She deliberately left the restaurant through a different door from the one Jordan had entered by, watching him to make sure he didn’t see her. He didn’t, totally engrossed in the conversation of his companion. Kelly had never felt so defeated, so totally lost to Jordan. This time it was even worse than before. Her rather immature eighteen-year-old love had developed into the all-consuming love of a woman—and Jordan was doing his best to destroy that too.
‘Kelly…?’
She turned to face Laura. ‘Sorry,’ she gave a bright smile. ‘I—er—I didn’t want to talk to Jordan right now. He—he looked busy,’ she excused, her face fiery red.
Laura pulled her towards a waiting taxi. ‘Come on,’ she pushed her inside. ‘We’ll eat at my place. That is, if you feel like eating.’
‘I don’t.’ Kelly bit her lip to stop it trembling, the memory of Jordan’s hand resting at the back of Anne Fellows’ waist still with her.
‘I didn’t think so. We’ll talk when we get to the house,’ Laura added gently.
Laura’s lounge overlooked the garden, the view very soothing, almost not seeming like London. Kelly sat down before she fell down, her hands kneeding together in her lap.
‘Coffee, Sue,’ Laura told the maid. ‘Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat, Kelly?’
‘No, thank you,’ Kelly replied dully.
‘Just coffee,’ Laura requested of the maid. ‘Now,’ she went to sit next to Kelly on the sofa once they were alone, ‘do you want to tell me about it?’
Kelly pulled herself together, on the outside at least. ‘There’s nothing to tell,’ she said firmly.
‘When you don’t want to see or speak to your own husband then there’s something wrong,’ Laura contradicted.
Kelly’s eyes flashed deeply violet. ‘It wasn’t a question of that, I just didn’t want—didn’t want him to know I’d seen him.’
‘Why?’
She gave a casual shrug. ‘I told you, he looked busy.’
‘Doing what?’ Laura scorned. ‘Who was the woman, Kelly?’
‘A nurse. She—she looked after my father.’ Kelly couldn’t see any point in prevaricating any longer, Laura was well aware of her distress. ‘I think she’s transferred her attention to Jordan now.’ She gave a shaky smile.
‘But you aren’t sure?’
‘What other explanation could there be?’ she said bitterly.
‘Any number of them, I would have thought.’
Kelly’s mouth twisted. ‘You don’t know Jordan. Besides, he has no reason to meet her, other than the obvious one.’
‘Don’t you think you should ask him?’ Laura suggested softly.
She shook her head. ‘There’s no need. I already knew about them, seeing them together only confirmed it.’
‘I see.’ Laura smiled at the maid as she entered with the tray.
‘You should have something to eat,’ Kelly told her new friend. ‘You have to keep your strength up.’
‘I suppose so. Just a sandwich,’ Laura told the young girl. ‘The usual,’ she added ruefully.
‘The usual?’ Kelly queried teasingly as the maid left.
Laura gave a selfconscious smile. ‘Ham and strawberry jam.’
‘Ugh!’ Kelly winced.
‘I know,’ she grinned. ‘Ian cringes every time I ask for one.’
‘I’m not surprised!’
‘We were talking about you,’ Laura reminded her pointedly.
‘No, we weren’t, we were talking about Jordan. They’re two totally different subjects?’
‘They are?’
‘Totally,’ Kelly nodded.
‘Then you aren’t really back together?’ Laura asked shrewdly.
‘No.’
‘I thought not,’ Laura sighed. ‘Don’t get me wrong, it’s just that when we last met you didn’t exactly act like someone who was ecstatically happy. And having just been reunited with your husband I would have thought you would have been.’
Kelly smiled. ‘You aren’t just a pretty face, are you, there’s a brain there as well.’
‘I hope so,’ Laura laughed. ‘My father’s teaching, I’m afraid. He was one of those people who believe that if you want something you should go out and get it.’
Kelly sobered. ‘If you mean I should set out to capture Jordan, then it’s too late. Maybe it was always too late for us.’
‘Now that I don’t believe. Ian told me Jordan was always besotted with you.’
