by J. M. Walker
“You guys need to go for a ride,” Zillah said as we walked hand in hand to my SUV.
“I think we do.” As much as I needed her with me, a ride would help. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” She stood on tiptoes and kissed my cheek. “Take as long as you need.”
God, I loved her. I cupped her face, covering her mouth with mine and breathed in her strength.
She sighed, melting against me, and covering my hands with hers. “I love you, Tray.”
“And I love you. More than I can ever say.” I kissed her nose and released her.
Heading to the guys, I pulled my keys from my pocket.
Greyson and Catch looked my way as I neared.
“You good?” Grey asked, clapping me on the shoulder.
“Yup.”
We looked over at the women. Zillah stood with Sammy and Cyrus on either side of her, holding her hands, while Eve held Jaron.
“Those boys are going to need us,” Catch said, coming up on my other side.
“They are.” Greyson slid onto his bike. “Let’s go, brothers. I need to feel the wind in my hair.” He winked.
Laughter erupted around us.
“Such a pretty boy,” Catch teased, straddling his own machine.
Greyson blew him a kiss.
I chuckled, shaking my head and slipped onto my own bike. I’d have to take Zillah for a ride on her. It had been so long since I’d felt the beautiful machine between my legs. Starting up the engine, she purred beautifully. Yup. I would definitely have to take Zillah for a ride.
(Zillah)
Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.
I glanced at the calendar on my phone. It wasn’t possible. Was it? I mentally smacked myself. Of course it was possible.
Oh, God. What if Tray became pissed? What if he left me? What if he blamed me? This wasn’t the right time. At all. Was it? Was there ever a right time? Hell, I didn’t even know if this was in fact for real but if my calendar was any indication, I was late. Very late. Like, since the first time having sex with Tray, late.
Oh, God.
A soft knock sounded on the bathroom door. “Zillah? The guys are here, and Greyson wants everyone downstairs.”
Oh, God.
“Okay, be right out,” I called back. I shoved my phone in my clutch, retouched my red lip gloss and took a deep breath. We got this, girl.
Leaving the bathroom, I found Eve waiting for me with Jaron on her hip.
“Everything okay?” she asked, her brow furrowing.
“Uh …” My cheeks burned. “You don’t happen to have a spare pregnancy test around here somewhere, do you?”
Her lips pulled up into a grin. “I think there might be one around. Trixie, Butcher’s wife, was a doctor. She kept that stuff in stock for the ladies who came and went from here. Follow me.” She led me down the hall to the end. “We use this room for storage now because Greyson hasn’t had the heart to throw anything out. Plus, it has bandages and all that shit for when our men have booboos.”
I laughed. “I think they come back with more than booboos at times.”
“Yeah.” She gave me a sad smile and opened the door. “What you’re looking for should be in here.” Eve stepped into the room and turned on the light. She laughed suddenly.
“What is it?” I followed her.
“Trixie had an odd sense of humor.” She sighed, her voice wavering and pointed to a box. It was marked Oops.
I laughed. “I wish I could have met her.”
“Me too.” Eve smiled, opening the box and grabbed a small package. “You would have liked her. And she would have liked you too. She would have said that it was about damn time Tray got his head out of his ass. I love him dearly, but he needed you. And you need him. It’s like you both had the perfect timing.”
“I agree. Especially after everything.” I cleared my throat. “Well, this is perfect.”
Eve came back to where I stood at the door and placed the small box in my hand. “And this is even more perfect. Trust me, I, of all people, know how this is perfect. Jaron is our life and if you are pregnant, that baby will be yours as well. But can I give you a piece of advice?”
“Oh.” My heart jumped. “Of course.”
“It’s nothing bad.” She grinned. “But I just have to say that no matter what, make sure Tray is the first to know the answer. No matter what that answer is.”
“I wouldn’t think of having it any other way.” I gripped the box tightly in my hand that held the possibility of big changes to come. Big, big changes.
“Good because Tray is a lot like Greyson. All of these guys are the same in fact. When it comes to their women anyway. But Tray is different when it comes to pregnancies. I can’t explain it.” She patted my hand. “He would lose his shit if someone else found out before him.”
“I’ll go. I should do this test now. But …”
“Go.” She gave me a gentle push. “I’ll stall for you.”
“Thank you.” I rushed back down the hall to Tray’s room and unfortunately for me, ran right into him.
“Shit, Zillah.” He cupped my shoulders, holding me steady. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing.” I hid the box behind my back before he saw.
“What was that?” Tray tried looking over my shoulder.
“Nothing.” I stepped out of his embrace. “I just have to use the washroom.”
“Like hell it’s nothing.” He came toward me, his brows furrowed. “Tell me what you’re hiding.”
“Nothing, Tray.” I didn’t want to make a big deal if it ended up coming out negative.
