Cassandra gave Julian a shy, sweet smile, however, calming his fears. If she could look at him like that, then perhaps there was hope. Could it be that she had not said anything?
A servant came in bearing the tea tray. It was filled with traditional English tea sandwiches and pastries, as well as a wonderful assortment of Bengali sweets.
The three of them, in pleasant companionship, emptied the plates of all the treats, talking of inconsequential things until it was time to go.
Julian couldn’t wait. He could not sit idly by waiting for Cassandra to seek him out in her father’s library.
He had to do something. But what? And where?
He needed to find out what she had said to Mrs. Brown and how she felt about him. Would she still see him or was she angry with him for taking liberties? Not knowing how she felt was the worst sort of torture any man could be in, but it was especially hard for him.
Julian knew his case was special. He didn’t know if he was going to be dragged away to prison at any moment for touching a white woman, or whether he would be forced to marry her. Either one was a distinct possibility, depending on whether he was considered English or Indian. And this time he did not believe that his father’s influence would be able to help him, as it had when he had graduated from school and was trying to get a job.
Julian paced back and forth. He couldn’t get any work done. He’d not been able to focus his mind on anything in the two days since he had come back from the temple.
Although she had tried to pry it out of him, his mother could not figure out what was wrong with him. But how could he possibly tell her?
Nor could he talk to Reggie, his closest friend. There was only so far you could trust a friend, and Julian wasn’t willing to go that far.
No, he was all alone. Alone with his fears and his worries. His concerns were real and they ate at him like a cancer. If only he knew how she felt and what she had done.
He had to do something.
He pulled out a blank piece of paper from Sir Lionel’s desk and scribbled a hasty note on it. Little Harry answered his summons.
He smiled at the self-important little man. In a very short time, Harry had made himself irreplaceable. The entire family, but especially Cassandra, now relied on this boy to carry out so many of their everyday little jobs. And now it was Julian’s turn.
He handed the note to the boy. “Take this to Miss Cassandra, Harry. Be sure she gets it in her hand and return to me with her answer.”
Harry salaamed and then, taking the note, ran off on his errand.
Julian returned to his desk and put his head in his hands. The response to that note could decide whether he was a free man or a prisoner.
And, even more importantly, how the angelic young woman, who dominated his every thought, felt about him.
Chapter Eleven
Cassandra waited by the river dock, her horse shifting restlessly under her. Julian had said in his note to meet him here, but now he was late.
He had never been late before.
She wasn’t certain she liked this area of Calcutta. It was unusually quiet, or perhaps it was just the time of day. Even her groom’s presence nearby couldn’t sooth her nerves.
The sun was just beginning to set, even though it was just after six. She supposed everyone had gone home to their evening meal. Even the usual foot traffic along the streets was lighter, with only a few coolies out running errands for their employers.
“Forgive me, Miss Renwick,” Julian’s smooth baritone startled her. He was standing right next to her horse, holding its bridle. How had she not seen him approach?
“Oh! Mr. Ritchie, I did not hear you,” Cassandra said, putting her hand to her heart, which was pounding in her chest.
“I’m sorry, I was negotiating with a boatman and it took longer than I expected.”
He helped Cassandra down from her horse and tied it to a nearby tree.
“Are we going for a ride on the river?”
“Yes, I hope that that is all right?”
“Oh, yes! I have not seen Calcutta from the river since the day I arrived. It should be fascinating now that I know more about the city.”
Julian smiled. “I hope you will find it so.”
He led her to a small single-sailed boat. It was one of many such boats on the river.
Taking the oars, Julian paddled through the quieting evening, using the sail to help him fight against the strong current of the river.
As she watched, the sky faded from blue to violet to indigo, with millions of stars appearing overhead and a three-quarter moon lighting their way. She wondered if she would ever get used to the speed of the Indian sunset—in little more than a breath it moved from day to evening to night.
The soft sounds of women’s voices as they bathed and washed their clothing along the banks faded as Julian maneuvered the boat to the center of the river and then farther upstream. The gently lapping water and the sound of the sail flipping in the light breeze filled in the silence. Ruffling her gown, it still carried the heat of the day. She didn’t feel the need for her shawl, but enjoyed the soft caress of the air.
There were very few boats out now and certainly none this far out. Cassandra wondered what Julian had planned for her out here in the middle of the river.
It was wonderful to be alone with him again. Her Julian.
Things had changed immeasurably between them after their brief interlude at the temple. And now the two of them were alone again–illicitly, wonderfully alone. She felt her heart fluttering like the sail and wondered if he would kiss her.
She realized now that there was no question about her feelings for him. She loved him.
It felt good to finally admit it to herself and, in her own way to him. Willing her love for him to shine through her eyes, she reached out and rested her hand on his. He looked at her but knew, as she did, that words were unnecessary.
Putting the oar up and setting the sail so that they would float gently back downriver on the current, he looked deeply into her eyes.