Kelly gave a disbelieving laugh. ‘Ian must have the wrong man. Jordan doesn’t care for anyone very long, he never has done.’
‘But Ian said—’
‘Then he was wrong,’ Kelly cut in harshly. ‘I know my husband. I’m not even his type,’ she added bitterly.
‘Don’t be silly,’ Laura scorned. ‘Men don’t have a type.‘
‘Jordan does. Tall, leggy, and blonde.’
‘Then I can understand why he married you. Yes, I can,’ Laura insisted. ‘You must have knocked him for six.’
‘I knocked him for six months,’ Kelly corrected. ‘That was exactly the amount of time our marriage lasted.’
‘Your fault or his?’
‘A bit of both, I suppose. Heavens, you aren’t really going to eat that, are you?’ she said disgustedly as Laura’s sandwich arrived.
‘Of course,’ her friend grinned. ‘Look the other way if you can’t bear it.’
Kelly did so. ‘At least my craving was for something sensible. Chocolate biscuits,’ she explained.
Laura made a face. ‘How boring!’
‘But not as revolting as that!’
‘Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.’ Laura bit into the sandwich with obvious enjoyment.
Just the thought of it made Kelly shudder. ‘No, thanks!’
‘You’re evading the issue again. Help yourself to coffee,’ Laura invited. ‘Now tell me what part was Jordan’s fault and what part was yours.’
Kelly sighed. ‘There isn’t much to tell. While I was carrying Jordan’s child he was having an affair with another woman.’ Her hand shook as she raised the coffee cup to her lips.
‘Nasty!’
‘When I found out I lost the baby. After that I couldn’t even bear him near me. I decided there was no point in continuing the marriage when I couldn’t even stand him touching me, so I walked out.’
‘You left him because you didn’t like him touching you?’ Laura frowned.
‘Yes.’
‘But didn’t you realise your reaction was due to the loss of the baby and not to an actual aversion to Jordan?’
Kelly gave a wan smile. ‘I do now.’
‘You do?—Oh,’ Laura said meaningly. ‘You still love him, hmm?’
‘Insanely. I have to be insane to put up with the way he treats me. I think Anne Fellows really means something to him, though, he got drunk over her last night.’
‘Is that all? That’s nothing unusual.’
Kelly’s eyes widened. ‘It isn’t?’
‘No.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Just that he and Ian used to go out on terrific binges together when Ian and I were first dating.’
‘Jordan did?’ Kelly was incredulous.
‘Mm. The first half a dozen times I met him he was absolutely plastered.’
‘I find that hard to believe,’ Kelly dismissed.
‘But he was,’ Laura insisted. ‘I didn’t like him very much at first. Then I met him when he wasn’t drunk. He can be quite charming then.’
‘I just can’t believe he was drunk. I’d never seen him that way before last night.’
Laura shrugged. ‘It’s the truth, ask Ian. Or ask Jordan.’
Her expression hardened. ‘I doubt we’ll be talking for much longer.’
‘Are you going to leave him again?’
‘Eventually. I won’t share, Laura, it isn’t in my nature.’
‘Or mine,’ Laura admitted ruefully. ‘Ian and I had a break-up before we
even got married. I found out he had been two-timing me. I soon sorted that nonsense out.’
Kelly couldn’t help smiling. ‘You really are deceptive to look at. Underneath all that sweetness there’s a steely heart.’
‘You can believe it,’ Laura smiled back.
‘Oh, I do,’ Kelly frowned. ‘Are you sure Jordan wasn’t just fatigued when you met him? Complete tiredness and drunkenness can often be confused.’
‘He was roaring drunk.’
Kelly just couldn’t believe it. It just didn’t sound like that Jordan she knew, the man always in control, never allowing his emotions to rule his head. She shrugged. ‘If you say so.’
‘I do,’ Laura grinned.
‘I’ll have to go now, Kelly said, getting up. ‘My father should be back from the hospital, and I don’t like leaving him alone too long.’
‘But you’ll call me again?’ the other girl said eagerly. ‘And we’re still waiting to hear from Jordan about your coming to dinner. He did agree, didn’t he?’
