the room.
As she fetched her things, she did not immediately hear a reply from within the room. But she could imagine Colin gaping openly.
She suddenly heard Kit’s voice. “You’d better do as she says, brother. She is determined to have you.”
“And it’s about time!” Colin exclaimed cheekily.
“Where are you going?” Kit laughed.
“To find Duncan and Derek,” Colin called, his voice fading a bit. “I haven’t a thing to wear for a wedding!”
Two weeks later, a ball was held at the Gerrard home to close out the autumn festivities of London, the last event before winter arrived. And all of London Society was invited.
Very few people knew the truth of Colin Gerrard’s rumored marriage, but word had gotten out that he had been seen at St. George’s at Hanover Square in very fine attire, and that was enough to get the gossip started.
Susannah stood near one of the extraordinarily tall windows of the ballroom, looking up at it, shaking her head at such an expense. She would never get used to being mistress of such places, let alone having such funds at her disposal. Though Colin had confessed to paying off her exorbitant debts, somehow there was plenty of fortune left. It was an astonishing thought.
She smiled as Kit entered and he gave her a warm nod in response, keeping his public reserve in place. Since the wedding, Kit had removed himself to his bachelor’s residence, claiming he had no desire to be about with a newly married couple. She suspected it was awkward for him, though he loved them both, and wondered faintly if he might, in some small way, miss his brother.
The girls missed him fiercely, but he came over at regular intervals and was frequently present for dinners.
Freddie delighted in having sisters, though they were technically his aunts, and they would undoubtedly get into their fair share of scrapes soon. All of the children were blessedly well and whole, no one else succumbing to the fever that had raged Colin and Rosie. They were also quite jealous that Colin and Susannah were to go on a long trip, but they were easily consoled by the fact that Kit would be staying with them while they were gone, and he had promised to make a spectacular time of it.
Whatever that meant coming from Kit Gerrard.
She might have to warn Colin about that one. She looked around the room for her husband, who was no doubt getting into mischief himself. They had avoided the awkwardness of a formal introduction of Susannah as his wife by keeping with the Gerrard tradition of informality, and no one in this room knew who she was except for their friends.
No one would even suspect.
She saw Derek nearby and smiled, moving towards him.
She was suddenly tripped by something, but caught her balance before she could do more than stumble. She heard a familiar jangling of a beaded bodice and turned with a stiffened spine to face Lady Greversham.
“Lady Greversham,” she said just as stiffly, narrowing her eyes a little. Though the woman did not know it, she would not be permitted to insult or abuse the lady of this house. Susannah would not stand for it, and nor did she have to anymore.
“I don’t recall being introduced to you formally,” the old woman hissed. “How did you gain entrance to this event?”
Susannah opened her mouth to reply when a much taller, much more imposing person was suddenly at her side. She looked up to see Colin wearing a polite smile, though his eyes were a furious shade of their usual blue. “I know you did not just trip my wife, Lady Greversham, that is highly unlike you. So do tell me, what did you do?”
Lady Greversham’s mouth worked like a caught fish. “Wife?” she croaked weakly.
“Wife,” Colin said firmly with a nod. “We were married last week before family and friends, so obviously you were not invited, and we are leaving tomorrow for an extended trip, during which I shall do my very best to ignore every hurt you have done to my beloved wife so that upon my return, when I have adapted properly to the wedded bliss in which I currently reside, I will not strangle you with your own ghastly lace collars. I believe you can show yourself out? My servants have far better tasks than to assist you.”
He took Susannah’s arm and led her away from the gaping and gasping woman.
Susannah beamed up at him, laughing. “You’ve destroyed your reputation,” she told him as they reached their circle of friends, who had witnessed the whole thing. “Sending Lady Greversham from your house? It is too shocking!”
“What care I for reputation?” he scoffed, which made everyone laugh. “I have been made husband of the only woman I have ever loved, and left behind my dark and dreary wasteland of bachelorhood for the brilliant paradise of being well and truly bound for eternity. What greater fortune could be had?”
Soft sniffles echoed in rapid succession as every woman in the group, Susannah included, wiped away tears. Susannah took her husband’s chin in her hand and gave him a very improper sort of kiss for a ballroom, but it was natural for them by now.
“All right,” Derek said with a suddenly accusing air, “who toyed with Colin’s beverage?”
Susannah laughed and broke away from Colin, who settled his hand a little too close to her hip.
“Too right,” Geoff agreed with a snort. “That was so poetic I forgot it was Colin.”
“It was terrifying,” Duncan offered with a shudder.
“It was beautiful,” Annie corrected, smiling at him.
“Pity it was Colin,” Moira sighed. “I enjoyed it.”
“Is he feverish?” Kate asked with a wink.
Nathan slowly shook his head. “Susannah, you’ve married a madman.”
“Aye, I have,” she murmured, brushing a lock of his hair away. “And I find I am just as mad.”
Someone sighed, and Colin winked at her, stroking her hip surreptitiously.
Geoff heaved a dramatic sigh and shook his head. “Well, that is the end, I suppose.”
“The end of what?” Mary asked, looking confused.
“An era.”
“How so?” Annie asked, her brow furrowed.
He pointed at Colin. “Colin, it seems, has reformed.”
No one said anything for a moment as they considered that. “Do we have a moment of silence?” Nathan asked, looking around.
“I think I may cry,” Derek said, dabbing his little finger to his eye.
“Please don’t,” Duncan begged. “It will set the women off.”
Mary laughed. “Colin reformed? Nonsense.”
Geoff shook his head. “No, he is, utterly reformed, it’s all over.”
“Colin…” Derek said, looking at his friend. “Come now, tell us the truth: are you reformed?”
Colin looked a bit bewildered himself. “I suppose I must be. Good heavens, I’m reformed?” He looked at Susannah in confusion.
“Please,” Susannah snorted.
Colin grinned. “Well, almost, then.”
“Not quite,” Susannah added.
He held up a finger. “And certainly not entirely.”
Susannah wrapped an arm around Colin’s waist, looking up at him with adoration in her heart. “And that is just the way we like it.”
Epilogue
Susannah shivered and adjusted the warm furs and blanket around her, leaning against Colin more heavily, smiling when his arm around her tightened at once.
They’d spent almost a month in Scotland, touring the countryside a little, seeing the wealth and splendor and beauty of that majestic place, and they’d even been so fortunate as to spend some time with Duncan Bray’s cousin Graeme, laird of the MacLaine clan, in their historic and splendid keep, with the warm and very bustling clan. Such hospitality had been unexpected, but very pleasant, and they had received invitations to return at any time.
Thankfully, however, most of the time they had spent in Scotland had been just the two of them. It had been years since Susannah had been so much herself, without her child to think of or her life to fear. Colin was rather quickly, and efficiently, eviscerating all such fears and horrid memories. They had laughed a great deal, and talked even more.
It was the best sort of fun she could ever have imagined they would have together.
The Burdens of a Bachelor (Arrangements, Book 5) Page 29