by Brenda Novak
“All or nothing,” he replied, and the conviction in his voice scared her. “I want a commitment. I want to know I can rely on your love the way you can rely on mine. And whatever problems arise, we handle them together. Going back to Boston or anywhere else for more than a visit won’t be an option, not unless you’ve quit loving me, or I’ve done something to deserve losing you.”
That was a reasonable request—that she step up and promise him what he was willing to promise her. She couldn’t expect him to remain in a holding pattern forever, never really knowing if she was going to pick up and move back to Boston or if they’d be able to start a family. “Okay,” she said.
After a curt nod, he slipped past without touching her, without so much as brushing against her. That was when she knew he was going to stand behind the line he’d just drawn. It was over between them until she could say she was in for good.
* * *
Brianne craved a drink. She watched the other people in the rustic Alaskan bar order beer and wine, the occasional mixed drink, and resented the fact that her pregnancy wouldn’t allow her to have any alcohol. She felt she deserved a drink after the month she’d had. She’d lost the man she loved, found out after the fact that she was having his baby and learned that her only sibling was once again facing the psychopath who’d nearly killed her twice before. To make it all worse, even though Brianne had come to help, she’d ended up creating tension between her and Evelyn that had never existed before.
She was screwing up everywhere. Evelyn had called shortly before Brianne left the house to say she was going to ask for a leave of absence and return to Boston. But getting her way only made Brianne feel worse. Just because she’d wrecked her own life didn’t mean she had the right to wreck her sister’s. She’d tried to talk her sister out of returning home, but Evelyn wouldn’t listen. Brianne had piled on too much guilt about not being there; she couldn’t take it back now.
“Good going,” she muttered to herself. It wasn’t her sister’s fault that she’d been dumped, that she was pregnant or that their mother couldn’t handle life. Evelyn hadn’t chosen to be tortured and nearly murdered when she was sixteen, either. “God, I’m such a bad person.” Instead of coming here and providing the support Amarok had wanted her to give and then going back to take care of her own problems, she was the reason Evelyn was giving up the job—and the man—she loved.
Misery loves company. That old saying came to mind and definitely didn’t make her feel any better.
The owner of the bar, a squat, bowlegged man who could’ve walked out of a John Wayne Western, stopped by to see if she needed a refill. “From the look on your face, you could use something a bit stronger,” he joked. “That Shirley Temple isn’t going down too fast.”
She removed the cherry resting on top of the ice. The drink was too sweet, but she hadn’t known it would be because she couldn’t remember ever ordering one before. “No, I’m fine,” she said. “But thanks.”
He refilled the dish of nuts nearby. “You’re the doc’s sister, right?”
She’d been to the Moosehead three times so far. He’d even served her a burger last night, but the bar had been busy and it was the heavyset woman—his sister—who’d waited on her the other times. “How’d you know?”
“Besides the family resemblance?” He winked at her. “Nothing happens in Hilltop that doesn’t get discussed in here. And anything that involves the doc is especially big news.”
She looked glumly at the people around her. Business was slow tonight, but it was still early, only six—not that anyone would be able to tell by the darkness outside. In Alaska the sun went down at five in October. She wondered if Amarok might stop in and what he’d say to her if he did. She wouldn’t blame him if he pretended not to see her. He had to be disappointed by the way she’d handled her visit. Evelyn hadn’t been comforted. Brianne had only caused her more stress.
She was disappointed in herself.
“Hey, why haven’t you called me? Big-city girl like you—I figured you’d be bored by now.”
She twisted around to see who was speaking to her and recognized Andy Smith, the prison guard she’d met at Quigley’s on Monday morning. She’d thought about calling him, considered it several times, actually. Evelyn and Amarok were gone so much, and she knew prison guards didn’t necessarily work a nine-to-five schedule. That meant he might be available to distract her from her heartbreak and self-loathing.
But she wasn’t going to be here long enough to strike up a relationship with anyone. Besides, expecting someone else’s child wasn’t a particularly appealing trait when meeting a new romantic interest.
Being so limited made her angry. Jeff could move on as if nothing had happened, while she was stuck with the aftermath of their relationship—stuck with only three decisions, and she didn’t like any of them. She could get an abortion. She could give the baby up for adoption. Or she could become a single parent.
“I’m getting there,” she joked, and breathed in the scent of his cologne as he took the seat next to her. He smelled fresh, clean.
“That can’t be very appetizing.” He eyed her Shirley Temple with disdain. “Let me buy you a real drink.”
“I wish you could. Trust me.”
“I can. Watch this.” He waved down Shorty. “What would you like?” he asked as the bartender approached.
Again, Brianne was tempted to cut loose. What was one drink? Surely a small amount of alcohol couldn’t hurt the baby.
But what kind of mother would she be to even take that chance?
A selfish one. And she was feeling selfish enough already, having behaved the way she had since arriving in Alaska. “I’ll have a Sprite,” she told Shorty, and pushed her current drink, which she wasn’t enjoying, away.
Andy scowled at her. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Sprite? That’s the best you can do?”
“I can’t have any alcohol.”
