IV.
How Mabel was received by the Party in the Kitchen--And of the Quarrel between the two Jesters.
Addressing himself to a stout-built yeoman of the guard, who wasstanding within the doorway, Nicholas Clamp demanded admittance to thekitchen, and the man having detained them for a few moments, duringwhich he regarded Mabel with a very offensive stare, ushered them intoa small hall, and from thence into a narrow passage connected with it.Lighted by narrow loopholes pierced through the walls, which were ofimmense thickness, this passage described the outer side of the wholeupper quadrangle, and communicated with many other lateral passages andwinding stairs leading to the chambers allotted to the household orto the state apartments. Tracking it for some time, Nicholas Clamp atlength turned off on the right, and, crossing a sort of ante-room, ledthe way into a large chamber with stone walls and a coved and groinedroof, lighted by a great window at the lower end. This was the royalkitchen, and in it yawned no fewer than seven huge arched fireplaces,in which fires were burning, and before which various goodly joints werebeing roasted, while a number of cooks and scullions were congregatedround them. At a large table in the centre of the kitchen were seatedsome half-dozen yeomen of the guard, together with the clerk of thekitchen, the chief bargeman, and the royal cutler, or bladesmith, as hewas termed.
These worthies were doing ample justice to a chine of beef, a wild-boarpie, a couple of fat capons, a peacock pasty, a mess of pickledlobsters, and other excellent and inviting dishes with which the boardwas loaded. Neither did they neglect to wash down the viands withcopious draughts of ale and mead from great pots and flagons placedbeside them. Behind this party stood Giovanni Joungevello, an Italianminstrel, much in favour with Anne Boleyn, and Domingo Lamellino, orLamelyn--as he was familiarly termed--a Lombard, who pretended to someknowledge of chirurgery, astrology, and alchemy, and who was a constantattendant on Henry. At the head of the bench, on the right of the table,sat Will Sommers. The jester was not partaking of the repast, but waschatting with Simon Quanden, the chief cook, a good-humoured personage,round-bellied as a tun, and blessed with a spouse, yclept Deborah, asfond of good cheer, as fat, and as good-humoured as himself. Behindthe cook stood the cellarman, known by the appellation of Jack of theBottles, and at his feet were two playful little turnspits, with longbacks, and short forelegs, as crooked almost as sickles.
On seeing Mabel, Will Sommers immediately arose, and advancing towardsher with a mincing step, bowed with an air of mock ceremony, and said inan affected tone, "Welcome, fair mistress, to the king's kitchen. We areall right glad to see you; are we not, mates?"
"Ay, that we are!" replied a chorus of voices.
"By my troth, the wench is wondrously beautiful!" said Kit Coo, one ofthe yeomen of the guard.
"No wonder the king is smitten with her," said Launcelot Rutter, thebladesmith; "her eyes shine like a dagger's point."
"And she carries herself like a wafter on the river," said the bargeman.
"Her complexion is as good as if I had given her some of my sovereignbalsam of beauty," said Domingo Lamelyn.
"Much better," observed Joungevello, the minstrel; "I shall write acanzonet in her praise, and sing it before the king."
"And get flouted for thy pains by the Lady Anne," said Kit Coo.
"The damsel is not so comely as I expected to find her," observed AmiceLovekyn, one of the serving-women, to Hector Cutbeard, the clerk of thekitchen.
"Why, if you come to that, she is not to be compared to you, prettyAmice," said Cutbeard, who was a red-nosed, red-faced fellow, with atwinkling merry eye.
"Nay, I meant not that," replied Amice, retreating.
"Excuse my getting up to receive you, fair mistress," cried SimonQuanden, who seemed fixed to his chair; "I have been bustling aboutall day, and am sore fatigued--sore fatigued. But will you not takesomething? A sugared cate, and a glass of hypocras jelly, or a slice ofcapon? Go to the damsel, dame, and prevail on her to eat."
"That will I," replied Deborah. "What shall it be, sweetheart? We have awell-stored larder here. You have only to ask and have."
"I thank you, but I am in want of nothing," replied Mabel.
"Nay, that is against all rule, sweetheart," said Deborah; "no one entersthe king's kitchen without tasting his royal cheer."
"I am sorry I must prove an exception, then," returned Mabel, smiling;"for I have no appetite."
"Well, well, I will not force you to eat against your will," replied thegood dame "But a cup of wine will do you good after your walk."
"I will wait upon her," said the Duke of Shoreditch.' who vied withPaddington and Nick Clamp in attention to the damsel.
"Let me pray you to cast your eyes upon these two dogs, fair Mabel,"said Will Sommers, pointing to the two turn-spits, "they are specialfavourites of the king's highness. They are much attached to the cook,their master; but their chief love is towards each other, and nothingcan keep them apart."