He was worried at first, Cassandra could see that. But then, as her love shone through to him, he relaxed.
She didn’t need to say anything, he just knew.
Taking her hands in both of his, he softly caressed the back of her hands with his long fingers and then lovingly kissed each finger in turn. Chills shot up her arm and she stifled the urge to giggle. What a wonderful feeling it was to be loved!
A nagging worry tugged at the back of her mind. How could they be together? What would her parents say when they found out? Would they cut her off? Not give him her dowry?
Cassandra firmly pushed the nasty thoughts to the back of her mind. She would not let such things bother her now. For right now, at this time, she would think of nothing other than how much she loved this sweet, thoughtful and wonderful man, and how much he loved her in return.
Like her, he did not need to say anything. She could see it in his velvety blue eyes. Eyes that were so filled with passion that just looking into them filled her with the same heat she had felt when he had kissed her under the banyan tree. The heat was so intense that she almost pulled away, but another part of her longed for his sweet kisses once more.
Cassandra didn’t know how long they sat like that, just gazing into each other’s eyes, holding each other’s hands. But too soon the women’s voices grew louder again. Julian was forced to pay attention once more to the sail, in order to steer them safely back to the dock where the boatman was waiting for them.
In silence, they walked back to where her horse stood waiting for her. She turned to say something to him, but he put his finger to her lips. The touch of his lips to hers in the lightest of kisses shot chills down her spine and weakened her knees.
He lifted her into the saddle and then ever so softly whispered, “Goodnight, Cassandra.”
Her groom was waiting for her a discreet distance away. She said nothing, but gave Julian her secret loving smile.
&nb
sp; Julian couldn’t sleep that night. He wandered through the silent house, and then up onto the flat roof. He’d always come up here when he needed to think, or when he was upset.
A light wind blew through the thin cotton of his pajamas. The cool air felt good on his heated body. He paced under a black sky pinpricked with stars.
What had happened?
He still was not sure he understood it. During the past few days, he had been in such torment–not knowing what Cassandra had done and how she felt.
Now, after hardly speaking two words to her, he knew that he loved her and she loved him.
He was amazed at the expressiveness of her eyes. How they had positively glowed with love for him! The sweet, gentle touch of her hand on his conveyed so much more than words could ever have said. Yes, there had been a flash of worry, but it was quickly banished in her love for him.
Julian sank to the ground, resting his head against the cool wrought iron railing that surrounded the roof.
He loved her, and he didn’t know what he was going to do about it.
A warm hand on his shoulder startled him. His mother had come up from behind him without a sound.
“Julian, what is wrong, my son?” she asked, her voice soothing and musical as the soft sounds of the Bengali words flowed from her.
Julian had the overwhelming desire to curl up in his mother’s lap and wish the world away. To rest his head on her soft bosom as he had done when he was a boy and let her smooth the worries from his face and back with her strong hands and soft words.
But he couldn’t do that now. He was a man and he had made a man’s decision, and now he had to live with the outcome of it. He had to do what a man should do.
Julian rested his heated forehead against his mother’s shoulder for just a moment, gathering the strength to tell her.
He lifted his head. Squaring his shoulders he said, “Ma, I am going to ask for Cassandra Renwick’s hand in marriage.”
His mother moved away from him. It was not far, but to Julian it could have been a mile.
“Julian,” his mother’s voice was full of worry and warning.
“I know you do not approve, but it is something I have to do,” he said.
“Why? Why do you have to do this stupid, foolhardy act?”
“Because I love her. And she loves me.”
Silence. His mother looked at the trees that surrounded their house, some of them reaching up and over the roof. She pulled away a long strand of graying hair as it whipped across her face and tucked it back into the bun at the nape of her neck.
“I do not understand how you could have done this—fallen in love with an English girl? Did I not warn you of what would happen if you met her?”
Julian sighed. “You did. But I didn’t listen. I had a plan in mind, but it didn’t work out the way I had thought.”
“A plan? What was this plan?”
“I had thought to make her fall in love with me and then spurn her as Lady Renwick has spurned me. I had thought to prove to society that I am as good as any Englishman, but….”
He leaned back against the railing once more, tilting his head up to the stars, but not really seeing them. “My plan worked in that she fell in love with me,” he continued softly. “But I have fallen in love with her as well. I could never hurt her now.”
His mother stood up and away from him. “It was a stupid idea to begin with. If you had told me about it, I could have explained that to you.”
“Ma…”
“No, Julian. You had thought to prove a point to the English? You wanted to behave as stupidly as they do? Why did you want to prove that you are as small-minded as they? Are you not better than that? Can you not think beyond the color of your own skin?”
His mother began to pace back and forth, kicking up her sari in front of her as she walked. He had never see her so angry before.
“And what did you plan to do once this girl had fallen in love with you? How were going to show society that you were better than they? By treating her badly? By treating her as you have been treated? And was this going to make you feel better–or was it intended to simply make the English hate you even more than they do already?”