‘Oh yes. Although I’m not sure of his plans now that he’s interested in Anne Fellows. He can be pretty single-minded about such things,’ Kelly said with remembered bitterness.
‘Oh, but you must come, and soon. I don’t have much longer to go.’
‘I’ll see what I can do,’ Kelly promised. ‘And I’ll call you later in the week about another luncheon date. Although if you’re going to order ham and jam sandwiches I don’t think I want to go!’
Laura laughed. ‘I’ll be on my best behaviour, I promise.’
Kelly’s thoughts were all confused on the drive back home. Jordan never drank in excess, except for last night she had never seen him in the least incapacitated, and yet Laura seemed to think it was a common occurrence. And then there had been the shock of seeing him with Anne Fellows, their intimacy evident as they bent their heads close together while talking. No wonder Jordan hadn’t noticed her, he had been completely engrossed in the beauty of the other woman.
She was surprised to see his car in the driveway when she arrived home, having expected him to spend the afternoon with Anne Fellows too. Perhaps the other woman was on duty. What a pity, she thought bitchily.
Jordan came out of his study as she entered the house, his dark business suit removed and replaced by faded denims and an open-necked checked shirt. He looked very virile and attractive, although a trifle pale under his tan, deep lines grooved into the side of his nose and mouth.
Kelly looked away with an indifferent flicker of her eyes. ‘Where’s my father?’ she asked coolly, walking through to the lounge.
Jordan followed her, his steely gaze boring into her. ‘What sort of greeting is that?’
She eyed him defiantly. ‘The only sort you’re going to get from me.’
He made an impatient gesture. ‘I’m sorry about my behaviour last night,’ he ground out.
‘If only it were just last night’s behaviour!’
‘What do you mean?’ His expression was watchful.
She shrugged. ‘It isn’t important.’
He swung her round to face him. ‘I’m sick of being fobbed off with those sort of remarks. I asked you a question, I want an answer.’
‘I gave you one.’
‘You gave me nothing!’ His fingers bit into her arm. ‘You never have. Everything I’ve ever wanted from you I’ve had to take. And I’m going to take now if you don’t answer me,’ he told her grimly.
‘You wouldn’t dare!’ She glared at him.
‘Are you challenging me, Kelly?’ he asked softly, suddenly still.
‘Yes!’
‘Right!’ He matched her out of the room and up the stairs by his hand on her nape. ‘Strip,’ he ordered once they were in the bedroom.
‘I will not!’ she told him indignantly.
Jordan’s hand came out to grasp the neckline of her dress, pulling downwards with a sharp tug, and the buttons flew everywhere as the dress gaped open all the way down the front. ‘Will you take off the rest or shall I?’
‘Neither.’ She grabbed her housecoat. ‘You can’t treat me like this!’
‘I can’t?’ He took a threatening step towards her.
‘No,’ she trembled. ‘My father—’
‘Is sedated in his room,’ he finished mockingly. ‘Apparently he had a disturbed night.’
‘And we both know why, don’t we!’ she said disgustedly.
He shrugged. ‘You should have left me where I was, no one asked you to interfere.’
‘I suppose you would rather have the staff find you that way,’ she scorned.
‘It wouldn’t be the first time,’ he drawled.
Kelly frowned. It seemed Jordan was confirming what Laura had already told her. ‘Do you make a habit of being drunk?’
‘Not a habit, no. Now are you going to take off the rest of your clothes or not?’
‘Not,’ she told him firmly.
‘Then I’ll take them off for you,’ and he began to do so, easily holding off her flaying fists. ‘You deliberately got into the bath this morning,’ he continued to talk as he undressed her with studied determination, ‘just so that you didn’t have to speak to me.’ He had her naked now.
‘Why should you care?’ she spat the words at him.
Jordan’s mouth tightened. ‘I want to know the name of the man, Kelly, the lover you keep telling me doesn’t exist.’ He held both her hands in one of his as he finished unbuttoning his own shirt. ‘His name, Kelly!’ His hold tightened on her.
‘Go to hell!’ she said vehemently. ‘I’ve always believed in equality in marriage. What’s good enough for you is good enough for me.’
‘What are you talking about now?’ he demanded impatiently.