He hesitated. Then he lowered his voice. “Maybe it’s not polite to ask, but now that you’ve raised my curiosity…”
He wanted to know why. Of course he would. She preferred not to explain, but she thought it was only fair, since he was showing interest in her and she was tempted to enjoy the evening with him. Staying at the Moosehead would give her a break from another night spent in her sister’s company, another night of pretending everything was okay between them when it wasn’t. Evelyn had been coming home later and later as the week wore on, and Brianne believed she was beginning to make up excuses in order to do so. “I’m pregnant.”
“Oh.” He straightened. “I didn’t realize that, didn’t know you were with someone. I mean, you are seeing someone.…”
She ruffled her own hair. “Not anymore. It didn’t work out.”
His eyes swept over her. “You can’t be very far along.”
“I’m not. I found out after the relationship ended. Nice, huh?”
“So that’s why you haven’t called.”
“I can’t imagine you or any other man wanting to spend time with me while I’m in this condition.”
“Why not?”
She blinked in surprise. “Because most men would consider me anathema—for the next year, anyway.”
“Your condition doesn’t bother me. I’ve never been out with a pregnant woman before, but so far, it doesn’t seem very different.”
Shorty returned with her Sprite, Andy slipped him a few bills, and she took a sip of it.
“It’s not like you’re planning to move here, are you?” he asked when the bar owner was gone. “So it doesn’t matter if I like children, which I do, whether I’d be a good stepfather, even though I’d be amazing, or anything else.”
She laughed. “I guess you’ve got a point there.”
“In Quigley’s, you told me you’d be here for a week. I’m guessing you’re down to what … two days?”
She liked that he’d made a mental note of when she’d be leaving. It showed that the information mattered to him. “If y
ou don’t count today, yes. I leave Sunday.”
“Then we don’t have much time left. As far as I’m concerned, we might as well have some fun while we can.”
“Seriously? Even though I can’t drink?”
He leaned in to whisper, “You can do other things, can’t you?”
She reared back. Did he expect her to go home with him? They’d just met! “Like…”
His smile widened at her shocked and chilly response. “Dance,” he said with a chuckle at having raised her hackles, and held out his hand.
22
He had Evelyn’s younger sister in his arms. Jasper could hardly believe it. Holding her body against his felt almost as good as if it were Evelyn’s. Brianne wasn’t quite as pretty. She wasn’t nearly as smart, either, and it was Evelyn’s quick mind that created the challenge he most enjoyed. But since Brianne hadn’t called him, he’d hoped to run into her when he showed up at the Moosehead tonight, and that was exactly what had happened. A night spent flirting with her was intriguing enough to siphon off some of the restlessness he’d been feeling—over the murder investigation and his inability to get close to Evelyn since he’d finished the dungeon, where he planned to one day keep her.
“You smell good,” Brianne said as they swayed to the music on the dance floor.
Careful not to let her hand come into contact with the bandage on his arm—which he hoped she wouldn’t be able to feel through his jacket, anyway—he bent his head to smell her neck. “So do you.”
He thought even that innocent a statement might make her uncomfortable. He’d nearly scared her off at the bar, had to be careful not to do that again. Fortunately, he’d been able to play that comment off as though it were a joke. But he didn’t completely regret what he’d said. At least now he knew how to handle her. He’d have to put in some time and couldn’t be quite so direct. He couldn’t have her go back to her sister or Amarok and complain about how forward “Andy Smith” had been at the bar. If he was careful, however, she’d eventually make the first move. She was hurting and lonely, and he planned to take advantage of that. It wasn’t difficult to manipulate someone who was feeling overlooked and rejected.
Too bad she wouldn’t drink, though. Jasper didn’t give a shit about the baby. He only cared about the fact that it’d be a whole lot easier for him to get inside her pants if she wasn’t paying attention to every little thing he said and did.
“How long have you lived in Alaska?” she asked.
“Only as long as I’ve worked at the prison.”
“Eight months.”
“You remember.” He’d told her that at Quigley’s.…
She flushed. “You’re sort of hard to forget.”
Jasper felt his groin tighten. “So are you. That’s why I was disappointed when you didn’t call me. I came here tonight, hoping to run into you.”
“You’re going to admit that—just come right out and say it?” she said with a laugh, but he could tell she was pleased by the compliment, so he gave her his always well-received “games” line.
“Why not? I don’t believe in playing games, do you?”
“No.” She sounded relieved, and he could understand why. She’d just gone through what had to be a bad breakup, one that left her expecting a baby. “We’re too old for that,” she added.
He spread his fingers on her back, trying to feel her skin through her blouse. “Exactly. I’m attracted to you. I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I’m not afraid to say it.”
She blushed. “Thank you.”
“I’m sad you’re leaving so soon. Is there any chance you could stay longer?”
She bit her lip as she considered the question. “I don’t think so, but I could come back in a month or two.”
“Your job will allow it?”
“I have plenty of vacation days.”
“That’d be awesome,” he said, and held her tighter to show his enthusiasm.
“What made you decide to become a prison guard?” she asked.