"Will Sommers speaks the truth," rejoined Simon Quanden. "Hob and Nob,for so they are named, are fast friends. When Hob gets into the box toturn the spit, Nob will watch beside it till his brother is tired, andthen he will take his place. They always eat out of the same platter,and drink out of the same cup. I once separated them for a few hours tosee what would happen, but they howled so piteously, that I was forcedto bring them together again. It would have done your heart good towitness their meeting, and to see how they leaped and rolled withdelight. Here, Hob," he added, taking a cake from his apron pocket,"divide this with thy brother."
Placing his paws upon his master's knees, the nearest turnspit took thecake in his mouth, and proceeding towards Nob, broke it into two pieces,and pushed the larger portion towards him.
While Mabel was admiring this display of sagacity and affection abustling step was heard behind her, and turning, she beheld a strangefigure in a parti-coloured gown and hose, with a fool's cap and bellson his head, whom she immediately recognised as the cardinal's jester,Patch. The new-comer recognised her too, stared in astonishment, andgave a leering look at Will Sommers.
"What brings you here, gossip Patch?" cried Will Sommers. "I thought youwere in attendance upon your master, at the court at Blackfriars."
"So I have been," replied Patch, "and I am only just arrived with hisgrace."
"What! is the decision pronounced?" cried Will Sommers eagerly. "Is thequeen divorced? Is the king single again? Let us hear the sentence."
"Ay, the sentence!--the sentence!" resounded on all hands.
Stimulated by curiosity, the whole of the party rose from the table;Simon Quanden got out of his chair; the other cooks left their joints toscorch at the fire; the scullions suspended their work; and Hob and Nobfixed their large inquiring black eyes upon the jester.
"I never talk thirsting," said Patch, marching to the table, and fillinghimself a flagon of mead. "Here's to you, fair maiden," he added,kissing the cup to Mabel, and swallowing its contents at a draught. "Andnow be seated, my masters, and you shall hear all I have to relate, andit will be told in a few words. The court is adjourned for three days,Queen Catherine having demanded that time to prepare her allegations,and the delay has been granted her."
"Pest on it!--the delay is some trick of your crafty and double-dealingmaster," cried Will Sommers. "Were I the king, I know how I would dealwith him."
"What wouldst thou do, thou scurril knave?" cried Patch angrily.
"I would strip him of his ill-gotten wealth, and leave him only thee--afitting attendant--of all his thousand servitors," replied Will.
"This shall to his grace's ears," screamed Patch, amid the laughter ofthe company--"and see whether your back does not smart for it."
"I fear him not," replied Will Sommers. "I have not yet told the king mymaster of the rare wine we found in his cellar."
"What wine was that, Will?" cried Jack of the Bottles.
"You shall hear," replied Will Sommers, enjoying the disconcertedlook of the other jester. "I was at the palace
at Hampton, when thisscant-witted knave invited me to taste some of his master's wine, andaccordingly to the cellar we went. 'This wine will surprise you,' quothhe, as we broached the first hogshead. And truly it did surprise me, forno wine followed the gimlet. So we went on to another, and another,and another, till we tried half a score of them, and all with the sameresult. Upon this I seized a hammer which was lying by and soundedthe casks, but none of them seeming empty, I at last broke the lid ofone--and what do you think it contained?"
A variety of responses were returned by the laughing assemblage, duringwhich Patch sought to impose silence upon his opponent. But Will Sommerswas not to be checked.
"It contained neither vinegar, nor oil, nor lead," he said, "but gold;ay, solid bars of gold-ingots. Every hogshead was worth ten thousandpounds, and more."
"Credit him not, my masters," cried Patch, amid the roars of thecompany; "the whole is a mere fable--an invention. His grace has no suchtreasure. The truth is, Will Sommers got drunk upon some choice Malmsey,and then dreamed he had been broaching casks of gold."
"It is no fable, as you and your master will find when the king comesto sift the matter," replied Will. "This will be a richer result tohim than was ever produced by your alchemical experiments, good SignorDomingo Lamelyn."
"It is false!--I say false!" screamed Patch, "let the cellars besearched, and I will stake my head nothing is found."
"Stake thy cap, and there may be some meaning in it," said Will,plucking Patch's cap from his head and elevating it on his truncheon."Here is an emblem of the Cardinal of York," he cried, pointing to it.
A roar of laughter from the company followed this sally, and Hob and Noblooked up in placid wonderment.
"I shall die with laughing," cried Simon Quanden, holding his fat sides,and addressing his spouse, who was leaning upon his shoulder.
In the meantime Patch sprang to his feet, and, gesticulating with rageand fury, cried, "Thou hast done well to steal my cap and bells, forthey belong of right to thee. Add my folly to thy own, and thou wiltbe a fitting servant to thy master; or e'en give him the cap, and thenthere will be a pair of ye."
"Who is the fool now, I should like to know?" rejoined Will Sommersgravely. "I call you all to witness that he has spoken treason."
While this was passing Shoreditch had advanced with a flagon of Malmseyto Mabel, but she was so interested in the quarrel between the twojesters that she heeded him not; neither did she attend to NicholasClamp, who was trying to explain to her what was going forward. But justas Patch's indiscreet speech was uttered an usher entered the kitchenand announced the approach of the king.
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