“No! Ma, please, listen to me.”
“What?” His mother stopped her pacing and stood in front of him, breathing heavily from her exertions.
Julian was suddenly at a loss for words under his mother’s angry gaze.
“I… I don’t know what I was going to do, precisely.”
“Ah, very clever!”
“No, listen. But I do know what I am going to do now.”
His mother crossed her arms in front of her and looked up at him, ready and waiting.
Julian swallowed. “I am going to ask Sir Lionel for Cassandra’s hand in marriage.”
“And you think that he will happily accept you as his son?”
Julian froze. “I don’t know. Probably, he won’t but I have to try. Ma,” he reached out and took her hand, unwinding her arms from in front of her. “I love her. I will do anything—give up my life, my home, my job… anything for her.”
He looked into her eyes and watched as they filled with tears.
“You will be hurt, my son. You will be terribly hurt, and I wish there was something I could do to stop it. But there is nothing. You are a man, and you have acted just… almost like your father.”
Hastily, she wiped away the tears that had begun to slip down her cheeks. “He, too, thought he would give up his life for me, but when the time came and he was asked to return to England… he left. Do not do this, Julian.” Her voice came out as little more than a whisper.
Julian took her in his arms. He held her as she cried—cried for her husband. Cried for him.
“I’m sorry, Ma, but I must.”
Cassandra attempted to read, but couldn’t focus her mind on the words in front of her. Her wayward thoughts kept going back to Julian and their very special sail along the Hooghly River the previous day.
It had been the most wonderful evening of her life. The way he had looked at her…
“Ah, there you are.” Lady Renwick suddenly broke in on Cassandra’s thoughts, making her blush furiously. “Are you reading again? My dear Cassandra, it’s a good thing Major Vernon had not found you so. Why, he would think you a bluestocking.”
“Why should I care what Major Vernon thinks, Mama? He does not own me,” Cassandra retorted, stung by her mother’s criticism.
“Not yet, but I’m trying to change that. Surely it does not take an imbecile to see it.”
Cassandra bristled. “But I don’t want to be owned by Major Vernon. I don’t want to be owned by anyone!”
“But you will. You must be married, and when you are, you’ll be your husband’s property and you must do as he says. Honestly, I do not know what they taught you at that school I sent you to for so many years.”
Lady Renwick settled herself on the maroon and white striped settee across from Cassandra. “It will be Major Vernon to whom you must look for guidance, Cassandra–that is, if we can bring him up to scratch.”
“I don’t want to bring him up to scratch. I don’t want to marry him!” Cassandra closed her book with a snap.
“Nonsense! He is precisely the sort of man you should marry, and if I’m not mistaken, he is quite sensible of the fact that you are the proper girl for him.”
“But Mama, all he’s interested in is my dowry and the job that Papa will be able to get him once we are married. He doesn’t care for me!”
Her mother looked confused for a moment. “But of course he cares for your dowry. Why else would your papa have given you such a large one if not to attract a good husband?”
Cassandra was shocked. Not that she hadn’t known this, but to have it said straight out so boldly! Did her mother not care for her? For her feelings?
“But what about love? I couldn’t marry a man I didn’t love.”
“Love will come later, my dear. After you have known h
im and been married for some time, you’ll grow to love him. Do not let that trifle interfere with our plans.”
Cassandra began to feel the burn of her anger and struggled to control it. “Mama, there is nothing you can do or say that will convince me to marry Major Vernon.”
“Don’t be a fool, Cassandra. Of course you will marry him—even if it is only because your father and I tell you to.”
“Surely you and Papa would not force me into marriage?” Cassandra asked, horrified.
“I do hope it will not come to that, Cassandra. But do not press us.”
“But I… I could not… I will not marry Major Vernon!”
Without another word, Cassandra strode to her room. How could her mother expect her to marry that awful Major Vernon? Especially when she had the love of a wonderful man like Julian.
Of course, her mother did not know that Julian loved her, but she would. Julian would come and ask her father for her hand in marriage. She was sure that he would.
He had to—didn’t he?
Chapter Twelve
Please, Miss, stop pulling at your dress. It is supposed to be that low,” Gita said with exasperation at Cassandra’s constant fiddling with the neckline of her new gown.
“But it’s too low. Just look at how much is showing!” Cassandra frowned at her reflection in the mirror, as Gita once more adjusted her dress lower. The blush-colored satin underdress already clung almost indecently to her slender figure. Luckily, the silvery net that flowed so nicely over it made it almost unnoticeable—she hoped. How she wished she could be like Julian and not have a care about what she wore, not have to be so fashionable.
She did reluctantly admit that the overall affect was quite fairy-like. And the silver necklace, with a single pearl drop hanging very close to her cleavage drawing the eye downward, was too elegant to be changed. It also matched the pearl-drop earrings her mother had lent her to go with it.
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