He guessed Brianne had a good job, one with significantly higher pay than his, so he was tempted to create a more impressive work history. Sometimes he told the women he met that he’d once been a real estate mogul, that if his secretary hadn’t embezzled thousands and thousands of dollars he’d still have his business. That always seemed to go over well; he’d never had anyone question it. But he had to be extra careful with what he told Brianne. He couldn’t make himself out to be such a big deal that if she repeated what he told her to Evelyn it’d create enough curiosity to cause Evelyn to check his story. “I like the benefits,” he said. “And I’ve always wanted to live in Alaska. If you’re not involved in the tourist trade, it can be hard to get a start up here. Hanover House provided a way to make the move.” He didn’t mention that he’d also worked in a prison in Arizona.
“I see. But why are you so interested in Alaska?”
“You’re kidding, right? There’s so much more space here, and so much less bureaucracy! I find the Lower Forty-eight to be over-crowded and over-legislated.”
“You prefer to be left alone to do your own thing.”
He hid a smile; truer words had never been spoken. “I do. I guess I’m a breed apart.”
“You must be glad you came, then.”
“Definitely. I’ll never go back.” Not unless he had to. Not while he had Evelyn in his sights, at any rate.
The song they’d been dancing to came to an end and another started, but she didn’t pull back, so he kept holding her. “You don’t see the appeal of Alaska?”
“I like the ruggedness and the physical beauty. But I was born and raised in Boston, love the city. Besides, my folks live there. I doubt I’ll ever leave it.”
“Not even if you were to meet the right man?” he teased.
“The right man?”
He could see a sparkle in her eye despite the dim lighting. She was flirting, too. “Well, I am a hero.”
“That’s true. You saved my sister’s life.…”
He puffed out his chest. “Just sayin’,” he said, but that wasn’t the throwaway joke he’d made it appear. He’d brought it up on purpose—to build his credibility and trustworthiness. Reminding her what her sister would’ve suffered had he not intervened should make her feel safe around him, even though he was essentially a stranger.
It was such a perfect lie he almost couldn’t keep a straight face.
“She must be so grateful to you.”
“She was gracious about it,” he said, but honestly, he thought Evelyn owed him a bit more time and gratitude than she’d given him. It wasn’t as if she’d ever sought him out or invited him over for dinner or anything. He had the feeling she avoided him if she could, which made him resent her even more. When he used to daydream about coming to Hilltop and working at Hanover House, he’d also imagine wooing her back into his bed. There could be no greater victory for him than getting her to fall in love with him again. But now that she had Amarok, she had eyes for no one else. Jasper got the impression she didn’t even find him attractive.
Fortunately, there were other ways to get his revenge. And this one was looking pretty damn good. If only Evelyn knew that the man who’d murdered her friends and tortured her for days was now turning his attentions on her younger sister.…
“Um, are we dancing a little too close?” Brianne asked, her eyes wide and innocent as she gazed up at him.
Thinking of Evelyn had given him an erection. “Sorry, but I’m not going to apologize for that. I already told you how beautiful you are.”
Flattery could cover anything.…
“Don’t worry. I don’t mind.” She laughed, too. “After what I’ve been through, it feels good to be admired and appreciated.”
“The father of your baby must’ve been crazy to let you go.”
When she pressed more firmly against him, he nearly climaxed. He had her. Evelyn’s sister! He almost couldn’t believe it. She was attracted to him, was a
lready lowering her defenses.
After several other songs, during which they talked and laughed and grew more sexually aware of each other, she allowed him to guide her into the dark hallway by the bathrooms. There he pressed her up against the wall so she could really feel his erection and kissed her long and deep.
She reminded him so much of Evelyn. He could see the resemblance in their features and the way they talked and laughed. He even imagined he could feel and taste Evelyn through Brianne. He wanted to wrap his hands around her throat and squeeze, watch the recognition dawn as she realized she’d been played. But he couldn’t give himself away to anyone except Evelyn—once she was safely his prisoner.
To combat his compulsion to hurt her, he had to flatten his hands against the wall over her head for a few minutes and not touch her at all.
She was touching him, though, far more freely than he’d expected. The father of her baby had damaged her self-esteem, so she was lapping up the attention he gave her like a dog. He wouldn’t have expected Evelyn’s sister to be quite this gullible.
But why wouldn’t she trust him? He worked with her sister, circulated in the same small community as her sister and had saved her sister’s life. By every indication, he was a stand-up guy.
When he finally pulled away, they were both panting. “Do you have to go home tonight?” he asked, pressing his forehead against hers as though she filled him with such desire he could hardly contain himself.
“Where would you like me to go?” she asked, still clinging to his neck, her fingers toying with his hair.
“I live in Anchorage. We could make a night of it, if you want.” He couldn’t really take her to his place. If all his clothes came off, she’d see—or feel—that he had an injury. He couldn’t let that happen, couldn’t risk that she might notice the bandage or mention it to Amarok. But he was certainly willing to take off his pants.…
“No, my sister wouldn’t be happy if I didn’t come home.”
“Even if you’re with me?” he asked, pretending he was somehow safer than other guys. “She knows I’ll take good care of you.”