“Zillah.” He came toward me. “Tell me.”
“No.” I rushed into his room but didn’t get very far when I was tackled from behind and thrown onto the bed. “Tray,” I cried.
Straddling my legs, he held my wrists behind my back and took the tiny box from my hand. “Fuck me.” He released me. “Zillah.”
I pushed onto my forearms, glaring at him. “I was trying to do it discreetly, asshole.”
Tray’s eyes darkened. Spinning me onto my back, he towered over me. “You think you’re pregnant.”
I swallowed hard at how deep his voice had become. “I—Maybe?”
His nostrils flared.
“Eve said you’re different when it comes to pregnancies.” I pushed him back. “It turns you on.”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” He huffed. “But the fact that you could be pregnant with my kid, that’s a whole other level.”
Oh, dear God. My body heated at the way he was looking at me.
“Take the test.” He shoved it in my hand. “Now.”
Jumping off the bed, I did as I was told. Once I was finished doing my business, I placed the test on the counter and waited.
I opened the door and found Tray standing there with his hand raised. “Wait with me,” I said, looking up at him.
He came farther into the room, moving behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’ll wait for fucking ever with you.”
I cupped his hands resting on my belly. As the seconds ticked by, the test finally revealed what I had known all along.
Pregnant.
“WHY THE HELL did I let you put your dick in me?”
I chuckled behind Zillah, rubbing her lower back. “Because you like my big cock stretching out your pussy.” I kissed the side of her neck. “That’s why.”
“God.” She groaned, breathing through the next contraction wracking through her small but swollen body. “I can’t help you have a delicious cock.”
My laugh deepened. “Come on, baby. It can’t be that bad.” But I knew it was. I just wanted her riled up, so the sex would be fucking explosive when the doctors gave her the go ahead to do it again.
“I really hate you right now.” She breathed slow and even.
“Nice try.” I held her hand, letting her squeeze the shit out of it every time she was hit with a contraction.
I couldn’t beli
eve this was it. We were finally going to have our baby. Zillah was amazing. She never once complained throughout her pregnancy. Even after having morning sickness for most of it. Or for being put on bed rest. Or even when she had to stop watching horror movies because the gore would make her throw up. She was the strongest woman I knew, and I couldn’t wait to fuck more babies into her.
“Stop thinking about fucking more babies into me,” Zillah grit out through clenched teeth.
“How the hell could you know I was thinking that?”
“I know you, Tray.” She cried out, the next contraction hitting her faster than the one before it.
The doctors and nurses rushed in at that point.
“All right, Zillah.” The doctor pulled the blanket to her waist. “It looks like it’s time.” He smiled at both of us.
I bit back a growl. I didn’t like having another man look between my girl’s legs but as long as he kept both her and our baby safe, he would live.
The doctor raised an eyebrow.
“Do your job, Doc, and there won’t be any problems,” I growled.
“Ignore him. He hasn’t gotten laid in a while and he’s cranky.” Zillah gripped my hand. “Please just get this baby out of me.”
Her sass shot to my dick, but she was right. I needed to meet this little human that both of us created.
“Okay.” The doctor reached between her legs. “I need you to push, Zillah. And push hard.”
She did as she was told, a scream shattering through her.
“Again,” the doctor barked.
I helped her forward, giving her the momentum to push.
After a couple more pushes and lots of screaming and cursing, a wail sounded throughout the room.
“Congratulations, Mommy and Daddy.” The doctor handed Zillah the baby, our baby.
Holy shit.
“Holy shit,” Zillah whispered.
The doctor chuckled. “You’re the proud parents of a baby girl.”
“Oh, shit,” I mumbled.
While Zillah was cleaned up, I cut the umbilical cord but couldn’t take my eyes off of her or our daughter. A daughter. A baby girl. I had enough issues trying to keep the men from eye-fucking Zillah, let alone my daughter too. I was going to end up in jail.
Now that I was finally patched into Hell’s Harlem, our little girl would have more than just a father looking out for her. She would have uncles. And lots of them.
“She’s perfect.” Zillah ran her finger over our daughter’s button nose. “So damn perfect.”
My chest tightened.
Zillah was my hero. I was so damn proud of her.
I grabbed her hand and kissed the single wedding band on her ring finger.
She grinned up at me. “Did you want to hold your daughter, Daddy?”
My body stirred.
Something flashed behind her eyes.
Fuck me, I loved her. I loved everything about her. Her quirks. Her drive for more. Her love for me. Everything about her.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.
“You’re perfect,” I blurted.
Her cheeks reddened. “So is she.” She looked down at our daughter. “We need a name.” She thought a moment. “Can we name a baby girl John?”
My heart stuttered. “You want … Really?”