‘Don’t pretend with me any longer, Jordan. I’m neither naïve nor blind.’
‘You’re bloody incomprehensible, that what you are, he said angrily. ‘You don’t make sense half the time.’
‘Well, make sense of this!’ Her eyes blazed as she kicked him hard in the shin.
‘You little wildcat!’ He let go of her with a groan. ‘You vixen!’ he exclaimed furiously, beginning to come towards her.
Kelly ran. She locked the bathroom door behind her, leaning heavily back against it, jumping nervously as he rattled the door-handle. ‘Go away,’ she told him. ‘Go away and don’t ever come near me again!’
‘Kelly,’ his voice was huskily persuasive. ‘Kelly, open the door.’
‘So you can finish what you started?’ she gave a scornful laugh. ‘No way!’
‘I won’t touch you, I swear it.’
‘You said that yesterday,’ she reminded him.
She heard him sigh. ‘Come out and we’ll talk, nothing else. I think it’s time we talked, Kelly.’
‘And I think we’ve run out of time. Talking between us always ends the same way, and physical infatuation just isn’t enough for any marriage.’
‘Is that all it is, physical infatuation?’
‘You know it is,’ she said bitterly.
There was silence for several long seconds, then Jordan spoke again. ‘If that’s what you really think then you’re right, there’s no point in us even talking.’
‘I’m glad you realise that at last.’
‘Finally and completely. I’m going now, Kelly. Come out of there before you freeze to death.’
‘Not until I’m sure you’ve gone!’
‘You can be sure,’ he said heavily. ‘I won’t bother you again.’ The door closed as he left.
Kelly waited several more minutes before daring to emerge from the bathroom. The room was empty, only her ripped clothes scattered on the floor to show Jordan’s savagery had taken place. Tears streamed down her face. It was all over between them, finally and completely, as Jordan had said.
* * *
Jordan kept his word and didn’t come near her again. Kelly met Laura for lunch twice during the next couple of weeks, although the dinner had to be cancelled for some time, as Jordan s
uddenly had to to away on business for a few weeks.
While he was away Kelly felt able to relax slightly, meeting Maggie a couple of afternoons too. Her friend had signed the contract with the boutique and Maggie’s boy-friend had duly moved in with her.
‘When do I get to meet him?’ Kelly teased one afternoon, the male articles lying about the flat evidence of his habitation.
‘Meet him?’ Maggie echoed sharply.
‘Yes. Or aren’t any of your friends going to have that privilege?’
Maggie grinned. ‘I’d lock him up and throw away the key if I could.’
‘You are in love.’
‘Very much so. I’d do anything for him. As far as my parents are concerned I’ve already done just that—letting him move in with me. They’re so old-fashioned,’ she dismissed.
Then Kelly felt she must be too. Much as she loved Jordan she didn’t think she could have faced the insecurity of just living with him.
When Jordan returned from his business trip he was even more cold and reserved than usual. And in the five weeks they had all been living together her father hadn’t remembered a thing. He still spent a lot of time at the hospital, and had even been into the office once or twice, and yet nothing seemed to have jogged his memory.
Jordan’s coldness was even harder to bear when he returned, and Kelly had no doubt he was still seeing Anne Fellows; his absence the evening of his return was evidence of that.
Kelly was in the garden when he returned from work the next evening; her father was spending the afternoon at his office.
‘Do you have any plans for this evening?’ Jordan came out to ask her, his business suit impeccably tailored, his shirt snowy white, his tie meticulously knotted. The strain of the last few weeks of living a dual life were beginning to show on him, the hair at his temples even greyer than before, his face much thinner too.
She had little sympathy for him, knowing she didn’t look the picture of health herself. She hated sleeping alone, spent the majority of every night fighting down the urge to go to Jordan’s room and beg to be taken in his arms, while he, she felt sure, spent most of his time thinking of Anne Fellows.
‘Why?’ she looked up to ask him.
‘Because Ian Smythe has been calling me all day urging us to go to them for dinner tonight. Laura doesn’t have long to go now, and she’s determined to have this dinner party before she goes into hospital.’
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