She shrugged. “Why not? We can spell it J-o-n. Or how about Beatrix Jon Lister. That was Trixie’s full name, wasn’t it? Beatrix? Or do you want to name her after your mom?”
“My mom would have loved her granddaughter to be named after someone who was close to me.” My eyes burned. They actually fucking burned. I didn’t know what to say. This woman sitting in front of me surprised me every damn day.
“Is that okay with you? Or would that be too hard?” she asked, chewing her bottom lip. “Did I upset you by suggesting your mother’s name?”
“No, Beauty. You didn’t upset me at all. Not one fucking bit. Beatrix Jon Lister is perfect. It’s so damn perfect.”
She grinned, placing a soft peck on my cheek. “I love you, Old Man.”
“And I love you, little girl.” I kissed her head. And I would spend the rest of my life showing her and our daughter just how deep that love went.
Past
AS SOON AS the door closed behind me, I knew. This was it. This was what I wanted.
I slowly turned around, finding Butcher leaning against the door. His jaw was clenched tight. His back was stiff. He was huge. Much larger than I remembered but everything inside of me wanted him.
“Tell me why the fuck I keep hearing that you’ve slept with every fucker I know,” Butcher demanded, clicking the lock into place.
I leaned against my dresser, crossing my arms under my chest and lifted my chin defiantly. Excitement rushed through me that I finally got to him.
“Tell me why it’s only taken me spreading a rumor about myself for you to notice me.” Although Butcher was much larger than I, he didn’t scare me.
“Little girl, I’ll have you fucking know—”
“No.” I pushed off the dresser and took a step toward him. “I want you. I’ve wanted you since the moment I met you, but you were too fucking stubborn to see it. So, why now, John? Tell me that.”
“No one calls me by my first name,” he bit out, his brows narrowing.
“Do I look like everyone else?”
“No.” His eyes raked down the length of me. “You definitely don’t look like everyone else.”
“Tell me what you’re going to do about it then.” I took a couple more steps toward him until I stood only an inch away. Breathing deep, I inhaled the spice of his cologne mixed with the leather of his vest.
“You don’t want me, Trixie girl,” he said, his voice becoming even deeper as the seconds rolled by between us.
“I do.” I glanced up at him. “And I can tell by that delicious lump in your jeans that you feel the same way.”
Butcher leaned forward, brushing his nose down the length of my jaw. “You think you know me. You think you can heal me. Put my shattered pieces back together again?”
“No. I just want you to fuck me and then we can go from there. I’m not needy. And I’m definitely not clingy.” I tilted my head back. “So, what will it be, John?” I licked my lips, grazing my hands down his chest. “You going to spend the night where your cock wants to be or are you going to be a pussy and leave?”
“Fuck, woman.” He fisted my hair, pulling my head back in a rough move. “You always say what’s on your mind?”
“Yes.” My chest rose and fell with ragged breaths, my need for this man growing even more as time went on. “Life’s too short.”
“Ain’t that the truth, beautiful.”
When his mouth crushed against mine, I knew this was where I was meant to be. Where both of us were meant to be.
(Butcher)
Several years later
“I love you, Trixie girl. I love you with everything inside of me and more. I have no idea how I’ll get through life without you at my side. We were supposed to be in this as one. Together. You and me against the world and all that shit. But now you’re gone and I … I can’t …” My chest tightened. I couldn’t do it. How the hell was I supposed to move on?
“You don’t have to.”
My head snapped up, finding Tray, Greyson, and Catch standing a few feet away.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice rough.
Catch moved first and knelt at my side. He didn’t say anything and instead just wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
Tray moved to my other side, mirroring Catch’s pose while Greyson knelt beside Tray.
“We’re here for you,” Grey said gently.
“That’s it.” Catch grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight in his.
Under normal circumstances, I would have pulled away but this … I needed this. I needed them.
I thanked God up above that I had these men in my life even though I did
n’t see them often anymore.
“We love you.” Tray cupped my nape. “Whatever you need, however long you need it for, it’s yours.”
Tears rolled freely down my cheeks. I didn’t even try to brush them away that time. I didn’t know what to do or what to say so I just knelt there and prayed. I prayed that I could find the strength to get through this. I prayed that I could be there for my boys without falling within. I prayed I could move on.
You got this, baby.
Trixie’s voice sounded in my head, shedding a bit of light on the darkness in my life.
I took a breath and then another. I would do this. I could do this.
Even though Trixie was no longer by my side physically, she would always be in my heart.
THE END
J.M. Walker is an Amazon bestselling author who loves all things books, pigs and lip gloss. She is happily married to the man who inspires all of her Heroes and continues to make her weak in the knees every single day.
“Above all, be the HEROINE of your own life...” ~ Nora Ephron
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Table of Contents
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN